WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2023
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It occurred to me while reading Lisa and Machka's discussion that many of us can be on some sort of spectrum. For the most part, I am just happy to be surrounded with diversity and different styles-I can learn from them and it keeps my mind moving!
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April 2023 Action for Happiness
Word of the year: Appreciate : today I appreciate sleeping in today.Exercise goals added
Yoga 10 mins 3 times a week 7/15(100%,100%,80%)
Walk 7,000 every day 18/30 (84%,86%,94%)
6 min HIIT -2x a day start April 1 24/60
Arm weights twice a week 3/10 (100%, 60%hurt my elbow, hurt my shoulder 30%)
Meditation: daily. 16/30 (82%(started Feb)94%)
PT— head. 4/17. Started 4/13/23
Hands 3/17
1. cut back drinking and limit to 2 days a week. 2/8–(100%,100%,0%)
2. Average 7,000 steps a week. 9867, 9491,10170, (7,700,100%-9851,100%—9526,100%)
3. Update budget every 2 weeks 5/2 —(100%,100%,100%,100%)
4. Contact close family every week (4x) 28/158/ —(100%,100%,100%)
5. Contact Donat and sibs once a month (8x)35/64–(100%,100%,100%)
6. Weigh less last day of month compared to first until I reach 140. Start at 178.6,176,174.2,173.4 (100%,100%,100%)
7. Develop a journaling practice by aiming to journal at least 5 days a week. 18/20-(100%,88%,100)
8. Read 12 books at least this year. 16/12 (100%,100%,100%)
9. Pay off credit card debt by January 2024 by making monthly payments to NDR——4/12—(100%.100%,100%,100%)
10. Continue building emergency fund at SLFCU (min$25 a month)$25+$25+$71+700+25(100%,100%,100%,100%)
11. April started putting 4% on income in savings (100%)
Decided that if I do more than stated I will not grade higher than 100% 2/5/23
January Met —100%
February met —-90%
March met met —-90%
April met
May met
June met
July met — met
August met
September met
October met —
November met—
December met—
ACTIVE APRIL
1.Commit to being more active this month starting today. I commit to this by adding the exercises from the 6 minute book for over 60’s.20. Focus on eating ‘a rainbow of multi-colored vegetables today. I did that on Tuesday but will try again today.
2. Spend as much time as possible outdoors today. Easy! LOL
3. Listen to your body and be grateful for what it can do. I do this during walking meditations every day.
4. Eat healthy and natural food today and drinks lots of water. Yogurt and raspberries for breakfast with 17 oz water bottle and coffee, more to come.
5. Turn a regular activity into a playful game today. Not sure. Joked with hairdresser while getting hair cut. Everyone was laughing and joining in.
6. Do a body-scan meditation and really notice how your body feels. I do this often in my meditations.
7. Get natural light early in the day. Dim the lights in the evening. Morning done. Will do in evening.
8. give your body a boost by laughing or making someone laugh. I will as soon as I can! Did this with friends.
9. Turn your housework or chores into a fun form of exercise. Hmmmm tbd
10. Have a day with less screen time and more movement. I’ll try.
11. Set yourself an exercise goal or sign up to an activity challenge. Already have goals: Yoga 10 mins 3 times a week, Walk 7,000 every day, 6 min HIIT -2x a day, Arm weights twice a week
12. Move as much as possible, even if you’re stuck inside. I will do. Vet this morning then normal day, so will be able to do this.
13. Make sleep a priority and go to bed in good time. Easy Peasy!
14. Relax your body & mind with yoga, tai chi or meditation. I will meditate and try to find time for yoga too. I did all I wanted to do.
15. Get active by singing today (even if you think you can’t sing). I can’t sing but will sing along with music anyway. Sang “When the ants go marching in” during my walk.
16. Go exploring around your local area and notice new things. OOOH, this sounds like fun.
17. Be active outside. Dig up weeds or plant some seeds. I will tend my container garden. I have watered it but need to remove dead leaves from tomato plants.
18. Try a new online exercise, activity or dance class. Not sure if I will have time today. Did not have time today.
19. Spend less time sitting today. Get up and move more often. After the last 2 days, this is a welcome change!
21. Regularly pause to stretch and breathe during the day. Ahhhhh22. Enjoy moving to your favorite music. Really go for it.
23. Go out and do an errand for a loved one or neighbor.
24. Get active in nature. Feed the birds or go wild-life spotting.
25. Have a ‘no screens’ night and take time to recharge yourself.
26. Take an extra break in your day and walk outside for 15 minutes
27. Find a fun exercise to do while waiting for the kettle to boil (or pan of water.)
28. Meet a friend outside for a walk and a chat.
29. Become an activist for a cause you really believe in
30. Make time to run, swim, dance, cycle or stretch today
RVRita
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Katla1 -
Debbie ~ My husband is a food/supplies hoarder. I think it all started with the toilet paper shortage at the start of the Pandemic. Now, we have large quantities of canned goods, dried goods, toiletries, water, etc. I am more of the notion to keep the freezer loaded with main coarse foods that I know I will use and buy again as they come on sale. I guess neither of us is totally right in our thinking, but, I do get tired of being told to buy things we really don't need.
Carol in GA
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21. Regularly pause to stretch and breathe during the day... done!
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN2 -
DH accidentally put his glass of red wine down on the broken end of his laptop and the wine went everywhere, including all over his new laptop, the coffee table and the floor. He was extremely upset. I did help him clean it up. He's reasonably OK again now. Fortunately, we were watching a lot of funny stuff on TV.
Going up to bed now to read Poirot.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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I walked 2 miles on the treadmill today and attended an exercise class. Then I spent several hours looking at different summer festivals and music concerts. I am craving hearing some live music. I think the last time was May 2018. I looked in Atlanta, Athens GA and Asheville NC. I am hoping my son and daughter in law will go to a concert with me.
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia10 -
Trying to start over again. I lost 55 lbs about 3 years ago and started gaining it back slowly. I have gained 25 back. I work out religiously, but its my eating habits that have sabotaged my progress. I am re-committing and wish to lose at least 15 by end of June, wish me luck!!10
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Well Miles had a fun day watching the guy across the street do his lawn
Then when mom came home he did some mowing of his own
And went for a walk with mom in his stroller and went in for dinner and tubby time and then guess what? Out with dad
And hopefully he will sleep all night lol6 -
Terri - wishing you a quick recovery.
Cloudy but slightly warmer here today. Got Rx for cat and groceries this morning. Going to try to finish up baby blanket I am crocheting this weekend. Need to start on a new one for my great niece who will be having a baby soon.
Everyone take care, Sue in WA3 -
I enjoyed all my walking today but it was too cold for me to want to work on my yard projects. Spent time in the house riding my exercise bike and knitting a blanket that is almost finished. My knitting is for Project Linus so there is no deadline for when to finish.
Several of my neighbors have complained that spring is so late this year, but when I looked at the empty package from the zucchini seeds I planted last year, I saw that I had planted them on June 8 which is much later than the commonly accepted date of just after Mothers' Day. I just have to be patient. It will be yard weather soon enough.
Terri, Glad the surgery is over and went well. Best wishes for a good recovery.
Barbie in NW WA5 -
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Rosemarie2972 wrote: »I walked 2 miles on the treadmill today and attended an exercise class. Then I spent several hours looking at different summer festivals and music concerts. I am craving hearing some live music. I think the last time was May 2018. I looked in Atlanta, Athens GA and Asheville NC. I am hoping my son and daughter in law will go to a concert with me.
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia
My husband and I went to symphonies until the pandemic shut things down. Unfortunately, when they symphonies started up again, they've doubled and in some cases, tripled their prices!! Even the subscription packages are expensive.
Where we used to go about 4-6 times a year, now we might save up for 1 occasion.
M in Oz3 -
Well i took a little nap this afternoon for maybe 1/2 hr but now can't sleep.. my mind is flitting all over the place sheesh .4
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LisaInArkansas wrote: »Machka - Your communication style here shows a lot of the constructions of someone on the spectrum, so I've always been pretty sure that you are neurodivergent (I love that word). I think it's a wonderful thing that you're aware of it. While it can come across as blunt to the neurotypical, it's always honest, and I appreciate that enormously. You are never wishy-washy, dear heart, and I'm glad you're here. I hope this group is of benefit to you.
And while Maté's got some interesting points, in all honesty, who's NOT under chronic stress any more? Stress is the human condition these days, and pointing out that it exacerbates inflammation is kind of belaboring the obvious. While you may not participate in the over-empathic, hyper-responsible, repressions of the neurotypical, it just means (to me) that you deal with the same stressors in different ways. You're as subject to the same stresses, but you add onto that a world not really constructed to deal with the way you communicate or operate. There is massive stress wrapped up in that--and while you may be able to express yourself in ways the emotionally repressed cannot, it doesn't make it go away.
Interesting.
Love,
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa.
And what you say is probably why I feel out of my comfort zone most of the time!
M in Oz
I remember, when I was in my late-teens, early-20s, asking my mother how to do "small talk". I'd end up in social situations and not have a thing to say.
She told me two things:
1. Watch what your father does. My father is like me, but he developed coping mechanisms.
2. She gave me some tips ... comment on the weather or the event or something and ask questions, get the other person talking.
That was probably an indication of being neurodivergent.
I also ...
- prefer being alone
- don't like being touched
- don't like it if someone touches or moves my stuff
- struggle with eye contact
- love detail-oriented work
- have no close friends
- have anxiety in social situations
- am blunt
- dislike noise
- dislike places with lots of people
- want to stop talking to people as soon as I have the information I need
- hate talking on the phone
- dislike textures against my skin
- dislike getting my hands dirty or sticky or covered in lotion
- like or dislike food based on texture first
- am not overly coordinated
It's probably a good thing I've ended up working with data and databases.
And I know I prefer non-team "sports" like cycling, walking, running, hiking, etc.
Interestingly, when I first started gardening, just a few years ago, I did not like getting my hands dirty and touching the soil. Then I discovered, I actually like the texture of the soil, so it's OK. My I have to wash my hands thoroughly as soon as I come inside. And lotion is still not OK.cityjaneLondon wrote: »DH'S elder daughter us on the spectrum and was only diagnosed at over 50. Things like public transport, noisy offices, are very stressful to her. Now she lives in a village in the South of France and works on a London company's IT from home. She loves her life.
I LOVED working from home during the main shutdown and occasionally after.
I am hoping I might be able to do that from time to time where I am now. We've all got laptops, which we didn't have before, so the potential is definitely there.
I've also found going to a 9-day fortnight is very good. It takes the pressure off somewhat. One day, I'd like to go to a 4-day week, but that might not happen for a little while.
M in Oz3 -
aundy28570 wrote: »How do you stay on track when the my husband fixes breakfast in bed and home made strawberry cake with the strawberries the grandkids picked up. Today I'm 56 and have been a lil spoiled, well alot. It's so hard to have the motivation I need. Oh well, guess I can start another day.
Happy Birthday!1 -
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I learned to knit a little bit as a child with my grandmother. It never really stuck as a hobby for me though.
Heather - my daughter is the same as you with aesthetics. I give her gift cards or buy exactly what she wants. This is for clothes or home decor.
I think that this generation is much better at speaking their truth, respecting their own boundaries and not trying to please everyone. I think this why so many of our generation looks down on them. I applaud them.
I hope that Johnny’s new laptop is not ruined.
Terri - wishing you a speedy recovery.
Machka - interesting article. I have always been a people pleaser and have literally made myself sick trying to do so.
A few times in my life I have wished I was put in the hospital just so someone would take care of me and have no expectations of what I should be doing for them.
I am a dolphin and a wolf. I am sure when I am retired I’ll be up half the night and sleep most of the day.
It was my dream as a teenager to be a grown up and sleep when I want. 😂
Lisa - I just love your writings. I feel like I’m sitting with you. Your advice is always wonderful as well.
My daughter was diagnosed 2 years ago with ADHD and uses the neurodivergent term lots. I have learned a lot!
Debbie - I don’t know what I would do with that many freezers. I have never owned a deep freezer only ever had the fridge one. Currently I’m not even doing big grocery shops as we throw too much out. I usually stop at the store on my way home to grab for supper.
My cousin has a new granddaughter, a whole 7 hours old as I write this. Her name is Reece James. James was my cousin’s Dad. I never would have thought of James as a girl name, but I like it. Her big sister Rylee is over the moon. She is 7. She told her Grandma that she will get diapers for her Mom but she’s not changing any butts.
Tracey in Edmonton
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Tracey - I love your writing. I get a very vivid picture of your life.
My younger son was diagnosed ADHD a couple of years ago. And I'm sure my friend G is also, although she is loathe to admit it. She believes her difficulties are the result of 'mental illness'. Some undoubtedly are. But ADHD can make life very difficult and tiring. As can being on the spectrum, as so much extra mental space and energy is taken up by doing the everyday things that neurotypical people take for granted, as Machka described.
I don't write at the weekend, so I have some time to maybe visit the art shop to buy some colours I am missing. I want more watercolour white and some gouache in a dusty pink, and gouache black to make grey. I'm still determined to paint a picture in my son's colours. I will do it portrait.
Going to have black pudding and fried apples tonight. DH can have potatoes. I think I will have Brittany cider, as it's not too alcoholic, and it really compliments the dish.
Some new research out about the value of doing art for our brains. Art being anything creative, like writing, cooking, crocheting, dancing, doodling. Reduces anxiety, and expands our sense of ourselves in the world.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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Heather,
Smiling to Death is a timely article for me, having recently moved into an environment where being nice is valued. Fortunately, there are some people who like a good debate, and there are plenty of places to be alone (underutilized art room, library, swimming pool, courtyard, greenhouse, walking trails). I can always retreat to my apartment.
We have one friend who is weirdly conflict-averse. She occasionally tells people to "be nice". I like her a lot, but I don’t like that part of her. She pulled it on me once. We were with a group in the Bistro having breakfast when I respectfully disagreed with something my spouse said. This friend sincerely exhorted me to "be nice", and to leave my spouse alone!
It definitely felt oppressive, as I immediately silenced, and I felt angry afterwards. My spouse, on the other hand, felt vindicated, which further added to me feeling stultified. My spouse is entitled to feel how she feels, but the dynamic of a friend silencing me when I disagree with her is unhealthy.
I should be able to express a difference of opinion with my spouse in public without it being taboo. She feels free to disagree with me when we are in a group, as she should.
I find the paradox interesting; it really isn’t nice to tell someone else to be nice.
Next time it happens, I plan to say, “I have every right to express my opinion, which I plan to continue doing, as it is healthy to do so.”
I would like to add, “and it isn’t nice to tell others to be nice”, but I wouldn’t want to humiliate my friend. Tit for tat isn’t my style, and I know I would feel ashamed to scold her back. It would feel too much like
retaliation.
Living in a retirement community has many advantages, but one needs to be cautious about who one associates with, take time to get to know people before becoming too chummy, not disclose too much too soon, and figure out what gatherings to avoid (Happy Hour in the lounge, for one.)
So far, we have found 4 couples with whom we click.
One woman was a former professor of mine, it turns out, and her husband is a Renaissance Man. He read my bio, and called me up to say he and his wife would like to know us better. It’s a pleasure.
A second couple are UUs, and with my spouse’s history of having been a senior UU minister, there is much ground in common there, politically and activist-minds-alike.
The third couple are just awesome; the wife is a former editor and is extremely well-read and quirky, and the husband has had a fascinating career, loves to cook, has a clock collection, and adores
our Yorkies. We are going to Bone Fish Grill with them next week.
And the fourth couple are the salt of the earth, both of them. David is a former Navy chaplain, and leads the Parkinson Support Group. He is one of the best people I know, so authentic, loving, and available despite his Parkinson’s. Judy is smart, fun, artistic, a great cook, generous, and warm, and it’s an honor to know her. We have spent many an afternoon at their cottage, solving the problems of the world and laughing at ourselves. They will be lifelong friends.
Thank you so much for posting that article. It put into words something that’s been bothering my brain ever since we moved here; a niggling that I just couldn’t quite fathom. The article you posted silenced that low battery beep by expressing what was in my subconscious.
Invaluable.
Karen in Virginia
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Saturday --
Spent a little over an hour in the garden.
Walked on treadmill: 5.66 km in 1:00:28 at 10:41 /km pace.
Machka in Oz4 -
5:00 am is WAY too early to be up and having a disagreement with the hubby. Ugh! He shouldn't even be awake this early! Topic of heated discussion in spoiler:I couldn't sleep; so got up at 4am. He was already awake and came into the kitchen to "chat". Within 30 minutes our "chat" went from an innocuous comment in regards to our governor creating a Childcare Provider Appreciation Day to the nefarious workings of our state government to government control over agriculture, to border crimes, to gun crime. The chat came to a close with DH stating that "all of these things (crimes against women and gun crime) are happening and our government is doing nothing. Why is that?" My answer: "Because there are men in power. Think about it! If there were women running things there would be far less of the testosterone driven crimes. We wouldn't tolerate it! There are far too many men with power in the world." Anywho...my answer made him leave the room. I can now drink my coffee in peace.Machka- I used to be a wolf. I am now a lion with a little bit of bear thrown in. DH is a dolphin. Always has been.
Allie- Miles is the cutest!
Terri- Glad your op went well and you seem to be recovering okay! Hugs to you!
Katla- I have to say, you sure seem so much happier since your kids came back from your old place with some of the things that you love and miss.
Barbie I love reading your posts. They do so much to calm me down about things like spring yard work. Spring is stressful for me because I always feel there is so much to teach the kids, do with the kids and do to get my yard ready for summer. Like planting things. I feel the time crunch. Reading your post just shows me that it is all weather dependent, anyway. I can't say "I need to have everything in the ground by Memorial Day." When we could still be having freezing temps that late in May...(to myself) breathe and take your time.
Debbie- Good to hear about Nick. Hope he can get help and hopefully his family is clued in on how toxic their behavior/lifestyle is for him.
Heather Your paintings are wonderful! Your joy in this new hobby is palpable. Well done! By the way, I think it was you who posted pics of a tree(s)? They looked a bit like older peach trees. Did you ever find out what kind they were?
Mary- Your trip looked and sounded wonderful! Glad you made it all safely with no mishaps!
I have a busy weekend, as I am revving up for spring, our reenactment event, changing of the childcare/attendance (school is out in 5 weeks), planning enrichment events with other providers (for our kids),...it just seems to go on. I just need to keep breathing and taking things one "bite" at a time. Well, I am going to get myself together and get out and get my shopping down early today. Love and hugs to all who need them. Welcome to the new girls! ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)6 -
Oh, my DYS is off "adventuring" again and is part of my inability to sleep, I think. He left on Wednesday and ended up spending 12 hours in O'Hare airport due to flight issues. Once in the air, his plane was rerouted due to weather. All in all, he ended up arriving at his hotel in Las Vegas 24 hours after he left the house on Wednesday morning. THEN...a kerfuffle with the rental car last night. It broke down an hour drive away from where they were staying in Utah. It took roadside assistance four hours to get to them and another two hours to arrange for a shuttle back to the ski lodge where they are staying. Nothing like that 2am call from your kid...Stress level high.8
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KJ - The good thing is, he is young. I remember so many awful things happening on holiday at that age, and it was par for the course. But I would never have called my parents! Luckily communication was harder in those days!
Karen - I think a lot about the people pleasers on this thread. Today I was listening to the latest podcast on 'Good Mourning', which is often interesting. This one had Natalie Lue on, who has written a book called, 'The Joy of Saying No'. It really was one of the best podcasts I have ever heard. Partly because of her take on boundaries, but also because of talking about 'complicated grief', which affects my friend L. Anyway, it's definitely worth a listen.
I'm so glad you are finding friends. I have never been good at 'couple friends '. I'm more of a 'one to one' gal. But everyone is different, thank goodness.
I went to the art shop and spent a fortune! Paint is very expensive. But I've got what I need and also stuff for DH that he was low on. I also bought him a black watercolour pad for one of his anniversary presents. I've got a new idea for a painting of my son and DDIL. I need some profile photos.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx3 -
Snowflake1968 wrote: »Debbie - I don’t know what I would do with that many freezers. I have never owned a deep freezer only ever had the fridge one. Currently I’m not even doing big grocery shops as we throw too much out. I usually stop at the store on my way home to grab for supper.
My cousin has a new granddaughter, a whole 7 hours old as I write this. Her name is Reece James. James was my cousin’s Dad. I never would have thought of James as a girl name, but I like it. Her big sister Rylee is over the moon. She is 7. She told her Grandma that she will get diapers for her Mom but she’s not changing any butts.
Tracey in Edmonton
We have two small chest freezers and the freezer over our fridge.
I like having a freezer and bought one myself after my first husband and I separated way back when. That one was gifted to my parents when I moved to Australia and they still use it.
My current husband and I had one small chest freezer pretty much from when I moved to Australia but we got the second one when we started harvesting things from our garden. The pair came in really handy during the shutdown!
We eat a lot of frozen stuff, especially frozen veggies which take up a lot of room.
But right now the one we use garden produce is empty or pretty close to it because we've been eating the produce as it comes ripe.
M in Oz
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It occurred to me while reading Lisa and Machka's discussion that many of us can be on some sort of spectrum. For the most part, I am just happy to be surrounded with diversity and different styles-I can learn from them and it keeps my mind moving!
Ginny - You're absolutely right, and the follow-on, of course, is that no human is "typical," per se. I love the word "spectrum," both for its visible and invisible elements. Remember in science class, when we were playing with prisms? I loved those - that a plain, white light could enter one side and separate into every visible color, as well as ones that we could not see. The concept that there were colors I would never see fascinated me.aundy28570 wrote: »How do you stay on track when the my husband fixes breakfast in bed and home made strawberry cake with the strawberries the grandkids picked up. Today I'm 56 and have been a lil spoiled, well alot. It's so hard to have the motivation I need. Oh well, guess I can start another day.
First - Happy Birthday! Second, say "thank you!" take a bite, put the fork down, and go on - the whole "start another day" thing is how many of us get ourselves to overweight. That's when you eat something you think you're not supposed to, then you give yourself permission to eat everything for the rest of the day, and "go on my diet tomorrow." Or "start on Monday." I used to call it "Last Supper Syndrome," where I would eat everything in the house on Saturday and Sunday that I couldn't eat if I was on a diet.
You can stop that cycle if you choose, by starting now. You do not have to eat an entire piece of cake, not ever. That said, it's not a sin or a tragedy to eat that bite, either. If you eat those calories now, just take away some later. It's just food, not love. We talk about stuff like this a lot - stay with us, you'll get lots of support.
Tracey - Thank you for the compliment! As Heather said, I love the way you write, as well. You bring me into your family with every word
Karen - Being raised in the South, the whole "be nice," thing is basically a construction for "shut up, you're making me uncomfortable." I'd be unhappy with it too. The couples you've found, though, sound wonderful.
Allie - Miles looked like he was supervising the whole process, making sure daddy did the mowing right. He seems like such a little sweetheart.
Chilly morning, but it's supposed to be a beautiful day...
Love y'all,
Lisa
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KJ—I am happy to see the art & favorite objects on my walls. I have a number of framed pictures that I have protected with careful packing. I will add them to walls when I have a bigger place. 🌹
Katla1
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