WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2023

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  • 1948CWB
    1948CWB Posts: 1,366 Member
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    Allie ~ Hang in there! You will make it through this. We are all there for you!

    Carol in GA
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,180 Member
    edited May 2023
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    grandmallie wrote: »
    Oh yea she also said if I could I would tell you to just go home.. I asked if she wanted me to help her tomorrow with tag sale and that was a big NO.
    All of this right before Mother's day..
    Ive done so much for all of them and I understand she upset ,but to be so mean is just hateful.. I didn't raise her that way..

    What does Mother's Day have to do with it?

    She had a great deal going with you ... you were the next best thing to a free live-in nanny. Of course she was going to be extremely upset.

    Does she even know that you've got health issues? Did she help you when you went to the hospital about your heart?

    Did she figure you'd continue taking care of Miles (5 days a week? for free?) until he started kindergarten?

    If her comments bother you, just ask her at what age she was thinking of enrolling Miles in childcare.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,180 Member
    edited May 2023
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    r69ovs2wwam5.png


    But there is doing too much of the 'have to do' stuff too.


    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,180 Member
    edited May 2023
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    cityjaneLondon wrote: »
    Good morning all.
    I woke up early and finished my DDIL 's book. I really enjoyed it, especially the stories of the trauma recoverees. It's got some great advice and a lot of insight. However, like all these books, it is probably most useful when you are on the upside curve of the recovery. Or when you are helping someone through trauma. That's not a criticism of her book, it's just a fact about books in general. You are seeing the whole picture, from the point of view of the recovered, or recovering. When you are in it, you need a different kind of help.
    That said, I felt it was really good, and had a lot of useful advice.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

    I went to Amazon and read the free sample ... and thought it was very good. From the perspective of someone who has gone through a lot of change and trauma, especially recently, it captured my interest.

    I was interested in several things but one in particular was her chart of physical reactions to trauma at the end of the free sample.

    I have daily dizziness, headaches, and nightly vivid dreams or nightmares ... make of that what you will.

    M in Oz
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,804 Member
    edited May 2023
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    Kelly- thanks for that.. yes when my kids were little we did the same thing..my husband worked 3rd shift
    So i would take the kids to my.parents house ,my grandma lived with them so we spent time up there and we only had one car.so I would waitress in the afternoons/ evenings and Rich watched the kids.we never owned a home .
    Yes they will have to figure it out and Tracy is the one that wanted another child..
    I told her im 63 (almost) and not feeling well and had heart surgeries and on a kidney transplant list ..now neither one of the kids said gee maybe I should get tested to see if im a match..
    If one of my kids needed a life saving organ you know id be there in a heartbeat.
    Sure wish we lived closer to you Kelly ,he would thrive in your care for sure!!
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 16,712 Member
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  • Vickil57
    Vickil57 Posts: 1,816 Member
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    Tracey--Sounds like you are off to a great start on your medical leave. So happy for you.
    Allie--Please stay strong and do not let Tracy guilt you or push you into something you know is not good for your health. This is their problem and they need to be adult and figure it out.
  • lightstrongma
    lightstrongma Posts: 182 Member
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    @grandmallie Hugs to you in a difficult situation.

    Happy Friday Everyone 🌷
  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,777 Member
    edited May 2023
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    grandmallie wrote: »
    Im in tears ,Tracy is throwing daggers this morning ,she said while your on your phone see if you can find daycare so you wont have to do it anymore..any barb she can throw she has thrown,I explained that I have arthritis in my hips and hands and worry i could drop him

    Allie ... there's a problem ... she thinks you should find the daycare so you don't have to do it anymore. Umm. No. It's time for Tracy to make phone calls. So sorry you're being cast as the villain. Growing up is hard to do ... at any age. Tracy will be fine.

    Edited: Kelly hit the nail on the head!
  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,777 Member
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    Tracey ... I can "read" your relief today!
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,804 Member
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    But what gets me is I never would expext use my parents the way they have ,and I have gone above and beyond for them...maybe because of rhe divorce and feeling bad..but sheesh..
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,355 Member
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    Allie - I know that, even before I broke my wrist, that I could not lift a child of Miles's age/weight without causing myself back injury. That is a serious safety concern. A healthy toddler needs a weightlifter! I know you hate upsetting anyone, but this is an important learning for you, hard as it is. Sometimes people just have to be upset. That's OK. They just take time to get their head around a new reality. That said, verbally abusing you is not acceptable. Say so.
    It will be so much better for Miles to be with other children some of the time. They will have to work it out between them. I worked two evenings a week when mine were small. My husband looked after them. It was hard for him to have to rush home from work on the dot, but he did it, even when they were babies. Later I found a childminder part time, so I could do an afternoon or two as well. It's such a short time before they can go to nursery school.
    As KJ said, any upset with you will pass. I know it's hard for you, but stick it out. Lisa also is right, a dead/injured grandmother won't be any help to anyone. Yes, get that doctor to give you an ultimatum. :p>:)

    Much love to you, our thoughts are with you.
    Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,180 Member
    edited May 2023
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    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Evelyn - thanks for that thought. I would have to check into that. I’m not sure.

    Machka - is $22 an hour your minimum wage? Here it is $15.00.
    I read the fatigue reasons and I tend to agree with all of them. I found the last time there was a very stressful event I slept for a month when it was over.

    Allie - How childish of Tracy. Don’t let her guilt you, by her temper tantrum. She has learned from Kyle. I bet Carmine has seen this too and thinks it’s acceptable behaviour that he gets punished for.
    I feel bad for all involved but most especially you. What would she do if you were in the hospital again? Didn’t they do something at Christmas and not invite you. They seem to use you a lot with no recognition. It’s very sad to use your Mother that way.
    I’m sure she will “punish” you for a while. It’s a terrible way for her to act.

    My DH drove truck long distance and I waitressed when the girls were young. I actually found young women that needed a place to live so I took them in, gave them room and board and paid them a little each week in exchange for childcare. They are all still a part of our lives and one is actually my sister in law now.

    My in-laws did way too much for our nieces and nephew and it’s been very hard to break even with the great grandchildren now. They still kept at my MIL even when my FIL passed.
    My SIL gets snarky and throws a temper tantrum when my MIL says no, she is 54. Unfortunately my MIL just gives in and now my MIL can’t even afford a coffee for herself because she allows her grown *kitten* daughter to spend her money. My Son in law is paying for her meds and we pay for her phone monthly because we were worried she would go without just so she didn’t have to deal with her.

    My in-laws did way too much for our nieces and nephew and it’s been very hard to break even with the great grandchildren now. They still kept at my MIL even when my FIL passed.
    They all take advantage of her and we have tried to show her that, but we couldn’t and can’t convince her to leave and come here to be taken care of.

    I’m petrified we’ll be going back to NB for another funeral within the year.

    Tracey

    Minimum wage here is $21.38. I think a lot of people in retail get paid slightly more than that.

    M in Oz
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,355 Member
    edited May 2023
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    I've reviewed DDIL's book on Amazon. It will take a while to appear. Reviews and ratings are vital for us writers. I send out mighty thanks for all those who have made the effort with my books.
    I sent her the text of my review. She said - "Reading that has given me goosebumps. Bowled over - thank you. <3<3<3 "

    Max's new video game has arrived l it was pre-ordered, first day out. I've texted him, so I will expect either him or my son to be calling round. It's a late birthday present.

    Italian fennel sausages for dinner with roasted cauliflower, (DH to slice) and frozen peas mashed in olive oil - my favourite thing. Friday night is wine night, a cheeky little Italian red. :p:p

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,530 Member
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    Well done, Heather! It is hard giving up our pretties, but so worth it for the experiences they are paying for.

    And speaking of pretties, Evie, I keep forgetting to say that your granddaughter is just lovely, and the cupcakes looked seriously yummy.

    Allie, honey, I know this is hard--you give everything you have to those you love, and you have ever since I've met you. Don't forget though, that all this also applies to you - you need to step back in order to still be there for Carmine and for Miles as they grow. It does appear to be the theme for May for all of us. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of the ones we love. If you want to stick around to tease Miles about his first girlfriend, you're going to seriously have to start taking care of his grandma. I think we've all been worried, your fatigue has been getting more and more a daily thing... but only you can take these steps. We'll be here for you. Many hugs, dear friend.



  • auntiebk
    auntiebk Posts: 2,520 Member
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    12. Listen to a favorite pieces of music and remember what it means to you. OK will fire up the ol’ turntable, but Ah, what to choose? Handel’s Messiah? Jefferson Airplane? Wm Tell Overture? Simon and Garfunkel? SMH.

    Evelyn Rosalie is one cute cupcake!
    Vicki “…at least one…” Indeed! Fingers X’d.
    Lanette BMI over 30?!? I’ll have to read that article. Here I am trying to get down below 25! Sheesh. Could Machka’s “crisis fatigue” account for your exhaustion. A year is not a long time to recover from your years of caregiving.
    Heather “…We tend to think we must just 'try harder'…” This so describes my past. Still leaks in occasionally. :{
    Allie Brava for texting your APRN! Look forward to her recommendation. So sorry you have to deal with Tracy’s attitude. All the more reason to have medical professional recommendation to back you up. ((gentle hugs held extra extra long)
    Tracey delighted to hear you’re feeling better already. Knowing you don’t have to face that person for six weeks if ever must be such a relief. Active 911 is a recent and internet based alert system, and each first responder = additional cost. The siren and paging systems are already paid for ;} Training the dispatchers is totally out of our district’s sphere of influence. So the volunteers remind the board members the issue continues but we see no road to resolution or improvement. [sigh]
    Machka will do. The animal shelter’s thrift store gets any books I can make myself relinquish, but alas, I am an emotional book hoarder.
    Lisa yours to Allie. Count on you for the mots justes.
    Likewise Carla, Machka, KJ, Beth et al.
    Katla great idea for something written from her MD specifying limitations.
    Heather “Sometimes people just have to be upset. That's OK. They just take time to get their head around a new reality. That said, verbally abusing you is not acceptable. Say so.” Amen, sister, amen!

    Easing back into the PT habit with one set of the ups’n’downs yesterday but no floor stretches or dumbbells. Time to do a little better. ;)
    05/11: Move: 1 sets PT u only, dogs to powerline, Jeopardy Masters walking. steps:8036
    Fuel: plants running count for week so far:14+4+0 new almonds, apple, avocado, beets, black bean/lime soup, celery, maple syrup, oats, peanut brittle, pecans, radishes, raisins, romaine, scallions, soy breakfast patties, tangerines, walnuts, wheat-cookies/cake/sourdough boule. CI=1430 CO=425
    Live: Joe, readings, BP, massage, post office, Bi-Mart, Dollar Tree, bottle return, recycling. Wt:134.9

    Later, lighter, lovelies!
    Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD x8zcp1ya37k1.gif

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