WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2023
Replies
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Jennifer: Welcome
Machka: Hauling the rocks requires some strength. I think I could have done it 10 years ago but not now! I didn't realize your son and his family live so close. What a blessing!
Michele; Good going on getting the baking tray for free!
Allie: I love the painting of Homer. I would like to do Wreaths Across America for my Dad one year. He is buried on Cape Cod.
Annie: Can your Dad handle your Mom. They both seem frail in different ways. It is good going that your parents aren't in a nursing home. This is because of you that they are not. But it is thin going being the only one involved day to day with your parents. If something were to happen to you for a few days you would have limited back up. It might take a day or 2 for your sister to get to your parents. An affiliation with a Home Health agency worked for us. Even if someone comes in once a week for four hours, you could go horseback riding and do the shopping. But if something happened you would have an account with this agency and have a better chance of having back up.
As very sad as ALS is and it is a dragon...but it is a disease that the medical community has people handle at home. In fact it can be difficult to get an ALS patient on BiPAP into a nursing home. But by having a disease that is handled at home we didn't spend down our savings on a nursing home. We did spend a good chunk on home care but not compared to nursing home costs. A small investment in a personal care assistant or nursing assistant might be better than risking your Dad caring for your Mom.
Also I had food delivered while caring for my husband. I didn't want the precious time I had outside the house to be spent on food shopping. Again it cost money but better than having me completely burn out. I was exhausted. I did not wake refreshed.
I barely got through some days. Well so much for being on my soap box!
Does the hospice have a respite program? Is your mother willing to do this?
A few weeks ago I mentioned about apple slices for fondue and my fear of getting chocolate on the table cloth. I purchased pre-cut apple slices and these worked well. When I got to the gathering I was asked to carry 4 small fondues to each end of 2 tables with candles underneath them. I was asked because i was the "youngest". I am soooo glad I didn't know a head of time that I would be doing this!
I have been asked to join the group again tomorrow at another house. This is an advent group that has been getting together for years. I didn't have a top to wear to this so I went to the mall this afternoon and went to the store where i purchased the top I wore last week and asked if they had it in another color. They did and it was on sale! If you find a top that works then it is okay to get it in multipe colors! I doubt a single person will realize it is the same top as last week!
I still have boxes in the halls. I will work on these on Monday. I will get my COVID booster on Monday as well.
Thanks everyone for "listening" to my rambles.
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia
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Some of the things I did when my husband came home from hospital after his brain injury ...
- ordered groceries (and other things) online and had them delivered.
- arranged for a landscaper to come and mow the lawn once a month.
- had a housecleaner come once ... unfortunately that didn't work as well as I had hoped as it distressed my husband terribly
- at home, I play a lot of the songs he remembered from years ago. That usually make him relax.
- when we watch TV, it's usually comedies or home and garden shows and that sort of thing. Rarely anything dark.
- here we have something called Community Rehab: https://outpatients.tas.gov.au/clinics/community_rehabilitation_unit_cru which he attended for quite a while. I think sometimes they come out to the house too, and work with the whole family to help the person with the disabilities be able to do things like use the toilet, etc.
Machka in Oz2 -
One of my fears!!
I fear it because I've already got a couple cabinets full of stuff just like that!!
M in Oz3 -
Machka- shades of my parents house..it took months and months to clean out.
Rosemarie- I have been to the Veterans Cemetery in Bourne,Ma.my dear friends from the Cape are buried there ..thats a huge Cemetery.
[img]https://us.v-cdn.net/5021879Alfie roughing it,snoring....[/img]3 -
Rosemarie you are right it would be much better to have some backup. But mom is failing fast and my sister is due back late Sunday night. So if I can hold on a little longer, things will change.
The hospice does have respite care, but to them it means the patient goes in a home for a week to give the caregiver a break. And I almost got a volunteer sitter but then mom got worse and now she needs more care. So I have to talk to them again. I have a feeling the main nurse will come out Monday.
The big question is how long mom will last, and nobody knows. I have mostly been calm, but I cry when visitors cry. It could be hours or days or possibly weeks. My aunt came over today, and her viewpoint was grim. We all cried.
At least mom seems to be mostly pain free. And she thinks she has the flu; she has totally forgotten the cancer. She had a good long life so far. But I think we should start planning her funeral.
Carpe diem, my friends!
Annie in Delaware12 -
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Made garlic cheddar biscuits. This is the first time I tried that recipe. The taste is good, but I think they should have been thicker
Annie – my heart goes out to you.
Michele NC2 -
Annie- my dear you have to live between the dash.. take things as they come, and lean on Hospice as much as possible they are trained in this type of thing.. sending a healing hug your way..4
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I'm feeling your pain, Annie. It is heartbreaking. I hope your sister can get to you soon.
Take care.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR4 -
Annie - Just XOXO
Heather UK xxxxxxxx0 -
Anniesquats100 wrote: »Rosemarie you are right it would be much better to have some backup. But mom is failing fast and my sister is due back late Sunday night. So if I can hold on a little longer, things will change.
The hospice does have respite care, but to them it means the patient goes in a home for a week to give the caregiver a break. And I almost got a volunteer sitter but then mom got worse and now she needs more care. So I have to talk to them again. I have a feeling the main nurse will come out Monday.
The big question is how long mom will last, and nobody knows. I have mostly been calm, but I cry when visitors cry. It could be hours or days or possibly weeks. My aunt came over today, and her viewpoint was grim. We all cried.
At least mom seems to be mostly pain free. And she thinks she has the flu; she has totally forgotten the cancer. She had a good long life so far. But I think we should start planning her funeral.
Carpe diem, my friends!
Annie in Delaware Hug 0 -
Sunday --
Laundry - hung outside and I'll go collect it in a few minutes. Got it! But I will need to hang about half of it inside because it is still damp, and it is supposed to rain tomorrow. This means I'll need to pack up and move the Christmas decoration box in order to set up the drying rack.
Garden - hauled big rocks from the bottom of the hill to the top. There were about 50-ish of them, I took them 1 or 2 at a time. Many, many trips.
Plus weeding, including wrestling with weeds bigger than me in a particularly overgrown area.
AND ... I picked raspberries again.
Cycling
This evening, I've got paperwork on the schedule.
M in Oz
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G's 'bedbugs' turned out to be contact dermatitis. Change of washing powder, even though she was using sensitive. She got Rentokil in just to be sure, but had already got an opinion from a practice nurse. I'm phoning her in 45 minutes for a debrief, and we all have a Zoom tomorrow. B's fish have largely survived the heron attack, but he is watching the new cover with an evil eye.
We had a Waitrose delivery yesterday. It costs £4. Had a chuckle because the delivery man commented on my matching KitchenAid, wash basin, and clock.
Plus the salt tin. My new tea towels hadn't arrived by then, but they also pick up the aqua, which is why I liked them. All Waitrose employees are also partners in the company, so you do get some very interesting conversations!
I was wondering what to do for John and me for a Christmas dessert. I'm not really a dessert person, but, on one day a year ....? I've decided to create an old favourite that I haven't made for around 6 years! Delia Smith's Iced Chestnut Creams. I still have four tins of sweetened chestnut purée in the larder dating from back then. I will run out to the Co-Op this afternoon to buy chocolate and double cream to make them. It makes 8, and they freeze beautifully, so I'll have guest desserts for ages! It's very sweet and very rich and absolutely gorgeous.
Yesterday's dinner was our new favourite, the halloumi curry, and today is lamb and sweetcorn curry. Lunch is smoked salmon and Philly wholegrain rolls.
John is making the marzipan for his Christmas cake this afternoon. He likes to make it, rather than buy it. Then it will dry for a day or two and he will put the royal icing on. I will get my ancient decorations out of the cupboard. A few are from my childhood in the 50s.
I don't eat the cake. It usually lasts him a couple of weeks!
Love to all, especially those who are feeling overwhelmed.
Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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Good morning ladies!
Annie You are doing amazing! Your parents are lucky to have you. Don't turn away any help you can get. My only care giving experience was after my DH's accident that blinded him. His frustration levels are still high somecdays because of that disability, but otherwise is healthy and ambulatory. Take to heart the advice from these ladies. They have cared for dying loved ones. I can only send you hugs and prayers.
Mother story not happy so spoiler.....She has asked us kids to come help her downsize again. Not going to happen. We have done it three times. After the last time she disowned us all, cut off all contact, moved into a space where no one can keep an eye on her. When she needs something she wants to communicate again. 😏 The last straw was my sister tryingvto help mom with a car and finances. My sister got sh** on by mom. She is on her own i am saddened to say. Long bad history. It could have been different, but her personality didnt help. I can't allow her evilness into my life. I already have enough stresses. I am hoping my sister has learned this. She is the baby and feels guilty for not helping. How many times can you get beat up mentally before you quit trying. Hence my removal from the situation. My brother and sistervwill tell you that I was their mom growing up.
I picked up my youngest daughter yesterday to run to store with me. It was wonderful having one on one time with her. She talked a lot. Still not talking to or about her sister, but I will stay out of that situation. She does want to do Christmas on the 23rd after our hillbilly parade. Too bad she has issues with her sister as we could have done Christmas with them both on 23rd, then gone to my brother's until the 26th. Oh well.....I won't let that bother me too much. Got to see both grands too! Granddaughter was on her way out again.
My living room looks like remnants of Christmas. Sorted gifts to wrap and started saran wrap balls. Lost energy after lots of back and forth yesterday trying to get a few things. Forgot one item so will grab when I go out this morning. Once gifts and balls are done I will be as ready as I want to be for next weekend. I think I will do chili for the 23rd. Put in crockpots and forget!
I am blessed to have you all in my life. Your experience sharing helps in many ways. I would love to road trip and meet you all in person. You inspire me!
Better get some things done.
Much ❤️ and lots of ((HUGS))
Kylia in rainy but warm Ohio7 -
Heather: What great news G didn't have bed bugs! A few years back my friend's son brought her bed bugs from an apartment complex he resided in. She paid to have one room treated and was told to wash all her clothes in hot water. This became too much for her and her cleaner to do. So they took clothes and put them in trash bags and put them in the attic.
Well the bed bugs in the clothes ate right through the trash bags. The entire house was infested. She needed to leave the house to go to her daughters (which I admire her daughter for risking getting the bed bugs). The entire house needed to be treated. At the time 7k. Of course, I and her daughter had no idea she had put clothes into the attic. What a fiasco and very emotional time!
The Delia Smith Iced Chestnut Ceams sound very temptig as does the curry lamb, and sweet corn curry. I don't know Marzipan.
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia
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Good morning ladies!
Thank you, Flea, Kylia, Allie, Machka and Heather. You have such wisdom!
Today my goal is to get a shower before visitors come. And charge my phone. First my Dad will go to church, then my cousin comes at four, then my friend at six with takeout. Then my sister and her husband late tonight. So that is the plan.
Have a great day!
Annie in Delaware6 -
Annie - So many hugs coming your way. It is so hard being the one that everyone looks at when the decisions need to be made, especially when you're already grieving. Keep being kind to yourself. You're in a very, very tough emotional space.
Even those few moments in a shower, alone, with hot water sheeting down, obscuring everything for just that tiny amount of time, is a gift. I'm glad family's coming.
Kylia - Not much on road trips these days, but I'll be waiting at the diner for you to arrive as you gather people up! Hope your car has water wings for the UK and Tasmania parts of the trip!
After hearing more about your mother, it makes so much more sense of your overwhelming sense of responsibility to everyone for everything, but the fact that you take so much joy in so many things is a grace that arises purely out of your own strength. My sis and I have discussed more than once that because of the many years trying to survive our father, we know joy when we see it, and we hold onto it, squeezing every moment for all it's worth. It's not a small thing to learn. I've met an awful lot of people who don't seem to know when they're happy--still complaining, still believing there is something wrong with everything in their lives. Pain, sorrow and unhappiness are easy to find, or even invent, if that's all you can see, but joy doesn't stay where it's not recognized. Something I always remember at this time of year.
Halfway through my first cup of coffee. Bad day yesterday, gut-wise, but I woke up less rumbly this morning. Fingers crossed it's a better day. I was useless yesterday, but Corey got the entire second layer of flooring down in the sunroom. Hopefully I can assist him in getting more insulation in today. It's hovering right at freezing, but the sun's not up yet.
Hope it's a good day for all...
Love y'all,
Lisa in AR
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cityjaneLondon wrote: »G's 'bedbugs' turned out to be contact dermatitis. Change of washing powder, even though she was using sensitive. She got Rentokil in just to be sure, but had already got an opinion from a practice nurse. I'm phoning her in 45 minutes for a debrief, and we all have a Zoom tomorrow. B's fish have largely survived the heron attack, but he is watching the new cover with an evil eye.
We had a Waitrose delivery yesterday. It costs £4. Had a chuckle because the delivery man commented on my matching KitchenAid, wash basin, and clock. Plus the salt tin. My new tea towels hadn't arrived by then, but they also pick up the aqua, which is why I liked them. All Waitrose employees are also partners in the company, so you do get some very interesting conversations!
I was wondering what to do for John and me for a Christmas dessert. I'm not really a dessert person, but, on one day a year ....? I've decided to create an old favourite that I haven't made for around 6 years! Delia Smith's Iced Chestnut Creams. I still have four tins of sweetened chestnut purée in the larder dating from back then. I will run out to the Co-Op this afternoon to buy chocolate and double cream to make them. It makes 8, and they freeze beautifully, so I'll have guest desserts for ages! It's very sweet and very rich and absolutely gorgeous.
Yesterday's dinner was our new favourite, the halloumi curry, and today is lamb and sweetcorn curry. Lunch is smoked salmon and Philly wholegrain rolls.
John is making the marzipan for his Christmas cake this afternoon. He likes to make it, rather than buy it. Then it will dry for a day or two and he will put the royal icing on. I will get my ancient decorations out of the cupboard. A few are from my childhood in the 50s.
I don't eat the cake. It usually lasts him a couple of weeks!
Love to all, especially those who are feeling overwhelmed.
Heather UK xxxxxxxx
I love marzipan and have been thinking about getting it and halva this week.
I eat the marzipan on its own, without the fruitcake.
And mangoes since they are ripe and ready!
Machka in Oz6 -
Lisa You made me cry. Happy and thankful tears. Thank you!6
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Good info on UTIs.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/dec/17/millions-of-women-are-suffering-who-dont-have-to-why-its-time-to-end-the-misery-of-utis
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx2 -
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5185180
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Annie, hugs to you. Take it one moment at a time, accept any help you can get, and come from a place of love.Tracey, congrats on your academic success. Barbie 1
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2023 December Kindness
Word of the Year: appreciate—Today I appreciate waking up alive in the mornings!14. Share a happy memory or inspiring thought with a loved one. Will do!
Meditation: daily. 18/30 (82%(started Feb)(94%,100%, 74%, 93%,100%,100%,100,100,83%
Feeling sick all month. Colitis crap!
Recommended exercise: cardio 5 days 30 min /23
Strength all muscles 2 x 0/8 a week
Flexible (yoga, stretching) /8 a week 10 min
Balance 5 days 10 min /20
1. cut back drinking and limit to 2 days a week. 0/8–(300%,100%,100%,100%,100%)
3 months SOBER!
2. Average 7,000 steps a week. 5907,5777,(7,700,100%-9851,100%-9526,100%-9,559,100%, -8347,100%—7465,100%—6328,90%—6059,87%—6458,92%,-6847,98%-84% 5882-)
3. Update budget every 2 weeks 1/2 (10,00%) 50%
4. Contact close family every week (4x) 228/208—(733%,100% My mom called me for a change, 100%)
5. Contact Donat and sibs once a month (8x)99/96 100%)
6. Weigh less last day of month compared to first until I reach 140. Start at 178.6,176,174.2,173.4,175.4,174,175.6,173.4, 172.2, 173.2, 173.4, 173.4 (600%) 100%,100%
7. Develop a journaling practice by aiming to journal at least 5 days a week. 8/23. (681%,100,100,83)
8. Read 12 books at least this year. 50/12
(100%)
9. Pay off credit card debt by January 2024 by making monthly payments to NDR/Reach Financial 12/12—(100%)
10. Continue building emergency fund at SLFCU (min$25 a month)$25+$25+$71+700+25+25 +25+25 (100%) I put the money in, but end up taking it out.
11. April started putting 4% on income in savings. 700,200,200, 107, 157,0,0,0,0
500%) This has stopped. Spending too much.
January Met —100%
February met —-90%
March met met —-90%
April met——86.36%
May met——-89%
June met—-99%
July met — met 81%
August met—met 99%
September met——99%
October met —90.7%
November met—75%
December met—
1.Spread kindness and share the December calendar with others. Sharing with my MFP friends.
2. Contact someone you can’t be with to see how they are doing. Forgot to do this yesterday. Hope to do it today. I did this on Sunday 12/3.
3. Offer to help someone who is facing difficulties at the moment. Helped my fellow host in learning what to do in 2 separate incidents with campers.
4. Support a campaign, cause, or charity you really care about.
5. Give a gift to someone who is homeless or lonely. Did not do this. No chance to.
6. Leave a positive message for someone else to find. Did this yesterday.
7. Give kind comments to as many people as possible today. I will try. A bit down today. Not feeling well.
8. Do something helpful for a friend or family member. Will do!
9. Notice when you’re hard on yourself or others and be kind instead. I will try to remember.
10. Listen wholeheartedly to others without judging them. I need to learn to do this more.
11. But an extra item and donate to a food bank. Did not have a chance to do this today.
12. Be generous. Feed someone with food, love or kindness today.
13. See how many be people you can smile at today. I didn’t count, but smiled at ask the hospital employees I meet yesterday while getting eye surgery.
15. Say hello to your neighbor and brighten their day. Sounds like a plan for today!
16. Look for something positive to say to everyone you meet today. My goal always!
17. Give thanks. List the kind things others have done for you. Will do this in my journal.18. Ask for help and let someone else know the how of giving.
19. Contact someone who may be alone or feeling isolated.
20. Help someone by giving away something you don’t need.
21. Appreciate kindness and thank people who do things for you.
22. Congratulate someone for an achievement that may go unnoticed.
23. Choose to give or receive the gift of forgiveness.
24. Bring joy to others. Share something that made you laugh.
25. Treat everyone with kindness including yourself.
26. Get outside, pick up litter or do something kind for nature.
27. Call a relative who is far away to say hello and have a chat.
28. Be kind to the planet. Eat less meat and use less energy.
29. Turn off digital devices and really listen to people.
30. Let someone know how much you appreciated them and why.
31. Plan some new acts of kindness for 2024.
The results of your personality test are in. Here they are:
Personality type: Logistician (ISTJ-T) Traits: Introverted – 69%, Observant – 58%, Thinking – 75%, Judging – 56%, Turbulent – 54% Role: Sentinel Strategy: Constant Improvement
Joined MFPL 5/26/20101 -
Rosemarie - Here is the Christmas cake in its marzipan jacket. It's made with ground almonds, sugar and egg. Most people buy it, but the homemade is even more delicious. I always associate it with Germany, but it is ubiquitous in Britain at this time of year.
John will royal ice it in a couple of days .
Love Heather UK xxxxxx4 -
Kylia ~ What are saran wrap balls? I'm sorry that you are having to deal with your mom's stuff again. Many of us probably grew up in homes where life was difficult. What Lisa said is spot on. We all have to find the joy in our life. Sometimes it's the little things.
Heather ~ I looked back several pages and cannot find the story about the bed bugs or about the heron and fish. Please mention it again.
Annie ~ Prayers for your peace during this difficult time. I know it is heart breaking for you and those close to you as your mom declines.
Rosemarie ~ You are being wise and insightful. Hugs.
Carol in GA5 -
Today is Everybody lets talk with a fake English accent today! (No offense Heather, it’s just for fun! We blokes are a bit dodgy and daft sometimes!
Cherrio
RVrita in NM
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5195190
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Saran wrap balls ...you roll up goodies (in my case chocolates, trinkets, lottery tickets, gift cards, and cash) between different length and directions layers of saran wrap. The goal is to find and end of wrap, unroll, collect prizes before next person rolls doubles on dice. No tearing allowed. It is a lot of prep work to wrap ball, but really extends the Christmas experience. Some folks make people wear gloves or oven mitts. I would like to make youngest grand daughter wear them! She is amazing! Everyone loves it! The only time the game pauses is when DH gets his turn. Since he is blind we find an end before throwing dice. I will post a pic or two. I make one for each of my daughter's families.
stuffing
final product
I usually put a $100 bill in center. DH said to only put in $1 this year. The winner will still get the $100 depending on their attitude-hehe!
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