Skinny girl and her obese boyfriend

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  • 1stday13
    1stday13 Posts: 433 Member
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    Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
    No, I noticed too. Alcohol has a ton of Calories.( I ought to know) . Agree too that he is only slightly overweight.
    If I might ask? If you are so naturally thin, aren't worried about gaining, Have nothing to lose. What are you doing on this site?
    Agree too, accept him for who he is, or move on. He has to be the one to decide if he wants to do something about it. Then support him.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
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    Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.

    This. If you're worried about his health....I'd be worried about his liver. I like to put a few back, but damn. Get the alcohol thing figured out and I think the rest will take care of itself.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    a few thoughts...

    - post a couple pic... so we can see what you are talking about. As other posters have stated, it doesn't seem like he'd be obese based on his stats... hell, I'm 6'1" female and 168.

    - if you are naturally skinny, then what caused you to join MFP? Was it solely to find help for your boyfriend?

    - the alcohol could be a not so good thing for both of you

    - strong is the new skinny. Maybe instead of criticizing his eating, you could look at doing healthy living activities instead of drinking.

    Just a few thoughts.

    Regardless, if you love him, you won't try to belittle him into change. You cannot ever force a person to change, if you are the driver of that change a) it will NOT last and b) they will end up resenting you for it
  • emilysgettinghealthy
    emilysgettinghealthy Posts: 1
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    My husband is 6'2 and got down to 200 for the military but his body fat % was still high and he still looked really overweight even though he technically wasn't. The poster is right to be concerned if her boyfriend also has a high body fat. The medical term is "metabolically obese normal weight" or "MONW."

    I think Reducing fat % by building muscle would be more beneficial than trying to get him to lose more weight. Obviously, I'm not an expert though.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.

    This. If you're worried about his health....I'd be worried about his liver. I like to put a few back, but damn. Get the alcohol thing figured out and I think the rest will take care of itself.

    Drinking problems are a separate issue. I don't see that being addressed here, but I would definitely be more concerned about the drinking problem.

    OP, I suggest you address the drinking problem FOR YOURSELF and get into some type of Al-anon program in your area. That will help you take the focus off him and put it on yourself. :smile:
  • cadaverousbones
    cadaverousbones Posts: 421 Member
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    Maybe you can prepare healthier meals for you two to eat together. Instead of telling him he needs to change, make subtle changes on your own he wont necessarily notice.. Like you cooking dinner for you two to share. Also, instead of telling him to exercise, invite him out for a jog or a hike or whatever. He probably feels like you are picking on him. And Also he is not obese he sounds a little bit over weight. And if you want him to stop drinking so much you need to lead by example. Instead of going out drinking on weekends or whatever, suggest going out to dinner and a movie or something active you can do together and have fun doing.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Is 6" and 196 pounds obese?

    I checked, that's barely overweight. (Bmi of 25.8) and depending on muscle mass and such...you might need to calm down.

    this ^^^^ if he has a large frame or does a lot of sport then that's a healthy weight, and even if he has a medium frame and is sedentary (you said he runs, so he's not sedentary) it's only *barely* overeweight, he's not obese, and it's nowhere near a health risk.

    I know what advice I'd give a woman whose boyfriend was obsessing over her being 20lb overweight an having a BMI of 25.8, and constantly going on at her to go on a diet.... and I'm not sexist so I don't think it's any more acceptable for a woman to do that to her boyfriend.

    My advice to you is to realise you're in the wrong and get off his case.
  • mandasalem
    mandasalem Posts: 346 Member
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    I admit i've also said some unpleasant words about his looks hoping it might knock him awake and i do regret that.

    *blinks*

    Yeah. So anything else you ever say to him, out of concern or genuine good intentions will NEVER be heard by his ears. He'll only hear you bagging on his looks no matter how you put it now that you've opened those lovely floodgates.

    In the meanwhile, look for fun, active stuff do to on the weekends to spend some time being active and maybe burn a little of what would ordinarily be drinking time. Start small.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    lol@restricting him to red meat once a week. And lol @ not having your "good genes".

    Troll harder please.
  • renaudgil
    renaudgil Posts: 1
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    Hi Skinny Girl, I have been thru the same kind of problem. You have to love him for what he is or walk away. You can't change him, but you can direct him to healthy eating and drinking habits. Make nutritious meals and include activities that do not include drinking. Good luck!
  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
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    Anyone else notice that she describes herself as "skinny" not "healthy"? If we took a poll, what percentage of us would rather be healthy than skinny?
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
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    Is 6" and 196 pounds obese?

    I checked, that's barely overweight. (Bmi of 25.8) and depending on muscle mass and such...you might need to calm down.

    QFT!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • hamminit
    hamminit Posts: 184 Member
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    Hi there,

    I'm not sure if this is a proper channel to seek advice, but I'm really at my wit's ends now :(

    I'm a naturally skinny girl (both my parents are skinny) with a voracious appetite. I am in a long term relationship with this guy, B, who unfortunately does not share my good genes. He is 6" and 196 pounds, and 28 years old.

    I love this man to bits but I worry constantly for his health as I understand the risks that obesity carries. He is a big guy, with a large paunch and huge thighs, and he loves his food and beer. He easily downs 4-5 pints of beer a day on the weekend, plus 1/3 bottle of whisky.

    He does run though, perhaps for 30-40 min once or twice a week. His job sees him standing about 7 hours a day.

    He has put on about 20 pounds in recent months, and he gets very annoyed when I tell him that he needs to get back into shape by adopting a healthier diet, i.e cutting out carbs and deep fried food. He doesn't binge on the fried stuff regularly, but he loves his carbs.

    The ideal situation: I'd like to have him cut half his carb intake, and to only have deep fried food/red meat just once a week. And of course, reduce his booze intake by half as well (this is the hardest part as we both love our alcohol).

    We often get into fights whenever I tick him off about his weight, and he goes into 100% defensive mode such as "You're eating as much as I am, why are you restricting me?", or "I like my weight, you can't do anything about it".

    I have tried other methods such as suggesting that we go through this as a couple, with me eating whatever he eats, and I have offered to cook him lunch thrice a week to take to work, but he is still extremely stubborn and well, in denial.

    Is there anyone facing a similar prob? How can I broach this topic again without offending him? Do note that I have tried many ways including 1) Blowing my top and threatening him (didn't work at all; got even worse), 2) The soft approach ("please let me help you", "I really care for you and I want you to be healthy") and 3) The Its Your F*cking Health ("If you don't eat healthy you WILL DIE YOUNG")

    ok- skinny isn't always healthy. how about making a plan together to hit the gym- and you both gain some muscle- you can't just point a finger at somebody that loves to eat their carbs and drink their beer- all they hear is .... you are fat and I am perfect- do it with him skinny girl!
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
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    At 196 lbs and 6", he is hardly obese, let alone not even overweight.

    However, he obviously has a drinking problem, which is a much greater concern.
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
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    If this is how you are now when he is your bf, I can't imagine how you would act if he were you husband.

    He can do better...

    This... OP you sound incredibly shallow.... I feel sorry for you BF.

    I don't think OP is shallow, and I think some of the comments are unnecessarily harsh.

    OP, you obviously have an 'unhealthy paranoia' that you even said yourself, maybe this is because of things that have happened in your past that make you worry too much about health or not, I'm not sure. However, you've received some great advice here and well done on being willing to take criticism and to rethink your actions...not everyone would handle it the way you did. :flowerforyou:
  • crackur
    crackur Posts: 473 Member
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    Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
    I would too if I lived with her on thinking I was obese and calling me fat in hopes of losing weight.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I didn't read all the comments...but I am sure that you got 6 pages of people telling you he's not obese. Alcoholic maybe, but not obese...

    I feel sorry for your boyfriend since he has such an overbearing and controlling girlfriend who masks her own prejudices against overweight people (albeit only slightly overweight) with "concern." I'd be concerned about his liver with all that alcohol, but his weight...no way. At least not how you describe him. My husband is 240 pounds, 6'5" tall...and definitely not "obese" which you would probably call him.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
    I would too if I lived with her on thinking I was obese and calling me fat in hopes of losing weight.

    QFT!
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    If this is how you are now when he is your bf, I can't imagine how you would act if he were you husband.

    He can do better...

    This... OP you sound incredibly shallow.... I feel sorry for you BF.

    I don't think OP is shallow, and I think some of the comments are unnecessarily harsh.

    OP, you obviously have an 'unhealthy paranoia' that you even said yourself, maybe this is because of things that have happened in your past that make you worry too much about health or not, I'm not sure. However, you've received some great advice here and well done on being willing to take criticism and to rethink your actions...not everyone would handle it the way you did. :flowerforyou:

    Um yeah ok.. :yawn:

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