Why all the negativity???Where is the Motivation?

Morninglory81

If you sugarcoat it ill just get fat!

Edit ok how do I bold things?

[ b ] [ /b ] (no spaces) it's like how you post an image or quote things...just with a lower case b.

:flowerforyou:

midnight_storm

I've only read the first page of this topic, but all I know is this(well, it's not all I know :P):

There are ways to treat people, and there are ways not to treat people.

Sarcasm, even though everyone 'speaks' it(a ton of friends on Facebook have 'Sarcasm' as a language), is literally used to try to make a person feel stupid and then makes the person using sarcasm feel all giddy on the inside. Basically, the person using sarcasm is getting pleasure from someone else's pain. I don't know about you, but that sounds like sadism, to me. Of course, sadism without physical pain and -sexual- pleasure. But to me, it's very sadistic-like.

I'm Pagan, and the thing I've learned in life, and the thing that most of the books I've read say:

If it doesn't help you or someone else positively, don't waste the energy.

If someone posts a fad diet, instead of saying things like 'Oh yeah that'll work! Good luck' (sarcasm) or just saying 'fad diets are dumb', you could instead be telling them points as to why this wouldn't work, in a kind manner that actually makes it look like you care about this person's health, even if you could care less. Why use your energy to type up a message that is unkind and sarcastic, when you could fill it with actual information and tips?

If you're going to use energy to reply to a post, don't waste it with negativity or sarcasm.

Be kind!

reedandmalloy

If you would like, add me for a friend. Negativity of any sort is one thing I don't do. Life is too short to argue or dwell on something. If I can't lift someone up by saying something nice, I just move on.

michellechawner

Just in case you weren't aware of this feature, when you go to the message boards section, there is a button called search and you can type in a keyword/phrase (ex: rude/mean/butthurt) and you can see the threads that have already been created on the topic. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/992167-some-of-you-are-just-plain-rude?hl=rude

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1033717-rant-why-is-everyone-so-mean?hl=mean+people&page=3#posts-15856061

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/976527-when-people-offer-advice-stop-being-rude-and-degrading?hl=rude

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/920791-mfp-not-helping-or-showing-support-just-being-rude?hl=rude&page=15#posts-13981890

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/900646-being-rude-is-not-giving-support?hl=rude&page=3#posts-13625845

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/855369-seeing-a-lot-of-rude-comments-about-1200-cal?hl=rude#posts-12874305

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819763-rude-mean-people-on-here?hl=rude&page=16#posts-12297324

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/799446-rudeness-on-forums?hl=rude&page=2#posts-11939451

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/774191-what-s-up-with-all-the-rude-sarcastic-people-here?hl=rude&page=4#posts-11507301

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819763-rude-mean-people-on-here?hl=mean+people

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1092526-bullies-meanies-and-police-oh-my?hl=bully

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/789026-mean-people?hl=mean+people&page=2#posts-11759423

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/883246-mean-people-waste-the-internet?hl=mean+people#posts-13325677

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp?hl=mean+people

^BINGO! - honestly OP, you try and explaining to every new poster the same thing OVER AND OVER... there is a search button. So if anyone has a questions, you can type it into search, and find answers instead of creating a NEW thread, for the same thing.

Find your few supportive friends, and leave the rest behind. It's what we all do here.

No_Finish_Line

People seem to think that as long as what they are saying is generally accurate, then they can say it anyway they want, and there comments should be considered 'helpful'.

firstsip

I've only read the first page of this topic, but all I know is this(well, it's not all I know :P):

There are ways to treat people, and there are ways not to treat people.

Sarcasm, even though everyone 'speaks' it(a ton of friends on Facebook have 'Sarcasm' as a language), is literally used to try to make a person feel stupid and then makes the person using sarcasm feel all giddy on the inside. Basically, the person using sarcasm is getting pleasure from someone else's pain. I don't know about you, but that sounds like sadism, to me. Of course, sadism without physical pain and -sexual- pleasure. But to me, it's very sadistic-like.

I'm Pagan, and the thing I've learned in life, and the thing that most of the books I've read say:

If it doesn't help you or someone else positively, don't waste the energy.

If someone posts a fad diet, instead of saying things like 'Oh yeah that'll work! Good luck' (sarcasm) or just saying 'fad diets are dumb', you could instead be telling them points as to why this wouldn't work, in a kind manner that actually makes it look like you care about this person's health, even if you could care less. Why use your energy to type up a message that is unkind and sarcastic, when you could fill it with actual information and tips?

If you're going to use energy to reply to a post, don't waste it with negativity or sarcasm.

Be kind!

Yeah, that sounds like sadism, because it is sadism. If someone is doing that, they are a sadist. If someone is sarcastic and it hurt your feelings because a.) it hit home that you did something ignorant, foolish, etc. or b.) you're just sensitive, neither means someone is getting pleasure from your hurt feelings.

This sounds more like you're speaking from personal experience if using sarcastic language makes you giddy; perhaps you need to take another look at the words you're using.

ninerbuff

Thinking that "real life" is all support and roses is being naive. Negativity happens on the boards, it happens at the office, it happens at family gatherings (behind one's back), it happens with friends.
Problem is lots of people on the boards take it personally when someone disagrees with them. So I ask: how does this disagreement affect your life, your income, your family, the weather, etc.? It doesn't........................unless that person let's it.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

jofjltncb6

Personally, I would never presume to tell other people how I think they should phrase their answers or what tone they should or shouldn't take.

*That* is real arrogance.

_HeartsOnFire_

If someone posts a fad diet, instead of saying things like 'Oh yeah that'll work! Good luck' (sarcasm) or just saying 'fad diets are dumb', you could instead be telling them points as to why this wouldn't work, in a kind manner that actually makes it look like you care about this person's health, even if you could care less. Why use your energy to type up a message that is unkind and sarcastic, when you could fill it with actual information and tips?

I'm gonna say 95% of the time the poster HAS posted helpful tips and the other person is calling them mean, they don't want to hear it, make constant excuses, or just keep posting things to argue back or prove their point. There are a LOT of people who post in the forums that are just looking for justification and don't want to hear honest opinions or tips that would be more beneficial. So yeah, I'm sorry but if I've posted tips and the person is constantly coming back at me with all of the above, eventually I might post "oh yeah that'll work. good luck!" They didn't want any tips in the first place so why they posted int he first place is beyond me...

twinketta

I'm seriously considering staying out of the message board. I read to see how other's may be dealing with certain situations or for some helpful hints with things but I have decided that people are just mean!!! Talk about cyber bullying. Making people feel completely stupid with the stuff they post is form of bullying~:" "indirect bullying", at least in some instances, such as name calling, the silent treatment, arguing others into submission, manipulation, gossip/false gossip, lies, rumors/false rumors, staring, giggling, laughing at the victim, saying certain words that trigger a reaction from a past event, and mocking.". Most of the people on here probably have or have had problems with self esteem and are looking for support and encouragement. They don't need people with their negative arrogant thoughts knocking them in the dirt with every little post. They get enough of that with the society as a whole. I am completely sick at the way people treat other people, especially on a site that is suppose to be for motivational purposes.... Sorry for the total rant... i'm climbing down off my soapbox now and bracing myself for the expected negativity this may draw.:yawn:

Sadly, Gabbygirl if you look back through the replies on this thread and many similar threads, you will find that the people that you perceive as the bully's are the ones that post on here a lot.

Maybe, it can be because they see the same questions time after time, which certainly is no excuse at all.

I hope you do not stay off the message boards or other people that are new do not feel they are being intimidated in any way.

You will find, in general, if you have a weight/food/exercise issue that those same people can give you lots of good advice.

You will also find that you can make some helpful and motivational friends, should you choose.

The internet sadly (or not) can be a place where people can type things to strangers without worry or consequence.

Congrats on your weight loss so far x

doorki

arguing others into submission is normal primate behaviour. Humans do this verbally, while other primates beat their chests, make a lot of noise and stamp on things. Humans are inclined to do that too, if the argument escalates sufficiently.

Bonobos actually do this by having sex with each other.

Wanna argue like Bonobos? =P

midnight_storm

If someone posts a fad diet, instead of saying things like 'Oh yeah that'll work! Good luck' (sarcasm) or just saying 'fad diets are dumb', you could instead be telling them points as to why this wouldn't work, in a kind manner that actually makes it look like you care about this person's health, even if you could care less. Why use your energy to type up a message that is unkind and sarcastic, when you could fill it with actual information and tips?

I'm gonna say 95% of the time the poster HAS posted helpful tips and the other person is calling them mean, they don't want to hear it, make constant excuses, or just keep posting things to argue back or prove their point. There are a LOT of people who post in the forums that are just looking for justification and don't want to hear honest opinions or tips that would be more beneficial. So yeah, I'm sorry but if I've posted tips and the person is constantly coming back at me with all of the above, eventually I might post "oh yeah that'll work. good luck!" They didn't want any tips in the first place so why they posted int he first place is beyond me...

But at least you tried before resorting to saying it!

I'm too lazy to speed type up a reply to others, nor do I have the time to type it out regularly, basically:

Kindness and optimism, people. Kindness and optimism

danasings

*gives everyone the silent treatment*

*insert silent treatment here*

There. My cyber-bullying is done for today.

twinketta

Just in case you weren't aware of this feature, when you go to the message boards section, there is a button called search and you can type in a keyword/phrase (ex: rude/mean/butthurt) and you can see the threads that have already been created on the topic. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/992167-some-of-you-are-just-plain-rude?hl=rude

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1033717-rant-why-is-everyone-so-mean?hl=mean+people&page=3#posts-15856061

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/976527-when-people-offer-advice-stop-being-rude-and-degrading?hl=rude

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/920791-mfp-not-helping-or-showing-support-just-being-rude?hl=rude&page=15#posts-13981890

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/900646-being-rude-is-not-giving-support?hl=rude&page=3#posts-13625845

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/855369-seeing-a-lot-of-rude-comments-about-1200-cal?hl=rude#posts-12874305

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819763-rude-mean-people-on-here?hl=rude&page=16#posts-12297324

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/799446-rudeness-on-forums?hl=rude&page=2#posts-11939451

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/774191-what-s-up-with-all-the-rude-sarcastic-people-here?hl=rude&page=4#posts-11507301

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819763-rude-mean-people-on-here?hl=mean+people

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1092526-bullies-meanies-and-police-oh-my?hl=bully

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/789026-mean-people?hl=mean+people&page=2#posts-11759423

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/883246-mean-people-waste-the-internet?hl=mean+people#posts-13325677

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp?hl=mean+people

^BINGO! - honestly OP, you try and explaining to every new poster the same thing OVER AND OVER... there is a search button. So if anyone has a questions, you can type it into search, and find answers instead of creating a NEW thread, for the same thing.

Find your few supportive friends, and leave the rest behind. It's what we all do here.

Regarding this post, if everyone that joined MFP just used the search tool and did not post a question then MFP would go to the wall, people would not find friends based on their similar or same question.

Everyone could just use Google?

Sometimes people want interaction and their question/problem although it may be repeated from a past topic, is important to them and they want to have `personal` answers from people that have read `their` topic and maybe there maybe new people reading `their` topic that they can add as friends to help them?

BeachIron

If you want support, then buy a bra.

If you want help, then hire a trainer.

If you want opinions, then definitely post in the forums.

Contrarian

*gives everyone the silent treatment*

*insert silent treatment here*

There. My cyber-bullying is done for today.

*stares at you*

EmmaOnTrack

Making people feel completely stupid with the stuff they post is form of bullying~:" "indirect bullying", at least in some instances, such as... the silent treatment...

I know it wasn't intended to, but this bit made me chuckle. Surely "the silent treatment" on an internet messageboard is just folks going about their offline lives? Or is the suggestion that some people retaliate by staring at the screen with their fingers passively aggressively motionless on their keyboards? :huh:

Apologies for the intrusion, I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

QueenBishOTUniverse

Because as a teacher I can't help myself:

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

Is there a power imbalance.... No? Then not bullying.

Is there repetition....Unless they're stalking you on the boards, then no. Still not bullying.

So unless someone is following you around on the boards and actively behaving in an aggressive or intimidating manor, it might be rude, it might even be hateful, but it's not bullying.

jofjltncb6

If someone posts a fad diet, instead of saying things like 'Oh yeah that'll work! Good luck' (sarcasm) or just saying 'fad diets are dumb', you could instead be telling them points as to why this wouldn't work, in a kind manner that actually makes it look like you care about this person's health, even if you could care less. Why use your energy to type up a message that is unkind and sarcastic, when you could fill it with actual information and tips?

I'm gonna say 95% of the time the poster HAS posted helpful tips and the other person is calling them mean, they don't want to hear it, make constant excuses, or just keep posting things to argue back or prove their point. There are a LOT of people who post in the forums that are just looking for justification and don't want to hear honest opinions or tips that would be more beneficial. So yeah, I'm sorry but if I've posted tips and the person is constantly coming back at me with all of the above, eventually I might post "oh yeah that'll work. good luck!" They didn't want any tips in the first place so why they posted int he first place is beyond me...

But at least you tried before resorting to saying it!

I'm too lazy to speed type up a reply to others, nor do I have the time to type it out regularly, basically:

Kindness and optimism, people. Kindness and optimism

Again, the arrogance that your way is the One True Way to respond in the forums is remarkable.

_HeartsOnFire_

Who wants to have a staring contest?????

TR0berts

Who wants to have a staring contest?????

neandermagnon

arguing others into submission is normal primate behaviour. Humans do this verbally, while other primates beat their chests, make a lot of noise and stamp on things. Humans are inclined to do that too, if the argument escalates sufficiently.

Bonobos actually do this by having sex with each other.

they use sex for conflict resolution and appeasement... arguing/displaying is conflict. they don't have sex as part of actual conflicts, it's more like the bonobo equivalent of "hey, lets agree to disagree"

KANGOOJUMPS

do what u want to do,
what do you care what others think?

_HeartsOnFire_

Who wants to have a staring contest?????

bring it!

elephant2mouse

sullus

Honestly? People get called "bullies" for calling bogus diet trends bogus diet trends. It gets freaking old. "Oh no, how dare you say Fat Flush Water/Detox #112/My 21 Day Water Fast is a load of crap? BULLY!"

I do not know what prompted your particular rant, and I honestly don't care enough to browse through your posting history or try and read your mind. I've just quit taking these "everyone's sooo mean" threads seriously because as a whole they are posted when someone cannot tell the difference between calling an idea stupid and calling a person stupid.

First whether it be the person on simply the idea... it should never be called stupid. That is what I am talking about. Why must it be "stupid " because you don't agree with it?

Sometimes ... I disagree with things *because* they are stupid...

firstsip

arguing others into submission is normal primate behaviour. Humans do this verbally, while other primates beat their chests, make a lot of noise and stamp on things. Humans are inclined to do that too, if the argument escalates sufficiently.

Bonobos actually do this by having sex with each other.

they use sex for conflict resolution and appeasement... arguing/displaying is conflict. they don't have sex as part of actual conflicts, it's more like the bonobo equivalent of "hey, lets agree to disagree"

This was the point.

danasings

*gives everyone the silent treatment*

*insert silent treatment here*

There. My cyber-bullying is done for today.

*stares at you*

Why you bully me, Contrarian?!?! :sad:

QueenBishOTUniverse

I've only read the first page of this topic, but all I know is this(well, it's not all I know :P):

There are ways to treat people, and there are ways not to treat people.

Sarcasm, even though everyone 'speaks' it(a ton of friends on Facebook have 'Sarcasm' as a language), is literally used to try to make a person feel stupid and then makes the person using sarcasm feel all giddy on the inside. Basically, the person using sarcasm is getting pleasure from someone else's pain. I don't know about you, but that sounds like sadism, to me. Of course, sadism without physical pain and -sexual- pleasure. But to me, it's very sadistic-like.

I'm Pagan, and the thing I've learned in life, and the thing that most of the books I've read say:

If it doesn't help you or someone else positively, don't waste the energy.

If someone posts a fad diet, instead of saying things like 'Oh yeah that'll work! Good luck' (sarcasm) or just saying 'fad diets are dumb', you could instead be telling them points as to why this wouldn't work, in a kind manner that actually makes it look like you care about this person's health, even if you could care less. Why use your energy to type up a message that is unkind and sarcastic, when you could fill it with actual information and tips?

If you're going to use energy to reply to a post, don't waste it with negativity or sarcasm.

Be kind!

I'm sorry, I'm about the most positive/happy/glass half full kind of person there is. I am EXTREMELY sarcastic. I can and do tone it down depending on the person I'm talking to, but sarcasm is not about trying to be mean or pick on somebody or make them feel bad about themselves. It is a type of humor that is used to make a point. Just like with every other form of humor, some people get it, and some people don't.

Although there is some evidence that the ability to percieve and respond to satirical/sarcastic humor is evidence of an advanced level of emotional maturity.....which some people never reach. But maybe my saying that is just me being mean and trying to hurt someone's feelings.

danasings

Because as a teacher I can't help myself:

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

Is there a power imbalance.... No? Then not bullying.

Is there repetition....Unless they're stalking you on the boards, then no. Still not bullying.

So unless someone is following you around on the boards and actively behaving in an aggressive or intimidating manor, it might be rude, it might even be hateful, but it's not bullying.

Oh no!! A voice of reason, quick! Hide!! :laugh:

All kidding aside, thank you for posting this. Bullying is so wrongly defined here in MFPland.