Relationship advice please!

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  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    Hey, just thought I'd pop back in to give you all an update.

    I'm not one to give up on things that easily, so the many cries to dump him fell on deaf ears. ;) Anyway, the day after posting this, I was sitting at work feeling sad and p*ssed off about the situation, so I wrote him an email telling him that we'd be talking about it that evening and basically telling him that I wanted some straight answers and that I didn't want to waste my time with someone who didn't love me.

    He came round later that night, sat next to me and poured his heart out. It turns out he DOES love me, but finds it difficult to say. I have no problem with this - I don't find it very easy to say either, but I pointed out to him that if he had merely answered with a yes when I asked him previously if he did, instead of his noncomittal 'I don't know what love means', I wouldn't have suffered 18 months of self-doubt. He apologised profusely for this. He then brought up the subject of moving in together and admitted that he kept putting off telling me that he wanted us to buy a place together. He told me that he was going to bring it up the previous weekend, talked himself out of it, then decided he'd bring it up at Christmas! I know he's a bit of a commitment-phobe, as organising anything over three weeks away freaks him out, but I know a lot of men like that.

    So, we are now looking for a place to buy together. I organised an appointment with a mortgage adviser and he definitely didn't seem like he wanted to run away, so things have definitely changed for the better.

    "Baby, my credit is horrible and only drags your's down. Why don't we keep my name off the mortgage, but still but a home we can barely afford with both our combined incomes?" Swami.jpg
  • wjstoj
    wjstoj Posts: 884 Member
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    Now why couldn't I find a woman like this??
  • PlanetoftheAtheists
    PlanetoftheAtheists Posts: 112
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    Anonymous op:

    window_licker.gif.html
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    Uhm........ If he won't pay or do chores at his parents house, do you really think he will with you?

    What exactly are your requirements for a partner? Breathing?

    You're basically adopting a child. And he probably is being pressured by his parents TO LEAVE. They are breathing a sigh of relief that some sucker finally got their son out of their basement.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    "Baby, my credit is horrible and only drags your's down. Why don't we keep my name off the mortgage, but still but a home we can barely afford with both our combined incomes?" Swami.jpg


    Wait... you're not cool with that?






    We need to talk.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    Hey, just thought I'd pop back in to give you all an update.

    I'm not one to give up on things that easily, so the many cries to dump him fell on deaf ears. ;) Anyway, the day after posting this, I was sitting at work feeling sad and p*ssed off about the situation, so I wrote him an email telling him that we'd be talking about it that evening and basically telling him that I wanted some straight answers and that I didn't want to waste my time with someone who didn't love me.

    He came round later that night, sat next to me and poured his heart out. It turns out he DOES love me, but finds it difficult to say. I have no problem with this - I don't find it very easy to say either, but I pointed out to him that if he had merely answered with a yes when I asked him previously if he did, instead of his noncomittal 'I don't know what love means', I wouldn't have suffered 18 months of self-doubt. He apologised profusely for this. He then brought up the subject of moving in together and admitted that he kept putting off telling me that he wanted us to buy a place together. He told me that he was going to bring it up the previous weekend, talked himself out of it, then decided he'd bring it up at Christmas! I know he's a bit of a commitment-phobe, as organising anything over three weeks away freaks him out, but I know a lot of men like that.

    So, we are now looking for a place to buy together. I organised an appointment with a mortgage adviser and he definitely didn't seem like he wanted to run away, so things have definitely changed for the better.

    the bad news is that you're making a mistake.

    the good news is that in the future, you'll look back on this and call it a learning experience.
  • PlanetoftheAtheists
    PlanetoftheAtheists Posts: 112
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    It's a good thing you kept your identity anonymous!!
    window-licker-kawaii-o.gif
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    It's a good thing you kept your identity anonymous!!
    window-licker-kawaii-o.gif

    This is mesmerizing.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    "Baby, my credit is horrible and only drags your's down. Why don't we keep my name off the mortgage, but still but a home we can barely afford with both our combined incomes?" Swami.jpg
    Wait... you're not cool with that?
    We need to talk.
    Oh were good. I have already begun preparing you "room".
    BuffaloBill.gif
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I work in mortgage. THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA.

    you are still the adult in this relationship (who's making the appointments with the lender even though it was HIS idea to buy a house?), and adults take responsibility. are you ready to take on a mortgage by yourself if this fails?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    Hey, just thought I'd pop back in to give you all an update.

    I'm not one to give up on things that easily, so the many cries to dump him fell on deaf ears. ;) Anyway, the day after posting this, I was sitting at work feeling sad and p*ssed off about the situation, so I wrote him an email telling him that we'd be talking about it that evening and basically telling him that I wanted some straight answers and that I didn't want to waste my time with someone who didn't love me.

    He came round later that night, sat next to me and poured his heart out. It turns out he DOES love me, but finds it difficult to say. I have no problem with this - I don't find it very easy to say either, but I pointed out to him that if he had merely answered with a yes when I asked him previously if he did, instead of his noncomittal 'I don't know what love means', I wouldn't have suffered 18 months of self-doubt. He apologised profusely for this. He then brought up the subject of moving in together and admitted that he kept putting off telling me that he wanted us to buy a place together. He told me that he was going to bring it up the previous weekend, talked himself out of it, then decided he'd bring it up at Christmas! I know he's a bit of a commitment-phobe, as organising anything over three weeks away freaks him out, but I know a lot of men like that.

    So, we are now looking for a place to buy together. I organised an appointment with a mortgage adviser and he definitely didn't seem like he wanted to run away, so things have definitely changed for the better.

    "Baby, my credit is horrible and only drags your's down. Why don't we keep my name off the mortgage, but still but a home we can barely afford with both our combined incomes?" Swami.jpg

    I lol'ed at this but luckily for OP his credit and income are a package deal. if they only use her credit/income it will only be what she can afford (mortgage banks require less than 45% total debt to income, sometimes up to 50 or 55 depending on program).
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    "Baby, my credit is horrible and only drags your's down. Why don't we keep my name off the mortgage, but still but a home we can barely afford with both our combined incomes?" Swami.jpg
    Wait... you're not cool with that?
    We need to talk.
    Oh were good. I have already begun preparing you "room".
    BuffaloBill.gif

    Good news for you is that I like to put the lotion on the skin...
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    Jeez, if this relationship isn't the definition of settling, I don't know what is. Read your post and pretend some stranger (or better yet, your best friend) wrote it. What would you tell them?
  • whatkatydidnext
    whatkatydidnext Posts: 17
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    I think you're all reading into this way too deeply. There's not a chance in hell I would jump into this if he had bad credit or clearly wasn't going to pay his way. I'm not an idiot.


    Anyway, I'll leave you all to it.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    I think you're all reading into this way too deeply. There's not a chance in hell I would jump into this if he had bad credit or clearly wasn't going to pay his way. I'm not an idiot.


    Anyway, I'll leave you all to it.
    It was over exaggerated to be humorous, However on a serious note... Living in Mommy's basement doesn't exactly reflect a lifestyle that would actually build ones credit. No credit IS bad credit. Either way, I really do wish you luck and everyone here seems as well regardless the method of delivery.
  • webbeyes
    webbeyes Posts: 105 Member
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    Hey, just thought I'd pop back in to give you all an update.

    I'm not one to give up on things that easily, so the many cries to dump him fell on deaf ears. ;) Anyway, the day after posting this, I was sitting at work feeling sad and p*ssed off about the situation, so I wrote him an email telling him that we'd be talking about it that evening and basically telling him that I wanted some straight answers and that I didn't want to waste my time with someone who didn't love me.

    He came round later that night, sat next to me and poured his heart out. It turns out he DOES love me, but finds it difficult to say. I have no problem with this - I don't find it very easy to say either, but I pointed out to him that if he had merely answered with a yes when I asked him previously if he did, instead of his noncomittal 'I don't know what love means', I wouldn't have suffered 18 months of self-doubt. He apologised profusely for this. He then brought up the subject of moving in together and admitted that he kept putting off telling me that he wanted us to buy a place together. He told me that he was going to bring it up the previous weekend, talked himself out of it, then decided he'd bring it up at Christmas! I know he's a bit of a commitment-phobe, as organising anything over three weeks away freaks him out, but I know a lot of men like that.

    So, we are now looking for a place to buy together. I organised an appointment with a mortgage adviser and he definitely didn't seem like he wanted to run away, so things have definitely changed for the better.


    Worst. Idea. Ever.
  • gmthisfeller
    gmthisfeller Posts: 779 Member
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    I would be walkin' away; but that's just me.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
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    djeffreys10 wrote: »
    Um...you are dating a 38 year old man (I use that word loosely) that lives with mommy and daddy. If this doesn't tell you everything you need to know about the relationship, you are beyond help. Have fun with that.

    Sounds like he is a grown man with the mentality of a two year old, you can do better... so do it.

  • trish2016
    trish2016 Posts: 156 Member
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    Dump him ! he still lives with his parents, doesn't pay bills or contribute in anyway and has strung you along for 5 years. He's not the type of man that can give you stability or a healthy partnership.
    Get rid and you will in time meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve and show what its really like to be in a healthy loving relationship.

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