Is he hitting on me??
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(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)
You don't know if this is relevant? Really?
Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"
I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.
This. Time to stop 'hanging out' with this individual.
If you are truly uncomfortable stop dropping by his place alone.0 -
yep hes a guy and yep you were pretty good^^
either one of two things will stop this, either you set him straight or your husband will, take your pick ^_^0 -
I think you have to decide whether your continued ego boost with your friend is worth upsetting your marriage, or if your marriage is worth ending your friendship.
I understand what you're saying, and I agree, but you are completely missing the point of this thread. (See thread title)
I'm literate, thank you.
And yes. He is. You appear to be very interested in spending time alone with him, so I'm not surprised that he is.0 -
To be perfectly honest I think you like playing this game. You've been with him, and really the oldest excuse in the book is that you were drunk. So you think that makes it ok? excusable? Once you've been with a guy they are ALWAYS going to think about it. Frankly I think you like the attention he gives you and you tell yourself it is innocent because your husband knows. I doubt that you husband really knows the extent of your putting out signals or he wouldn't be so cool with it.
Bottom line if you are uncomfortable STOP playing the little game you got going with him, easy as pie.0 -
To be perfectly honest I think you like playing this game. You've been with him, and really the oldest excuse in the book is that you were drunk. So you think that makes it ok? excusable? Once you've been with a guy they are ALWAYS going to think about it. Frankly I think you like the attention he gives you and you tell yourself it is innocent because your husband knows. I doubt that you husband really knows the extent of your putting out signals or he wouldn't be so cool with it.
Bottom line if you are uncomfortable STOP playing the little game you got going with him, easy as pie.
If I truly liked it, why would I have taken the time to write the novel that was the OP? Why wouldn't I have just let it continue without saying a word?
You have strange reasoning skills. But thank you for your input.0 -
If you're not into him then just cut him off...stop responding to texts, stop running to his house, just stop.
I don't know why it's taking over 100 posts to come to this conclusion.0 -
(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)
You don't know if this is relevant? Really?
Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"
I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.
This. Time to stop 'hanging out' with this individual.
If you are truly uncomfortable stop dropping by his place alone.
this
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He may know that you are not interested and that you are faithful to your husband, but he is trying to put it to the test. You are for sure sending mixed signals (not intentionally I believe but that doesn't change the fact that you aren't exactly acting like a happily married woman), and it doesn't help that when he acts in a suggestive way (whether intentionally or not) rather than being completely clear you either discard it or seem to encourage it. I can guarantee laughing it off or ignoring it makes the guy think "hmm, she didn't send me that pic, but she didn't get mad either. She didn't lay down the law, I think she likes the attention but feels guilty. Maybe this just requires a little more work. If she were completely satisfied at home she wouldn't be coming to see me so much".
Your husband trusts you because he trusts you will enforce whatever boundaries you guys have agreed on. If you are not actually enforcing them with other men, just enjoying the attention, not telling them to stop, and hoping things won't go to far or that you'll be able to handle it when you do you're abusing your husband's trust. You are lucky your husband is so confident, he might be more hurt than you think and just playing it cool. How would you feel if the situations were reversed and a female friend of your husbands were acting this way? Or if your husband had asked towards another woman friend the way your guy friend did? How would you want that situation to play out?
Two things to consider. This guy, if he is trying to make something happen, is a scumbag. He doesn't respect your marriage or your husband. And if you think about it, he isn't really a friend that respects you. He either thinks you are so insecure about yourself that you will cheat or need his attention, or that your morals are so low that you would cheat. Do you really want a "friend" that views you that way? You can do better... the world is full of potential friends. Ditch him, raise your standards, and find someone who is a true friend with some character.
If he has no intentions of making something happen and just accidentally crossed a boundary or said something that was taken the wrong way, it is your job to set the record straight immediately. Even if it doesn't bother you if he asked you for a pic, his intentions need to be known, and you need to make it perfectly clear that any type of behavior like this isn't welcome and will never, ever be returned. Something like "I don't know what you mean, but I'm not sending you any pics ever. Don't ask again, friends don't do that." or "If you want a picture of me you can ask my husband for one. If you meant anything else, it's inappropriate and I don't like it." would be pretty clear that you are serious about it. Once that is done if it ever happens again you know for sure it is intentionally inappropriate (since now he explicitly knows the bounds), and it should be easy to cut him out of your life. He also needs to know that you share everything with your husband (and then you actually have to share everything with your husband, and not hide the stuff you think might make him upset). People tend to get a lot more bold when they believe their actions are in secret.
My general rule is that I should not say or do anything with a woman that I wouldn't say or do in front of my wife, and I expect the same from her. Would your husband be ok if this guy walked into your house and in front of him asked for pics or for you to go to this burlesque show? Or do you think your friend would behave differently? Because a true friend would treat you the same way in front of your husband as he does when you are alone or when he thinks your husband will never see the texts he sends you. If he acts all flirty alone or in texts, but then just acts formal or like a buddy in public or when your husband is around, then he is just behaving himself when he thinks he'll get caught.
^^ Best post I have ever read.
OP, I would not have turned up on said "friends" door for a glass of water and to watch a TV show after the earlier pic/SMS. I think that is absolutely sending a message and it's not one of mere friendship. You have stated he is a player, makes your skin crawl, so I'm not really sure why you are hanging out this guy.
Next time, rather than run to his place for a glass of water and get a lift home, run half way, turn around and run home and have a glass of water in your own home, where your husband and child are. Cherish what you have.0 -
Be upfront and honest with him. If he is a friend he will fix the issue. If he has issues with it, he is not a friend.0
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If you're not into him then just cut him off...stop responding to texts, stop running to his house, just stop.
I don't know why it's taking over 100 posts to come to this conclusion.
Lol, it's not, I promise. I made THAT decision four responses in.
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Yes, he's trying.
And yes, you're sending mixed signals.0 -
He is pushing you to the limit to see if you fall for his games. I suggest stay away from him because he is trying to tempt you to make another mistake with him and ruin your marriage. He is probably getting the wrong idea because you go running with him and you stop by his house to hang out with him when you should be home with your husband instead. I suggest maybe you shouldn't be around him that much anymore and limit your texting with him.0
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On a side note, I really despise it when women refer to themselves as 'skanks' just because they had a one-night stand. :huh:
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^^^ THAT ^^^ :grumble:0 -
Update OP? Have u talked to him again?0
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Update OP? Have u talked to him again?
Update:
OP sent the guy another ":p" face after he made an inappropriate comment, again.
OP's friend assumed that meant he was going to get laid, again.
OP's friend shows up at OP's house, OP wasn't as receptive to him as he had planned..
OP's friend asks OP if his new Cologne smells anything like Chloroform..
OP responds: "N...."
OP is carried out of the house through the front door.
OP's husband happens to be coming home, they meet in the drive way as OP is being carried out.
OP's husband asks what's going on.
OP's friend tells OP's husband that OP accidentally came in contact with Chloroform, and he's bringing OP to his house.
OP's husband says.. "Well... Alright" This seems harmless enough...
OP is currently being given a tour of the shrine that was created for OP, in 2006.
OP is not going to be updating this thread.
Stay safe OP.0 -
If I truly liked it, why would I have taken the time to write the novel that was the OP? Why wouldn't I have just let it continue without saying a word?
maybe because you like the drama of him/you/husband dynamics?
maybe because you like the drama & attention of 8+ pages of postings?0 -
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Way overreacting. Asking for a pic means he's hitting on you? May not have been meant for you, and hell, I have pics of my friends. Doesn't mean I'm trying to bang them. Also, as for the hot blonde? How do you know hot blonde wasn't one of the coworkers he was already going with?
If he's such a good friend, why would you not ask him these simple questions, instead of just assuming he's trying to get in your bed? I honestly think you're the one with the issues here, not him.0 -
Way overreacting. Asking for a pic means he's hitting on you? May not have been meant for you, and hell, I have pics of my friends. Doesn't mean I'm trying to bang them. Also, as for the hot blonde? How do you know hot blonde wasn't one of the coworkers he was already going with?
If he's such a good friend, why would you not ask him these simple questions, instead of just assuming he's trying to get in your bed? I honestly think you're the one with the issues here, not him.
looks like OP's friend just found the thread.
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Sounds like the one night meant more to him. And now that you are talking, he is testing the waters. Honestly though, calling him, stopping by to watch a show, and get a drink of water, to me you are doing a little flirting yourself, whether intended or not. And sounds like he is trying to see if you are or not.
Absolutely^^
He's just following up on what he sees as a few clear signals of interest. If as you say, he "makes your skin crawl", then I'm really wondering why you stopped by at his house for a drink of water and to watch a show. That's certainly not a move that telegraphs "I think you are a creep."
I don't think he makes you feel as uncomfortable as you claim he does. Your actions toward him certainly don't show that.
Sorry for not being clearer--the idea of getting with him makes my skin crawl. Not him in general. He's a nice guy and we've been friends for a really long time. It would be like getting it on with my brother. :sick:
Didn't you already bang him once? Eww.
In the very beginning of our friendship, yes. When I was plastered drunk. PLASTERED. P L A S T E R E R D .
Did you ever bang an actual relative when you were similarly P L A S T E R E D? Cause that would really support your argument that you see him like a brother.0
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