The thread where people give really bad running advice!

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  • robbienjill
    robbienjill Posts: 456 Member
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    Drinking lots of wine pre race is defiantly going to help your endurance!
  • lgrix
    lgrix Posts: 160 Member
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    Do the race with several friends and be sure to run side by side. Don't forget to stop often, without warning on the course and take pictures, no need to go to the side of the road.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    Always run at maximum pace, regardless of race distance. Pacing yourself is for p*ssies.
  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
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    Taco Bell and a glass of metamucil is the best pre-race meal!

    Nice - wash it down with a couple pots o' coffee and you're good to go!

    Don't forget to have a good white castle with the Taco Bell
  • davemunger
    davemunger Posts: 1,139 Member
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    You're running your first 5K? Don't worry, you got this!

    The first thing you need to know is that other runners won't respect you unless you talk a LOT of smack. Walk up to the thinnest, fittest-looking guy and tell them you're faster than their mama, that your granddad could beat them wearing Air Jordans.

    Make sure you dress the part: Head-to-toe cotton sweats bearing the logo of your favorite football team. That will show your competitors you mean business.

    Don't be a loser and pin your race number to the front of your singlet. Pin it on your *kitten* like a pro! And be sure to rip that computer chip right off the bib. Only newbies leave the chip on their bibs!

    Make sure to wear a full hydration belt, or better yet, a hydration pack. You'll need to drink at least two liters of water to get through a 5K.

    As the race start approaches, make sure to do plenty of static stretches. Do ten to fifteen toe-touches, holding them for at least 60 seconds each. Whatever you do, don't do a warm-up jog. Running two miles at an easy pace before the race will only wear you out!

    After the race, if you don't win it outright, make sure to complain to the person handing you the water bottles at the end. They are almost certainly NOT a volunteer and are in fact the person in charge of the entire event. Tell them your Garmin measured the course at 3.12 miles, and if the course was accurate, you would have won for sure!

    Whatever you do, DON'T enjoy yourself. Racing a 5K is serious business, and only losers finish with a smile on their face. If you don't feel like crap after the race, you clearly aren't doing it right.

    After you're done, make sure to talk loudly with your friends during the awards ceremony, and don't applaud the efforts of your fellow runners. It's uncool to give props to other runners who did a good job in the race.

    Finally, as you drive out of the parking lot, don't keep your eyes out for other runners. It's their job to stay out of the way of the cars. You're doing them a favor by keeping them on their toes!

    Great job, runner!
  • jeffrodgers1
    jeffrodgers1 Posts: 991 Member
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    Your first ever fitness/running goal should be to complete a marathon ...

    Ummm... I actually did this. :noway:
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    Eat plenty of refried beans beforehand
  • jeffrodgers1
    jeffrodgers1 Posts: 991 Member
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    Minimal shoes should only be worn on race day. Train with crappy old motion control shoes to save wear and tear.

    Oh and Double the distance of your Long Slow Distance runs on a weekly basis.
  • eatmindfully
    eatmindfully Posts: 93 Member
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    For long distance runs, don't drink any liquids or you will have to stope and pee. If you feel you must drink wear an adult diaper just in case. You don't want to lose any time (eliminating waste)
  • jeffrodgers1
    jeffrodgers1 Posts: 991 Member
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    Your first ever fitness/running goal should be to complete a marathon ...

    Ummm... I actually did this. :noway:

    In 11 months...
  • KellyOnlySmaller
    KellyOnlySmaller Posts: 42 Member
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    Shoes are HIGHLY overrated. Check out Payless for any good deals, but don't pay more than $15 for your shoes.

    LMAO! This thread is making my night!
  • Nicholec2003
    Nicholec2003 Posts: 158 Member
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    Make sure you sign up for whichever race of your choice with at least 6 other people. Be sure to start at the very front and hold hands so that you span the width of the road so nobody can get by. Then....walk.....very......very....slowly.... And tell everyone who complains that you're in the way that they are rude and need to get over themselves because it's not about winning. :huh:
  • betterrunfaster
    betterrunfaster Posts: 32
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    Did we cover how sprinting is the best (esp for noobs because it's good to go out hard and super fast right away) because it makes you buff while long distance running will make you scrawny, flabby and without an *kitten*?
  • aarar
    aarar Posts: 684 Member
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    Your first ever fitness/running goal should be to complete a marathon ...

    Ummm... I actually did this. :noway:

    Me too :drinker:

    These are hilarious btw
  • ContraryMaryMary
    ContraryMaryMary Posts: 1,664 Member
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    On a crowded racecourse it is perfectly acceptable to stop suddenly and re-tie your shoelaces or stretch or drop to a walk, everyone will just run around you.

    If you're a slow runner or a walker it's perfectly ok to start at the front of the pack, especially if you're with your friends and want to run/walk three abreast.

    You're going to get hot and sweaty anyway so there no need to wash or wear deodorant any time in the 24 hours before the race.

    Make sure you have something in your pocket that jingles - keys or loose change, or both!

    While you're jammed in the race shute waiting for the starting gun it's perfect ok to fart - you're the guy who had vindaloo for dinner the night before, right?
  • betterrunfaster
    betterrunfaster Posts: 32
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    People love running with dogs, so bring all of yours.... especially to the REALLY large races. You'll make lots and lots of friends.

    i can't believe you forgot the most important point. Be sure you have all your dogs on a retractable leash and at the longest possible length at all times.
  • betterrunfaster
    betterrunfaster Posts: 32
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    Your first ever fitness/running goal should be to complete a marathon ...

    Ummm... I actually did this. :noway:

    Me too :drinker:

    These are hilarious btw

    Me too. I just didn't want to run to run shorter races cause i was 'supposed' to.
  • Linli_Anne
    Linli_Anne Posts: 1,360 Member
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    Save yourself a few dollars and trust the 16 year old whose voice hasn't quite changed wearing the referee sweater that *THOSE* are definitely the *BEST* shoes for running.
  • AlessisMore
    AlessisMore Posts: 179 Member
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    When the weather gets cool, you definitely want to dress in layers. A good plan is: start with a heavy cotton tshirt. You'll want a heavier cotton sweatshirt over that--something from Margaritaville will impress! And if it's really chilly(say, over 60*), add a cordoroy jacket. And don't forget the track pants!
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    I've had a foot problem near the base of my fifth metatarsal that started four days ago...and it started two days after my last run...so maybe everyone should just do what I've done for real...even though I thought I was being reasonable in my approach. *shrug*

    "They call me Mr. Glass. "

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