Santa!?!?! I hate the lie!
Replies
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It's pretending if you are playing a game, it's lying if you are passing it off as truth when it isn't.I am, actually. We have bonfires, and I spin poi, everyone gets sloshed, and no one talks about Santa. :laugh:
what about when your kids blow out the candles on their birthday cakes? do you tell them, "try to blow out all of your candles in one breath, but nothing will happen."?
Blowing out candles is a game (as in, see if you can get them in one breath!!! Yay, you did it!). We don't really talk about making wishes, because they can't conceptualize how a wish could be made true. We talk about things we want, or want to do, and we talk about making plans to make those things happen... but we don't sit around and wish for things.
What about children with imaginary friends? Are they told to stop the shenanigans?
If it were mine, I would make sure they knew it was imaginary. If they want to pretend, what do I care? We pretend the tooth fairy is real, but I am sure that she knows it is just pretend and she knows that I am the one pretending to be the tooth fairy. I'm not against imagination, I have a very active imagination myself; but I'm not going to tell them that a myth is real and get them to believe it, and then do things to reinforce the belief that it is a real thing (letters, gifts signed from Santa, milk and cookies, carrots for the reindeer).
Oh - it's pretending if you do it, and lying if anyone else does it?
It's all clear to me now. Thanks!0 -
You've got some stuff to work through.
The vast majority of children aren't going to be that traumatized by finding out about Santa. And out of the ones who are, I would imagine that the vast majority have way bigger issues that need to be addressed so that they don't go into their adult lives with strange misconceptions about lasting effects of being lied to about Santa.:frown:
I've already worked through all my past junk, thank you for your concern.
My opinion on the santa myth are not strange misconceptions; they are my perceptions of my reality. As a part of that, I prefer to keep reality apart from mythology. Many people do; they are atheists, and some agnostics.0 -
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
I don't see how explaining the difference between mythology and reality are depriving her of fantastic things.0 -
It's pretending if you are playing a game, it's lying if you are passing it off as truth when it isn't.I am, actually. We have bonfires, and I spin poi, everyone gets sloshed, and no one talks about Santa. :laugh:
what about when your kids blow out the candles on their birthday cakes? do you tell them, "try to blow out all of your candles in one breath, but nothing will happen."?
Blowing out candles is a game (as in, see if you can get them in one breath!!! Yay, you did it!). We don't really talk about making wishes, because they can't conceptualize how a wish could be made true. We talk about things we want, or want to do, and we talk about making plans to make those things happen... but we don't sit around and wish for things.
What about children with imaginary friends? Are they told to stop the shenanigans?
If it were mine, I would make sure they knew it was imaginary. If they want to pretend, what do I care? We pretend the tooth fairy is real, but I am sure that she knows it is just pretend and she knows that I am the one pretending to be the tooth fairy. I'm not against imagination, I have a very active imagination myself; but I'm not going to tell them that a myth is real and get them to believe it, and then do things to reinforce the belief that it is a real thing (letters, gifts signed from Santa, milk and cookies, carrots for the reindeer).
Oh - it's pretending if you do it, and lying if anyone else does it?
It's all clear to me now. Thanks!
She says she is 'sure' her child knows they are pretending. That doesn't sound exactly like they are clear on the subject of whether the Tooth Fairy is real or not.0 -
If it were mine, I would make sure they knew it was imaginary. If they want to pretend, what do I care? We pretend the tooth fairy is real, but I am sure that she knows it is just pretend and she knows that I am the one pretending to be the tooth fairy. I'm not against imagination, I have a very active imagination myself; but I'm not going to tell them that a myth is real and get them to believe it, and then do things to reinforce the belief that it is a real thing (letters, gifts signed from Santa, milk and cookies, carrots for the reindeer).
Oh - it's pretending if you do it, and lying if anyone else does it?
It's all clear to me now. Thanks!
No, it's pretending when everyone knows that it is pretending. It is a lie when you present it as the truth and do things to reinforce the lie as truth.0 -
She says she is 'sure' her child knows they are pretending. That doesn't sound exactly like they are clear on the subject of whether the Tooth Fairy is real or not.
Oh, I can clear that one up. I said "The tooth fairy is not real". She said "am I still going to get money for my tooth". I said "Yes, I am going to pretend to be the tooth fairy, get up while you are asleep, try to get your tooth without waking you up, and I'm going to leave some money in a pretty little pouch". She said ok.
The next morning, "See my money from the tooth fairy?" Whispers to me "you really put it there, but we're pretending the tooth fairy did".0 -
I am, actually. We have bonfires, and I spin poi, everyone gets sloshed, and no one talks about Santa. :laugh:
what about when your kids blow out the candles on their birthday cakes? do you tell them, "try to blow out all of your candles in one breath, but nothing will happen."?
Blowing out candles is a game (as in, see if you can get them in one breath!!! Yay, you did it!). We don't really talk about making wishes, because they can't conceptualize how a wish could be made true. We talk about things we want, or want to do, and we talk about making plans to make those things happen... but we don't sit around and wish for things.
What about children with imaginary friends? Are they told to stop the shenanigans?
If it were mine, I would make sure they knew it was imaginary. If they want to pretend, what do I care? We pretend the tooth fairy is real, but I am sure that she knows it is just pretend and she knows that I am the one pretending to be the tooth fairy. I'm not against imagination, I have a very active imagination myself; but I'm not going to tell them that a myth is real and get them to believe it, and then do things to reinforce the belief that it is a real thing (letters, gifts signed from Santa, milk and cookies, carrots for the reindeer).
I REALLY hope that you never have a child with an imaginary friend, or if you do, I hope you'll consult their pediatrician before telling the child that their friend isn't real.:noway: Young children don't always understand the difference between visible, real or pretend. You want to talk about traumatizing a kid by telling them something they believe in isn't real? Tell them that the imaginary friend that they created in their own mind, isn't real. That's a pretty young age to start gaslighting.:ohwell: Besides, most kids with IFs know that they made them up - which is why they're so attached to them. They make them into exactly what they want and need.0 -
While I don't think this necessarily makes you a bad parent or that your children are abused in any way. I still feel terribly, terribly sorry for them.I am, actually. We have bonfires, and I spin poi, everyone gets sloshed, and no one talks about Santa. :laugh:
what about when your kids blow out the candles on their birthday cakes? do you tell them, "try to blow out all of your candles in one breath, but nothing will happen."?
Blowing out candles is a game (as in, see if you can get them in one breath!!! Yay, you did it!). We don't really talk about making wishes, because they can't conceptualize how a wish could be made true. We talk about things we want, or want to do, and we talk about making plans to make those things happen... but we don't sit around and wish for things.
What about children with imaginary friends? Are they told to stop the shenanigans?
If it were mine, I would make sure they knew it was imaginary. If they want to pretend, what do I care? We pretend the tooth fairy is real, but I am sure that she knows it is just pretend and she knows that I am the one pretending to be the tooth fairy. I'm not against imagination, I have a very active imagination myself; but I'm not going to tell them that a myth is real and get them to believe it, and then do things to reinforce the belief that it is a real thing (letters, gifts signed from Santa, milk and cookies, carrots for the reindeer).
Why?0 -
Okay now that the thread has rolled I feel safe in asking...Can you bring the extra presents that appear under your tree on Dec 25th to my house so they don't ruin the illusion for your child of truth? That's the only reason I'm asking. For the sake of your child. The only reason.
Extra presents? What are those? We used to have those back in the 80s, but not since the economy tanked.0 -
I was angry with my parents when I found out Santa was not real. Because I had been teased mercilessly in school about it, and my mother kept telling me he was real when I asked her. I feel I am a reasonably well adjusted adult now and don't still harbor active anger over the whole issue. Not like some other people I could name...
I resemble that remark, so I'd like to point out that I am not harboring anger over it, and have come to terms with all the crapiness that was my life back then.
My choice to not perpetuate the myth is based on my own experiences, but I don't walk around angry about it.
You WHAT the remark?
I can't even...0 -
So when your kids play pretend, do you shout at them, "STOP LYING YOU LITTLE LIARS!"
Dafuq? :laugh:
LMFAO :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Wondering how she feels about Disney World??? It's no deferent than Santa!!!
Well, to be honest, the difference is that when kids ask their parents if Ariel (or mermaids) are real, the parents generally don't lie and say, "Yes, sweetie, if not for Disney, there would be no happiness." :laugh: :laugh: (Thus causing embarrassment at school when this is repeated to classmates)0 -
I think parents like these are the coolest. They foster their kids imagination instead of squashing it:
http://www.quickmeme.com/p/3vpa2h
I love that!0 -
I REALLY hope that you never have a child with an imaginary friend, or if you do, I hope you'll consult their pediatrician before telling the child that their friend isn't real.:noway: Young children don't always understand the difference between visible, real or pretend. You want to talk about traumatizing a kid by telling them something they believe in isn't real? Tell them that the imaginary friend that they created in their own mind, isn't real. That's a pretty young age to start gaslighting.:ohwell: Besides, most kids with IFs know that they made them up - which is why they're so attached to them. They make them into exactly what they want and need.
I wouldn't talk to a pediatrician, I would talk to a specialist if I was concerned about it. Most children know that their imaginary friends are not real, so I would ask, and only if she persisted that it were real, would I consult a psychologist.
Gaslighting is not telling a kid something they believe is not real... Gaslighting is trying to convince someone that reality is not real, ie, trying to make someone think they are crazy.0 -
The lesson is that the world is limited and limiting. She can pretend all she wants, but she can never really have it.
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
I don't see how explaining the difference between mythology and reality are depriving her of fantastic things.
So very sad.
And you are so caught up in denying those things, you don't even comprehend the meaning of the word "fantastic."0 -
She says she is 'sure' her child knows they are pretending. That doesn't sound exactly like they are clear on the subject of whether the Tooth Fairy is real or not.
Oh, I can clear that one up. I said "The tooth fairy is not real". She said "am I still going to get money for my tooth". I said "Yes, I am going to pretend to be the tooth fairy, get up while you are asleep, try to get your tooth without waking you up, and I'm going to leave some money in a pretty little pouch". She said ok.
The next morning, "See my money from the tooth fairy?" Whispers to me "you really put it there, but we're pretending the tooth fairy did".
OK. Then I'm not sure why you stated 'I'm sure she knows we are pretending.' But I'll let it go. But I do wonder why even bother with the tooth fairy at all? I find your exchange with your daughter to be quite sad really. But maybe that is just me.0 -
I was angry with my parents when I found out Santa was not real. Because I had been teased mercilessly in school about it, and my mother kept telling me he was real when I asked her. I feel I am a reasonably well adjusted adult now and don't still harbor active anger over the whole issue. Not like some other people I could name...
I resemble that remark, so I'd like to point out that I am not harboring anger over it, and have come to terms with all the crapiness that was my life back then.
My choice to not perpetuate the myth is based on my own experiences, but I don't walk around angry about it.
You WHAT the remark?
I can't even...
I resemble that remark... meaning, I felt that the comment was directed at me, but that it may not have been as the poster did not name anyone. Therefore, I felt my posts could resemble the person she was talking about, and answered it for myself.0 -
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
While I don't think this necessarily makes you a bad parent or that your children are abused in any way. I still feel terribly, terribly sorry for them.
Well, I'm confused as to why... She gets terribly excited for lost teeth, and she gets excited that I get to pretend to be the tooth fairy... She gets excited when we play dress-up and wear tiaras and she gets to be the princess, and sometimes I'm the queen and sometimes I'm her forest creature friend... We just have a very clear line between reality and make believe. There's nothing to feel sorry for...
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
To me, that sounds like a religious person "feeling sorry" for a child who isn't forced to go to Sunday School and learn Bible stories.0 -
I was angry with my parents when I found out Santa was not real. Because I had been teased mercilessly in school about it, and my mother kept telling me he was real when I asked her. I feel I am a reasonably well adjusted adult now and don't still harbor active anger over the whole issue. Not like some other people I could name...
I resemble that remark, so I'd like to point out that I am not harboring anger over it, and have come to terms with all the crapiness that was my life back then.
My choice to not perpetuate the myth is based on my own experiences, but I don't walk around angry about it.
You WHAT the remark?
I can't even...
Groucho Marx said it, among others.0 -
The lesson is that the world is limited and limiting. She can pretend all she wants, but she can never really have it.
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
I don't see how explaining the difference between mythology and reality are depriving her of fantastic things.
So very sad.
I still don't see what is sad. The world is an amazing and magnificent place, without some fat dude in a sleigh.0 -
I was angry with my parents when I found out Santa was not real. Because I had been teased mercilessly in school about it, and my mother kept telling me he was real when I asked her. I feel I am a reasonably well adjusted adult now and don't still harbor active anger over the whole issue. Not like some other people I could name...
I resemble that remark, so I'd like to point out that I am not harboring anger over it, and have come to terms with all the crapiness that was my life back then.
My choice to not perpetuate the myth is based on my own experiences, but I don't walk around angry about it.
You WHAT the remark?
I can't even...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=I+Resemble+That+Remark0 -
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I think parents like these are the coolest. They foster their kids imagination instead of squashing it:
http://www.quickmeme.com/p/3vpa2h
I love that!
Those parents have too much time on their hands! :laugh:0 -
To me, that sounds like a religious person "feeling sorry" for a child who isn't forced to go to Sunday School and learn Bible stories.
Wow, you just really excel at the flame baiting, don't you?0 -
Because you lack true imagination.
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
While I don't think this necessarily makes you a bad parent or that your children are abused in any way. I still feel terribly, terribly sorry for them.
Well, I'm confused as to why... She gets terribly excited for lost teeth, and she gets excited that I get to pretend to be the tooth fairy... She gets excited when we play dress-up and wear tiaras and she gets to be the princess, and sometimes I'm the queen and sometimes I'm her forest creature friend... We just have a very clear line between reality and make believe. There's nothing to feel sorry for...
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
To me, that sounds like a religious person "feeling sorry" for a child who isn't forced to go to Sunday School and learn Bible stories.0 -
The lesson is that the world is limited and limiting. She can pretend all she wants, but she can never really have it.
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
I don't see how explaining the difference between mythology and reality are depriving her of fantastic things.
So very sad.
And you are so caught up in denying those things, you don't even comprehend the meaning of the word "fantastic."
*scratching head*
Wow!0 -
She says she is 'sure' her child knows they are pretending. That doesn't sound exactly like they are clear on the subject of whether the Tooth Fairy is real or not.
Oh, I can clear that one up. I said "The tooth fairy is not real". She said "am I still going to get money for my tooth". I said "Yes, I am going to pretend to be the tooth fairy, get up while you are asleep, try to get your tooth without waking you up, and I'm going to leave some money in a pretty little pouch". She said ok.
The next morning, "See my money from the tooth fairy?" Whispers to me "you really put it there, but we're pretending the tooth fairy did".
OK. Then I'm not sure why you stated 'I'm sure she knows we are pretending.' But I'll let it go. But I do wonder why even bother with the tooth fairy at all? I find your exchange with your daughter to be quite sad really. But maybe that is just me.
We do it because she saw *several* cartoons and children's shows that said the tooth fairy is real. I had to explain that it isn't real. That was really confusing to her; why would the cartoons lie about something like that? She wanted the fun of discovering something under her pillow, so I said we could still do that.
She wanted the fun in it, we don't want to promote any myth as true. It was a happy medium. I don't see what is sad about it.0 -
I like it!
We took our kids to the mall Santa when they were babies and got their pictures taken. I just couldn't bring myself to tell a lie when they asked us for the truth.0 -
What is a "religious" person?
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
While I don't think this necessarily makes you a bad parent or that your children are abused in any way. I still feel terribly, terribly sorry for them.
Well, I'm confused as to why... She gets terribly excited for lost teeth, and she gets excited that I get to pretend to be the tooth fairy... She gets excited when we play dress-up and wear tiaras and she gets to be the princess, and sometimes I'm the queen and sometimes I'm her forest creature friend... We just have a very clear line between reality and make believe. There's nothing to feel sorry for...
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
To me, that sounds like a religious person "feeling sorry" for a child who isn't forced to go to Sunday School and learn Bible stories.0 -
To me, that sounds like a religious person "feeling sorry" for a child who isn't forced to go to Sunday School and learn Bible stories.
Wow, you just really excel at the flame baiting, don't you?
Sorry if my honesty is upsetting.0 -
Because you lack true imagination.
Of course she does because she gets things and they're milestones.
While I don't think this necessarily makes you a bad parent or that your children are abused in any way. I still feel terribly, terribly sorry for them.
Well, I'm confused as to why... She gets terribly excited for lost teeth, and she gets excited that I get to pretend to be the tooth fairy... She gets excited when we play dress-up and wear tiaras and she gets to be the princess, and sometimes I'm the queen and sometimes I'm her forest creature friend... We just have a very clear line between reality and make believe. There's nothing to feel sorry for...
But not allowing her to have something fantastic in her life is limiting. It's sad. She's missing so much and she doesn't even know it and probably never will.
To me, that sounds like a religious person "feeling sorry" for a child who isn't forced to go to Sunday School and learn Bible stories.
I guess so. Even though my parents told me half the gifts under the tree were from Santa, I'm just unimaginative. *sigh*0
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