Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?
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Yup. This explains me.
I'm still young (22) but I've always been the quiet, shy, and chubby girl. I had tons of stretch marks after puberty (literally. Everywhere. It's like a stretch mark heaven on my body). I didn't wear the most "Fashionable" clothes and I was teased and picked on alot.
Fast forward -31 pounds now, and I'm 142 pounds and wear a size 7/8 and yet I still feel unattractive. (140 was my goal weight but I've since dropped it to 130.) So far, I've lost my weight by adopting a vegetarian lifestyle so though my body is smaller, I still have the same awful shape. I'm just a smaller fat person in my book. I know exercise will help change that and I will start exercising... but as of right now, I'm lucky to get in two days a week. I even prefer to wear my bigger clothes on my now smaller body because I'm too scared to go shopping thinking that the smaller clothes won't actually fit me even though they probably will. For the longest, I was still wearing and still prefer to wear my size 11/13 jeans even as a size 7/8.
So honestly, the weight isn't the issue, it's all mental at this point. Losing weight just makes you realize what the real problem is.0 -
I'm having downtime and just making ME a priority again.
I think the last word of this quote is the telling one
those that don't feel they have changed or are still dissatisfied NEVER made themselves a priority or cared very much for themselves.
those that do feel better felt good about themselves at some point before they started.
Well that's my theory anyway0 -
I like your theoryI'm having downtime and just making ME a priority again.
I think the last word of this quote is the telling one
those that don't feel they have changed or are still dissatisfied NEVER made themselves a priority or cared very much for themselves.
those that do feel better felt good about themselves at some point before they started.
Well that's my theory anyway
and I agree with it, when I'm too hard on myself, I beat myself up and feel like I've failed. Failed what? a meal, a snack, a moment in time? I I gotta remember it's OK not to be perfect!! I have a hard time with that... working on it though! Because really? When it comes to it, there is no such thing as perfect.. and it's making me so weary trying.:blushing:
I think freeing myself from the prison I've made of feeling I need to do everything perfectly, might just free me up to be myself and help me to relax and do the best I can.
I want to NOT feel ugly/self hatred/low self esteem, when I reach certain goals, so I'm working on that now.... for us to work so very hard on our workouts, changing up our foods etc... we're worth it, gotta love ourselves to keep it going, hating on ourselves definitely won't get us where we want be.
Hearts
xo
I wonder if we thought of it like this... Would we dare talk to a friend or even a stranger the way we talk to ourselves or think of ourselves. Not likely... wonder if thinking in this mode might help? I'll keep this in my mind and give it a shot!Yup. This explains me.
I'm still young (22) but I've always been the quiet, shy, and chubby girl. I had tons of stretch marks after puberty (literally. Everywhere. It's like a stretch mark heaven on my body). I didn't wear the most "Fashionable" clothes and I was teased and picked on alot.
Fast forward -31 pounds now, and I'm 142 pounds and wear a size 7/8 and yet I still feel unattractive. (140 was my goal weight but I've since dropped it to 130.) So far, I've lost my weight by adopting a vegetarian lifestyle so though my body is smaller, I still have the same awful shape. I'm just a smaller fat person in my book. I know exercise will help change that and I will start exercising... but as of right now, I'm lucky to get in two days a week. I even prefer to wear my bigger clothes on my now smaller body because I'm too scared to go shopping thinking that the smaller clothes won't actually fit me even though they probably will. For the longest, I was still wearing and still prefer to wear my size 11/13 jeans even as a size 7/8.
So honestly, the weight isn't the issue, it's all mental at this point. Losing weight just makes you realize what the real problem is.
Also I love this "Random kindness" (thanks Moya!!!!:happy: ) to OURSELVES as well as others!
Each of us is SO worth it, we accept kindness and realize through others that maybe we aren't so bad after all. Now for us to learn to reach inside and tell ourselves that. :flowerforyou:
As I'm typing this... I'm trying to instill it inside my own brain/heart. I'm not there yet but this thread really helps me remember the importance of working on it along the way. I think of it as a process, same as swapping out foods, staying faithful to signing in on MFP, getting my workouts in...etc.
Perhaps the phrase "fake it till we make it" might be helpful if we don't feel like we look like we thought we would at a certain weight/time frame. We are so hard on ourselves... I'll jump in and be the first to say... I'd never talk nor think about another the way I do when I am in a bad place... how dare I even consider doing that to myself?
For those that feel good about yourselves... what does your self talk consist of? Can you help out some of the rest of us in what you say to yourself? I'd love to hear and maybe it'd help me get started and make me a bit stronger in that.0 -
I have lost a lot of weight too, and still feel ugly, but in a completely different way.
I gained an enormous amount of weight in my senior year of high school. Towards the end, I weighed 220 pounds--my heaviest to date--and was heavy all throughout college. I absolutely hated being that heavy and typically avoided mirrors at all costs. To make matters worse, my younger sister (who has always been the prettier, more outgoing & confident sister) put me down mercilessly about my looks and weight and made me feel like crap. Of course, men avoided me like the plague and rarely spoke to me. I didn't even have a single friend in college. (My high school friends all went to separate colleges.)
A couple of years ago (2008?), I got fed up after seeing myself naked in a mirror and decided to lose weight. I thought that if i lost all the weight, men might actually notice me and flirt with me. Boy, was I wrong! In May 2013, I went to a nutritionist to see if she could help me lose some weight. (My weight crept up the past year into the 130's and I felt like a change.) It was a major success! I managed to get down into the 110's. This is a healthy weight for me--I am a 29-year-old, medium-boned, 5'2" woman. Out of curiosity, I decided to go shopping for a bikini (just to see if one would look go on me yet). While I do not have a smoking hot body (which I wish I had), I think I can pull one off pretty well.
All in all, I have lost over 100 pounds (currently 116) and dropped 11 pants sizes (from a 24 to a 2).
While I am a lot thinner than before, I wish that I had a smoking hot body at times. The problem is while men do actually acknowledge my existence now, all they ever do is check me out. I'm sure some of you may say that that actually qualifies as attention, but not to me. Or you might say that I should just hold out hope for something good to come along. Well, I have been waiting--albeit not patiently--for years (plus the last 2 1/2 years) for men to notice me. But that has not happened. All they ever do is check me out. That is it.
I have never been hit on in my entire life--including online. The only guy that has ever flirted with me is my ex-boyfriend whom I broke up with a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I didn't start dating until I was 25 and it lasted a little under a year. He is also the only boyfriend I have ever had.
The main reason I feel ugly is due to the fact that men ignore me. I know I should feel attractive and confident after losing all that weight, but I don't. Sometimes it feels like I lost all the weight for absolutely nothing! who knows? Maybe I'm just not attractive in the first place, and that's why men ignore me. Or maybe they just ignore me because I'm shy? I hate being ignored and I hate feeling this way.
I have even gone out and bought new clothes that flatter my figure and tried changing my hair color. Despite my thin figure, I am quite curvy with an hourglass shape and an ample bosom. I get a lot of compliments on my auburn hair, but only from female friends or relatives. What is going on?0 -
I honestly don't have a clue, you're a good looking woman.0
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I am terrified that if I lose the weight I'll have extra skin. If I'm going to have extra skin I'd rather be plump because I'm not ugly, I just don't look good naked lol. But, I've lost weight in the past so I know that I will be happy once my double chin disappears lol.0
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I have lost a lot of weight too, and still feel ugly, but in a completely different way.
I gained an enormous amount of weight in my senior year of high school. Towards the end, I weighed 220 pounds--my heaviest to date--and was heavy all throughout college. I absolutely hated being that heavy and typically avoided mirrors at all costs. To make matters worse, my younger sister (who has always been the prettier, more outgoing & confident sister) put me down mercilessly about my looks and weight and made me feel like crap. Of course, men avoided me like the plague and rarely spoke to me. I didn't even have a single friend in college. (My high school friends all went to separate colleges.)
A couple of years ago (2008?), I got fed up after seeing myself naked in a mirror and decided to lose weight. I thought that if i lost all the weight, men might actually notice me and flirt with me. Boy, was I wrong! In May 2013, I went to a nutritionist to see if she could help me lose some weight. (My weight crept up the past year into the 130's and I felt like a change.) It was a major success! I managed to get down into the 110's. This is a healthy weight for me--I am a 29-year-old, medium-boned, 5'2" woman. Out of curiosity, I decided to go shopping for a bikini (just to see if one would look go on me yet). While I do not have a smoking hot body (which I wish I had), I think I can pull one off pretty well.
All in all, I have lost over 100 pounds (currently 116) and dropped 11 pants sizes (from a 24 to a 2).
While I am a lot thinner than before, I wish that I had a smoking hot body at times. The problem is while men do actually acknowledge my existence now, all they ever do is check me out. I'm sure some of you may say that that actually qualifies as attention, but not to me. Or you might say that I should just hold out hope for something good to come along. Well, I have been waiting--albeit not patiently--for years (plus the last 2 1/2 years) for men to notice me. But that has not happened. All they ever do is check me out. That is it.
I have never been hit on in my entire life--including online. The only guy that has ever flirted with me is my ex-boyfriend whom I broke up with a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I didn't start dating until I was 25 and it lasted a little under a year. He is also the only boyfriend I have ever had.
The main reason I feel ugly is due to the fact that men ignore me. I know I should feel attractive and confident after losing all that weight, but I don't. Sometimes it feels like I lost all the weight for absolutely nothing! who knows? Maybe I'm just not attractive in the first place, and that's why men ignore me. Or maybe they just ignore me because I'm shy? I hate being ignored and I hate feeling this way.
I have even gone out and bought new clothes that flatter my figure and tried changing my hair color. Despite my thin figure, I am quite curvy with an hourglass shape and an ample bosom. I get a lot of compliments on my auburn hair, but only from female friends or relatives. What is going on?
I'm sure plenty of men hit on you, but you just don't notice. I have the same problem. I'm completely blind as to when people are hitting on me. Granted, it doesn't bother me much.
Overall the issue is that no man, woman, or anyone else will be able to make you happy with yourself. The only person who has the power to change your opinion of yourself is you. And I will tell you from experience, nothing is sexier than confidence. If a man is interested in you and starts talking to you and realizes you have really low self esteem, he's going to run the other way because that's not a problem he can fix. My suggestion would be to turn off the television, put down the magazine and look in the mirror and write down all the things you admire about yourself. Read that list every single day and add to it. Some of the most physically unappealing people I've ever seen are happily married with someone who thinks they are beautiful, surely a beautiful woman like yourself will be able to find the same happiness. But the first place you need to look for love is within yourself because if you don't love yourself you can't expect anyone else to love you in return.0 -
I tried to read through most of the replies to this thread to not sound repetitive in my post, but I'm in the same boat as you all are. Here are my 2 cents on this...
This is why it is important to focus on becoming well-balanced all around, not just in one area of life. Working toward a positive self-image is just as important as working toward a healthy, strong body. The latter definitely helps with the former, but without the former we are more likely to jump off the health & fitness wagon because we realize we are unhappy regardless of whether we are at our goal weight or not.
I've heard left and right people swearing by affirmations, maybe I'll give it a go in 2014... who knows.0 -
Well, do you have to wear skirts and dresses to get noticed? Or does it not matter? I have always been more of a tomboy/farmgirl, rather than a girly girl. So I have always worn pants out in public. I still do. They're just more comfortable. Plus, I don't really know how to style my own hair, so I don't. I normally just wear my long, wavy tresses down. I'm probably so-so and applying makeup, as well. Does this have anything to do with being ignored by men? Or no?0
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As someone who is also "ignored" by men, all I can tell you is:
1. You are not noticing the men who DO try to hit on you. You are missing eye contact, the attempt to start conversation and a million other subtle body language clues that the rest of the human population is clued in to, but you are completely oblivious to.
2. Because you do not notice and/or respond to body language in the traditional manner, you present as uninterested/hostile/taken and so men don't make the effort because they assume (incorrectly) that the will get shut down.
Sorry, might not be much help, but I do the same damn thing. The ironic part for me is I'm an animal behaviorist. I can read behavioral signals in any animal you put in front of me like they were talking to me in the same language, but put a human male trying to hit on me in front of me and it will be two weeks later before I realize what was actually happening.
I lucked out and found a man early on who can read past my socially inept exterior. He is constantly laughing his a** off at how clueless I am to the men around me....1 -
I have similar thoughts. I started a strict diet a few years ago because I'd piled on 20lb over the course of a year and wasn't happy about staring at my fat face in the mirror. I'd never been obese and no one would have considered me overweight. However, I had never been a looker and most likely never will be.
At the time, I thought 'well can't do anything about the face but I can work on the body'. I was at a low point emotionally and channeled all that into an aggressive exercise and diet programme. I honestly I wasn't expecting any male attention at the end. However, when I hit my goal weight and I got no more attention, it hit home the fact that the face really matters - and I still looked the same as ever.
If I am totally honest I don't think I'm ugly - I'd say I have a solidly average face. However when you are a 30 year old woman who has never had any male attention you do begin to wonder. It could be a personality thing, but I know that realistically looks are far more important.
Despite being reasonably educated and working in a fairly respected profession I still find myself derailed by this. What is the point in keeping to a strict diet and exercise regime if no one cares? In summer, I was able to eat and exercise well and build an enviable physique. Then I derailed. it was hard work and the rewards just weren't commensurate - no one was interested, it had no impact on my job and if anything was distracting me from my career goals. The only people I ever got compliments from were other women (usually about my figure - and made me very self-conscious).
I derailed massively in October and it's been downhill since. I am an emotional eater. I have almost certainly put on some weight (haven't weighed in in months). Again it seems to make no difference, except that now my abs have vanished and my face is fat again. But no one seems to notice or care so I find myself sinking further into comfort eating and midnight binging. On the bright side, the exercise regime has become an indispensable part of my life.
I've just had a much-needed holiday and I have resolved to be kinder to myself this year. To eat better (not to deprive myself), to train consistently (but not crazily) and to be less self-critical. I may never get any male attention in my life and that's just the way it is. I'll try to look at the advantages of being single instead of the constant 'woe is me' and 'I must be a freak' chorus that's been playing over the past few months0 -
When I was at my lowest weight this time around...25 lbs down, I had bad feelz. I made a thread about it. I'm not sure what that's about like insecurity or something but I would strongly suggest resolving mentally to just tough it out. I think time has to pass until you get used to it. That's my plan this time to just TOLERATE those feelings and then keep going. I still have a ways to go and am trying to have a plan to deal with weird feelings that might come up. I hope you can learn to see your healthy goals being achieved as more important than all the other things that might come up.0
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There are many days where I wonder if losing the weight was worth it. I lost about 80 lbs in about 10 months. I'm 5'9" and I'm down to 190 lbs(on a good day). Weight loss hasn't really made me any happier. I knew this was likely since I've read many articles explaining that this would be the case. I'm healthier. There is no denying it. Cholesterol levels are great and from a cardio perspective I'm doing awesome. I'm in more pain now than I was before the weight loss though. I weight lift and I do cardio. The weight lifting agitated an injury to my shoulders that happened shortly before the weight loss. Both shoulders have torn rotator cuffs. The tears aren't bad enough for surgery but they are bad enough to cause pain during certain movements. I had surgery on my left shoulder a few months ago to fix bone spurs on my clavicle. Good times. I know I look better than two years ago but I still see the fat pig in the mirror, probably because I'm still technically overweight. People tell me I shouldn't lose anymore or I'd be too skinny but they don't see the fat gut that my clothes hide. Does anyone else feel like weight loss has defined their life but not in a good way? I'm constantly thinking about my diet. What I should eat. How much more I should lose. What weight training or cardio I should try. It has consumed my life. Instead of simply being Don, I feel like Diet Don. Does that make sense?0
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I never thought of myself as ugly, even when I was at my highest weight. I was always the pretty fat girl in my mind I guess? I never had self loathing or body image issues and that is probably why I never saw the heavier me getting heavier, I just saw me. I was simply bigger than some and not as big as others. I do have to say that now that I have lost over 40lbs I notice things like my stomach is no longer that beer belly round, that I am starting to see some definition but that belly pouch is really pronounced. I think I notices things like that because I have herniated disk in my lower back and know that I can't do a typical sit-up to tighten that up, even though I know that there are many other was to tighten it up??? So I guess it is weird that weight loss makes me notice things I don't think I would have ever thought of before... hell I didn't think about my beer belly being so big but I am thinking about a pouch when it is smaller and I am becoming healthier??? Pure Craziness! I think we all see our reflections differently than what others see, we are our own worst enemies at times. Pretty doesn't come in with a size chart, Pretty comes from Happiness and Happiness is an inside job 0
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When I read posts like these on the last 8 pages, it breaks my heart!!! I think this is when we can take a look at the importance of body positivity, no matter what your size.
People who downgrade the obese, fat, or otherwise "not healthy" body positivity advocates should really look at the last few pages of downright horrible things that otherwise healthy human beings are saying about themselves. The mindset is I will get skinny and then I will love myself. I will lose 20 pounds and I will finally not have anxiety. I will fit into these jeans and my self-esteem will sky-rocket. Nope, nope, and NOPE!!! Its not your body that needs to be fixed it is your mindset. If you don't love YOU no matter what, nothing will change that!!!!
Please learn to love yourself and the skin you are in and the true happiness you are seeking will follow!!!
that last part sounds like a fortune cookie, but its true!!!2 -
When I read posts like these on the last 8 pages, it breaks my heart!!! I think this is when we can take a look at the importance of body positivity, no matter what your size.
People who downgrade the obese, fat, or otherwise "not healthy" body positivity advocates should really look at the last few pages of downright horrible things that otherwise healthy human beings are saying about themselves. The mindset is I will get skinny and then I will love myself. I will lose 20 pounds and I will finally not have anxiety. I will fit into these jeans and my self-esteem will sky-rocket. Nope, nope, and NOPE!!! Its not your body that needs to be fixed it is your mindset. If you don't love YOU no matter what, nothing will change that!!!!
Please learn to love yourself and the skin you are in and the true happiness you are seeking will follow!!!
that last part sounds like a fortune cookie, but its true!!!
I agree with you somewhat. I had terrible anxiety when I was 500 lbs. I was afraid to get out of the car to go into a store I never looked at my body but I knew at that weight that I was very big. After losing 200 lbs, I am obviously no where close to skinny. My legs are very large and I still have days when I look at myself and cry because I did this to my body. However, if I did not begin to teach myself to love myself then I would not have begun this weight loss journey. I actually liked parts of my body better when I was bigger. I cannot make myself look at my boobs. I do realize that I have to love my body no matter what and that is an ongoing challenge for me. The difference is, most days I go on about my business and I do not care what people think of me because they do not know me. Self love is a great thing. If it is not natural to you, it can take some work, but you can do it and so can I.0 -
Helping people to love themselves is a good thing. Teaching people that it is ok to be fat, truly fat, is not. There are health risks with being overweight. There is a big difference in my mind between fat shaming and trying to help people be healthy. When I was 270lbs I knew I was fat. I knew it wasn't healthy. I didn't need people to body shame me to know this. I also didn't want people to pretend it was ok for me to be a fat pig and live in denial of the associated health risks and impact to quality of life.1
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Oh I understand completely. I found out that I could hide behind the rolls. Now, not so much. So here I am, actually dealing with my feelings. Feelings are tougher than fitness, that's for sure...
I still am working on the whole "doing this for me" thing. I mean obviously I am, but I want people to notice and praise me. No one is really doing that (other than family) even though my progress is noticeable (see profile pic). Now I understand, oh people just don't want to make me feel good. Sad face
I don't have any good advice but wanted to share that you are not alone!0
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