Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?

tjthegreatone

I have similar thoughts. I started a strict diet a few years ago because I'd piled on 20lb over the course of a year and wasn't happy about staring at my fat face in the mirror. I'd never been obese and no one would have considered me overweight. However, I had never been a looker and most likely never will be.

At the time, I thought 'well can't do anything about the face but I can work on the body'. I was at a low point emotionally and channeled all that into an aggressive exercise and diet programme. I honestly I wasn't expecting any male attention at the end. However, when I hit my goal weight and I got no more attention, it hit home the fact that the face really matters - and I still looked the same as ever.

If I am totally honest I don't think I'm ugly - I'd say I have a solidly average face. However when you are a 30 year old woman who has never had any male attention you do begin to wonder. It could be a personality thing, but I know that realistically looks are far more important.

Despite being reasonably educated and working in a fairly respected profession I still find myself derailed by this. What is the point in keeping to a strict diet and exercise regime if no one cares? In summer, I was able to eat and exercise well and build an enviable physique. Then I derailed. it was hard work and the rewards just weren't commensurate - no one was interested, it had no impact on my job and if anything was distracting me from my career goals. The only people I ever got compliments from were other women (usually about my figure - and made me very self-conscious).

I derailed massively in October and it's been downhill since. I am an emotional eater. I have almost certainly put on some weight (haven't weighed in in months). Again it seems to make no difference, except that now my abs have vanished and my face is fat again. But no one seems to notice or care so I find myself sinking further into comfort eating and midnight binging. On the bright side, the exercise regime has become an indispensable part of my life.

I've just had a much-needed holiday and I have resolved to be kinder to myself this year. To eat better (not to deprive myself), to train consistently (but not crazily) and to be less self-critical. I may never get any male attention in my life and that's just the way it is. I'll try to look at the advantages of being single instead of the constant 'woe is me' and 'I must be a freak' chorus that's been playing over the past few months

MyChocolateDiet

When I was at my lowest weight this time around...25 lbs down, I had bad feelz. I made a thread about it. I'm not sure what that's about like insecurity or something but I would strongly suggest resolving mentally to just tough it out. I think time has to pass until you get used to it. That's my plan this time to just TOLERATE those feelings and then keep going. I still have a ways to go and am trying to have a plan to deal with weird feelings that might come up. I hope you can learn to see your healthy goals being achieved as more important than all the other things that might come up.

donemmel0126

There are many days where I wonder if losing the weight was worth it. I lost about 80 lbs in about 10 months. I'm 5'9" and I'm down to 190 lbs(on a good day). Weight loss hasn't really made me any happier. I knew this was likely since I've read many articles explaining that this would be the case. I'm healthier. There is no denying it. Cholesterol levels are great and from a cardio perspective I'm doing awesome. I'm in more pain now than I was before the weight loss though. I weight lift and I do cardio. The weight lifting agitated an injury to my shoulders that happened shortly before the weight loss. Both shoulders have torn rotator cuffs. The tears aren't bad enough for surgery but they are bad enough to cause pain during certain movements. I had surgery on my left shoulder a few months ago to fix bone spurs on my clavicle. Good times. I know I look better than two years ago but I still see the fat pig in the mirror, probably because I'm still technically overweight. People tell me I shouldn't lose anymore or I'd be too skinny but they don't see the fat gut that my clothes hide. Does anyone else feel like weight loss has defined their life but not in a good way? I'm constantly thinking about my diet. What I should eat. How much more I should lose. What weight training or cardio I should try. It has consumed my life. Instead of simply being Don, I feel like Diet Don. Does that make sense?

KelGen02

I never thought of myself as ugly, even when I was at my highest weight. I was always the pretty fat girl in my mind I guess? I never had self loathing or body image issues and that is probably why I never saw the heavier me getting heavier, I just saw me. I was simply bigger than some and not as big as others. I do have to say that now that I have lost over 40lbs I notice things like my stomach is no longer that beer belly round, that I am starting to see some definition but that belly pouch is really pronounced. I think I notices things like that because I have herniated disk in my lower back and know that I can't do a typical sit-up to tighten that up, even though I know that there are many other was to tighten it up??? So I guess it is weird that weight loss makes me notice things I don't think I would have ever thought of before... hell I didn't think about my beer belly being so big but I am thinking about a pouch when it is smaller and I am becoming healthier??? Pure Craziness! I think we all see our reflections differently than what others see, we are our own worst enemies at times. Pretty doesn't come in with a size chart, Pretty comes from Happiness and Happiness is an inside job

hope516

When I read posts like these on the last 8 pages, it breaks my heart!!! I think this is when we can take a look at the importance of body positivity, no matter what your size.

People who downgrade the obese, fat, or otherwise "not healthy" body positivity advocates should really look at the last few pages of downright horrible things that otherwise healthy human beings are saying about themselves. The mindset is I will get skinny and then I will love myself. I will lose 20 pounds and I will finally not have anxiety. I will fit into these jeans and my self-esteem will sky-rocket. Nope, nope, and NOPE!!! Its not your body that needs to be fixed it is your mindset. If you don't love YOU no matter what, nothing will change that!!!!

Please learn to love yourself and the skin you are in and the true happiness you are seeking will follow!!!

that last part sounds like a fortune cookie, but its true!!!

OhMsDiva

hope516 wrote: »

When I read posts like these on the last 8 pages, it breaks my heart!!! I think this is when we can take a look at the importance of body positivity, no matter what your size.

People who downgrade the obese, fat, or otherwise "not healthy" body positivity advocates should really look at the last few pages of downright horrible things that otherwise healthy human beings are saying about themselves. The mindset is I will get skinny and then I will love myself. I will lose 20 pounds and I will finally not have anxiety. I will fit into these jeans and my self-esteem will sky-rocket. Nope, nope, and NOPE!!! Its not your body that needs to be fixed it is your mindset. If you don't love YOU no matter what, nothing will change that!!!!

Please learn to love yourself and the skin you are in and the true happiness you are seeking will follow!!!

that last part sounds like a fortune cookie, but its true!!!

I agree with you somewhat. I had terrible anxiety when I was 500 lbs. I was afraid to get out of the car to go into a store I never looked at my body but I knew at that weight that I was very big. After losing 200 lbs, I am obviously no where close to skinny. My legs are very large and I still have days when I look at myself and cry because I did this to my body. However, if I did not begin to teach myself to love myself then I would not have begun this weight loss journey. I actually liked parts of my body better when I was bigger. I cannot make myself look at my boobs. I do realize that I have to love my body no matter what and that is an ongoing challenge for me. The difference is, most days I go on about my business and I do not care what people think of me because they do not know me. Self love is a great thing. If it is not natural to you, it can take some work, but you can do it and so can I.

donemmel0126

Helping people to love themselves is a good thing. Teaching people that it is ok to be fat, truly fat, is not. There are health risks with being overweight. There is a big difference in my mind between fat shaming and trying to help people be healthy. When I was 270lbs I knew I was fat. I knew it wasn't healthy. I didn't need people to body shame me to know this. I also didn't want people to pretend it was ok for me to be a fat pig and live in denial of the associated health risks and impact to quality of life.

GemstoneofHeart

Oh I understand completely. I found out that I could hide behind the rolls. Now, not so much. So here I am, actually dealing with my feelings. Feelings are tougher than fitness, that's for sure...
I still am working on the whole "doing this for me" thing. I mean obviously I am, but I want people to notice and praise me. No one is really doing that (other than family) even though my progress is noticeable (see profile pic). Now I understand, oh people just don't want to make me feel good. Sad face
I don't have any good advice but wanted to share that you are not alone!

Unknown

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