Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?

bushidowoman

I've just taken a photo (new main pic) and I've just burst out crying at how old and ugly I look. I hate myself and my appearance so much.

We can tell you all day long that you are not ugly, that there is nothing wrong with your looks, that you don't look old, and that you are fine the way you are. But if you don't believe these things about yourself, you won't believe us, either. I really hope you can find a professional to talk to about this. Life is too short; please don't waste years hating on yourself. You deserve happiness.

Shreddingit84

No, sorry bout that!

refuseresist

I didn't realise it was possible for people not to feel ugly!

Jestinia

I didn't realise it was possible for people not to feel ugly!

Well we are a rather disgusting species all things considered. Slime coming out our nose, worse things coming out of other places, bad breath, stinky pits, etc. and etc.. Really would love to complain to the designers, but it's more logical to believe the hot mess that is our species evolved randomly.

EvaStrange

@EvaStrange - what do you mean about not everybody having the same taste as me? Why would I want to have taste in myself? *confused*

I mean that just because judging by your own taste you find yourself ugly, doesn't mean you _are_ ugly, or disgusting. There is no such thing as _being_ ugly in a non-subjective way, only being unattractive to a given person. (Even thought the media and peer pressure are doing their best to make it otherwise.) You might find yourself unattractive, but I'm sure there are people out there with a different taste in men. Doesn't that thought give you a little bit of comfort?

As to why you would want to be "your type" – well, perhaps because then you wouldn't be as miserable as you sound now?

moya_rargh

I've just taken a photo (new main pic) and I've just burst out crying at how old and ugly I look. I hate myself and my appearance so much.

We can tell you all day long that you are not ugly, that there is nothing wrong with your looks, that you don't look old, and that you are fine the way you are. But if you don't believe these things about yourself, you won't believe us, either. I really hope you can find a professional to talk to about this. Life is too short; please don't waste years hating on yourself. You deserve happiness.

Do I deserve happiness? My life says otherwise. I may have lost weight but the opposite sex are still repulsed by me. I've lost a female friend and work colleague forever by falling for her. We were really good friends but the thought of me being attracted to her appalled her so much that she hasn't spoken to me in months and won't even engage with me professionally, either ignoring me or cutting me off in a brusque manner. It is soul destroying.

A friend of mine suggested online dating. It near enough killed my self esteem and the feedback that I received from there underlined how ugly I am and what women think of me because of it. Google 'plentyoffish km2971' That user actually told me off for not being good looking enough to message her to say hi.

I don't know. I am repulsive to women.....but at least I'm not fat anymore, I guess!

moya_rargh

@EvaStrange - what do you mean about not everybody having the same taste as me? Why would I want to have taste in myself? *confused*

I mean that just because judging by your own taste you find yourself ugly, doesn't mean you _are_ ugly, or disgusting. There is no such thing as _being_ ugly in a non-subjective way, only being unattractive to a given person. (Even thought the media and peer pressure are doing their best to make it otherwise.) You might find yourself unattractive, but I'm sure there are people out there with a different taste in men. Doesn't that thought give you a little bit of comfort?

As to why you would want to be "your type" – well, perhaps because then you wouldn't be as miserable as you sound now?

See my last post before this one, the reaction that I get proves that I am ugly.

Jestinia

@EvaStrange - what do you mean about not everybody having the same taste as me? Why would I want to have taste in myself? *confused*

I mean that just because judging by your own taste you find yourself ugly, doesn't mean you _are_ ugly, or disgusting. There is no such thing as _being_ ugly in a non-subjective way, only being unattractive to a given person. (Even thought the media and peer pressure are doing their best to make it otherwise.) You might find yourself unattractive, but I'm sure there are people out there with a different taste in men. Doesn't that thought give you a little bit of comfort?

As to why you would want to be "your type" – well, perhaps because then you wouldn't be as miserable as you sound now?

See my last post before this one, the reaction that I get proves that I am ugly.

No it doesn't, it just shows two women aren't interested in you romantically. There are several billion more of us. Your odds are pretty good. But you need to let the ones who aren't interested in you go. Especially the one who said you aren't good looking enough to message her. What a vain snot she must be, you should be happy you didn't have to find out about her the hard way.

mmm_drop

It takes time for the mind to catch up with the body.

Anxietea13

I've lost 15 pounds already. I've only been at this since August. I've gained so much muscle. But this haunts me all the time.
I can read inspiration stories, or look at old pictures of the huge me, then I look at myself in the mirror and go "Why should you be proud? You're still fat."

So you're not alone. I don't think it's healthy to be like that, but it happens.

SailorKnightWing

You sound like a middle school girl.

"Time to quit complainin' and up the trainin'"

kiwigal41

always

moya_rargh

You sound like a middle school girl.

"Time to quit complainin' and up the trainin'"

Don't judge me by your own standards, please. Compliments mean nothing, believe me. Do you have anything to offer other than sarcasm? Bear in mind that I attempted suicide over my appearance only months ago.

Briargrey

You do deserve happiness, but happiness should be internal and come from you and not come from how you feel others would accept you or only if certain external factors are met (i.e. I will be happy when I have a mate).

I used to go to a decent-sized gaming convention and there were a couple guys that always stood out - not bad-looking, but something about them set off my red flags. Then I realized it was because they came off entirely too desperate, eager to please, wanting someone, anyone, to want them. I felt terrible for them, but that neediness vibe was actually part of what kept them from getting what they wanted. You don't have to go full bore "don't care if she stays, lays, or prays" attitude, but life should be more about just being who you are, being comfortable and happy with yourself, and then these other things will fall into place eventually.

At the same convention, there were always a few women with the same problem, btw, this isn't limited to guys.

From some of your terms like "soul destroying," I think you may be putting too much heart into this. Relax, get happy with yourself, and realize that when it happens, it'll happen. Make it light, make it fun, don't worry about finding love or even lust. That sort of stuff happens organically eventually.

Also, maybe you need to find someone to talk to professionally? I know how hard it can be once you have worn your self-esteem down to a nub -- every personal interaction becomes difficult, and because it is difficult, it can be awkward for the other person, who then wants to disengage, and then it hurts you, and it cycles down from there. Finding a way to cycle back up is hard, but necessary and worth it, and sometimes talking to a professional is a great way to get there.

(Also - made the cardinal mistake of not reading the whole thread first, so if any of this is redundant...well...sorry)

tinacrane

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (at this time it would be: wrinkles, gray hair, and lose skin )
The courage to change the things I can ( Exercise more, eat better, wear flattering clothes, be a better, kinder person)
And the wisdom to know the difference ( I will never look or be that thin twenty year old again, nor be the 'center' of attention)

Working through the low self esteem my whole life. Now I finally understand that by not liking who I am or what I look like- I am literally telling my creator He made a mistake! God deserves a better and more productive me! The pain that began in my lonely neglectful childhood needs to be over and I now can move through life with my head held high, loving myself ( usually ) and especially loving others!!

:flowerforyou: Ask yourself:"What do I want to be remembered for?" " What is my legacy?"

SailorKnightWing

You sound like a middle school girl.

"Time to quit complainin' and up the trainin'"

Don't judge me by your own standards, please. Compliments mean nothing, believe me. Do you have anything to offer other than sarcasm?

Not really, since you seem to be deflecting just about everything everyone is suggesting. You were doing really well a couple of pages back, then you slid right back to "woe is me" on this one.

You were seeing a therapist. Then you stopped. Go back.

ILoveTheBrowns

girls hate me......i just keep thundering along 1 busch light at a time

Fridaklo77

You are not alone! WE should see this as a lifetime hobby - to take care of our health. We were all created differently but unique and have something to teach and learn. We are not ugly.... We are brave........for taking these steps to get our health back!

moya_rargh

You sound like a middle school girl.

"Time to quit complainin' and up the trainin'"

Don't judge me by your own standards, please. Compliments mean nothing, believe me. Do you have anything to offer other than sarcasm?

Not really, since you seem to be deflecting just about everything everyone is suggesting. You were doing really well a couple of pages back, then you slid right back to "woe is me" on this one.

You were seeing a therapist. Then you stopped. Go back.

Thanks O great one.

No, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Bad, bad couple of days. I had no right to react like that.

MayMaydoesntrun

I totally read this as "feet" ugly after losing weight...I was going to raise my hand seeing that running has done a number to mine.

JONZ64

Well yeah, but I'm Old and there's LOTS of Mileage on me :laugh:

Ashley_Panda

*Raises both hands*

TNM2014

Yes, This would be me. I started my journey at 268 pounds and to date I am 200.4 pounds. Although I know that I have to keep going to reach my goal, I also feel the need to stay here at 200 pounds because its familiar. Every time I get this close to onderland, I end up gaining weight and I am starting to accept that it is all mental. I am having a hard time accepting the new me and even buying clothes for my changing body. I have gone to thrift stores to purchase new uniforms and one pair of jeans but for some reason i'm afraid to tell anyone may new size. Glad to know that I am not alone.:brokenheart: :indifferent: :ohwell:

determined_erin

I forget I lost 90 lbs and see myself still that size. Then I look in the mirror and feel shocked every time. It's hard for me to grasp that I'm a healthy weight now. There are still flaws I see that I want to work on in 2014, but I have come a far way and need to remember that.

xombiebite

me but i have suspected BDD so thats something ill have to deal with through therapy

Blacklance36

Grow old gracefully but fight it every step of the way.

subsonicbassist

It really depends on the day... I definitely feel like I have made progress, eveyrone thinks I should be done and I that I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, but I still feel gross a lot of th time. Been at this weightloss thing for too long, need to finally get to maintenance and just chill for a bit lol! Being overweight for so long makes things seem agonizingly slow, but do I think I'm ugly... no. Do I think I would look a lot better if I finally dropped this weight? YES YES YES HELL YES

moya_rargh

me but i have suspected BDD so thats something ill have to deal with through therapy

Given that I'm looking into reconstructive surgery on my jaw/chin and 'non prescription supplements' to give me a more masculine physique I might have the same issue.

Anyway, as was advised on the last page, less complaining and more training. Gym time!

LVCeltGirl

I'm so glad to have found "my people". Yes, I have the same problem and am having to retrain my thought patterns to see the slowly thinning person in the mirror instead of my fat old self.

I read a post a month or so ago about avoiding pictures (due to how fat I saw myself as) and how disappointing that could be for my son later in life. Since that point, my therapy has been to allow my picture to be taken and to try and retrain myself to find the good things about the picture of me instead of picking it apart (like I used to do). So it's been little things like a recent selfie with my sister (I'd guess it was her selfie since it was her phone) and instead of picking it apart (even little things like my eyes are crossed or my smile isn't right), I chose to see that my face looked considerably thinner and I didn't have the "dreaded" double chin. Small steps but they'll turn larger as I keep practicing the "kudos" instead of the "cut downs" on myself!

sassyjae21

I've just taken a photo (new main pic) and I've just burst out crying at how old and ugly I look. I hate myself and my appearance so much.

We can tell you all day long that you are not ugly, that there is nothing wrong with your looks, that you don't look old, and that you are fine the way you are. But if you don't believe these things about yourself, you won't believe us, either. I really hope you can find a professional to talk to about this. Life is too short; please don't waste years hating on yourself. You deserve happiness.

Do I deserve happiness? My life says otherwise. I may have lost weight but the opposite sex are still repulsed by me. I've lost a female friend and work colleague forever by falling for her. We were really good friends but the thought of me being attracted to her appalled her so much that she hasn't spoken to me in months and won't even engage with me professionally, either ignoring me or cutting me off in a brusque manner. It is soul destroying.

A friend of mine suggested online dating. It near enough killed my self esteem and the feedback that I received from there underlined how ugly I am and what women think of me because of it. Google 'plentyoffish km2971' That user actually told me off for not being good looking enough to message her to say hi.

I don't know. I am repulsive to women.....but at least I'm not fat anymore, I guess!

You are not repulsive to women. Last time I checked, I was a woman, and I am not in the least repulsed by you. I hope you can talk to someone professional about how you feel. You don't deserve to feel so bad about yourself

As a matter of fact, no one I have seen on this post is even remotely repulsive, much less, ugly. I know how it is being hard on yourself. I am like that a lot . But like some others have said, I really don't think it's physical. Something else is going on, and I hope all of you (and me) can figure out what it is, work through it, and one day be comfortable and happy with ourselves.