Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?
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This is such a powerful topic. Title really does sum up the pain we all feel based on childhoods/years of teasing, bullying, self-loathing, and "mirror avoidance." When we choose to eat less, and hopefully healthier choices, allow our muscles to stretch and grow to support health, and our bodies physically change--our emotional center has a hard time catching up. But, just like we make daily choices to change the exterior, we need to change the interior as well.
This applies to boys/men, too, but I read a great article about how we as parents can stop feeding the body image issues in our daughters by changing how we praise them.
Instead of, "oh, you're so pretty!" Or "you are just cute as a button" or "you look gorgeous" we should try to say specific health centered praise--like, "your hair is so shiny and healthy!", "your legs are so strong and powerful from your sport" or "I am so impressed with how you carry yourself with poise at your recital" or "your friendly smile just lights up the room!"
I'll tell you, it takes conscious effort for me to think of specific praise instead of generic physical beauty praise for my darling daughter, but I sure hope she carries the subconscious memories of that instead of seeing herself as simply "pretty."
Long wind aside, perhaps we could all benefit from avoiding the pretty or handsome or fat or thin trap when looking in the mirror and make a conscious effort to tell ourselves positive statements that support our new lifestyle...
Proof that I need to work on positive self-praise? I can't think of anything right now to say nice about myself without feeling super hokey. Sigh. Baby steps...2 -
am on the same boat. Although i lost almost 20 pounds, half way to reach my goal, i still see my oldie in the mirror. My mind still hasn't accepted the change...0
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Yep, because losing weight doesn't automatically make me pretty/beautiful/sexy/etc.. The only way to change my ugliness is with surgery.
Don't you dare! 132lbs lost makes you a damn sight healthier!!0 -
I guess it all depends on how things progressed for you. I am back to the size I was in high school. It was in my 40s that my waist size increased over my pants length. Having been a 30 X 30 the majority of my life, that was my barometer. When I got to 35 X 30, and saw a picture of myself, where I thought I was holding my stomach in, that I knew something had to be done. (The picture is posted in my profile. It's not hard to pick out which one it is).0
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Just FYI, it goes for people in the other direction as well......it does for me anyways....
I came out of HS ~135 lbs, and 6'0"......
So as others have mentioned, I guess we (myself included) need to be thankful of who we are and where we are first......
Then take care of the cosmetic stuff second......
Just keep your goals in mind, and keep pushing ahead. :drinker:
Be happy with where you have come from and where you are......it could always be far worse.1 -
Just FYI, it goes for people in the other direction as well......it does for me anyways....
I came out of HS ~135 lbs, and 6'0"......
So as others have mentioned, I guess we (myself included) need to be thankful of who we are and where we are first......
Then take care of the cosmetic stuff second......
Just keep your goals in mind, and keep pushing ahead. :drinker:
Be happy with where you have come from and where you are......it could always be far worse.
A physique like that, you should be delighted! *jealous*1 -
Just FYI, it goes for people in the other direction as well......it does for me anyways....
I came out of HS ~135 lbs, and 6'0"......
So as others have mentioned, I guess we (myself included) need to be thankful of who we are and where we are first......
Then take care of the cosmetic stuff second......
Just keep your goals in mind, and keep pushing ahead. :drinker:
Be happy with where you have come from and where you are......it could always be far worse.
A physique like that, you should be delighted! *jealous*
Don't get me wrong, I am proud of where I am, and what I am able to do.....
But as you pointed out in the first post......you still feel ugly or unattractive.....
So I still feel that way as well.....I still see myself as I was back in my younger years.
So for me, I am trying to accept where I am and be thankful for that....
I would love to have a physique like Gregg Plitt, or Jeff Seid.......but that I doubt will ever happen.....just not my body type I guess....0 -
Just the other day I was sitting in my hair stylist chair. She was going on and on about how great I'm looking. I finally told her that yes I'm down nearly 60lbs. But when I look in the mirror I still see the same fat size tight 22 pants person. (I am now a size 16) I've seen so many amazing NSV's. And yet I can't let go of the delusions of the mirror. Perhaps it's because we know our "ick" areas and when we look in that mirror or eyes will immediately go to those spots. For me it's my hips and my thighs and I KNOW that's where I look first. I still have 60lbs more to lose in this journey and I'm working really hard at accepting the things about my body that I just can not change. I can lose every single pound. But I will still see my hips and thighs as ugly! We need to embrace our bodies as a whole. After all we have all been blessed with the good and the bad of both our parents! It's a daily struggle. But I for one am working on it!!
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I feel exactly the same, but, to be honest, I knew it all along. I knew that losing weight wouldn't have made me happy, or satisfied.
I feel better than I did before, but since the self hate and dissatisfaction were almost overwhelming, I think it would have been difficult to feel even worse than that. I think I am "prettier" than I was, but this doesn't make me pretty, or good-looking, or thin or anything else at all. It's easy to feel slightly better if you're starting for your worst point.
The only thing that actually got better is that I can deal with it now. When I was 15 kgs heavier, I couldn't bear it, there was literally nothing I could think about to cheer myself up. Now, I have some moments in which I'm actually okay, so those moments keep me going.
I still have some hard times. When I look in the mirror I don't like myself, I still describe myself as fat, I still feel ugly, but I reckon I've made and I'm making everything I can to look and feel at my best. I'm pretty sure this sensation will never go away, because I've never been proud of myself, but I wonder, is anyone really proud of themselves all the time? I doubt it. If I can deal with my issues like anyone else would, if I can live like any other human being, then I've succeeded, I've reached my goal. It doesn't matter how much I have to bear if I can actually bear it.0 -
I'm there with ya'! I've lost 111 pounds from my heaviest weight (355) to my current weight (244), I can run for miles straight, I'm in the best physical shape of my life, I'm the smallest I've ever been as an adult (32 years old), and I am STILL DISGUSTED every time I look in the mirror. I don't ever think I'll be satisfied with my progress. All I see are the areas that I can't seem to impact or change. It DOES push me harder, but I think it's a negative thing. To me, it's a 'Lose/Lose/Lose' scenario.
You're not alone.0 -
Yep, because losing weight doesn't automatically make me pretty/beautiful/sexy/etc.. The only way to change my ugliness is with surgery.
This. People are talking about two different things here. Some of you are saying you still feel fat. That is NOT the same as ugly (although society tries to make the 2 synonyms).
I don't feel fat. I could definitely still do with losing a few kgs but I'm not unhappy with my body right now (and I'm well within the healthy weight for my height) BUT that doesn't mean that I feel good looking. Ugly is a harsh word, I don't want to say that I'm ugly but I'm definitely not good looking and that's not about to change no matter how many more kgs I lose or how much I tone up.
One of those things that drives me crazy is people who are all "woe is me" because people tell them things like "you'd be so pretty if only you lost weight". Now I realise that's not a sensitive thing to say but what they're ignoring is that there's a whole lot of us who no one has ever said that to because we're never going to be good looking regardless of our weight.
This is not a request for sympathy. It's just a fact of life. There's loads of stuff I like about myself - I'm smart for one thing (and I wouldn't trade my brains for looks) - I'm just realistic about the fact that I'm not good looking. No one ever has (or is ever likely to) want to date me on first seeing me. No one ever has (or is ever likely to) ask me for my number because they spot me across a room.
So I guess yes, I do still feel ugly (although I still don't like that word) after losing weight, but you know what, that's because I am ugly. I still feel short too - you know why? Because I am short. Luckily I'm a short, ugly, awesome person so it all turns out ok in the end!0 -
I've also found that when I was bigger I never REALLY LOOKED at myself in the mirror. I NEVER looked at myself naked and wore the same outfits over and over again because I knew I could put them on and didn't have to worry about my stomach sticking out or something.
Now I'm inspecting every little bump of fat and area of skin hoping that today is the day that it's starting to shrink and go away. That tends to make me feel gross because in my head I've already got my goal body in mind.
I also used to think that "once I'm smaller I won't have any problems finding a man", which is just laughable in itself. :flowerforyou:
*sigh*0 -
Yes times a thousand. Intellectually, I know I look better. I'm down from a 28 to a 20, sometimes even an 18. My chins have all but gone. I feel great. I've gone from 277 to 199. At 5'10, 199 is pretty good. I've still got some way to go, but still. I've come a long way.
I still feel like I look hideous. And that I'm ugly. I probably always will.
Part of that is from being fat and gross for that last fifteen years or so, and part of that is a complex given to me by long since disowned (for other reasons) family members who went out of their way to tell me how ugly and stupid I was every day of my life growing up (today's vocabulary word: Complex. As in: I have a little bit of a complex when it comes to my appearance).
I think some people are just over-critical of themselves, whether it's because we were always treated that way or not.
I'm getting better, and I've found that dressing well makes a huge difference, not to mention darkening my ginger hair (yet another childhood complex rearing its ugly head, but I've always thought I look better with darker hair, and I certainly get a lot more compliments).
Losing weight is a mental and emotional journey, in more ways than one, and the realization of, "Wait. I'm not hideous at all!" is something we will all eventually have to learn. I'm still trying, every day.
So no, it's not just you. 0 -
I think this is why it's important for you to love yourself for who you are before you reach your goal weight. This does not happen automatically because you hit a specific weight or body fat percentage or clothing size.
Accepting yourself for who you are doesn't mean being satisfied with how you are if your body's in an unhealthy state. However rather than trying to lose fat out of self-loathing and self-disgust, you're trying to lose it out of kindness to yourself because you love yourself and know you deserve to be fit and healthy.
it's not too late to learn to love and accept yourself, but it's totally normal for someone who does not accept themselves for who they are, to still feel the same way about themselves when they hit their goal weight/bf%/size.
Bravo0 -
Just FYI, it goes for people in the other direction as well......it does for me anyways....
I came out of HS ~135 lbs, and 6'0"......
So as others have mentioned, I guess we (myself included) need to be thankful of who we are and where we are first......
Then take care of the cosmetic stuff second......
Just keep your goals in mind, and keep pushing ahead. :drinker:
Be happy with where you have come from and where you are......it could always be far worse.
A physique like that, you should be delighted! *jealous*
Don't get me wrong, I am proud of where I am, and what I am able to do.....
But as you pointed out in the first post......you still feel ugly or unattractive.....
So I still feel that way as well.....I still see myself as I was back in my younger years.
So for me, I am trying to accept where I am and be thankful for that....
I would love to have a physique like Gregg Plitt, or Jeff Seid.......but that I doubt will ever happen.....just not my body type I guess....
Well you've outlived Zyzz!
I don't think that there's a man alive who wouldn't want a physique like Jeff Seid.
To everybody who has replied - I'm truly overwhelmed by how many of us share the same insecurities.
So......instead of letting it beat us, what are we going to do about it, considering that we've all put a LOT of hard work into improving ourselves?0 -
Very common feeling. At my lowest weight, I was 200 pounds less than my all time high. I had loose skin everywhere. The sad irony I felt.... At my highest I would never have worn sleeveless shirts
and at my lowest I couldn't because of the loose skin. I could see peoples eyes gi straight to my upper arms where I really had a tonof loose skin. I worked so hard to go from a size 32 to a 6 and I still felt self conscious.0 -
bump0
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Yes. Actually it might be even worse now. When I was obese, I knew I was fat but I didn’t “feel” fat. I knew I was ugly but it was easy to forget. I had no mirrors and avoided them like the plague. Rejection? It hurt, but who cared, it was to be expected anyway. The most important thing was that I could still take solace from the idea that everything would get better if I just lost the damn weight. I’d have friends, a girlfriend, a life… Now even that was taken away.
I didn’t just lose 130 pounds. I lost any spark of hope I ever had during the process. Besides the number on the scale or the size of my jeans, nothing changed. I’m smaller, tighter but so so so much angrier. I suppose that’s what you get when you have the confirmation that your weight wasn’t the problem, it is obviously you. I just feel like whatever the amount of willpower or efforts I put in anything, I’m never good enough.
These days I’m almost obsessed by my appearance and can’t cross anything with a reflection without checking me out. I honestly can’t say that I see my old self in the mirror, my body is clearly different. But unfortunately just a different kind of ugly: loose skin, weird shape… and it adds to the bitterness when you can feel all the strength and power behind this.
Would I have gone through all the struggle if I had known from the start? Definitely no. And the saddest part: the only reason I’ll never allow myself to gain the weight back is just not to give “people” that satisfaction. I’m not even doing this for me anymore.
To end this on a brighter note, there is one thing I don’t regret from this journey: working out. I love it, best time of the day. I wish I had known sooner how satisfying and exhilarating it is.0 -
I wasn't "ugly" to begin with so I feel better now that I am HEALTHIER. Make your health your goal. Beauty fades.0
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Everyone should watch this clip. My husband told me about it the other night and it's exactly what you are talking about. Our own inner dialog does more damage to our well being than anything else.
http://hellogiggles.com/sketches-show-how-we-see-ourselves-vs-how-strangers-do
I too have had these issues. Once a friend of mine was giving my teenage girls some clothes. She came across a dressy top and said, Oh, this will fit you. I emphatically told her it wouldn't. Her teenager chimes in, I don't think you really realize how small you are now, just go try it on...... Ever since then I have made the conscious effort to keep my mind open to anything. And it's taken me the better part of a year to change my inner dialog.
My point is when we start hearing the little voices in our heads saying negative things, we need to turn and ***** slap it until it stops sayin' that crap!0 -
The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?
Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?
I've read this happens when people tend to think their entire life is going to change because they've lost weight. Wherever you go there you are, weight loss or no weight loss.
Now that you know you CAN change things about yourself, work on changing other areas that may not be working out for you. Our lives are largely the result of attitude and outlook.0 -
I think it takes our mind a lot longer to catch up with our body. I totally understand where many of you are coming from. When people call me skinny mini now I somehow think they are mocking me as I don't see myself in this way. However, I did look through some old pictures of myself last night and was able to see a vast difference. It is heart breaking to know that I allowed myself to go around so long, so large....thank God I saw the light and was able to change. I think in time we will all see ourselves as we truly are now. Congrats to all.
*BUTTTTT, I don't feel ugly (before or now).
:-)0 -
I feel uglier. While I do consider my weight loss a good thing as it helped me getting more confident about wearing skin-tight clothes I still feel unattractive "overall". I thought getting slimmer would make me prettier (or just pretty period) but seeing how many people had hit on me since I lost weight (yep, nooooone !) it made me realize the problem is either a) my face b) my persona. Or it could be both but that'd be way too pitiful and sad lmao.0
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The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?
Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?
I've read this happens when people tend to think their entire life is going to change because they've lost weight. Wherever you go there you are, weight loss or no weight loss.
Now that you know you CAN change things about yourself, work on changing other areas that may not be working out for you. Our lives are largely the result of attitude and outlook.
Indeed - easier said than done, though.
That Dove video - wow.0 -
Indeed - easier said than done, though.
That Dove video - wow.
I KNOW! I've seen that before but it makes me cry every time.0 -
I feel the same way!0
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I think I would have felt that way if it weren't for weight training.....what is your choice for exercise?
Weight training helps avoid a "dieted" look, IMO, makes you look younger.0 -
You all look great, let's start a movement to tell mirrors that they are wrong!
Agreed! When I look in the mirror, I see the same person I was in January of this year - over 40lbs heavier. However, when I see a pic (like my MFP current photo) I cannot believe its me. Seriously, the photo looks photoshopped to make me thinner but it's not. I am getting better about how I view myself but it's taking some time. I think I am moving in the right direction though!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I think I just have to accept I have a perception problem.
When I was slim I always thought I was fat, I spent about ten years on some diet or other trying to lose another 7lb when I only weighed 125lb. Then, when I started to put on weight about 15 years ago I didn't notice.......how could I not notice? I got to about 200lb and officially obese before I finally stepped onto the scales. Now I'm back down to a "normal" BMI at around 153lb and I feel that I look just the same as when I weighed heavy.
I give up. I just can't trust my own judgement on this and I will just go by the scales and hope my self image catches up at some point.
When I get to my target weight I'm going to go shopping and buy lots of fitted, slim outfits - maybe that'll help.0 -
Thanks for the post, needed this one today.0
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