Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?

Shock_Wave

Some times there just is no cure for ugly. :laugh:

kristen2713

I think it's crazy how long it takes our minds to catch up with our bodies. I saw the same heavy image of myself for well over 10 years. Even then, I actually saw a thinner version for a long time of myself than I actually was. And although I feel fantastic and can look at more recent pictures of myself and see awesome, it's still not that way looking in the mirror every day. Like most here, I still see a much heavier version of myself most days than I am. The mind is an evil thing sometimes :grumble:

Capt_Apollo

nope. i feel awesome.

BattleTaxi

I feel the same. I've still had people (after I've lost some weight) say things to me like, "if you weren't so big I'd date you," or "if you lose more weight, I'd be interested." I'm not losing weight for dates or a boyfriend, but geez! It also seems like when I AM feeling great and I AM happy with myself, everyone else is being negative about it.

Not really sure what to say... I turn to MFP for my support, but everyone around me makes it sound like this is a bad addiction, not a helpful tool.

FitMolly182

weight loss won't change the way you feel about yourself. you have to love yourself no matter what size you are. you have to accept yourself. losing weight won't make that happen.

miss_jessiejane

I've always just figured I earned my body, good or bad, and so if I didn't like it, I could change it. My face (good or bad) wasn't something I earned, so why should I be concerned with it?

Saucy_lil_Minx

I didn't feel that way before I lost weight, I certainly don't feel that way now. I don't focus on my flaws, because I see them as part of who I am, but they are not what defines me. I grew up in a super supportive house where negative thinking was not allowed. I thank my optimistic parents everyday for giving me that outlook on life, because of them self esteem was not an issue for me or my two brothers. I simply see my weight loss, as a betterment for my life, and health in general. A smaller me will allow me to more easily do the things I love, and to wear more of the fashions I obsess over. :happy:

Nikoruo

From what i understand it's a very normal thing. People hold up high in there mind that once they get to their goal all their dreams will come true. When in fact it takes away the most brutal pressing matter of your life so everything else shows easier.

DanIsACyclingFool

Yup.

One of my good friends called me "self loathing" the other day.


She couldn't be more right. I didn't realize how much it showed, though.

Lesa_Sass

Please, each and every one of you that feels this way, take 2 minutes to view this video


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTUjuSNKO_Y

walkinthedogs

Time for the positive affirmations people!!! You don't have to lie to yourselves, but hell any amount of effort to get healthier should be a reward and you need to remind yourself daily how awesome you/we all are. it is a lot of work to change your lifestyle. Quit holding on to the names others and you have labeled yourself over the years. You are changing your lives and that's huge! Training your brain to think more positively about yourself is the same as training your body to be more fit. Start every day with something positive about yourself when you are looking at yourself in the mirror, it will change your whole outlook. It takes practice and work, but it does work. I am working on this also because I can degrade myself like no other, but it does nothing for me and just makes other people uncomfortable. Why I like to be so hard on myself is a mystery to me, I guess just a habit I've had for so long, it's hard to let it go. I have started to try to talk to myself in a more positive light, even if it's as little as, I'm proud that I woke up early enough to take my dog for a walk today, we both needed it and we feel great now! I challenge every single one of you who have commented here to start this challenge for a month and see if your outlook on life starts to change and your outlook on your self image starts to improve. For instance, my daughter just took the ACT practice and she didn't score very well and she said, you know I don't test well. And I said not with that attitude, how about, I know that testing isn't one of my strong attributes, but with a little practice and studying, I can probably improve my score. It's as easy as that. Now go forth and use more positivity with your attitudes!

Toblave

No I don't but then again I never felt ugly even when I was 350 pounds, I've lost around 150 to date. Just my two cents but if you feel poorly about yourself from the start then losing weight may not fix it by itself.

blueham5

Yes, I know that I look better than when I was chubby but I still feel ugly. Also, my calves have barely shrunk so I still hate my legs.

Kookyk9s

So you are trying to tell me that weight or physical appearance is the barometer of beauty. REALLY! I would rather be obese and to the bone unattractive than mean, spiteful, hurtful., callous, selfish,abusive, deceitful, or any one of the finer vices known to mankind. Because that is pure to the bone UGLY!! if you look for the real beauty in your fellow beings and find it, then it is impossible to be looking for anything less in yourself. And this is how this problem is fixed or so I believe and this is how I am working on fixing it. Not perfect by a long shot but I am really trying to improve my perspective on others because I believe that this will fix my perspective on me. Also need to work on those character flaws I know I have so that I can be more beautiful person on the inside where it counts and I will stop obsessing over mere appearance.

prettyface55

Congratulations to all of you on your weightloss!!:flowerforyou:
You are all lovely ppl:flowerforyou:

hansolfl

I thought I was the only one... But I feel like my self confidence has gone up a bit. ^^ I've lost 20 pounds, and I still can't get rid of that inner thigh bulge. I feel as if I that I have to lose a lot more to get that stubborn part off.

PunkyRachel

I get told all the time how great I look, that I'm beautiful, etc. but I never truly believe it. Now I don't think I'm 'ugly' but I feel like I have average looks.

PunkyRachel

Yes, I know that I look better than when I was chubby but I still feel ugly. Also, my calves have barely shrunk so I still hate my legs.

for me its my thighs I still have huge thunder thighs despite dropping 68 lbs, I hate them! My least favorite part of my body.

TNM2014

Yes, This would be me. I started my journey at 268 pounds and to date I am 200.4 pounds. Although I know that I have to keep going to reach my goal, I also feel the need to stay here at 200 pounds because its familiar. Every time I get this close to onderland, I end up gaining weight and I am starting to accept that it is all mental. I am having a hard time accepting the new me and even buying clothes for my changing body. I have gone to thrift stores to purchase new uniforms and one pair of jeans but for some reason i'm afraid to tell anyone may new size. Glad to know that I am not alone.:brokenheart: :indifferent: :ohwell:

I MUST ADD.... Although I am having trouble adjusting to my changing body, I am NOT having a problem accepting my beauty, LOL!! I have come too far for that :blushing: :flowerforyou:
Don't be too hard on yourself and find a way to work with your changes and see the beauty in the hard work that you have put in

moya_rargh

Random kindness - Christmas chocolates for the office! Some great posts on the last page or two, putting things into context.

Chuchiiee

Yup. This explains me.

I'm still young (22) but I've always been the quiet, shy, and chubby girl. I had tons of stretch marks after puberty (literally. Everywhere. It's like a stretch mark heaven on my body). I didn't wear the most "Fashionable" clothes and I was teased and picked on alot.

Fast forward -31 pounds now, and I'm 142 pounds and wear a size 7/8 and yet I still feel unattractive. (140 was my goal weight but I've since dropped it to 130.) So far, I've lost my weight by adopting a vegetarian lifestyle so though my body is smaller, I still have the same awful shape. I'm just a smaller fat person in my book. I know exercise will help change that and I will start exercising... but as of right now, I'm lucky to get in two days a week. I even prefer to wear my bigger clothes on my now smaller body because I'm too scared to go shopping thinking that the smaller clothes won't actually fit me even though they probably will. For the longest, I was still wearing and still prefer to wear my size 11/13 jeans even as a size 7/8.

So honestly, the weight isn't the issue, it's all mental at this point. Losing weight just makes you realize what the real problem is.

mrsgrimsdale

I'm having downtime and just making ME a priority again.

I think the last word of this quote is the telling one
those that don't feel they have changed or are still dissatisfied NEVER made themselves a priority or cared very much for themselves.
those that do feel better felt good about themselves at some point before they started.
Well that's my theory anyway

Hearts_2015

I'm having downtime and just making ME a priority again.

I think the last word of this quote is the telling one
those that don't feel they have changed or are still dissatisfied NEVER made themselves a priority or cared very much for themselves.
those that do feel better felt good about themselves at some point before they started.
Well that's my theory anyway

I like your theory and I agree with it, when I'm too hard on myself, I beat myself up and feel like I've failed. Failed what? a meal, a snack, a moment in time? I I gotta remember it's OK not to be perfect!! I have a hard time with that... working on it though! Because really? When it comes to it, there is no such thing as perfect.. and it's making me so weary trying.:blushing:

I think freeing myself from the prison I've made of feeling I need to do everything perfectly, might just free me up to be myself and help me to relax and do the best I can.

I want to NOT feel ugly/self hatred/low self esteem, when I reach certain goals, so I'm working on that now.... for us to work so very hard on our workouts, changing up our foods etc... we're worth it, gotta love ourselves to keep it going, hating on ourselves definitely won't get us where we want be.

Hearts
xo

Yup. This explains me.

I'm still young (22) but I've always been the quiet, shy, and chubby girl. I had tons of stretch marks after puberty (literally. Everywhere. It's like a stretch mark heaven on my body). I didn't wear the most "Fashionable" clothes and I was teased and picked on alot.

Fast forward -31 pounds now, and I'm 142 pounds and wear a size 7/8 and yet I still feel unattractive. (140 was my goal weight but I've since dropped it to 130.) So far, I've lost my weight by adopting a vegetarian lifestyle so though my body is smaller, I still have the same awful shape. I'm just a smaller fat person in my book. I know exercise will help change that and I will start exercising... but as of right now, I'm lucky to get in two days a week. I even prefer to wear my bigger clothes on my now smaller body because I'm too scared to go shopping thinking that the smaller clothes won't actually fit me even though they probably will. For the longest, I was still wearing and still prefer to wear my size 11/13 jeans even as a size 7/8.

So honestly, the weight isn't the issue, it's all mental at this point. Losing weight just makes you realize what the real problem is.

I wonder if we thought of it like this... Would we dare talk to a friend or even a stranger the way we talk to ourselves or think of ourselves. Not likely... wonder if thinking in this mode might help? I'll keep this in my mind and give it a shot!

Also I love this "Random kindness" (thanks Moya!!!!:happy: ) to OURSELVES as well as others! Each of us is SO worth it, we accept kindness and realize through others that maybe we aren't so bad after all. Now for us to learn to reach inside and tell ourselves that. :flowerforyou:

As I'm typing this... I'm trying to instill it inside my own brain/heart. I'm not there yet but this thread really helps me remember the importance of working on it along the way. I think of it as a process, same as swapping out foods, staying faithful to signing in on MFP, getting my workouts in...etc.

Perhaps the phrase "fake it till we make it" might be helpful if we don't feel like we look like we thought we would at a certain weight/time frame. We are so hard on ourselves... I'll jump in and be the first to say... I'd never talk nor think about another the way I do when I am in a bad place... how dare I even consider doing that to myself?

For those that feel good about yourselves... what does your self talk consist of? Can you help out some of the rest of us in what you say to yourself? I'd love to hear and maybe it'd help me get started and make me a bit stronger in that.

Colleen285

I have lost a lot of weight too, and still feel ugly, but in a completely different way.

I gained an enormous amount of weight in my senior year of high school. Towards the end, I weighed 220 pounds--my heaviest to date--and was heavy all throughout college. I absolutely hated being that heavy and typically avoided mirrors at all costs. To make matters worse, my younger sister (who has always been the prettier, more outgoing & confident sister) put me down mercilessly about my looks and weight and made me feel like crap. Of course, men avoided me like the plague and rarely spoke to me. I didn't even have a single friend in college. (My high school friends all went to separate colleges.)

A couple of years ago (2008?), I got fed up after seeing myself naked in a mirror and decided to lose weight. I thought that if i lost all the weight, men might actually notice me and flirt with me. Boy, was I wrong! In May 2013, I went to a nutritionist to see if she could help me lose some weight. (My weight crept up the past year into the 130's and I felt like a change.) It was a major success! I managed to get down into the 110's. This is a healthy weight for me--I am a 29-year-old, medium-boned, 5'2" woman. Out of curiosity, I decided to go shopping for a bikini (just to see if one would look go on me yet). While I do not have a smoking hot body (which I wish I had), I think I can pull one off pretty well.

All in all, I have lost over 100 pounds (currently 116) and dropped 11 pants sizes (from a 24 to a 2).

While I am a lot thinner than before, I wish that I had a smoking hot body at times. The problem is while men do actually acknowledge my existence now, all they ever do is check me out. I'm sure some of you may say that that actually qualifies as attention, but not to me. Or you might say that I should just hold out hope for something good to come along. Well, I have been waiting--albeit not patiently--for years (plus the last 2 1/2 years) for men to notice me. But that has not happened. All they ever do is check me out. That is it.

I have never been hit on in my entire life--including online. The only guy that has ever flirted with me is my ex-boyfriend whom I broke up with a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I didn't start dating until I was 25 and it lasted a little under a year. He is also the only boyfriend I have ever had.

The main reason I feel ugly is due to the fact that men ignore me. I know I should feel attractive and confident after losing all that weight, but I don't. Sometimes it feels like I lost all the weight for absolutely nothing! who knows? Maybe I'm just not attractive in the first place, and that's why men ignore me. Or maybe they just ignore me because I'm shy? I hate being ignored and I hate feeling this way.

I have even gone out and bought new clothes that flatter my figure and tried changing my hair color. Despite my thin figure, I am quite curvy with an hourglass shape and an ample bosom. I get a lot of compliments on my auburn hair, but only from female friends or relatives. What is going on?

moya_rargh

I honestly don't have a clue, you're a good looking woman.

beautifulwarrior18

I am terrified that if I lose the weight I'll have extra skin. If I'm going to have extra skin I'd rather be plump because I'm not ugly, I just don't look good naked lol. But, I've lost weight in the past so I know that I will be happy once my double chin disappears lol.

beautifulwarrior18

I have lost a lot of weight too, and still feel ugly, but in a completely different way.

I gained an enormous amount of weight in my senior year of high school. Towards the end, I weighed 220 pounds--my heaviest to date--and was heavy all throughout college. I absolutely hated being that heavy and typically avoided mirrors at all costs. To make matters worse, my younger sister (who has always been the prettier, more outgoing & confident sister) put me down mercilessly about my looks and weight and made me feel like crap. Of course, men avoided me like the plague and rarely spoke to me. I didn't even have a single friend in college. (My high school friends all went to separate colleges.)

A couple of years ago (2008?), I got fed up after seeing myself naked in a mirror and decided to lose weight. I thought that if i lost all the weight, men might actually notice me and flirt with me. Boy, was I wrong! In May 2013, I went to a nutritionist to see if she could help me lose some weight. (My weight crept up the past year into the 130's and I felt like a change.) It was a major success! I managed to get down into the 110's. This is a healthy weight for me--I am a 29-year-old, medium-boned, 5'2" woman. Out of curiosity, I decided to go shopping for a bikini (just to see if one would look go on me yet). While I do not have a smoking hot body (which I wish I had), I think I can pull one off pretty well.

All in all, I have lost over 100 pounds (currently 116) and dropped 11 pants sizes (from a 24 to a 2).

While I am a lot thinner than before, I wish that I had a smoking hot body at times. The problem is while men do actually acknowledge my existence now, all they ever do is check me out. I'm sure some of you may say that that actually qualifies as attention, but not to me. Or you might say that I should just hold out hope for something good to come along. Well, I have been waiting--albeit not patiently--for years (plus the last 2 1/2 years) for men to notice me. But that has not happened. All they ever do is check me out. That is it.

I have never been hit on in my entire life--including online. The only guy that has ever flirted with me is my ex-boyfriend whom I broke up with a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I didn't start dating until I was 25 and it lasted a little under a year. He is also the only boyfriend I have ever had.

The main reason I feel ugly is due to the fact that men ignore me. I know I should feel attractive and confident after losing all that weight, but I don't. Sometimes it feels like I lost all the weight for absolutely nothing! who knows? Maybe I'm just not attractive in the first place, and that's why men ignore me. Or maybe they just ignore me because I'm shy? I hate being ignored and I hate feeling this way.

I have even gone out and bought new clothes that flatter my figure and tried changing my hair color. Despite my thin figure, I am quite curvy with an hourglass shape and an ample bosom. I get a lot of compliments on my auburn hair, but only from female friends or relatives. What is going on?

I'm sure plenty of men hit on you, but you just don't notice. I have the same problem. I'm completely blind as to when people are hitting on me. Granted, it doesn't bother me much.

Overall the issue is that no man, woman, or anyone else will be able to make you happy with yourself. The only person who has the power to change your opinion of yourself is you. And I will tell you from experience, nothing is sexier than confidence. If a man is interested in you and starts talking to you and realizes you have really low self esteem, he's going to run the other way because that's not a problem he can fix. My suggestion would be to turn off the television, put down the magazine and look in the mirror and write down all the things you admire about yourself. Read that list every single day and add to it. Some of the most physically unappealing people I've ever seen are happily married with someone who thinks they are beautiful, surely a beautiful woman like yourself will be able to find the same happiness. But the first place you need to look for love is within yourself because if you don't love yourself you can't expect anyone else to love you in return.

KatieGrz

I tried to read through most of the replies to this thread to not sound repetitive in my post, but I'm in the same boat as you all are. Here are my 2 cents on this...

This is why it is important to focus on becoming well-balanced all around, not just in one area of life. Working toward a positive self-image is just as important as working toward a healthy, strong body. The latter definitely helps with the former, but without the former we are more likely to jump off the health & fitness wagon because we realize we are unhappy regardless of whether we are at our goal weight or not.

I've heard left and right people swearing by affirmations, maybe I'll give it a go in 2014... who knows.

Colleen285

Well, do you have to wear skirts and dresses to get noticed? Or does it not matter? I have always been more of a tomboy/farmgirl, rather than a girly girl. So I have always worn pants out in public. I still do. They're just more comfortable. Plus, I don't really know how to style my own hair, so I don't. I normally just wear my long, wavy tresses down. I'm probably so-so and applying makeup, as well. Does this have anything to do with being ignored by men? Or no?

QueenBishOTUniverse

As someone who is also "ignored" by men, all I can tell you is:

1. You are not noticing the men who DO try to hit on you. You are missing eye contact, the attempt to start conversation and a million other subtle body language clues that the rest of the human population is clued in to, but you are completely oblivious to.

2. Because you do not notice and/or respond to body language in the traditional manner, you present as uninterested/hostile/taken and so men don't make the effort because they assume (incorrectly) that the will get shut down.

Sorry, might not be much help, but I do the same damn thing. The ironic part for me is I'm an animal behaviorist. I can read behavioral signals in any animal you put in front of me like they were talking to me in the same language, but put a human male trying to hit on me in front of me and it will be two weeks later before I realize what was actually happening.

I lucked out and found a man early on who can read past my socially inept exterior. He is constantly laughing his a** off at how clueless I am to the men around me....