Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?

moya_rargh

I think I would have felt that way if it weren't for weight training.....what is your choice for exercise?
Weight training helps avoid a "dieted" look, IMO, makes you look younger.

My exercise is an Upper/Lower split four times a week, centred around compound lifts. I also run 10km twice a week as I've just started raising for charity by running for a local children's hospice.

Around 2006/2007 I was quite muscular, but a road accident in 2008 meant that I couldn't train and that's when the flab piled on.

I'm maintaining on 2000 cals a day at the moment after dropping 15lbs from October 12th to November 29th. I want to get a bit more body fat off so that all of my abs (not just this 'four-pack') are visible, using that as the trigger point to start bulking again (aiming for a gain of 0.5lbs a week.)

garciabnm

I totally feel this way. Even though I've had a pretty succesful time. I still look in the mirrior and see that 318 lb man starring back at me. I thought it was something that would pass, but it really hasnt. Don;t get me wrong, I feel great , and am in proably the best shape of my life, but its that litlle once in a while, when i feel like i look like i used too.

Blessed9jaBeauty

The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?

Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?

Well as an outsider looking in I must tell you that you LOOK AMAZING! I checked out your profile and pic#2 (the side be side comparison) LITERALLY looked like two completely different people. You have shaved a DECADE off of your age in looks, and I for one am sincerely INSPIRED. Sorry pal, but I think you Look BEAUTIFUL! ***NO BS***

Carolhughes6

I just read an article about how mentally strong people think.....it's called what are the 13 things mentally strong people do not do. I bet you could find it if you google that title. Anyway it has helped me change how I view myself and I am now working consciously to rethink how I have thought about myself for the last 50 years. It's working slowly; I do still relapse - it's early days, , but I now am thinking carefully about everything I say, think and do. I have had body image issues for my whole life.

ninerbuff

There's always hope. Just get rich and somehow ugly doesn't matter much.

IMO, it's more about attitude than looks.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

lauraspberry

Well I notice the improvement WHEN I'M IN CLOTHES. But when i go naked, I can still see my old self on the mirror the evil belly fat is still here

ksmithnh

I havent lost enough this time around to really comment, but I can tell you that when I originally lost my weight and got to goal I had the same issue. It is amazing how much your mind can mess with you, and how distorted your body image can be. I had lost 68 lbs on WW about 10 years ago, going from size 24 to size 10/12. I still saw myself as disgustingly fat. Regardless of the new clothes, the photos... it didnt match what I saw. I should have felt like a million dollars and been so confident. I look back at the clothes I was wearing then and I cant believe I ever fit in them! Unfortunately, I gained it all back plus. Now the body image is working against me in the opposite direction. I still see myself where I was about 50-60 lbs ago and much smaller and more fit. When I see photos now I cant believe I'm as big as I am. Its a constant battle.

One trick I saw on TV once that I thought was interesting was to actually trace yourself on a big piece of paper (like the big rolled paper or a few flip chart sheets taped together). It really gives you perspective. You could even do a before and after tracing some of your old clothes. Not sure why but I think it would be more powerful than looking at photos.

Good luck - I agree with all the posts so far. If your mind hasnt yet caught up in terms of pounds or size, focus on all the other wonderful victories you've no doubt accomplished!

moya_rargh

The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?

Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?

Well as an outsider looking in I must tell you that you LOOK AMAZING! I checked out your profile and pic#2 (the side be side comparison) LITERALLY looked like two completely different people. You have shaved a DECADE off of your age in looks, and I for one am sincerely INSPIRED. Sorry pal, but I think you Look BEAUTIFUL! ***NO BS***

Thank you so much, that was a lovely thing to say. I'm going to frame your post!!!! I wish I could actually believe it, though. And no, I'm not on here fishing for compliments - we're ALL too busy banishing the flab for any of that!

eazy_

The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?

Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?

You're trippin. You look like a beast. Congrats on your awesome transformation.

Let that lack of self confidennce go and really enjoy this new you.

haroon_awan

If you find yourself feeling ugly now then you should talk to a doctor or counsellor because it is a warning sign of several mood problems that could lead to major problems that effect your family and career. Just for informational purposes:

Depression is short for major depressive disorder (MDE). It is defined using a diagnostic criteria. At least one of the following three abnormal moods significantly interfered with a person’s life (from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association):
1. Abnormal depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (dysphoria)
2. Abnormal loss of all interest and pleasure most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (anhedonia)
3. If 18 or younger, abnormal irritable mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.
At least five of the following symptoms have been present during the same two week depressed period:
1. Depressed mood (criterion A, above)
2. Loss of all interest and pleasure (criterion B, above)
3. Appetite or weight disturbance
4. Sleep disturbance
5. Agitation or slowing
6. Fatigue or loss of energy
7. Abnormal inappropriate guilt (WSG, worthless, sinful, guilty)
8. Poor concentration
9. Thoughts of death or suicide
Note that some of these are physical while others are mental

If you think you have even a few of these then I highly suggest talking to a professional about it I've seen too many people life's slow down because they are too afraid to talk to a doctor about a problem they think is either temporary or effecting them only and no one else.

summertime_girl

I think everyone, even supermodels, feel ugly sometimes. It's about impossible to always feel great.

lolothedragon

I don't normally post in the forums, but I saw this it really hit home for me. About a year and a half ago I used this website to lose over 50lbs. I spent the whole summer strutting around in cute swim suits and crop tops. I felt amazing and thin for the first time in my life. Then I saw a picture of myself with some girl friends taken at the beach, and all I saw was that stomach still wasn't as flat I would like, fat thighs, and several other things. I started to notice every flaw from that point, became depressed that I couldn't get any smaller and gave up. In the past 6 months I've gained 20lbs back and feel worse than ever. Despite that people still telling me how good I looked, I refused to believe it. I'm my enemy in this situation. I'm still trying to grab a hold of hat motivation again, but it's hard. Weight issues are a common cause of depression and having depression often causes weight issues, so it's a tough cycle to break I feel like. Anyways, the moral of the story is to keep your head up and look at your accomplishments. We're not made up of our outsides, its the courage and strength we find inside that build us. Regardless of how ugly you might FEEL, know that you aren't and that you're doing amazing things everyday that you put forth effort.

ElizabethFuller

I think everyone, even supermodels, feel ugly sometimes. It's about impossible to always feel great.

I had a friend who was a fashion photographer and she said that models are often a seething mass of low self esteem due to having been tall gawky children who never felt dainty or pretty. Not sure about supermodels, I think that the huge salaries probably make them feel better about themselves!

Bernadette60614

Oh, yes,and it was a shock to me.

Something which helped me: I started working with a personal shopper at Nordstrom's (she is paid by the store, so no charge to you). I told her that I wouldn't buy anything that wasn't at least 30% off, that I wanted to build a versatile wardrobe. She got me into colors and shapes which I would have never bought myself. I also had my make-up done at the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordie's (and then bought the same colors at the drugstore.)

Get some help with a new hairdresser, go to a store and get someone to help you select some new clothes....

Also, don't forget everyone has some aspect of their appearance they don't like. I, e.g., hate my squishy tummy. But, we also have aspects which are beautiful...I'm tall and have long legs/arms. Focus on accentuating those parts of your body and just accept the parts you don't and don't focus on them.

tashiaberman

I saw an experiment done recently that was very telling. It was one of those man-in-the-street type experiments. They stopped a person and asked them to look in the mirror and describe what they saw. The descriptions they gave were quite self-critical. They thought they looked average or worse, thought they were too fat or too skinny, their nose was too big, their skin was bad, their hair was awful and just generally not appealing as a person.

Next they took a picture of that person, blew it up to full size, pasted it over the same full-length mirror and asked random passers to describe the person they saw. The descriptions were things such as lovely blond hair, slender, pretty, beautiful, handsome, elegant, nice and so-on.

When they brought the person back out and showed them the video of how other people saw them, they were stunned. It really changed their image of themselves. This would be a good experiment to do for people who have been through this weight-loss journey. Take a full-body photo of yourself, as you would dress to go out shopping, no bikini shots, and have one of your friends take it out on the street and video average people who look at the photo.

Take their positive affirmations, type them in big bold letters and tape them around your mirror, along with that picture at top center. Read them every morning and know that you are that wonderful, beautiful, sweet, kind, elegant, pretty, nice person, before you even start your day. Soon you'll see yourself the same way!

Bernadette60614

Oh, and check out "What Not to Wear" if you Netflix streaming. It is a great example of how someone looking you objectively can see your great attributes when all you see are your flaws.

kiwigal41

anyone still feel ugly after losing weight???......all the time....

rml_16

The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?

Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?

Looked at your photos and you don't appear ugly before or after.

And you're British, so it doesn't matter what you look like. Just open your mouth and those words in that accent ...

Excuse me a moment.

zyxst

Yep, because losing weight doesn't automatically make me pretty/beautiful/sexy/etc.. The only way to change my ugliness is with surgery.

Don't you dare! 132lbs lost makes you a damn sight healthier!!

But it doesn't make me pretty/sexy/beautiful. Healthiness doesn't equal feeling/being pretty. Will being healthy balance out my breasts? Get rid of the moles? Straighten my hair? Regrown the enamel on my teeth? Add 3 inches to my height?

All that losing weight changed is I'm now a smaller version of the ugly person I've always been.

janey2020

I'm alot more critical of myself now than I ever was when I was heavier I have no idea why either.


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proudjmmom

I've dealt with this my whole life. At 115lbs (5'3"), I thought I was fat. Then I gained 100lbs over the course of 7-8 years, and would have given anything to be that 'fat' 115lbs again. Now I am at my temporary goal weight, 123lbs, and wanting to try to get back that 115lbs. Will it make me feel skinny? No, I know now not to expect that. I look in the mirror now, at 123lbs and see a 215lbs woman staring back at me. I do feel better overall, more energy, happier, but no I do not feel 123lbs. I've dealt with self image issues my entire life, and I don't think it will ever change. I have made slow but big progress overtime in that I appreciate what I see in the mirror WITH clothes, its the without clothes I can't get pass. I also feel good when I am alone, but put me in a room full of other people and I am suddenly that big fat woman again.

moya_rargh

If you find yourself feeling ugly now then you should talk to a doctor or counsellor because it is a warning sign of several mood problems that could lead to major problems that effect your family and career. Just for informational purposes:

Depression is short for major depressive disorder (MDE). It is defined using a diagnostic criteria. At least one of the following three abnormal moods significantly interfered with a person’s life (from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association):
1. Abnormal depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (dysphoria)
2. Abnormal loss of all interest and pleasure most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (anhedonia)
3. If 18 or younger, abnormal irritable mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.
At least five of the following symptoms have been present during the same two week depressed period:
1. Depressed mood (criterion A, above)
2. Loss of all interest and pleasure (criterion B, above)
3. Appetite or weight disturbance
4. Sleep disturbance
5. Agitation or slowing
6. Fatigue or loss of energy
7. Abnormal inappropriate guilt (WSG, worthless, sinful, guilty)
8. Poor concentration
9. Thoughts of death or suicide
Note that some of these are physical while others are mental

If you think you have even a few of these then I highly suggest talking to a professional about it I've seen too many people life's slow down because they are too afraid to talk to a doctor about a problem they think is either temporary or effecting them only and no one else.

Hi, thanks for your post. Yes, I've had all of those this year. I split with my fiancée in January (my fault) and suffered a nervous breakdown in early summer. I have been seeing a psychologist and I'm currently on a break to see how I get on.
I also fell in love with a female friend late summer. She was so appalled by the thought of me, she hasn't spoken to me since. That's the effect I have. Nice.
So my training/diet are pretty much the only things I have to cling onto to draw any self esteem from right now.

AllisonEBrown

I'm a bit off the opposite. I have a worse body image now that I've lost weight, than I did when I was heavy. Now, I am very self conscious about what I wear and how I look.

haroon_awan

If you find yourself feeling ugly now then you should talk to a doctor or counsellor because it is a warning sign of several mood problems that could lead to major problems that effect your family and career. Just for informational purposes:

Depression is short for major depressive disorder (MDE). It is defined using a diagnostic criteria. At least one of the following three abnormal moods significantly interfered with a person’s life (from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association):
1. Abnormal depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (dysphoria)
2. Abnormal loss of all interest and pleasure most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (anhedonia)
3. If 18 or younger, abnormal irritable mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.
At least five of the following symptoms have been present during the same two week depressed period:
1. Depressed mood (criterion A, above)
2. Loss of all interest and pleasure (criterion B, above)
3. Appetite or weight disturbance
4. Sleep disturbance
5. Agitation or slowing
6. Fatigue or loss of energy
7. Abnormal inappropriate guilt (WSG, worthless, sinful, guilty)
8. Poor concentration
9. Thoughts of death or suicide
Note that some of these are physical while others are mental

If you think you have even a few of these then I highly suggest talking to a professional about it I've seen too many people life's slow down because they are too afraid to talk to a doctor about a problem they think is either temporary or effecting them only and no one else.

Hi, thanks for your post. Yes, I've had all of those this year. I split with my fiancée in January (my fault) and suffered a nervous breakdown in early summer. I have been seeing a psychologist and I'm currently on a break to see how I get on.
I also fell in love with a female friend late summer. She was so appalled by the thought of me, she hasn't spoken to me since. That's the effect I have. Nice.
So my training/diet are pretty much the only things I have to cling onto to draw any self esteem from right now.

Do you have a confidant or someone you can talk to about your problems (that isn't your psychologist)? I'm just looking at my research notes because social support is such a major factor for mental health. If there is recent life stress (several in your case) and there is a confidant, there risk for depression is still low (4%), but if there is no confidant the risk jumps to 38%. You are 38 times more likely to suffer from depression. if you lack social support. Those people with negative social support (potentially your female friend who no longer talks to you) are much more likely to have an episode of depressive disorder. Those with lots of social support, those with a confidant or more than one confidant, are much less likely to have an episode of depressive disorder.

But for men, social support doesn’t matter very much. This is a dilemma we have: why is social support more important for women than men in depressive disorder? The results are very similar when looking at those with a history of depressive disorder: social support matters for women, but is much less important for men. The reason for this is unknown but there is a gender v sex argument that I will not go into.

If you are interested in mental health, particularly depression, then the most compressive and up to date textbook on it is by Bill Eaton from Johns Hopkins University called Public Mental Health. Pick up a copy and I promise you will learn something new everyday and use that information for so many good things, not just for you but those around you.

fourfiftythree

Ugly is honestly something I've never felt. Even when I was obese, I felt that my one redeeming quality was that I had an attractive face. Now fat on the other hand... yes I still feel fat. Some days are better than others.

seltzermint555

I never felt "ugly" nor do I feel ugly now.

I do have trouble at times feeling like I haven't lost any weight, even though I have lost a total of 98 lb from my highest to current weight.

Then other days I will "see it", whether in photos taken at an event where I actually look like I picture myself, rather than thinking "where did that extra chin/belly roll come from?!" - or looking in the mirror and thinking, dang, I do look a lot smaller and a lot different. It is difficult sometimes to process all of the changes.

seltzermint555

Oh, yes,and it was a shock to me.

Something which helped me: I started working with a personal shopper at Nordstrom's (she is paid by the store, so no charge to you). I told her that I wouldn't buy anything that wasn't at least 30% off, that I wanted to build a versatile wardrobe. She got me into colors and shapes which I would have never bought myself. I also had my make-up done at the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordie's (and then bought the same colors at the drugstore.)

Get some help with a new hairdresser, go to a store and get someone to help you select some new clothes....

Also, don't forget everyone has some aspect of their appearance they don't like. I, e.g., hate my squishy tummy. But, we also have aspects which are beautiful...I'm tall and have long legs/arms. Focus on accentuating those parts of your body and just accept the parts you don't and don't focus on them.

QFT. Solid advice!!

twixlepennie

The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?

Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?

I had this a bit when I hit my original goal. The morning I hit my goal weight I had not magically turned into a VS model WTH is up with that?! :grumble: :laugh: I went into a bit of a funk because I realized that I was not where I really wanted to be at. So I sucked it up and continued on losing, and have since lost almost 20 more pounds than my original goal weight.

I also started adding a bit of exercise (walking-living on the wild side over here lol). Now ironically, I'm on the other side-can't get the weight loss to stabilize, so now I'm upping the calories and trying to get things sorted out (may be getting my thryoid checked after our insurance resets in January). I am pretty happy with where I am now, and I'm changing focus to 1. get the darn weight to stabilize 2. strength/body weight exercises to tighten up a few bits and pieces that are still jiggly and 3. learn to accept the reality that this is my body, with all of it's strengths, weaknesses, varicose veins, stretch marks and those jiggly parts that may or may not ever go away. But, I'm proud of where I am at now and to be here, after having three kids and being in the pre-diabetic range just a year ago, is pretty darn awesome :bigsmile:

willdob3

I've never felt ugly at any weight.

peleroja

I can honestly say that I don't have a single part of my body that I actually like. I can tell you at least one thing I hate on every single part of me. I thought I'd look great at my current weight but I don't. At this point, I know it's my brain more than my body, but that doesn't make looking in the mirror and hating it any easier.