Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?

JasonAxelrod

Body dysmorphia is very confusing.

I've come to love and accept myself. Given, I'm going through a lot of overdue change and personal development, but compared to who I was even when I was in the best shape of my life, where my self-image was at its very worst, I am a million miles ahead. I affirm myself. I treat myself well. I reward myself. I encourage myself. I don't let myself sit idly. And I'm a much, much happier person because of it.

However, all of this positvity doesn't just suddenly wash away whatever part of my brain still has trouble seeing my changes in the mirror. It is a very real disorder that may not be as easily handled as 'learning to love oneself'. I'm as enthusiastic and loving and hokey as the next person, and I advocate self-acceptance and self-love just the same, but this isn't that simple for me and likely not for others, either. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be simple. Most of these struggle are incredibly complicated to begin with, so it makes sense that something like this could be as well.

In my case, I've always used the metaphor of being stuck in a fat suit. I would occasionally have a day fantasy about literally unzipping my body and stepping out of a fat suit to reveal myself. I think there's a disaccociation there, now, which is slowly going away the closer I get to where I want to be. I look more familiar to myself, probably because I am a happier person in a happier chapter of my life. But it gets better the closer I get. It also gets worse the farther away I get, and I still have impulse issues and emotional triggers that take these turns to extremes at times, but this is pretty much the only recourse I have to deal with it until I'm ready to give social stigma a middle finger and start seeing a therapist to better deal with said triggers and fallouts. And for now, it works.

goalss4nika

I sure do! I am alomst 50lbs down and STILL dont see my progress. I beat myself up alot and try to be there for everyone when in fact I am still a mess inside. I am still trying to find my happiness. Working on me is helping out alot. I have serious self-estemm issues but again I am praying that when I get to my goal and continue to work on me physically, emotionally, etc that I will walk in the room with my head held high! Thank you for posting this thread.

Domineer

I 90% of the time feel pretty, even 50lbs ago I still felt pretty I'm still about 60lbs away from my goal weight, but I never really think of myself as being ugly in person. I'm very critical when it comes to pictures of me though. Its like I see something different when I look in the mirrior, but if the same image is captured in a picture I hate it and rip it apart. I guess thats kind of a double answer. Pretty in person but not in a picture.

This is totally me right here. Verbatim.

MB_Positif

Nope!!! But I've always had a pretty healthy level of self esteem...

QueenBishOTUniverse

Ok, I wanted to address the issue of feeling ugly. Someone mentioned how important it is to not compare yourself to the images we see in public. I want to reinforce this. I have struggled all my life with "feeling" ugly. The truth is, it's probably more an issue that I'm awkward and project a "leave me alone" vibe that I'm not even aware of. Here's my suggestion. Most people really don't understand how good they CAN look. They've never been photographed by a TRUE professional. I mean someone who takes professional head shots for portfolios for actors and models. I had this opportunity and I want to show you the difference.

This is me when I take a photo:


This is me with a professional headshot:


Now imagine if that headshot had been taken after working with a professional make up artist and stylist.

When I look in the mirror, I still see photo #1, and no, I don't really think I'm "ugly", but I can be VERY critical of my appearance. But having the other photo for comparison, I can't tell you how much of a difference that has made in my thinking....

Yes2HealthyAriel

yup I feel incredibly disgusting and see a much larger me when looking in the mirror. I wish this fat apron would go away and all this loose skin from both having kids and losing weight.

MercenaryNoetic26

I'm ugly every day no matter my weight. I fix that with make-up. No cure for ugly.

amaysngrace

Yes, I have a permanent complex about me, that I cannot seem to get rid of. Then, I'm in a catch-22 because men don't want to compliment me because they think that I already hear the compliments enough, then because I haven't been complimented in over 10 years due to being overweight, my self-esteem needs a compliment here and there, and I am just not getting them. So, I feel that I am still ugly even now....

MercenaryNoetic26

Yes, I have a permanent complex about me, that I cannot seem to get rid of. Then, I'm in a catch-22 because men don't want to compliment me because they think that I already hear the compliments enough, then because I haven't been complimented in over 10 years due to being overweight, my self-esteem needs a compliment here and there, and I am just not getting them. So, I feel that I am still ugly even now....

Yeah, like, the only compliments I care about are my man's, and he even says, "I don't want your head to get big." Wtf?! So I'll be feeling all fine, and he'll sink my battleship. :noway:

Eta: spelling

amaysngrace

I 90% of the time feel pretty, even 50lbs ago I still felt pretty I'm still about 60lbs away from my goal weight, but I never really think of myself as being ugly in person. I'm very critical when it comes to pictures of me though. Its like I see something different when I look in the mirrior, but if the same image is captured in a picture I hate it and rip it apart. I guess thats kind of a double answer. Pretty in person but not in a picture.

This is totally me right here. Verbatim.

Now, I'm the direct opposite. I feel that I am pretty in pictures because I can manipulate my best angles, but in person, I am ugly, which is why I do not do very good on dates, when I feel a man examining my looks upclose...

musycnlyrics

bump to read later

laurynwithawhy

Ok, I wanted to address the issue of feeling ugly. Someone mentioned how important it is to not compare yourself to the images we see in public. I want to reinforce this. I have struggled all my life with "feeling" ugly. The truth is, it's probably more an issue that I'm awkward and project a "leave me alone" vibe that I'm not even aware of. Here's my suggestion. Most people really don't understand how good they CAN look. They've never been photographed by a TRUE professional. I mean someone who takes professional head shots for portfolios for actors and models. I had this opportunity and I want to show you the difference.

This is me when I take a photo:


This is me with a professional headshot:


Now imagine if that headshot had been taken after working with a professional make up artist and stylist.

When I look in the mirror, I still see photo #1, and no, I don't really think I'm "ugly", but I can be VERY critical of my appearance. But having the other photo for comparison, I can't tell you how much of a difference that has made in my thinking....

Wow. No offense, but that's a huge difference. I guess it is all about perspective. Thanks for sharing!

QueenBishOTUniverse

Ok, I wanted to address the issue of feeling ugly. Someone mentioned how important it is to not compare yourself to the images we see in public. I want to reinforce this. I have struggled all my life with "feeling" ugly. The truth is, it's probably more an issue that I'm awkward and project a "leave me alone" vibe that I'm not even aware of. Here's my suggestion. Most people really don't understand how good they CAN look. They've never been photographed by a TRUE professional. I mean someone who takes professional head shots for portfolios for actors and models. I had this opportunity and I want to show you the difference.

This is me when I take a photo:


This is me with a professional headshot:


Now imagine if that headshot had been taken after working with a professional make up artist and stylist.

When I look in the mirror, I still see photo #1, and no, I don't really think I'm "ugly", but I can be VERY critical of my appearance. But having the other photo for comparison, I can't tell you how much of a difference that has made in my thinking....

Wow. No offense, but that's a huge difference. I guess it is all about perspective. Thanks for sharing!

No offense taken. I posted it BECAUSE it's a huge difference. People don't realize what an affect their hairstyle, make up and the right lighting can have on how they look. Growing up, I never learned any of that stuff, and I suspect a lot of women who truly think they're "ugly" never learned it either.

moya_rargh

I've just taken a photo (new main pic) and I've just burst out crying at how old and ugly I look. I hate myself and my appearance so much.

moya_rargh

Last night I went back to cutting myself through the reaction that I get from people for being ugly. God, I thought that I was too old for this...

colortheworld

When I feel fat I just try on my old jeans. :laugh: I can't say I've really ever felt ugly since I was a teen, even at my heaviest.

QueenE_

Unfortunately, I do.

colortheworld

Ok, I wanted to address the issue of feeling ugly. Someone mentioned how important it is to not compare yourself to the images we see in public. I want to reinforce this. I have struggled all my life with "feeling" ugly. The truth is, it's probably more an issue that I'm awkward and project a "leave me alone" vibe that I'm not even aware of. Here's my suggestion. Most people really don't understand how good they CAN look. They've never been photographed by a TRUE professional. I mean someone who takes professional head shots for portfolios for actors and models. I had this opportunity and I want to show you the difference.

This is me when I take a photo:


This is me with a professional headshot:


Now imagine if that headshot had been taken after working with a professional make up artist and stylist.

When I look in the mirror, I still see photo #1, and no, I don't really think I'm "ugly", but I can be VERY critical of my appearance. But having the other photo for comparison, I can't tell you how much of a difference that has made in my thinking....

Wow. No offense, but that's a huge difference. I guess it is all about perspective. Thanks for sharing!

No offense taken. I posted it BECAUSE it's a huge difference. People don't realize what an affect their hairstyle, make up and the right lighting can have on how they look. Growing up, I never learned any of that stuff, and I suspect a lot of women who truly think they're "ugly" never learned it either.

You're awesome for posting this. :drinker:

QueenE_

Also, OP you look great in your profile pic! Keep up the awesome job!

moya_rargh

Also, OP you look great in your profile pic! Keep up the awesome job!

Thank you, but I'm disgusting

EvaStrange

:frown: This thread makes me cry.

OP! It would do you well to remember that not everybody has the same taste as you!

I didn’t just lose 130 pounds. I lost any spark of hope I ever had during the process. Besides the number on the scale or the size of my jeans, nothing changed. I’m smaller, tighter but so so so much angrier. I suppose that’s what you get when you have the confirmation that your weight wasn’t the problem, it is obviously you. I just feel like whatever the amount of willpower or efforts I put in anything, I’m never good enough.

Same here. Only I've never been obese, so it's always been me. Every compliment I get for my looks is like a punch in the guts. If my looks aren't the reason that I'm still alone at age thirty, I guess that leaves my unloveable personality. But hey, at least I look okay, right? Yeah, thanks a lot – what a comfort that is! :frown:

Morryarty

No never has ever been or going to happen, Yeh BABY I got my MOJO!

PS too OP… Get that funky beard back on it was cooooool, beard are!

moya_rargh

No never has ever been or going to happen, Yeh BABY I got my MOJO!

PS too OP… Get that funky beard back on it was cooooool, beard are!

Sorry, the beard is gone now. It made me look about 60!

@EvaStrange - what do you mean about not everybody having the same taste as me? Why would I want to have taste in myself? *confused*

That post about being angry - that losing the weight doesn't actually answer the most important questions - is spot on.

jennz81

Even after losing 60lbs. ( yes, I know, I have a long way to go), I still feel like a hideous monster some days.

00NL

No one is ugly
i love myself

everyone gets old and looks old
and if you have a broad structure despite a normal weight that s fine

and dont care about face and hair and skin tone you are born with them
yes you can change your body
so go ahead no one is stopping you---build muscle lose fat & flab and live life

having a healthy body is different than having a healthy mind !!

Jestinia

...life is still a tale of brutal...

Welcome to planet earth. You must be new. Would you like a tour? :laugh:

Seriously, life sucks. Get as much out of it as you can and toss the poor self-esteem thing in the trash where it belongs. You gotta be a fighter with a fighting spirit or you'll just be a victim.

Morryarty

Group hug everybody

sbbhbm

Every. Single. Day.

pcastagner

Haha I got rejected a few months ago by a girl I used to date. She was all like "I am sort of seeing someone". She had not seen me in a while and now I look taller, younger, stronger, and slimmer.

Then I creeped her Facebook and saw the new man. He's old, fat, and partially bald! Basically, he's the old me but bald.



, if you do this for others, you'll be disappointed. Happiness is not relative so if you weren't that guy who was awesome at getting laid before you lost the weight, you are probably now a skinny guy in a dry spell.


I feel you. A super cute girl was checking me out checking her out on the train yesterday, and she gave me multiple opportunities to introduce myself. I chickened out. One of these days, I will, for the first time in my life, actually say what I want to say. I'll tell a total stranger how beautiful she is and how the way she moves makes it impossible to look away. She'll probably call the cops. But at least I will say something.

Articeluvsmemphis

still feeling ugly after you lose weight is the quickest WAY to gain it back, speaking from experience.

loss 80+ gained back 30+ and working this whole year to get it back off and i hate it

long story short, i now appreciate where i was and can't wait to get back there.