Anybody still feel ugly after losing weight?

proudjmmom

I've dealt with this my whole life. At 115lbs (5'3"), I thought I was fat. Then I gained 100lbs over the course of 7-8 years, and would have given anything to be that 'fat' 115lbs again. Now I am at my temporary goal weight, 123lbs, and wanting to try to get back that 115lbs. Will it make me feel skinny? No, I know now not to expect that. I look in the mirror now, at 123lbs and see a 215lbs woman staring back at me. I do feel better overall, more energy, happier, but no I do not feel 123lbs. I've dealt with self image issues my entire life, and I don't think it will ever change. I have made slow but big progress overtime in that I appreciate what I see in the mirror WITH clothes, its the without clothes I can't get pass. I also feel good when I am alone, but put me in a room full of other people and I am suddenly that big fat woman again.

moya_rargh

If you find yourself feeling ugly now then you should talk to a doctor or counsellor because it is a warning sign of several mood problems that could lead to major problems that effect your family and career. Just for informational purposes:

Depression is short for major depressive disorder (MDE). It is defined using a diagnostic criteria. At least one of the following three abnormal moods significantly interfered with a person’s life (from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association):
1. Abnormal depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (dysphoria)
2. Abnormal loss of all interest and pleasure most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (anhedonia)
3. If 18 or younger, abnormal irritable mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.
At least five of the following symptoms have been present during the same two week depressed period:
1. Depressed mood (criterion A, above)
2. Loss of all interest and pleasure (criterion B, above)
3. Appetite or weight disturbance
4. Sleep disturbance
5. Agitation or slowing
6. Fatigue or loss of energy
7. Abnormal inappropriate guilt (WSG, worthless, sinful, guilty)
8. Poor concentration
9. Thoughts of death or suicide
Note that some of these are physical while others are mental

If you think you have even a few of these then I highly suggest talking to a professional about it I've seen too many people life's slow down because they are too afraid to talk to a doctor about a problem they think is either temporary or effecting them only and no one else.

Hi, thanks for your post. Yes, I've had all of those this year. I split with my fiancée in January (my fault) and suffered a nervous breakdown in early summer. I have been seeing a psychologist and I'm currently on a break to see how I get on.
I also fell in love with a female friend late summer. She was so appalled by the thought of me, she hasn't spoken to me since. That's the effect I have. Nice.
So my training/diet are pretty much the only things I have to cling onto to draw any self esteem from right now.

AllisonEBrown

I'm a bit off the opposite. I have a worse body image now that I've lost weight, than I did when I was heavy. Now, I am very self conscious about what I wear and how I look.

haroon_awan

If you find yourself feeling ugly now then you should talk to a doctor or counsellor because it is a warning sign of several mood problems that could lead to major problems that effect your family and career. Just for informational purposes:

Depression is short for major depressive disorder (MDE). It is defined using a diagnostic criteria. At least one of the following three abnormal moods significantly interfered with a person’s life (from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association):
1. Abnormal depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (dysphoria)
2. Abnormal loss of all interest and pleasure most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (anhedonia)
3. If 18 or younger, abnormal irritable mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.
At least five of the following symptoms have been present during the same two week depressed period:
1. Depressed mood (criterion A, above)
2. Loss of all interest and pleasure (criterion B, above)
3. Appetite or weight disturbance
4. Sleep disturbance
5. Agitation or slowing
6. Fatigue or loss of energy
7. Abnormal inappropriate guilt (WSG, worthless, sinful, guilty)
8. Poor concentration
9. Thoughts of death or suicide
Note that some of these are physical while others are mental

If you think you have even a few of these then I highly suggest talking to a professional about it I've seen too many people life's slow down because they are too afraid to talk to a doctor about a problem they think is either temporary or effecting them only and no one else.

Hi, thanks for your post. Yes, I've had all of those this year. I split with my fiancée in January (my fault) and suffered a nervous breakdown in early summer. I have been seeing a psychologist and I'm currently on a break to see how I get on.
I also fell in love with a female friend late summer. She was so appalled by the thought of me, she hasn't spoken to me since. That's the effect I have. Nice.
So my training/diet are pretty much the only things I have to cling onto to draw any self esteem from right now.

Do you have a confidant or someone you can talk to about your problems (that isn't your psychologist)? I'm just looking at my research notes because social support is such a major factor for mental health. If there is recent life stress (several in your case) and there is a confidant, there risk for depression is still low (4%), but if there is no confidant the risk jumps to 38%. You are 38 times more likely to suffer from depression. if you lack social support. Those people with negative social support (potentially your female friend who no longer talks to you) are much more likely to have an episode of depressive disorder. Those with lots of social support, those with a confidant or more than one confidant, are much less likely to have an episode of depressive disorder.

But for men, social support doesn’t matter very much. This is a dilemma we have: why is social support more important for women than men in depressive disorder? The results are very similar when looking at those with a history of depressive disorder: social support matters for women, but is much less important for men. The reason for this is unknown but there is a gender v sex argument that I will not go into.

If you are interested in mental health, particularly depression, then the most compressive and up to date textbook on it is by Bill Eaton from Johns Hopkins University called Public Mental Health. Pick up a copy and I promise you will learn something new everyday and use that information for so many good things, not just for you but those around you.

fourfiftythree

Ugly is honestly something I've never felt. Even when I was obese, I felt that my one redeeming quality was that I had an attractive face. Now fat on the other hand... yes I still feel fat. Some days are better than others.

seltzermint555

I never felt "ugly" nor do I feel ugly now.

I do have trouble at times feeling like I haven't lost any weight, even though I have lost a total of 98 lb from my highest to current weight.

Then other days I will "see it", whether in photos taken at an event where I actually look like I picture myself, rather than thinking "where did that extra chin/belly roll come from?!" - or looking in the mirror and thinking, dang, I do look a lot smaller and a lot different. It is difficult sometimes to process all of the changes.

seltzermint555

Oh, yes,and it was a shock to me.

Something which helped me: I started working with a personal shopper at Nordstrom's (she is paid by the store, so no charge to you). I told her that I wouldn't buy anything that wasn't at least 30% off, that I wanted to build a versatile wardrobe. She got me into colors and shapes which I would have never bought myself. I also had my make-up done at the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordie's (and then bought the same colors at the drugstore.)

Get some help with a new hairdresser, go to a store and get someone to help you select some new clothes....

Also, don't forget everyone has some aspect of their appearance they don't like. I, e.g., hate my squishy tummy. But, we also have aspects which are beautiful...I'm tall and have long legs/arms. Focus on accentuating those parts of your body and just accept the parts you don't and don't focus on them.

QFT. Solid advice!!

twixlepennie

The thread title says it all. All that work trying to get in shape and your life is still a tale of brutal rejection and wondering what is wrong with you?

Am I the only one who can only see the 'old' me in the mirror?

I had this a bit when I hit my original goal. The morning I hit my goal weight I had not magically turned into a VS model WTH is up with that?! :grumble: :laugh: I went into a bit of a funk because I realized that I was not where I really wanted to be at. So I sucked it up and continued on losing, and have since lost almost 20 more pounds than my original goal weight.

I also started adding a bit of exercise (walking-living on the wild side over here lol). Now ironically, I'm on the other side-can't get the weight loss to stabilize, so now I'm upping the calories and trying to get things sorted out (may be getting my thryoid checked after our insurance resets in January). I am pretty happy with where I am now, and I'm changing focus to 1. get the darn weight to stabilize 2. strength/body weight exercises to tighten up a few bits and pieces that are still jiggly and 3. learn to accept the reality that this is my body, with all of it's strengths, weaknesses, varicose veins, stretch marks and those jiggly parts that may or may not ever go away. But, I'm proud of where I am at now and to be here, after having three kids and being in the pre-diabetic range just a year ago, is pretty darn awesome :bigsmile:

willdob3

I've never felt ugly at any weight.

peleroja

I can honestly say that I don't have a single part of my body that I actually like. I can tell you at least one thing I hate on every single part of me. I thought I'd look great at my current weight but I don't. At this point, I know it's my brain more than my body, but that doesn't make looking in the mirror and hating it any easier.

ziggiezambi

I think it's because we see losing weight as a cure for all our problems. But in the end nothing changes except the fact that you’re a few pounds lighter.

IvanyMerk2012

i still feel ugly when i look in the mirror i see fat when im actually not but i see it all the time

Wilhellmina

I still think bigger then I truly am and I feel like I look older then before with the extra pounds...

Bernadette60614

Other things which helped:

Stop looking at celebs and comparing yourself. First, these women are paid to look a certain way, and many times (e.g., Victoria's Secret models), they represent less than 1% of all women.

I focus on what I can do with an improved body rather than the looks. I have way more energy, I've far more able to do things I couldn't do before. I turn my focus on my accomplishments.

cursiny

I weigh less now then I can actually remember. Have lost nearly 80 pounds from my highest weight but still have a horrible opinion of myself. I just know I have so much left to go and continue to think that I should be doing this faster.

seltzermint555

I've also found that when I was bigger I never REALLY LOOKED at myself in the mirror. I NEVER looked at myself naked and wore the same outfits over and over again because I knew I could put them on and didn't have to worry about my stomach sticking out or something.

Oh yeah. Totally this. I used to purposely avoid mirrors and reflective glass, for several years. I was well versed in the art of denial and avoidance. I started looking at myself properly when I was around 230 lb. Now I'm 208 so there's not a MASSIVE difference...but if I'd really *seen* myself at 307 or even 262, I think the difference would be more noticeable for me.

flyawayrach

I had always fantasised about what it would be like to be skinny, and how good I'd look.

I hadn't been a "healthy" weight since I was about 9 maybe, so I often romantisized the idea of being skinny throughout my teenage years, and always tried to depict what I'd look like or hazzard a guess. And even through the thrill and happiness of exceeding my goal weight and everything, it isn't AT ALL what I thought it would be like.

Thankfully I'm still young so I wasn't left with any excess skin, and it all snapped back rather nicely. But parts of me just don't feel full anymore, if you know what I mean? I still feel like "that fat girl" even though I don't look like "her" necessarily on the outside. It's a real pain in the bum. >:(

dorkof82

i feel this way when i look at myself naked, because im not as toned as i would like and have a lot of loose skin. but in clothes, im very happy with how far ive come

SapiensPisces

I don't feel that I'm ugly, but I don't see myself as average size (which I am now). I look in the mirror and still see a really fat woman. I think it's just going to take time for me to readjust to a new normal. In the meantime, I'm just going to focus on sticking to my goals every day/week/month.

AprilMae1975

This is an issue that I am fighting to overcome. There are days that I feel totally pretty and very sexy and other days I feel like a fat and ugly person. I am learning to look at every little change going on with my body and find the things that make me smile and focus on those. I still have a long way to go but things are much better than they were a year ago.