Harming children to make yourself feel good?
Replies
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This topic is strongly worded on purpose - partly for fun, and also because I'm tired of having to run interference with food pushers.
My kids are allowed sweets and treats in moderation - but the next person to sneak one of my kids a cookie behind my back may be force fed a full length video of my five year old crying after he gets his backside handed to him at his next wrestling tournament.
Because eating a cookie will make him lose the tournament?
One cookie? No. Too many cookies? Yes, especially if he misses a weight cut off and has to wrestle up a class.
Are you managing your child's weight for competitive purposes as a 5 year old?
No. I'm just trying to keep them healthy. Sports/exercise are a part of keeping them healthy, and sports just aren't as fun if you lose all the time.
why don't you just parachute him into the Afghan Mountains and see if he makes it out...
See OP despite your post you had a good point... then you just back peddled and made you're opinion laughable0 -
This makes me laugh because I literally just had to tell my father-in-law that NO my 1 1/2 year old can not have a pop! He was asking for water and to give him water. He doesn't need a pop, but might need some water. When he gets older, sure, but not at this age for sure. And to my mother-in-law that he can have a granola bar instead of a double chocolate cookie!! LOL But kids will be kids and I don't go all turbo mom on them and they are fantastic to ask first and I laugh and say no lets have_________ instead!!0
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I'm a mother of 2 and do not see a problem with this. pending alergies/ health of the child, let them have fun. Thats part of being a relative. Spoiling someone elses kids!!!!!
This becomes a problem when it is on a regular basis (not a special occasion) and your child now refuses to eat a healthy meal but some relative with "good intentions" decided that sugary junk was a better choice.....and what kid would turn that down? Especially a young child. My 3 and 8 yr olds would love to eat junk all day long, but unfortunately I prefer healthy meals first, then junk after. I tend to closely monitor those relatives I KNOW will push junk on my children and let them know right away that my guys have had enough and they must wait for dinner.0 -
I fully understand why sports and exercise are necessary to help children stay healthy, both mentally and physically. But why is it necessary to put your child into a sport where weight is so important? A previous poster made a great point about male anorexia, do you believe that this is a potential side effect of putting so much emphasis on your 5 yr olds weight? Why not another sport as others have said, such as soccer, hockey, swimming, broom ball, etc.
Is the real reason why you want him in this sport is because you enjoy it so he must too? Based on your comments alone about not being able to have extra treats so he can make weight and crying because he doesn't win, tells me he does not enjoy what he is doing. MOST (but not all) children who loose at a sport they love, can show good sportsmanship...it sounds as though your son is either a) not old enough to understand good sportsmanship, or b) does not enjoy what he is doing. And in both cases, its usually the parent living vicariously through their child......
Take for example my love for equestrian sports and life style. I thoroughly enjoy it and put my 7 yr old son into English Riding lessons. After a year, he came to me and said he no longer enjoyed it. That's absolutely fine, he was taken out of the lessons immediately. When my son was 4 and 5 yrs, he participated in Ju Jitsu, and was fairly good at it, but decided he no longer enjoyed it and wanted to do something else (he cried often when he lost and was not a happy camper throughout the day). That's fine. Now he swims, and he is still enjoying after 4 yrs.
So please, put your child's interests before your desires to make him into a mini-you.
^^^^ all of this is so true. Especially the bit about living vicariously. And the last line.0 -
OMG...so true...grandparents spoil..they are always going to spoil foodwise or otherwise..just know that...it is not like it is murder, right?If you're that worried about what other people do with your kids when you're not around, don't leave your kids alone with them. Problem solved. You're welcome.0 -
Young people wrestling is a Big Thing in my town. I feel so, so sorry for those kids, and avoid it as much as I am able. I remember a shrimpy little guy in my high school class complaining about how he'd eaten McDonald's fries two days before and he weighed in a half pound over due to water retention. I always knew when a meet was going on because there were guys wrapped up tight in their coats sweating out their excess weight, miserably avoiding the cafeteria (we had a salad bar!)
There is a set of parents I'm aware of who have their older kids wrestle the younger into submission again and again if he loses his match. While not technically child abuse I'd love to be his shrink someday, that kid's going to need one for a while. Maybe I should get my degree; sounds like OP's boy could use a sure thing in his future.
(My daughter dances, swims, and plays AYSO--only thing that's competitive is the soccer, and it's still reiterated that the important part is having FUN in that league. Perhaps OP should look into alternative exercise.)0 -
There is a set of parents I'm aware of who have their older kids wrestle the younger into submission again and again if he loses his match. While not technically child abuse I'd love to be his shrink someday, that kid's going to need one for a while. Maybe I should get my degree; sounds like OP's boy could use a sure thing in his future.
Sure sounds like abuse to me.0 -
This topic is strongly worded on purpose - partly for fun, and also because I'm tired of having to run interference with food pushers.
My kids are allowed sweets and treats in moderation - but the next person to sneak one of my kids a cookie behind my back may be force fed a full length video of my five year old crying after he gets his backside handed to him at his next wrestling tournament.
Because eating a cookie will make him lose the tournament?
One cookie? No. Too many cookies? Yes, especially if he misses a weight cut off and has to wrestle up a class.
Are you managing your child's weight for competitive purposes as a 5 year old?
No. I'm just trying to keep them healthy. Sports/exercise are a part of keeping them healthy, and sports just aren't as fun if you lose all the time.
And life just isn't as much fun when your mom is obsessing over cookies and weight categories.
^^^^ this
seriously. Healthy is about mental health, not just physical health. And over-bearing, over-competitive parents who put pressure on kids to perform at sports suck all the fun out of the game. Those kids don't compete to have fun, they train and compete to please mum and/or dad. They're under pressure, they get overly stressed with they lose (because they disappointed mum and/or dad) and they don't enjoy winning much either, because they're not playing for fun to begin with. Yes I've coached kids sports (ice hockey) and seen it happen. A lot of parents in kids sports would do well to just take a step back and let their kid enjoy the game, and learn how to deal with both winning and losing graciously, and also know that it's okay to lose sometimes, and that you can still enjoy the game very much even when you lose. Because the game itself is enjoyable, winning is an extra bonus.
The title of the thread makes so much more sense now.0 -
This makes me laugh because I literally just had to tell my father-in-law that NO my 1 1/2 year old can not have a pop! He was asking for water and to give him water. He doesn't need a pop, but might need some water. When he gets older, sure, but not at this age for sure. And to my mother-in-law that he can have a granola bar instead of a double chocolate cookie!! LOL But kids will be kids and I don't go all turbo mom on them and they are fantastic to ask first and I laugh and say no lets have_________ instead!!
+ 1 to you for letting your in-laws know about healthier alternatives (and for teaching your child this). Many of my relatives believe pop and juice is equivalent to water and I have made it quite clear to my 8 and 3 yr olds, that pop is ONLY for vacation (my parenting style). They can have juice, but they must drink the same amount in water too....so both my guys know that if they get a 1/2 cup of juice and finish it, their next drink is 1/2 cup of water and must finish their water before they get another 1/2 cup of juice, and so on (my guys are spillers, so all children's cups are filled only 1/2 way).
Keep up the great work with your child and in-laws, eventually they'll catch on 0 -
This topic is strongly worded on purpose - partly for fun, and also because I'm tired of having to run interference with food pushers.
My kids are allowed sweets and treats in moderation - but the next person to sneak one of my kids a cookie behind my back may be force fed a full length video of my five year old crying after he gets his backside handed to him at his next wrestling tournament.
Because eating a cookie will make him lose the tournament?
One cookie? No. Too many cookies? Yes, especially if he misses a weight cut off and has to wrestle up a class.
Are you managing your child's weight for competitive purposes as a 5 year old?
No. I'm just trying to keep them healthy. Sports/exercise are a part of keeping them healthy, and sports just aren't as fun if you lose all the time.
And life just isn't as much fun when your mom is obsessing over cookies and weight categories.
^^^^ this
seriously. Healthy is about mental health, not just physical health. And over-bearing, over-competitive parents who put pressure on kids to perform at sports suck all the fun out of the game. Those kids don't compete to have fun, they train and compete to please mum and/or dad. They're under pressure, they get overly stressed with they lose (because they disappointed mum and/or dad) and they don't enjoy winning much either, because they're not playing for fun to begin with. Yes I've coached kids sports (ice hockey) and seen it happen. A lot of parents in kids sports would do well to just take a step back and let their kid enjoy the game, and learn how to deal with both winning and losing graciously, and also know that it's okay to lose sometimes, and that you can still enjoy the game very much even when you lose. Because the game itself is enjoyable, winning is an extra bonus.
The title of the thread makes so much more sense now.
Doesn't it just? We were just focused on the wrong people doing the harm for their own gain.0 -
This topic is strongly worded on purpose - partly for fun, and also because I'm tired of having to run interference with food pushers.
My kids are allowed sweets and treats in moderation - but the next person to sneak one of my kids a cookie behind my back may be force fed a full length video of my five year old crying after he gets his backside handed to him at his next wrestling tournament.
Because eating a cookie will make him lose the tournament?
One cookie? No. Too many cookies? Yes, especially if he misses a weight cut off and has to wrestle up a class.
I am about as cynical as it gets when it comes to judging human character, but this statement absolutely shocks me.0 -
This topic is strongly worded on purpose - partly for fun, and also because I'm tired of having to run interference with food pushers.
My kids are allowed sweets and treats in moderation - but the next person to sneak one of my kids a cookie behind my back may be force fed a full length video of my five year old crying after he gets his backside handed to him at his next wrestling tournament.
Because eating a cookie will make him lose the tournament?
One cookie? No. Too many cookies? Yes, especially if he misses a weight cut off and has to wrestle up a class.
Are you managing your child's weight for competitive purposes as a 5 year old?
No. I'm just trying to keep them healthy. Sports/exercise are a part of keeping them healthy, and sports just aren't as fun if you lose all the time.
And life just isn't as much fun when your mom is obsessing over cookies and weight categories.
^^^^ this
seriously. Healthy is about mental health, not just physical health. And over-bearing, over-competitive parents who put pressure on kids to perform at sports suck all the fun out of the game. Those kids don't compete to have fun, they train and compete to please mum and/or dad. They're under pressure, they get overly stressed with they lose (because they disappointed mum and/or dad) and they don't enjoy winning much either, because they're not playing for fun to begin with. Yes I've coached kids sports (ice hockey) and seen it happen. A lot of parents in kids sports would do well to just take a step back and let their kid enjoy the game, and learn how to deal with both winning and losing graciously, and also know that it's okay to lose sometimes, and that you can still enjoy the game very much even when you lose. Because the game itself is enjoyable, winning is an extra bonus.
The title of the thread makes so much more sense now.
Doesn't it just? We were just focused on the wrong people doing the harm for their own gain.
I was thinking the same...0 -
I have two boys who have grown up being fed a combination of fresh vegetables and fruits, lean meat, cheese, yoghurts, home made bread, lots of baked goods with appropriate frosting, occasional fast food and chocolates and sweets. They are now tall, strong young men who have never been overweight and can make their own healthy food choices. Seriously, Grandma feeding them a bar of chocolate or buying them doughnuts did not do them any harm at all, they grew up regarding all food as normal, nothing was prohibited. My sister-in-law banned all sweets and cakes, her two girls both developed very poor eating habits once their diet was under their own control, both now have problems with their weight and both have an unhealthy relationship with food. I think if you ban things and make a huge fuss then you just make them more attractive.0
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Wow...dramatic much?
I can't believe the title, the post or the OP. You have to be kidding!!!
You know what also harms kids? Neurotic parents. Maybe some time with a counselor might be beneficial for both you and your family.0 -
OP, I need to let you know something, my 3 yr old and I are going to make a HUGE batch of chocolate chip cookies and I'm even going to let him lick the spoons!! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, I'm also going to allow him to have 2 of the cookies after they have cooled a little (they'll still be nice and warm and gooey), THEN, I will give me 8 yr old some when he gets homes from school too.........BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, then, I'll allow them to have some after supper as a snack; my son will take 2-4 cookies with him to school; I'll be giving half the batch to my cousin and her three children too OH NO!!; And we'll be munching down on them for the ext few days until they're gone!!! OH NO THE INHUMANITY!!!!0
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OP, I need to let you know something, my 3 yr old and I are going to make a HUGE batch of chocolate chip cookies and I'm even going to let him lick the spoons!! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, I'm also going to allow him to have 2 of the cookies after they have cooled a little (they'll still be nice and warm and gooey), THEN, I will give me 8 yr old some when he gets homes from school too.........BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, then, I'll allow them to have some after supper as a snack; my son will take 2-4 cookies with him to school; I'll be giving half the batch to my cousin and her three children too OH NO!!; And we'll be munching down on them for the ext few days until they're gone!!! OH NO THE INHUMANITY!!!!
Your sarcasm is improving. Nicely done!0 -
This topic is strongly worded on purpose - partly for fun, and also because I'm tired of having to run interference with food pushers.
My kids are allowed sweets and treats in moderation - but the next person to sneak one of my kids a cookie behind my back may be force fed a full length video of my five year old crying after he gets his backside handed to him at his next wrestling tournament.
Cookies cause him to lose wrestling?? at 5?? How big is he that he has to worry about being up a class in wrestling??? I thought sports were supposed to be fun?? *reflecting on all the terrible seasons my son had in sports* At least i know the cookies are to blame for his team losing.. not that the outfielders were picking flowers, or that one superstar basketball player that is never on your team, or that he just wasn't as fast as the other kids.. or that *gasp* he had fun while playing at that was the focus, not winning.
I'm all for kids being healthy, exercising, eating good foods.. but seriously.. if relatives giving your kids cookies is going to cause that much of a problem, you might need to reevaluate what *you* feed them. a few or 7 cookies from relatives during the holidays shouldn't cause that much weight gain. Not if you are feeding them properly at home and keeping them active.
I want to give your kids cookies.. and I want to let them dunk them in chocolate milk.. that has ice cream in it..0 -
I have two boys who have grown up being fed a combination of fresh vegetables and fruits, lean meat, cheese, yoghurts, home made bread, lots of baked goods with appropriate frosting, occasional fast food and chocolates and sweets. They are now tall, strong young men who have never been overweight and can make their own healthy food choices. Seriously, Grandma feeding them a bar of chocolate or buying them doughnuts did not do them any harm at all, they grew up regarding all food as normal, nothing was prohibited. My sister-in-law banned all sweets and cakes, her two girls both developed very poor eating habits once their diet was under their own control, both now have problems with their weight and both have an unhealthy relationship with food. I think if you ban things and make a huge fuss then you just make them more attractive.
Youre a beautiful mother this is how I want to model food and weight for my son. My Mom was like your SIL...I struggle.
Hmmmm? So in a sense my Mom harmed me more than eating a piece of cake at Grandma's. Not to beat up my Mom she did the best she could with her limited education and wanted the best for her kids.0 -
For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.0 -
For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.
So is being so rigid that you end up giving them a complex.0 -
OP, I need to let you know something, my 3 yr old and I are going to make a HUGE batch of chocolate chip cookies and I'm even going to let him lick the spoons!! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, I'm also going to allow him to have 2 of the cookies after they have cooled a little (they'll still be nice and warm and gooey), THEN, I will give me 8 yr old some when he gets homes from school too.........BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, then, I'll allow them to have some after supper as a snack; my son will take 2-4 cookies with him to school; I'll be giving half the batch to my cousin and her three children too OH NO!!; And we'll be munching down on them for the ext few days until they're gone!!! OH NO THE INHUMANITY!!!!
Your sarcasm is improving. Nicely done!
Thank-you Is it still considered sarcasm if I actually did it? The second batch is in the oven and my 3 yr old not only licked the spoon, but the 2 beaters too and enjoyed the chocolate chips that fell out of the bowl. 0 -
OP, I need to let you know something, my 3 yr old and I are going to make a HUGE batch of chocolate chip cookies and I'm even going to let him lick the spoons!! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, I'm also going to allow him to have 2 of the cookies after they have cooled a little (they'll still be nice and warm and gooey), THEN, I will give me 8 yr old some when he gets homes from school too.........BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, then, I'll allow them to have some after supper as a snack; my son will take 2-4 cookies with him to school; I'll be giving half the batch to my cousin and her three children too OH NO!!; And we'll be munching down on them for the ext few days until they're gone!!! OH NO THE INHUMANITY!!!!
Your sarcasm is improving. Nicely done!
Thank-you Is it still considered sarcasm if I actually did it? The second batch is in the oven and my 3 yr old not only licked the spoon, but the 2 beaters too and enjoyed the chocolate chips that fell out of the bowl.
Yes... "OH NO THE HUMANITY!!!" is what made it sarcasm. :flowerforyou:0 -
I think not teaching your children homophones is harmful as they won't understand it when they are being made fun of.0
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For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.
You're not clarifying, your moving the goal posts. Your words, 1 cookie and he doesn't make weight. 1 cookie is overindulgence, harmful and a weakness.
You scare me.0 -
For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.
I agree with everything accept the last statement. Overindulgence is a nice treat ONCE IN A WHILE. I can remember at 14 yrs old going to Bulk Barn and buying $30 worth of candy, I LOVED IT and so long as I shared some with my parents, they where fine with it too. Do you want to know why? Because THEY KNEW it only occurred once in a while because of what they taught me about food. Now, the cause of my weight was not from them (I was at a very healthy weight as a teen when I lived with them), it was from overindulging on a REGULAR basis as an adult (then unhealthy eating habits/mind set while pregnant).
Relax a little and don't sweat the small stuff. If it occurs once in a blue moon (such as holidays and special occasions), then what's so wrong with it? Continue to teach your children about healthy food choices and how treats are exactly that, treats. They are not a meal replacement and you don't need 20 of them to feel satisfied, a few will do.
Good luck.0 -
For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.
I stand by my earlier statement that you are projecting and blaming others for your own issues. If the sports were just for fun, you wouldn't have a five-year-old freaking out about losing a match. Your children are clearly getting the message that their value is defined by winning a match. Perhaps you should seek out a hobby or interest of your own, then your poor kids can have fun at sports without having to worry about winning to prop up Mommy's self-worth.0 -
For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.
I stand by my earlier statement that you are projecting and blaming others for your own issues. If the sports were just for fun, you wouldn't have a five-year-old freaking out about losing a match. Your children are clearly getting the message that their value is defined by winning a match. Perhaps you should seek out a hobby or interest of your own, then your poor kids can have fun at sports without having to worry about winning to prop up Mommy's self-worth.
Post of the thread.0 -
Hate to say, I'm sorry for your kids.
Live a little!0 -
For clarity:
Neither of my children is cutting weight, and both have healthy diets.
Wrestling is their choice - I do not care which sport(s) they play, as long as they play hard, have fun, and stay healthy.
Overfeeding/overindulging children is not a kindness - it's a weakness - and it is harmful to them.
I stand by my earlier statement that you are projecting and blaming others for your own issues. If the sports were just for fun, you wouldn't have a five-year-old freaking out about losing a match. Your children are clearly getting the message that their value is defined by winning a match. Perhaps you should seek out a hobby or interest of your own, then your poor kids can have fun at sports without having to worry about winning to prop up Mommy's self-worth.
Post of the thread.
Damn...that's so accurate. /endthread right there.0 -
Yeah let's just give our kids body issues and disordered eating before they're out of elementary school.
Check your attitude, for the sake of your children OP.
Some candy here and there is NOT harmful. Being too restrictive- VERY harmful.0
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