Single Moms, not worth dating? Do tell...

Nicolee_2014

People like to stereotype.

I'm glad my Mum found a man that didn't mind that she had a child. He's been the best thing ever!

I think it all depends on what kind of person you are, regardless of if you have kids and you are a single Mum. Some women or men can be users/gold diggers, have drama etc. with or without kids. Screw the haters!

hotmomma0612

I was single with a baby and pregnant, and I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who has 3 kids of his own. We are like a family now.

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants

Single mom Proud of it! But I wont date just anyone, in fact..I just broke up with someone because we didn't share parenting styles. Its not always a woman begging just any ol dude to help her with her kids, quite the opposite here! My belief is that it's better to have one loving parent then two crappy ones. Im an artist, a full-time student and a single mom..I have enough on my plate without taking care of a man, because that's what its really about right? Having enough time to "baby" him!

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants

Is it safe to assume that your kids would have had the same standard of living had you been with their mother or not? They would have still be raised with the same lifestyle, home, toys, etc?

My gripe is more the expectation that kids should have to be lowered in their standard of living due to a divorce. That doesn't seem fair to them. My kids had a huge shock when their dad walked out. Should it have been compounded by making them move to an apartment, or changing schools, wearing different clothes, or having to stop playing the sports they do?

No, it is not. My ex wife loved to spoil the kids. And herself. She kept me broke buying crap for herself and the kids. The kids litterally had clothes they never wore before they outgrew them, becaues they had so many clothes. They had multiples of several toys, because they were never told no by her. And they had so much, they forgot what they had. So they would ask for something while out with her, she would buy it, only to later find out that they now had more than one of that item.

We lived in the same house, because that was all I could afford. Not due to my salary, but due to her spending. And we both drove really old cars, hers with over 150k miles and mine with over 250k, for the same reason (not that the really impact the kids standard of living). But it is definitly not the same standard of living for them, even if it is in the same house.

It's obvious you're a good dad. And it sounds like you're the only parent your kiddos have. Being a full time single parent is tough, and you've got my understanding there. Not every mom is out to screw over the father though. I just want what's best for my kids. Sounds like that's what you want too, we just have differing opinions on what best is.

I never claimed every mom is out to. Just that the system is set up in such a way to do so. When ANY woman is able to live off her children's child support, that is a broken system.

Might as well throw grammy under the bus too! Grandparents get money to raise their grand-kids in MA. Its a cheap shot to say that "women" abuse the system. TRUST ME its not enough money, Ever.

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants

and I dont get ANY child support btw

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants

The system isn't rigged to screw you over. I've had numerous guys ask me how they could get custody, but they screw it up every single time. First step is to not leave the family home and/or let mom walk all over you, no matter how "society" says custody/divorce/breakups are supposed to work. Not buying it, sorry.

And alimony can be legit - say you married someone who didn't speak English, or has a disability. Grow up.

The first thing any divorce attorney that is not blowing smoke up your *kitten* will tell you is that, as a man, it is an uphill climb. Family court is biased towards a woman. You can argue against that, but you will be wrong. Period. And the child support system is set up in such a way that a man earning any kind of decent money will be paying TONS more than what the kids cost in child support. That is a fact. Again, you can argue it. But you will be wrong. I know how much I WOULD be paying in child support. And, given that I am raising my kids (without recievin child support, mind you), I know how much they cost. And the two amounts are not even close.

And there are plenty of people who do not speak English, or who has a disability, that I am not reponsible for financially supporting. If I were once married to them, that shouldn't change it. When my marriage to a person ends, any and all responsibility I have towards that person should end. In my case, it did. That is one scenario that my state gets correct, even if it is just as screwed up as the rest concerning child support.

No, it isn't rigged to screw you over. I had to my ex to court because while I had primary custody, he suddenly decided one day that I shouldn't, and took my daughter, stipulating that I could see her Wednesdays and every other weekend. Police were called out once, but it was very traumatic for my daughter. Got a lawyer, lawyer said 'Go ahead and let him act like an idiot, you will get her back.' Court delays and 1.5 years later, I did not. Because I was a single mother who had moved around a lot (bad economy, and he had remarried and step mom could stay home with her. Court decided she was better off with him after all.) It stung, especially since I had moved us out to Cali so she could be near her dad, and he nabbed her during the upheaval of moving and my finding work out here. Plus the word 'custody' is never mentioned in Colorado parenting laws, so that's how he managed to take her and keep her during the year and half while we wrangled in court.

SO - no, the courts are not 'rigged' in Mom's favor in my experience. In fact, the pendulum might be swinging the other way.

there are truths to both, the courts do favor maternal mothers. They also favor stability, and wherever the child resides the longest is where they usually end up..Ive seen it first hand

randomtai

"I detest drama, hence the reason I don't have too many female friends and never have."

I really dislike when women talk like this. You'd be surprised how much drama men can get into, as well. I think when women say these types of comments, it's more of an internal issue than anything else. Most likely been hurt too many times in the past and need to build that trust up again. Or maybe they just let society push them into that mentality. It really doesn't mean you're sooooo much cooler and level-headed than the majority of other women, sweetie. Be an ally to other women. Don't let society pit us against one another.

/rant

Um. k. :huh:

Docmahi

maybe im not on the forums enough - but I have yet to see the single mom bashing topics

I'm all about the momma bears

JoMesari

I am having a hard time believing my eyes. As a single mom I take offense to the options, because I don't see: Single by choice! As a single mother with multiple college degrees, with the same organization for 13 years in a leadership position, that has student athletes playing multiple sports, and a child with special needs. I choose to be single because they are my priority! Not once have they ever had a need or want for anything because my Father in Heaven has always provided. I've not ever had a problem dating; however, I haven't been serious in a while because I pay attention to individuals limits and thresholds and will not ever place to much of my world on someone unable to handle it.

reddaddie

I dated a single mom once for a while then married her. that was 22 years ago,
she still floats my boat.

It is a lot of work but not much more than any other marriage. Don't date unless you are looking for a spouse, you'll mess up your life for momentary thrills.

Derf_Smeggle

I dated a single mom with two kids when I was in my 20's. We even lived together for a year. Might have worked out had she not taken a double dose of Crazy-O's when I wasn't looking.

Kowee84

as a single mum i laugh at the other mums who want something for nothing.. because half of them create their own issues. my sons father was abusive and after restraining orders he found a loop hole.. go to the family courts.. they lifted the order.
his father was a loser who refused to work because he would have to give us money for food and bills. i worked part time but it wasnt enough.. so after he destroyed the house again and almost hurt our son, I left him. i started to work full time because i wanted to earn my own money (not the governments) and get us as far as i could without him. that was nearly 5 years ago.. since then he still claims he doesnt work, but can afford a wife and is about to have a second child with his wife (3 in total)
well i have a nice car (which i was told by the x i would never have), my son has everything he could ask for and he has respect... he has manners and he understands the meaning of money.
i see people who choose not to do whats best for their child because it doesnt suit them.. so many single parents out there who need to stop complaining about whats wrong with their lives and see whats RIGHT with it.. and ask if theres anything that can be done to change whats wrong. i dont have sympathy for these mums..i dont need a man in my life.. my son doesnt need the heartache of someone coming and going from our lives.. when the time is right, it will happen.. but im not gonna push

HatOrBoa

SIngle mom here… None of those stereotypes apply to me! I am quite comfortable in my life with my child - any man that comes into it will only benefit from finding a warm, caring family that wants to include him.

I think guys run the gamut… There are definitely guys out there, friends even, whom I know would never date a single mom. That being said, I have never had a problem finding guys to date me.

What is even weirder to me are the single dads who say they won't date a single mom!

summertime_girl

I am having a hard time believing my eyes. As a single mom I take offense to the options, because I don't see: Single by choice! As a single mother with multiple college degrees, with the same organization for 13 years in a leadership position, that has student athletes playing multiple sports, and a child with special needs. I choose to be single because they are my priority! Not once have they ever had a need or want for anything because my Father in Heaven has always provided. I've not ever had a problem dating; however, I haven't been serious in a while because I pay attention to individuals limits and thresholds and will not ever place to much of my world on someone unable to handle it.

The " I choose to be single because they are my priority" is a little over the top. Like those who are single who choose to date don't make their kids a priority, which is ridiculous.

rbailey_72550

BigCed77024 wrote: »

I had a guy tell me once that he was extremely turned on by the fact that I had never had kids and that my lady parts are still "in tact" for better sex. We don't talk anymore. :noway:

Did he live in Texas?

Wait a second! I LIVE in TEXAS! Texas is a lot cooler than what you see on TV especially HOUSTON! And that guy IS a DOUCHE! Now he could be in East Texas..I wouldn't go there after dark..lol

Yes he did!

Found it: http://jezebel.com/delusional-man-child-has-most-incredible-list-of-dating-1382052948


I am looking for a decent girl that wants to be in a long term monogamus relationship with me.

I want the girl to be attractive.

I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat girl.

I like girls that are 130 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to their height, as long as they aren’t considred overweight, they should be fine.

Being overweight is a total dealbreaker with me.

I also like girls with long hair. I like a girl to look like a girl, not a man, I like a feminine, pretty girl. I like hair down to the shoulders at least. Sometimes I can make exceptions if it is shorter depending on how it looks on the girl. But for the most part, I love long hair.

Redheads are my favorite, next is Brunettes, and next is Blondes, in that order. I like all 3, but I’m just saying if I had to choose, that’s my order of preference.

I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.

However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.

I do not like glasses on a girl. Although, it’s not a dealbreaker, as long as she can wear contacts at least most of the time.

I do not ever want to have kids, so if a girl is wanting to have babies, I am not her man.

I will not date a girl that does not have a job or career.

I am not looking for any type of woman that is materialistic or a gold digger or expects a man to pay for everything.

I do not like tattoos on a woman. If a woman already has tattoos, it may not be a deal breaker unless she plans to get more in the future. If a woman has something small and feminine like a butterfly or rose already on her ankle or something then it may not necessacerily be a dealbreaker. And it would also help if she would consider having them laser removed, something I might would even pay to have done for her.

To me, tattoos just represent white trash or somone that’s been in prison. I do not care for following trends like mindless sheep and getting tats just because what ever Star on TV got them, they will always be a symbol of White Trash. The Female human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created, to tattoo it with ink is the same as vandalising a famous Monet painting with a can of spray paint!

I also do not like piercings on a woman. I do not like a woman to have anything pireced other than her Ears. If she has other piercings it’s not a dealbreaker as long as she removes them and never wears them again.

I do not like gamblers. I will not be in any relationship with a woman that gambles or wastes money on such things.

I do not like strippers! I will not date any girl that has ever been a stripper. I believe that the only person that should ever see a womans naked body is only her boyfriend or husband.

I will not date any girl that has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners. I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted girlfriend.

I will not date any girl that can not always be honest & faithful to me. This is very important.

I prefer a girl that does not smoke, but as long as she does not smoke in my house or around me, if she can go outside and smoke, then I can live with that. I lived with my ex girlfriend for Eleven years, and she was a smoker.

I will not date any girl if she is still friends with any men that she has been intimate with in the past, I believe once a relationship with someone is over, it’s OVER.

I will not date a selfish woman. I do not like selfish women at all.

I do not like sarcastic or cynical people, I do not like people that always think negatively either, so that type of girl would also not be a good match for me.

I know sometimes on my website here, I may seem like a negative person because I point out sooooo many things that I dislike, but I assure you I am a very positive person, I am just tring to put out here my likes/dislikes so you can know more about me and what type of girl may get along with me.

I do not expect a girl to agree with all of my beliefs or opinions etc, but I do not like to argue, and it’s very important that we can live in peace together if at some point the girl & I live together. I like to live in a quiet & peaceful environment. That is extremely important to me.

I like a girl that dresses on the conservative side. Not like a slut, and not anything weird. Just normal is fine. T-Shirt & Jeans are OK. But a girl in a dress really gets my heart racing! I also love it when a girl wears a mini skirt with boots, not cowboy boots, but sexy boots. Or high heels, I love spiked high heels!

I like a girl that takes care of herself and keeps herself clean of course.

I love it when a girl wears sexy lingerie in the bedroom! Especially thigh highs!

I need a girl that can be very warm & affectionate and loving.

It’s also nice if the girl has a big heart and appreciates simples things, and understands the value of sentimental things etc.

I like a girl that appreciates romance and the art of courtship.

Kissing is one of my most favorite things to do with a girl, it’s very important. I also love to hold a girls hand when I am walking with her. And I love sleeping beside a girl and holding her close to me, and spooning with her. In fact THAT is the reason I named this website “Sleepless In Austin” because I haven’t had a single good nights sleep in years, ever since my relationship ended with my ex-girlfriend.

And yes, I also liked the movie Sleepless in Seattle, haha :-D

It dosen’t matter at all to me how big or small a girls breasts are. I prefer them to be real & natural though. I am against breast implants, I see that as unnecessery self mutilation, and I would not want a girlfriend that has breast implants.

I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times. They end up with stretch marks. And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.

Now I’m not saying having had a kid or two is a for sure dealbreaker for me, but it’s a case by case basis, and I prefer a woman that’s never had kids if possible. My ex-girlfriend that I was with for Eleven years never had kids, she couldn’t because of a hysterectomy at a young age.

I like to get a lot of attention in a relationship, and I like to give it as well.

I also have a very high sex drive.

What a DOUCHE!

A NEEDY douche!

rbailey_72550

Girl, you got some strange replys to your post. Whoever made the remarks about a female that experienced childbirth and their sexy parts were inferior to a woman who hasn't had children, that guy is a real toad. I didn't think this app was even about relationships, dates, meeting people, etc. Guess I was wrong, my bad!

guimauveconfections

Pretty sure these men are mythical creatures here because I have yet to find a man who is mature and understanding enough to handle what it takes to have a meaningful relationship with a single mom.

I'm a mother of two beautiful children. One of which, my oldest, has Aspergers. A challenge in itself that I embrace however, makes men run the other way. Makes me wonder if it will ever happen for me again

LAMCDylan

If you haven't noticed by now there are a good portion of vain people on this board. Just learn to ignore them. As far as single moms I am generally not into them, but I do make exceptions. I think the number one deal breaker is when there are no boundaries set up with the ex. But if the woman has her *kitten* together I don't see a problem with dating.