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The official nightshift thread....
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jennifer_417 wrote: »I can't go so far as to say that everyone who is pro-life should adopt. Most of the time, if a woman gets pregnant, it's because she chose to engage in behavior that got her so.
Adoption isn't about helping the woman because she got herself pregnant. It is about helping the child whose mother doesn't want/can't care for it. Asking a woman to keep a child she doesn't want/isn't capable of caring for doesn't punish her or teach her a lesson or serve her right for getting knocked up...it punishes that child. I was born to a mother who didn't want kids yet kept me...being raised by a parent who knows they aren't parent material...is extremely detrimental. Maybe it is because I'm royally effed up in my head, but I've said my whole life I wish I'd never been born...and I have a sneaking suspicion that being raised by a mother who didn't want to mother me...is the reason for that. Maybe if I had been adopted, things would have different, maybe not, maybe worse even...but I know if I had been given the choice of being raised by a mother like that or not "being" at all....I would have chosen not being.
I'm not directing this at you Jen and I'm not saying you are saying a woman should keep her baby because it was her fault she got pregnant (daddy's too)...I just felt those feels after reading that and...I guess I wanted to put in my two cents as a kid who was raised by a rather unwilling parent...people tend to think they are thinking about what is best for the kid...they think being offed before you even begin is cruel but being raised by a mother that keeps her kid out of reasons of guilt...that is cruel and sets that child up for a lifetime of hardships...
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Hey, your feels are totally valid. I'm perfectly willing to admit that many that get pregnant are probably not in a position to raise the baby, and I wish there were more ways to make the father responsible. Sigh. And, I know very much what it feels like to wish you had never been born, but perhaps for different reasons.
I do wish more people would look at the option of adoption, though, especially those who are willing to go to extreme measures to have children (in vitro fertilization, etc).0 -
I wish they would seek adoption too, but I totally get that some people wouldn't be able to fully love a child that wasn't theirs biologically. Glad they are honest with themselves...
And I appreciate you not taking that as an attack or trying to start an argument or persuasion to change your opinion!
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Sex Ed Outside The U.S. Teaches Kids About M*sturbation, Consent And Orgasms — And It’s Working!
http://www.mtv.com/news/2259573/6-countries-doing-sex-ed-better-than-america/0 -
four hours to go. I'm struggling.0
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I bet! I remember reading Cosmo magazine and learning stuff about sex. My mom didn't talk to me about sex until she read my diary at 15 and found out I'd already had sex. And I didn't get "the talk", offers for birth control, etc...I just got in trouble. Sex ed needs to be started at home and early. Kids can google anything and learn some effed up stuff that will shape their entire sexual life if not properly educated early!0
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Frankie_Felinius wrote: »I bet! I remember reading Cosmo magazine and learning stuff about sex. My mom didn't talk to me about sex until she read my diary at 15 and found out I'd already had sex. And I didn't get "the talk", offers for birth control, etc...I just got in trouble. Sex ed needs to be started at home and early. Kids can google anything and learn some effed up stuff that will shape their entire sexual life if not properly educated early!
I checked out 'The Joy of Sex' from my local library when I was like...9. I learned early and when my parents found the book, they asked if I had any questions and I said 'a million' and that started it all.
That being said, I know a LOT about sex, how to avoid pregnancy, STIs, and how to try to get pregnant, but accidents happen, contraceptives fail, and that is why I am glad abortions are legal(Not for everyone but there it is folks). I don't want kids right now, maybe not ever. I've already decided that IF I do decide I want children, the partner I have had better be up for adoption because there are enough children in this world that I could love regardless of where they come from, what color they are, what religion they are, what sexual orientation they are, or what age they are. If/when I decide I am ready to be a mother, I imagine, like my mother before me, nothing will stand in my way.0 -
sufferlandrian wrote: »four hours to go. I'm struggling.
Don't you hate that?
At least it's 4. There are days beforehand that I know I'm working 16... it usually starts off like "15 and a half hours to go..."
Almost took out 3 fawn on the trail this morning. I made sure to get out today, it's supposed to rain all week.
Usually does on my vacations. 0 -
My mom was all about the sex ed and telling me she would put me on birth control whenever I asked...but when I actually got caught having sex? I got a beating.
Speaking of screwed up childhoods...lol...0 -
While I don't personally spank (they say you should only spank when calm...ain't never gonna happen with me) I don't have a problem when it is done correctly (see previous parenthesis) or when other methods haven't worked...and typically only for young children...but I can only imagine how frustrating that must have been for her...especially being open with you about it!
I have to ask...why didn't you ask her for birth control if she offered? Just uncomfortable? Already taken care of yourself? You don't have to answer, of course!0 -
This cat...
I tried to give it eggs...didn't want any. I know milk is a no-no but my kitties eat yogurt with no issues so I gave him some milk. He happily lapped it up but now he is having stinky gas!
And this little mothertrucker is just like Limpy Jim. Limpy Jim is a stray we took in (had to wait a few days to bring him to the shelter) and he was soooo affectionate...until he bit you...like biting out of love or some crazy shizz. This cat is very needy, won't leave my side, very underfoot. I've been loving on this jerk for HOURS and he bites me...twice! Not hard, of course, but jeez! He is practically HUGGING my arm as I type...0 -
Frankie_Felinius wrote: »This cat...
I tried to give it eggs...didn't want any. I know milk is a no-no but my kitties eat yogurt with no issues so I gave him some milk. He happily lapped it up but now he is having stinky gas!
And this little mothertrucker is just like Limpy Jim. Limpy Jim is a stray we took in (had to wait a few days to bring him to the shelter) and he was soooo affectionate...until he bit you...like biting out of love or some crazy shizz. This cat is very needy, won't leave my side, very underfoot. I've been loving on this jerk for HOURS and he bites me...twice! Not hard, of course, but jeez! He is practically HUGGING my arm as I type...
Lol! Sounds like Fury, our stray that's adopted us. He's missing one eye and has scratches across his nose. He's not neutered(probably how he got all scraped up in the first place) and my mother is after me to catch him on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday when the shelter will take him. We would keep him but he's fighting with our cat KC, who is a *kitten* to begin with, but KC has been losing the fights and he doesn't deserve to be pestered in his own yard.
So we are making the decision to give him to the local shelter. On the bright side, he's been hanging around for weeks, so we know he is good with other cats, he's good with dogs, and is affectionate as hell! We can tell the shelter this info and they can put it in his kitty profile.0 -
Frankie_Felinius wrote: »While I don't personally spank (they say you should only spank when calm...ain't never gonna happen with me) I don't have a problem when it is done correctly (see previous parenthesis) or when other methods haven't worked...and typically only for young children...but I can only imagine how frustrating that must have been for her...especially being open with you about it!
I have to ask...why didn't you ask her for birth control if she offered? Just uncomfortable? Already taken care of yourself? You don't have to answer, of course!
I wasn't beaten for not asking for birth control. I was beaten by my dad for having sex. I was 16.
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Beh, don't mind me. Clearly I'm still too sensitive about these things.0
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sadly, i think there are a lot more of us...the "too sensitive about these things" crowd...than there are people who got all the education and support they needed to become well-adjusted adults.
and the pendulum is still swinging in the wrong direction.
if you're lucky, you trip over the insight you need later on in life and find some means by which to get yourself pointed in the right direction...but that scar tissue can last forever.0 -
Yeah, it's true. I've been working on growing past this stuff, with some success, but it takes time and healing is hard. I'll get there!0
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yeah. healing IS hard. and so many of us try to heal while still surrounded by the toxic crap that messed us up in the first place, and it's doubly difficult....it's like going to chemo for lung cancer, but still showing up for your job at the asbestos factory.
sometimes, it really is best to just drop back ten and punt...pack your stuff and move to a city where nobody knows you, where you can pick all new friends and start from scratch and reinvent yourself.
especially parental stuff - my father had the decency to die while i was 15 or so. he was, without exaggeration, one of the worst human beings ever born...my mom was basically a chain-smoking shell of a person, completely emotionally unavailable.
i say this over and over again, it seems like...but - almost from the time you're an infant you begin to make choices that inform who you are. you go through life and you become the person you are through a series of random influences, and you have control over almost ALL of them. BUT - the one choice you have absolutely no control over whatsoever is who you're born to when you come into this world.
and yet we put this immense pressure on ourselves to "fit in" to whatever family ideal we're saddled with by fate, when sometimes the best we can do is bide our time until it's safe to make a run for it.
i joined the military out of high school and ran like hell.
...what? what? WHO's oversharing?0 -
I think because they get ingrained in us before we become aware that we have choices. It becomes such a fundamental part of our consciousness that many people never get past it. I think it takes a lot of self-awareness to even try, which you obviously had, even at a young age, to get away as early as you did.0
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i don't know where it comes from...but i remember knowing, intuitively, from a very young age that i just didn't belong there. i was always "the weird kid".0
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I am so looking forward to a day off. Now all I need to do is figure out how to get one.
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