Can a man and woman be good friends without...?

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Replies

  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
    Yes, it's possible. I'm married and I have several male friends. I have no desire to do anything other than talk or email with them. I'm sure they have no attraction to me either. Some of these friends I've had for over ten years. If they were interested in me that way, at some point, I would have noticed an indication and I haven't.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
    Yes. I've had a really close male friend for nearly 30 years. Have we ever thought about it? May be in our youth when we were drunk and horny but now we are in our 40s and married to others it wouldn't cross our minds.

    Mind you he does live about 15000 miles away so that doesn't help
  • steve2kay
    steve2kay Posts: 194 Member
    thoughts don't count - whenever I see a deck chair I think about how painful it would be to get my fingers caught in it, when I see a high ledge I think about falling off it - it doesn't mean I want to do these things.
  • Marcolter
    Marcolter Posts: 103 Member
    In other words, men and women are attracted to their relatives of the opposite sex but the incest taboo (even for cousins) is the only thing that holds you all back. one of my best friends was like a second mother to me who was a girlfriend's mother and she was the opposite sex and my friends .
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
    Yes and no (depends on your subconscious attraction to your friend).
  • notsuchaskinnybitch
    notsuchaskinnybitch Posts: 203
    I have a lot of male friends that I have never even thought of like that. I think if they are my friends then I kind of think of them as a brother. Thats not to say I haven't had these thoughts before, but not from any that I have been really close to. One of my best friends Graeme has sort of been adopted by my family and my mum even calls him son now. I guess it helps that I am really fussy about my men so there is nothing in him I find attractive physically. Thats what my boyfriend is for :)
  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
    I've never really had a good, close friend that was a woman. And in reading a recent post, I was wondering, 'Can a man and a woman be good friends without some sort of sexual thoughts or actions getting in the way?' The answer for me, is probably no. I'm too much of a horn dog. I'm probably missing out on some meaningful relationships, but that's just me. Sometimes II kind of wish I had a close female friend, but such is life. Thoughts.

    Well this post and your subsequent posts are two different things. 'Getting in the way' is the relevant part. What I think about in my own head is nobody's business. Just because I think about having sex with someone doesn't mean I want to have sex with them, or have a relationship with them.

    I think anyone that genuinely believes that men and women can't be close friends is stupid. And as for ' The answer for me, is probably no. I'm too much of a horn dog' You might want to try growing up some time soon. Unless of course, you're just a very old looking 15 year old.
  • khurrambutt
    khurrambutt Posts: 260 Member
    Without actions? Possibly.

    Without thoughts? No.
    I will go with this
  • lucylousmummy
    lucylousmummy Posts: 348 Member
    my best friend from the age of 2 is a male, we have never had any sort of sexual relationship, never thought about each other in that way, we have been friends coming up to 35 years now, and can't see it changing :smile:
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  • KristinaB83
    KristinaB83 Posts: 440 Member
    I think that this question was already answered for us in "When Harry Met Sally...".
  • TheyCallMeMISTERChace
    TheyCallMeMISTERChace Posts: 1,019
    God, I hope not. ;)
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Absolutely.

    I'm not saying that I don't think or fantasize about 99% of the women I come in contact with; I'm saying that, out of respect for my wife and daughters, I don't act on it.

    Been with my wife for 25 years and I have never had physical contact with another woman. On those rare occassions where the thought is overwhelming, I try to picture the look on my daughters' faces if I had to explain to them why I cheated on their mother.

    I have never cheated and I never will, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the female form.
  • apeacefulway
    apeacefulway Posts: 43
    I think it's totally possible for men and women to have meaningful friendships without sleeping together. I've had better friendships with men than I ever did women.

    However, I do think male-female friendships can be a way to test drive a relationship with one another. If things go well it can turn into more.

    I was friends with my husband for several years before we started dating and eventually married. 10 years on and we still have a great relationship that continues to bloom.
  • janetay01
    janetay01 Posts: 1,299 Member
    some of my closest friends are guys and sex never comes up. One of them has even tried to set me up with another of his friends. So, yes, it can happen.

    This. My best friend is a guy and he set me up on a blind date with the man who is now my husband. So yes, it is absolutely possible. I do know that it crossed his mind - but as a previous poster said, thoughts and actions are two different things. And I was never interested in that way so it would never have happened - he is a fabulous friend but I wonder how his wife puts up with him!!
  • WoodChuckNorris
    WoodChuckNorris Posts: 216
    some of my closest friends are guys and sex never comes up. One of them has even tried to set me up with another of his friends. So, yes, it can happen.

    This. My best friend is a guy and he set me up on a blind date with the man who is now my husband. So yes, it is absolutely possible. I do know that it crossed his mind - but as a previous poster said, thoughts and actions are two different things. And I was never interested in that way so it would never have happened - he is a fabulous friend but I wonder how his wife puts up with him!!

    He probably realised it was never going to happen, but maybe had hopes that it would. A friend of mine and I were talking about this yesterday actually. He and his girl recently parted ways and she is shocked that all of her guy "friends" whom she had known for years are suddenly clawing their way out of the friendzone pit.
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  • Slacker16
    Slacker16 Posts: 1,184 Member
    'Can a man and a woman be good friends without some sort of sexual thoughts or actions getting in the way?'
    If I'm not the least bit attracted to her physically and she's not the least bit attracted to me physically... then yes.

    In any other situation, hang out long enough and sooner or later someone will get feels. Or hit on the other one out of intoxication and desperation. Whichever.
  • AndiGirl70
    AndiGirl70 Posts: 542 Member
    Yes, you can but there is always a moment that makes you stop and think "what if?". I think its just a natural response to the opposite sex. You don't have to act on that thought bubble but I have to believe every man/woman friendship has that moment, I like friendships with men because they are typically straight shooters and drama free. Its a nice change of pace and perspective.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    I've had my share of good guy friends. Two I wasn't attracted to at all, one who had a girlfriend. One admitted he wanted to take it farther at some point, then changed his mind (I wasn't feminine enough for him), but we were still friends after that, although never really close friends...Another didn't show up at my wedding, and the third (my best friend) stopped calling me back after he dropped his girlfriend and I started dating my ex. That one was rough on me. Then two other friends I hung out a bit with and there was never any sign of interest on his side (and none on mine). We just stopped seeing each other because I moved pretty much.

    So I'd say it's entirely possible... as long as there is no attraction on either side.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,855 Member
    I was wondering, 'Can a man and a woman be good friends without some sort of sexual thoughts or actions getting in the way?'
    Apparently, some people are sexually attracted to every member of the opposite sex and it doesn't work. As for me, I've had a number of very good female friends. Two of these go back to college days (I'm 61). However, in my case either my wife or their husband become so uncomfortable with it that the communication becomes more and more sporadic. Makes me sad but that's the way it is.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    I was wondering, 'Can a man and a woman be good friends without some sort of sexual thoughts or actions getting in the way?'
    Apparently, some people are sexually attracted to every member of the opposite sex and it doesn't work. As for me, I've had a number of very good female friends. Two of these go back to college days (I'm 61). However, in my case either my wife or their husband become so uncomfortable with it that the communication becomes more and more sporadic. Makes me sad but that's the way it is.

    That's very sad. And one of the reasons I don't have friends... I get along with men better. Less BS. But it makes people 'uncomfortable'.
  • victal
    victal Posts: 1,375 Member
    Yeah course they can!! I have loads of male friends, and no I don't think about anything sexual with them cos they are my friends!! I have more male friends than female ones :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • yoyofighter
    yoyofighter Posts: 323 Member
    Yes I think it can happen, I have guy friends that are just friends that I have never had the thought of wanting more. I get along with guys better then girls but for the most part I am very out going and social, I just don't like the way some women think and act. Now I can't speak for my guy friends but I can say my 2 closest have never hit on me.
  • BrokenButBeautiful
    BrokenButBeautiful Posts: 939
    No. Absolutely not.
  • TheyCallMeMISTERChace
    TheyCallMeMISTERChace Posts: 1,019
    No. Absolutely not.

    Not if they look like you anyway.... :)
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    My best friend is a guy. We go to dinner, go shoot pistols and talk smack about politics. There's nothing else going on but friendship.
  • Brazilll
    Brazilll Posts: 503
    I believe that men and women can JUST be friends. I have my share of male buddies, many of which are gym friends. The flirting is bound to happen, but I think how it is recieved early on determines where things end up going. For example, one of my best friends is a personal trainer, he and I worked together for a few months. When we first met, I had told him that I was not looking to date anyone. He kind of blew that off and said that I would have a hard time not falling in love with him. I kept my firm stance on "friends only" and we grew incredibly close without there being any sexual tension. The fact that he stuck around, got to really know me, cares about my personal setbacks and triumphs is proof enough. He has no other motives. In three years there has never once been a moment where he has crossed a line, or I have thought about him in any other light than my best friend.
  • hedwig207
    hedwig207 Posts: 3 Member
    For me, I "Friend Zone" people pretty fast. So, if I was never attracted to a guy in the first place, then I would completely "friend zone" him and nothing would ever happen. But if I thought a guy was cute, and then became friends with him, there might be still a bit of sexual tension.

    But I know guys do this a lot. Especially if they get along well with a girl, they think it's because of some special bond and then they ruin everything by asking her out. (This has happened to me so many times that now all my guy friends have girl friends)
  • 2Dozen
    2Dozen Posts: 66 Member
    The answer to this question is "No".

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