chubby or skinny

rml_16

I believe you were ostracized, and I believe it was a misunderstanding that went awry in group pack behavior. Sometimes groups do turn on someone to build themselves up and form solidarity. But it's not as simple as thin/pretty. Other factors play into it too. (Like being shy and reserved. People misinterpret that as arrogance and then enjoy "putting you in your place" even if it's unfair.)

How does one get that kind of impression about someone she has never even seen before? These were women who had never SEEN ME before. They had never been in the same room before. They would have no way of developing any kind of impression of me. It was based ENTIRELY on what I looked like. There was no other context.

I make eye contact, I shake hands, I introduce myself. I'm standing in front of someone (more than one), asking a question or tryin to make a suggestion and being ignored. You weren't there.

This HAPPENS and it happens based on looks alone. Not every woman does it and not every group of women does it. BUT IT HAPPENS.

Do you think it may have had something to di wtih you being so young also? I'm not meaning that in a derogatory way, just that you were 10-15 years younger than them also and some people are quick to judge people who have children at a young age. Just a thought.

Absolutely. I qualified that in my first post. But the fact was I was a mother with a child the same age as theirs just trying to be involved in her education and I was ostracized.

I had a college degree, a level of intelligence, I wasn't wearing inaproppriate clothing or behaving poorly. The few women who didn't treat me terribly came to be good friends, despite the age difference. Even now, I have some close friends who are 30 and 40 years older than I am.

And the women who did take the time to get to know me and treat me nicely were the more attractive ones, every time, or at least the ones who weren't insecure. Clearly, these women saw me as some kind of threat and I'd done nothing wrong.

Also, interestingly, women who worked outside the home were more likely to be nice to me than SAHMs (again, there were exceptions, but on average).

FlaxMilk

How does one get that kind of impression about someone she has never even seen before? These were women who had never SEEN ME before. They had never been in the same room before. They would have no way of developing any kind of impression of me. It was based ENTIRELY on what I looked like. There was no other context.

I make eye contact, I shake hands, I introduce myself. I'm standing in front of someone (more than one), asking a question or tryin to make a suggestion and being ignored. You weren't there.

This HAPPENS and it happens based on looks alone. Not every woman does it and not every group of women does it. BUT IT HAPPENS.

You're right, I wasn't there. But since you mentioned it and we're discussing it, your theory about why that all happened just doesn't hold up for me.

Unless you and your child materialized in that room out of thin air in that very instant, I think it's far more likely that someone said something nasty about you or heard a rumor or one of a million possibilities. I'm not saying it was a good experience or that you did anything wrong. I just don't think you being thin and pretty caused insecure women to literally pretend to ignore you. You do believe that. We disagree, that's ok.

I'm also not buying that others were terrible to that other person simply because she's pretty. I believe they insulted her looks. I believe there was jealousy. I don't believe that was the only source of the problem. Again, she probably won't agree with me there, but no big deal.

rml_16

How does one get that kind of impression about someone she has never even seen before? These were women who had never SEEN ME before. They had never been in the same room before. They would have no way of developing any kind of impression of me. It was based ENTIRELY on what I looked like. There was no other context.

I make eye contact, I shake hands, I introduce myself. I'm standing in front of someone (more than one), asking a question or tryin to make a suggestion and being ignored. You weren't there.

This HAPPENS and it happens based on looks alone. Not every woman does it and not every group of women does it. BUT IT HAPPENS.

You're right, I wasn't there. But since you mentioned it and we're discussing it, your theory about why that all happened just doesn't hold up for me.

Unless you and your child materialized in that room out of thin air in that very instant, I think it's far more likely that someone said something nasty about you or heard a rumor or one of a million possibilities. I'm not saying it was a good experience or that you did anything wrong. I just don't think you being thin and pretty caused insecure women to literally pretend to ignore you. You do believe that. We disagree, that's ok.

I'm also not buying that others were terrible to that other person simply because she's pretty. I believe they insulted her looks. I believe there was jealousy. I don't believe that was the only source of the problem. Again, she probably won't agree with me there, but no big deal.

So then what is the impetus of a complete stranger seeing you for the first time ever to treat you that way? Or a group of complete strangers? I smile when I meet people or simply pass by them. Always. I try to be friendly as much as I can. Sometimes it's more difficult than others.

I'm pretty sure I'm approachable, though, because that is how most of my friendships have happened: someone approached me in a crowd where I was too shy to do the approaching. The only thing those women knew about me at the time was what I looked like. That was it. None of them had had a conversation with me ever. Probably none of them knew I existed until that moment, yet they were rude and nasty. What is the motivation in that case if not appearance?

Please give me a better explanation than I seem to have a bad attitude, because I don't. And please explain why ONLY that group of women have treated me that way -- ever.

FlaxMilk

So then what is the impetus of a complete stranger seeing you for the first time ever to treat you that way? Or a group of complete strangers? I smile when I meet people or simply pass by them. Always. I try to be friendly as much as I can. Sometimes it's more difficult than others.

I'm pretty sure I'm approachable, though, because that is how most of my friendships have happened: someone approached me in a crowd where I was too shy to do the approaching. The only thing those women knew about me at the time was what I looked like. That was it. None of them had had a conversation with me ever. Probably none of them knew I existed until that moment, yet they were rude and nasty. What is the motivation in that case if not appearance?

Please give me a better explanation than I seem to have a bad attitude, because I don't. And please explain why ONLY that group of women have treated me that way -- ever.

The impetus of complete strangers treating each other like crap is that sometimes people suck. Without knowing more about the people involved, including you, it's hard to say why they treated you like that. Maybe they heard something about you. Maybe they judged you by your age as a young mother. No, I can't tell you exactly why it happened. I can just tell you that I think it's very unlikely that your looks moved a group of adult women into such passion that they treated you in such a horrible way. It doesn't make any sense. Your question later, why only this group, reinforces to me that there was more to the story. Misunderstandings, judgments, childish behaviors, yes.

How likely is it that a group of women who had never seen you before all chose to act in the same strange and cruel way based solely on your looks? To me, it's not likely. To you, it's more likely. I don't think we'll agree on this difference of opinion.

mccindy72

How does one get that kind of impression about someone she has never even seen before? These were women who had never SEEN ME before. They had never been in the same room before. They would have no way of developing any kind of impression of me. It was based ENTIRELY on what I looked like. There was no other context.

I make eye contact, I shake hands, I introduce myself. I'm standing in front of someone (more than one), asking a question or tryin to make a suggestion and being ignored. You weren't there.

This HAPPENS and it happens based on looks alone. Not every woman does it and not every group of women does it. BUT IT HAPPENS.

You're right, I wasn't there. But since you mentioned it and we're discussing it, your theory about why that all happened just doesn't hold up for me.

Unless you and your child materialized in that room out of thin air in that very instant, I think it's far more likely that someone said something nasty about you or heard a rumor or one of a million possibilities. I'm not saying it was a good experience or that you did anything wrong. I just don't think you being thin and pretty caused insecure women to literally pretend to ignore you. You do believe that. We disagree, that's ok.

I'm also not buying that others were terrible to that other person simply because she's pretty. I believe they insulted her looks. I believe there was jealousy. I don't believe that was the only source of the problem. Again, she probably won't agree with me there, but no big deal.

You know, I'm not saying this is something that happens to me all the time, I'm just giving some examples of treatment I've received ever. Just like overweight people don't get treatment badly every day by everyone. Typically I'd say the same rude people rml and I are running into who are treating us badly might be the ones treating the overweight ones badly simply because they are the rude to everyone people you are discussing. It goes both ways. It's happened a few times in my life. It's happened a few times in an overweight person's life. We all have problems or reasons or bad things that happen, we deal with them and learn to move on from it. None of us were whining about it. We started giving examples when we were getting attacked about how wonderful it must be to be thin and pretty and how we just couldn't possibly know how bad body shaming feels to an overweight person. It happens to everyone for different reasons, and we all feel pain when it happens. Hate is hate.

DebbieLyn63

How does one get that kind of impression about someone she has never even seen before? These were women who had never SEEN ME before. They had never been in the same room before. They would have no way of developing any kind of impression of me. It was based ENTIRELY on what I looked like. There was no other context.

I make eye contact, I shake hands, I introduce myself. I'm standing in front of someone (more than one), asking a question or tryin to make a suggestion and being ignored. You weren't there.

This HAPPENS and it happens based on looks alone. Not every woman does it and not every group of women does it. BUT IT HAPPENS.

You're right, I wasn't there. But since you mentioned it and we're discussing it, your theory about why that all happened just doesn't hold up for me.

Unless you and your child materialized in that room out of thin air in that very instant, I think it's far more likely that someone said something nasty about you or heard a rumor or one of a million possibilities. I'm not saying it was a good experience or that you did anything wrong. I just don't think you being thin and pretty caused insecure women to literally pretend to ignore you. You do believe that. We disagree, that's ok.

I'm also not buying that others were terrible to that other person simply because she's pretty. I believe they insulted her looks. I believe there was jealousy. I don't believe that was the only source of the problem. Again, she probably won't agree with me there, but no big deal.

So then what is the impetus of a complete stranger seeing you for the first time ever to treat you that way? Or a group of complete strangers? I smile when I meet people or simply pass by them. Always. I try to be friendly as much as I can. Sometimes it's more difficult than others.

I'm pretty sure I'm approachable, though, because that is how most of my friendships have happened: someone approached me in a crowd where I was too shy to do the approaching. The only thing those women knew about me at the time was what I looked like. That was it. None of them had had a conversation with me ever. Probably none of them knew I existed until that moment, yet they were rude and nasty. What is the motivation in that case if not appearance?

Please give me a better explanation than I seem to have a bad attitude, because I don't. And please explain why ONLY that group of women have treated me that way -- ever.

Ok, if that was the ONLY time this ever happened to you, then it most likely had more to do with THEM, then you. They were most likely a tight knit group of ladies who didn't readily open up their group to newcomers. Maybe they were the type that still lived in HS and didn't accept anyone out of their 'click'. Maybe they were in a deep discussion with each other and were oblivious to anyone else around them.
Who knows what the reason was, but the point some of us are making is that you cant say that they snubbed you because you were thin and pretty. Maybe it was because you looked like you were too young to be a mother, and they had made an assumption that you were lower class because you had a child young. Again, who knows for sure.

But you and the other ladies on here who are insisting that people snub them and they lose jobs because they are "thin and pretty", is just very egotistical. Only someone who prides themselves as being 'thin and pretty' would come to that conclusion.

I am not saying that people don't make assumptions about a person because of their outward appearance. That happens all the time. But it is mostly because of the way they are dressed, or how they carry themselves. And yes, if someone is 200 pounds overweight, many people will assume that they are lazy and don't care about themselves. This is a quite common occurrence.
Also if someone is extremely thin, people may make assumptions that they have an eating disorder Because of society's acceptance of the average person being overweight today, many people will think that a healthy person's weight might be too thin.

So based on weight/size alone, yes, people do make assumptions about people outside the 'norm'.

But this whole- "women hate me because I'm prettier than they are, and are threatened by me" mentality is just so sorority.:noway:

fitfreakymom

How does one get that kind of impression about someone she has never even seen before? These were women who had never SEEN ME before. They had never been in the same room before. They would have no way of developing any kind of impression of me. It was based ENTIRELY on what I looked like. There was no other context.

I make eye contact, I shake hands, I introduce myself. I'm standing in front of someone (more than one), asking a question or tryin to make a suggestion and being ignored. You weren't there.

This HAPPENS and it happens based on looks alone. Not every woman does it and not every group of women does it. BUT IT HAPPENS.

You're right, I wasn't there. But since you mentioned it and we're discussing it, your theory about why that all happened just doesn't hold up for me.

Unless you and your child materialized in that room out of thin air in that very instant, I think it's far more likely that someone said something nasty about you or heard a rumor or one of a million possibilities. I'm not saying it was a good experience or that you did anything wrong. I just don't think you being thin and pretty caused insecure women to literally pretend to ignore you. You do believe that. We disagree, that's ok.

I'm also not buying that others were terrible to that other person simply because she's pretty. I believe they insulted her looks. I believe there was jealousy. I don't believe that was the only source of the problem. Again, she probably won't agree with me there, but no big deal.

So then what is the impetus of a complete stranger seeing you for the first time ever to treat you that way? Or a group of complete strangers? I smile when I meet people or simply pass by them. Always. I try to be friendly as much as I can. Sometimes it's more difficult than others.

I'm pretty sure I'm approachable, though, because that is how most of my friendships have happened: someone approached me in a crowd where I was too shy to do the approaching. The only thing those women knew about me at the time was what I looked like. That was it. None of them had had a conversation with me ever. Probably none of them knew I existed until that moment, yet they were rude and nasty. What is the motivation in that case if not appearance?

Please give me a better explanation than I seem to have a bad attitude, because I don't. And please explain why ONLY that group of women have treated me that way -- ever.

Ok, if that was the ONLY time this ever happened to you, then it most likely had more to do with THEM, then you. They were most likely a tight knit group of ladies who didn't readily open up their group to newcomers. Maybe they were the type that still lived in HS and didn't accept anyone out of their 'click'. Maybe they were in a deep discussion with each other and were oblivious to anyone else around them.
Who knows what the reason was, but the point some of us are making is that you cant say that they snubbed you because you were thin and pretty. Maybe it was because you looked like you were too young to be a mother, and they had made an assumption that you were lower class because you had a child young. Again, who knows for sure.

But you and the other ladies on here who are insisting that people snub them and they lose jobs because they are "thin and pretty", is just very egotistical. Only someone who prides themselves as being 'thin and pretty' would come to that conclusion.

I am not saying that people don't make assumptions about a person because of their outward appearance. That happens all the time. But it is mostly because of the way they are dressed, or how they carry themselves. And yes, if someone is 200 pounds overweight, many people will assume that they are lazy and don't care about themselves. This is a quite common occurrence.
Also if someone is extremely thin, people may make assumptions that they have an eating disorder Because of society's acceptance of the average person being overweight today, many people will think that a healthy person's weight might be too thin.

So based on weight/size alone, yes, people do make assumptions about people outside the 'norm'.

But this whole- "women hate me because I'm prettier than they are, and are threatened by me" mentality is just so sorority.:noway:

same as women who say women hate them cause they are fat. some of it is real and some is all in our heads. But all in all I think people tend to be more attracted to other people who live the same kind of lifestyle. And if people are insecure with themselves then they do not want to be around people who they feel look better than them and as far as fit people go maybe some do not want to be around people who they feel might not have much in common with them and in some cases people on both sides are just *kitten* and judgmental, we have all done it at some point.

rml_16

same as women who say women hate them cause they are fat. some of it is real and some is all in our heads. But all in all I think people tend to be more attracted to other people who live the same kind of lifestyle. And if people are insecure with themselves then they do not want to be around people who they feel look better than them and as far as fit people go maybe some do not want to be around people who they feel might not have much in common with them and in some cases people on both sides are just *kitten* and judgmental, we have all done it at some point.

You know, women (in general and there are many exceptions) can be pretty awful when they feel even a twinge of jealousy.

I have known my best friend since we were babies, literally for 35 years now. In August we will have known each other 36 years.

I love her. She is more like a sister than a friend and I know that no matter what, she will always be there when I need her. However, she can be kind of a bee-otch under certain circumstances, and perhaps this is a better illustration of what Cindy and I are talking about that maybe can put things in better perspective.

My friend is TERRIBLE at relationships. There are underlying issues that I won't go into, but she pretty much sabotages herself. Yet the thing she wants more than anything is to get married and have babies. She is twice divorced with a broken engagement in between.

There have been times when we've been single together, there have been times when we've both been in relationships and there have been times when only one or the other of us has been in a relationship.

I have lived with the same man for almost nine years and I have a daughter (not with him). She has said some nasty things to me regarding the circumstances of my daughter's birth. As I mentioned, I was very young. I have managed, though, to get a college degree and make a nice life for us. My friend has told me in a not nice tone what a terrible example I am because teenage girls will see me and think it's a good idea to have a baby. This is only one example of some of the things she's said.

The other thing I've noticed is that she treats me very differently when I am in a relationship and she isn't. She makes snotty, snide comments during those times, but when she is in a relationship herself (regardless of my status), she never does that.

So the bottom line is that some women see another woman has or is something they don't or aren't and they become very nasty toward that other woman regardless of that other woman's personality or how that other woman treats them or behaves in general. Sometimes that thing is that the insecure woman thinks the other woman is more attractive (regardless of whether she is).

Dismissing this as a possibility for poor treatment of one woman by another is burying one's head in the sand. It happens. It happens enough that people notice.

I'm certaibnly no model, but I do take care of myself. I look a bit different (better) in person than in photographs and this event took place when I was much younger and thinner than I am now (and I'm not that big now, either). The women who did it were mostly the stereotypical frumpy housewives who wore mom jeans, were overweight and didn't even bother to fix their hair most days. The typical "I've given up" look. The ONLY thing I had that they didn't was what I looked like. They had more money, they had husbands, they had pretty much anything they wanted. What did they have to be jealous of me for?

FlaxMilk

You know, women (in general and there are many exceptions) can be pretty awful when they feel even a twinge of jealousy.

Dismissing this as a possibility for poor treatment of one woman by another is burying one's head in the sand. It happens. It happens enough that people notice.

People, in general and with many exceptions, can be pretty awful when they feel even a twinge of jealousy. Calling out someone for singling out women for this behavior when it's a human and not gender-specific trait is not head-burying.

Unknown

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bettacheckyoself

yeah, and I was really shocked to see novel like responses in this one...

needtochange2014

I just want someone to hold me.

This. hahaha

DannyA0130

The one with the highest credit score and deepest wallet.

AhhhhHAahahah

cheekymcgee

Fit.
Skinny.
Chubby.

In that order of preference, but that's minor in the scheme of things for me!

cheekymcgee

Holy hell! There's a lot of wordy responses.

TL;DR

ClementineGeorg

Chubby. I don't think I ever liked a skinny or muscular guy. :laugh: Something must be wrong with me.

ElyseL1

Hubs is chubby Never really had a preference just that they had to be taller than me lol

krawhitham

I've loved, dated, been attracted to pretty much every physique/height/weight you can think of. It's really all about connection and chemistry for me. If we get on and you stimulate my mind, THATS what matters!

I have found friends that will "only" date really skinny people to have a lot of failures in love. They're just focusing on the wrong things...

SoDamnHungry

Dated chubby. Dated skinny. That's not the size that matters.

tristikay

My husband has been chubby and skinny (fit)...sure he looks great naked skinny....GREAT abs and arms...but I love the way he feels when he is a lil plump and we cuddle...so I guess both as long as it's my hubby!

KombuchaCat

Happily married to a skinny but fairly muscular man. Dated both types before that I didn't really think it mattered. I agree with some of the other posts that teeth are a dealbreaker as far as the physical aspects...they don't have to be perfect, just not really screwed up and totally ignored.

RockWarrior84

TrevNiel22

personality over looks.

ohkurt18

personality over looks.

^^ My hero. lol

ohkurt18

Honestly though I like bigger guys.

elprincipito

whichever one is sweeter. usually into "thick" girls (beyonce.. christina milian...)

Cheeky_and_Geeky

Hey.. Im fat. I know that no one wants fat people... and I personally know that cute and chubby is an insult. Skinny people get everything in life. Fat people get nothing.

^^ needs psychiatric help

Cheeky_and_Geeky

I married a skinny guy, but I didn't fall in love with his physique, I fell in love with his personality & drive.

AlongCame_Molly

I married one

Anney1843

Honestly like most people I'd prefer a guy who was really muscular. But if I were to choose between the two I would say chubby. I'm not a particularly thin person and I would never want to date a guy who was skinnier than me.