husband jokes' about my body
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Honey..I don't know if you are still reading this thread...but I wanna tell you a story.
I was married to my college sweetheart. He seemed like a great guy. Then I gained weight. I'm not talking 20 lbs but over 75 lbs from where I started.
We were in a bad stretch with money at the time and he was looking to start a new job in another town with us moving. Things were very stressful. He never said anything particular about my weight except that he "wanted me to live as long as him" and "take better care of myself." He was lucky enough to be able to eat anything he wanted and not gain at this point.
He started to, how should I put this, develop hydraulic issues. When after repeat issues with this, I mentioned that we might want to un-stress our lives a bit, that maybe it's taking a bit of a toll on us. I was informed that the issues he was having was not him at all, but directional proportional to the size of my behind (not exact words but you get the drift). After a good fight, another good fight two weeks later and one month of tense living, I moved out.
Now, he's with my ex-friend and a father to at least one kid I think.
Before you think I'm babbling, here's what I'm trying to say. Leave. Or go to counseling, or something. The problem you have is this, if he is this way about a natural concurrence happening in your body that he helped create, what is he going to say to you or your kid in the future?
I just see problems. I am happier than I have ever been and I believe he is much happier without me too. It's not easy to walk away, but sometimes you just have to do it. Take of your kid and you.
Good luck, and if you need support, feel free to write me.0 -
he is an insecure manipulator. he controls you by making you feel bad about yourself in order to feel better about himself. don't take the bait! if you are happy with your body, let no one's ignorant comments bother you, including your husband, who vowed to love, honor & cherish you, yet enjoys making you squirm with thinly veiled negative judgment.
Live for you & your baby, take care of your body because you are living for two. Let your husband know that his passive/aggressive bullsh*t is not the way a loving husband treats his wife, & will not be an acceptable form of communication for either you or your child - THINK ABOUT THAT - WILL HE TALK TO YOUR CHILD THIS WAY TOO?!! You're letting it happen to you, will you let that happen to your child?
Surround yourself with people who help you see the beauty you possess, gather your confidence, & stand up to him. Your happiness & your baby's happiness depend on it.0 -
When your self esteem is intact - no amount of insults can get to you.
It does not mean that hey should be spoken or tolerated. Your husband is fortunate not to know the loss of a wife or child. Congratulations and take care and blessing to you and your dear child.0 -
I wish there is some way I could give you a hug.
Your body is changing because you are making a human being.
If your body wasn't changing, then you'd have something to worry about!
You may want to find an illustrated guide on pregnancy and how a baby grows and take your husband through it with you, step by step.
I think sometimes men just don't "get" what making a human being means, they get anxious, and their nervousness comes out in thoughtless comments.
Next time he makes a thoughtless remark say: My body is making our child. If it wasn't changing, our child wouldn't be growing.0 -
Hello everybody, thanks you all for taking time to answer and support me!
I dont have relatives over here, besides his family, so I wont be able to move out for a while, I just got a room in a touristic center for the week end.
His comment about it being a boy not a girl its about some cultural old belief, that boy make that mum pretty during pregnancy, and girls make the mum swell even more and gets ugly. My sister in law is pregnant of a girl, and my in laws cant stop comparing us, how i stayed thin bc i have a boy and how she swell bc its a girl ( she is 8 months pregnant, thank god she gained weight),.... sensitivity or personal boundary seems be missing in the constitution of this country!!!
Anyways, this is how it went this morning, he wake up all lovey dovey, being all nice and sweet, he clearly knew i was still mad, saying come on, why I was still mad, I didnt respond, until he saw me packing, then he wents nuts, starting saying how i was blowing things out of propoertion, and get me to tell him what did he wrong!? Where was i going to go !? And why i was packing a swimsuit.
Then i went on: dont you dare make this about me overeacting and that his little whale needs a break and will go take a dive". He did his usual speech:" You know that i am just teasing you, i adore your body, i think you are perfect,..yadi yadi yada."
I then name how frenquently he does it, and how often i tell him that i find it hurtfull, whats the point of joking or teasing me about smth, that according to u its not even true, that i dont think its funny and that hurts me !?! And you know it does!!! Would you like me to give you a taste about your own medicine, would you think its funny, how would you react !?
He recognize, that he wouldnt like it either, he wont do it again and he apologize for being so insensitive, BUT, when i asked why does he do it then, he keeps on apologizing and saying that he doesnt know why, just didnt realize he went that far.
I then said, that for him to stop, he needs to know whats the reason behind that behavior, that i need a break for the weekend anyways, i will go back monday after work, but by then I hope he will figure out a solution to find out why.
He tried coming with me or making me stay, I just told him that I was not mad at him anymore, just really concerned about his behavior, and the baby and us serve healthier environnement to live in. BUT I really needed this weekend off everything.
He can understand, and he will go to therapy if he needed to , I jumped on the idea, and i said i think its great you thought of it, Monday after 6, works for me!
So we will see...thanks again, I really would have lost it without your support, thanks a lot!!
Just read this sincerely hoping for the best, take care.0 -
Pregnancy and kids are HUGE stressors on a marriage.
Suddenly you go from being responsible for yourself and one other adult, to being responsible for the total care and well-being of a helpless little person you love more than life itself.
If I had to do it over again, I'd spend less time on the nursery and more time in couples' therapy to get ready for this huge change. It is pretty wonderful to be a parent, but it takes work to stay a couple with all the new demands on you and your relationship.0 -
Pregnancy and kids are HUGE stressors on a marriage.
Suddenly you go from being responsible for yourself and one other adult, to being responsible for the total care and well-being of a helpless little person you love more than life itself.
If I had to do it over again, I'd spend less time on the nursery and more time in couples' therapy to get ready for this huge change. It is pretty wonderful to be a parent, but it takes work to stay a couple with all the new demands on you and your relationship.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: good thinking!!!!0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.
This! He shouldn't be such a jerk!!0 -
No. your child comes first, you second, and your abusive husband dead last after the litter box.
^^^^ THIS ^^^^
I'm not an abusive husband... but I am in that exact same pecking order. The kid first, the dog second, then, the wife... and if there's still a few minutes left in the day, me. That's just how life works. Some days the dog gets first priority. The boy is older now.
Good husbands (read: you) take priority over the litter box. But just the litter box. 0 -
I agree -- kick him in the butt and leave for a few days. He should be praising your new body and the wonders that are going on. He is an idiot and not worth your worry. Those kind of jokes hurt and should not happen. You could always say with what is below your belt I should be happy I was able to get pregnant then laugh and walk away. Give as good as he is and he will find out how bad it feels.0
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Do Mediterranean men simply want to be the children to their wives rather than have them? If I were a fertile young woman dating men of that culture I'd get sterilized or move. Or maybe import a man. And I thought American men were terrible!
In for wild generalizations, xenophobia, and blatant sexism. :drinker: :flowerforyou:
It was based off a later post of OP's that was generalizing and seemed to be saying just that. *shrug* It's not sexist. Women carry babies. Our bodies change when we do it and rarely go back to exactly how they were before. Men who can't handle that shouldn't get a woman pregnant. Ever.0 -
Do Mediterranean men simply want to be the children to their wives rather than have them? If I were a fertile young woman dating men of that culture I'd get sterilized or move. Or maybe import a man. And I thought American men were terrible!
In for wild generalizations, xenophobia, and blatant sexism. :drinker: :flowerforyou:
It was based off a later post of OP's that was generalizing and seemed to be saying just that. *shrug* It's not sexist. Women carry babies. Our bodies change when we do it and rarely go back to exactly how they were before. Men who can't handle that shouldn't get a woman pregnant. Ever.
Wow! It is sexist and xenophobia or racist. Insane conclusion to come to. Generalizing an entire male population of a region because of one dysfunctional person.
P.s. I used the word insane. I'm tired. That's all I could think of. I'm not marginalizing the mentally ill. Mfp is tiring sometimes.0 -
ok so while it's terrible what your husband says to you - and he sounds like an idiot - this thread has been great for some new insults, my favourite I think was "raging douche canoe" from page 1.0
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ok so while it's terrible what your husband says to you - and he sounds like an idiot - this thread has been great for some new insults, my favourite I think was "raging douche canoe" from page 1.
This guy sounds like a two man douche canoe.0 -
Your husband sounds like an idiot!0
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Chuck him out, have the baby, get back into shape and then say 'Have a look at what you could have won'....0
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When i tried bringing it up, that it bothers me, he just turns the whole thing into a joke, saying, " im just teasing you are being super sensitive" or that i should know that he adores my body and that i used to model before so i shouldnt even question how attractive i am.
But i dont want to be attractive to others or to fashionmagazine or to other men, i want my own husband to compliment my body to not only pick on it.
At this point in the conversation what do you do?
Have you ever said directly at that point that you do not like this behaviour, you don't find it amusing and you do not wish him to repeat it again as it makes you feel bad?
He sounds insecure about his own looks and wants to keep up appearances as it were.
He doesn't sound like a monster though but rather a little self centred and insensitive to your needs. Spell it out to him, tell him what you expect and see if his behaviour changes (and it may very well do.) If it does - cool. If not decide what you want to do.0 -
I have to say, the comment that he is glad you're having a boy and not a girl bothers me. A lot. What will he do it the baby is female? Smother it? Leave it on a hospital doorstep? Why does he care so much about the baby being a boy? What if this one is a boy and the next one (if there is a next one) is a girl? Will he abuse or ignore the girl for a boy? That's just a disaster waiting to happen.
This.
I was horrified when I read that part!! because everyone knows baby girls are inferior and a financial burden right?! FFS.0 -
Do Mediterranean men simply want to be the children to their wives rather than have them? If I were a fertile young woman dating men of that culture I'd get sterilized or move. Or maybe import a man. And I thought American men were terrible!
In for wild generalizations, xenophobia, and blatant sexism. :drinker: :flowerforyou:
It was based off a later post of OP's that was generalizing and seemed to be saying just that. *shrug* It's not sexist. Women carry babies. Our bodies change when we do it and rarely go back to exactly how they were before. Men who can't handle that shouldn't get a woman pregnant. Ever.
Wow! It is sexist and xenophobia or racist. Insane conclusion to come to. Generalizing an entire male population of a region because of one dysfunctional person.
P.s. I used the word insane. I'm tired. That's all I could think of. I'm not marginalizing the mentally ill. Mfp is tiring sometimes.
Racist is when you attribute characteristics to a race. I never do that. I do acknowledge societal influence of every one of us and some societies are better or worse as far as their gender relationships. I asked if Mediterranean men had the negative characteristics stated, and if so I said women shouldn't have anything to do with them. And I stand by that. Of course, some people transcend their cultural upbringings and that's great, but no woman should date a fixer-upper. If a man acts badly and it's blamed on the culture that is no excuse to allow him to abuse her.
As for American women, we should all stop having babies because our society punishes us for it. The main justification for not paying women the same wage as men is that we take time out to have children and raise them and care for them. What kind of sick society punishes people economically for that? It hurts men, too, who should also be able to take time out to properly raise their children.
Body shaming is also a reason American women should stop having babies. It is harder to legislate away, of course. We could and should copy Israel as far as insisting on healthy models and labeling of photo-shopped images, but it goes well beyond that.0 -
Do Mediterranean men simply want to be the children to their wives rather than have them? If I were a fertile young woman dating men of that culture I'd get sterilized or move. Or maybe import a man. And I thought American men were terrible!
In for wild generalizations, xenophobia, and blatant sexism. :drinker: :flowerforyou:
It was based off a later post of OP's that was generalizing and seemed to be saying just that. *shrug* It's not sexist. Women carry babies. Our bodies change when we do it and rarely go back to exactly how they were before. Men who can't handle that shouldn't get a woman pregnant. Ever.
Wow! It is sexist and xenophobia or racist. Insane conclusion to come to. Generalizing an entire male population of a region because of one dysfunctional person.
P.s. I used the word insane. I'm tired. That's all I could think of. I'm not marginalizing the mentally ill. Mfp is tiring sometimes.
Racist is when you attribute characteristics to a race. I never do that. I do acknowledge societal influence of every one of us and some societies are better or worse as far as their gender relationships. I asked if Mediterranean men had the negative characteristics stated, and if so I said women shouldn't have anything to do with them. And I stand by that. Of course, some people transcend their cultural upbringings and that's great, but no woman should date a fixer-upper. If a man acts badly and it's blamed on the culture that is no excuse to allow him to abuse her.
As for American women, we should all stop having babies because our society punishes us for it. The main justification for not paying women the same wage as men is that we take time out to have children and raise them and care for them. What kind of sick society punishes people economically for that? It hurts men, too, who should also be able to take time out to properly raise their children.
Body shaming is also a reason American women should stop having babies. It is harder to legislate away, of course. We could and should copy Israel as far as insisting on healthy models and labeling of photo-shopped images, but it goes well beyond that.
Just lol at the ignorance0
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