Is it okay to "flaunt"?
Replies
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that's not even a "flaunt it" outfit. This is what all the fuss is about?
I think the issue now is that her husband might be a bit of a nutbar. I mean, no offense or anything, because who knows what is actual motivation was, but if he really thought other women would feel bad because of the OP's shorts and t-shirt (it is not a crop top. I know a crop top when I see it.) then he's nuts (or doesn't get women) and if he lied because of some other issue...well. What bad form.0 -
Lol really all this fuss about that outfit, Hun in Miami what you just put on is winter wear. Everyone walks around here in shorts and tank tops (if they can pull it off) Honestly you should get to the bottom of your husbands discomfort with this but I honestly don't think that outfit is inappropriate0
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I don't think you're going to be very successful in marriage then. Not everything needs to be a committee meeting. Some things get to be unilateral decisions. One of the rules I got from my counselor (and I keep them posted on my fridge so I see them every day) is "When an issue is unresolvable, thou shalt agree to disagree." And I would add as a corollary, if the issue isn't one in which you deserve to have a say (like how someone dresses), thou shalt shut the mother eff up and keep your opinion to yourself. There's a difference between sharing your life with someone and losing your individual identity.We apparently have diametrically opposed views of how marriage works, because when I get married, I hope that my wife and I understand one another well enough to know that when we disagree on something, we'll work together to resolve it. It might not happen straight away, but we'll work at it. I hope I'm never married to a person who says "Screw it, I'm me and deal with it" and rather says "I have opinions, but I value yours, too. How can we both compromise here?"0 -
I'll put it bluntly and to the point, grow the hell up. You wore it to show off and get attention and most likely to make your husband jealous! This isn't reality TV!!!
Said by someone who didn't even bother looking at the outfit and just wanted to come in here and say something nasty.
Not nasty, I just tell it as I see it. Like why even post what she did? Just looking for the attention. And BTW, you have gorgeous legs!
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Firstly, did you just honestly call someone "ginger"? Wtf? Secondly, I feel bad for you/your spouse if you feel like just because you signed a piece of paper, you have to submit to their ideals of how you should act/dress/behave. That sounds like a lot of miserable restriction to me. I'd be signing some different papers in a hurry if I was in a marriage like that.
Yes, ginger. Like, someone with red hair? It would be akin to someone calling me "blondie" or something, ya know? Is that somehow offensive to you, not of ginger status?
Please, someone - ANYONE - show me where I said that the OP should "submit" to her husband. Can't find it, can you? Mmmmk. The gist of my post was that they should respect one another's opinion. She should go to him and have a discussion about why it bothers him and they can work it out, together. Based on what I've seen in my life, the best marriages work that way...no?
If you don't respect the opinion of your spouse, why are you married? That doesn't mean you always go along with what they want/think. It means that you take their feelings into consideration, because in my understanding of marriage, your spouse should be the most important person in the world to you. Why you would say "Eff you!" to someone who holds that status in your life is beyond me.0 -
Holy moly there's been a lot of activity on here! I will catch up after my morning red bull :drinker:
Anyway... My profile photo is now one of the outfit in question...
I don't think it's so bad as far as showing skin etc. But while we're all being brutally honest it doesn't "work" IMO. I think the top would be cuter with dressier shorts, a skirt, or something -- and the shorts would be cute with a tank or cute fitted t-shirt. To me that looks like a clubwear top that is too big for you and some ultra casual jean shorts.
As for the cut-outs on the shirt, I think MOST women could get away with that top it is not so risqué whatsoever...0 -
I feel like short shorts and tops that show off your stomach (even if it's only an inch or so) is, quite frankly, a little young for you. No offense, but I was in HS around the same time as you, and I wouldn't dress like that now at any weight. I don't want to look like I'm still in high school. Just my two cents. Like I said, no offense meant, but I'm a fan of age appropriate dressing.
Agreed.
So who decides what clothing is age appropriate?
Seriously... I need to know when I should start buying my orthopedic shoes. :laugh:0 -
Wear whatever you want... Just make sure it fits properly. If you're digging your shorts out of your crotch all night because they're the wrong size, that is inappropriate. If it fits fine and you're comfortable, go for it. I don't think people expect you to be completely covered up at a backyard bbq on a 70+ degree day.
However, if it makes your husband super uncomfortable when you dress that way around his friends, maybe you shouldn't dress that way around his friends. He probably knows them better than you do and maybe he thinks they have their own agenda, if you get what I'm saying. Or maybe that's not the issue at all and maybe there's something else going on in his mind. Ask him. That's the only way to get to the bottom of it.
I happen to think the outfit is very cute. I hope to someday be comfortable enough to wear something like that.0 -
We do feel differently. I probably wouldn't be happy with a wife who didn't make her own choices. I'm pretty independent, and would want the same from a partner. I'd expect to be able to dress how I wanted and offer the same freedoms to her. If I was so upset by what she chose to wear I'd actually question myself, wondering why I married someone who enjoys something I'm against.
But seeing as neither of us are actually married, it's incredibly silly of us to continue arguing about how our imaginary wives should behave. Maybe we should stop having online pissing contests and actually meet some women.
Also my imaginary wife is hotter than your imaginary wife. So of course I want her in sexy outfits. Possibly something in a schoolgirl theme...
What were we talking about?
:drinker: Cheers.
Apparently people who think different can be friends, too. Haha. Let's grab a beer and discuss our imaginary wives and the fact that they both love to dress up in sexy outfits and we're both ok with that. :laugh:0 -
I don't think you're going to be very successful in marriage then. Not everything needs to be a committee meeting. Some things get to be unilateral decisions. One of the rules I got from my counselor (and I keep them posted on my fridge so I see them every day) is "When an issue is unresolvable, thou shalt agree to disagree." And I would add as a corollary, if the issue isn't one in which you deserve to have a say (like how someone dresses), thou shalt shut the mother eff up and keep your opinion to yourself. There's a difference between sharing your life with someone and losing your individual identity.We apparently have diametrically opposed views of how marriage works, because when I get married, I hope that my wife and I understand one another well enough to know that when we disagree on something, we'll work together to resolve it. It might not happen straight away, but we'll work at it. I hope I'm never married to a person who says "Screw it, I'm me and deal with it" and rather says "I have opinions, but I value yours, too. How can we both compromise here?"
My husband has a lime green pokemon shirt he happily wears in public (And let's be clear, I hate that shirt, but I have never told him not to wear it because he's a grown *kitten* man).
So no, I don't respect his opinion when it comes to what I wear outside. I didn't marry him thinking I'd ever take his input on my clothes and he didn't marry me thinking he'd get input.0 -
It's ok to be proud of what you have accomplished, but I'm personally not a fan of showing off. I know people will disagree, but to me, modest is hottest!
Best answer.0 -
...Even now, I get told to "dress down" so I don't cause too much attention. I only wear t shirt and jeans but apparently "too many men check me out"...
Eh, my husband loves it when guys check me out. He's proud.0 -
Okay... Here we go...
I'll try to address all of the broad answers that have been posted here. Though, I'll just quickly put a huge thank you out there to everyone here who's been sincere and not flat out insulting me or the situation. I really appreciate the helpful feedback! As for those saying that I'm tacky, trying to dress like a teenager, trying to make my husband jealous, just flat out seeking attention, or too thin... I'm sorry that this thread has put you in a bad mood. Would you like a flower? :flowerforyou:
My husband generally doesn't have a lot to say about fashion or his opinions on it. Every now and then he'll say an outfit is ridiculous, but he doesn't insult the wearer of the outfit or tell me that he won't be seen with me in it. This was the first time he's really spoken up much about the matter. There have been a couple of times where he's said that my outfit (for going to clubs and such) is sexy and that he's gonna have to 'keep me close', but he says this with a smile and a wink. I ended up wearing a different top with the shorts to the party that we went to Saturday. Once again, it was not a work party nor was it a 'cocktail' or anything close to a 'semi-formal' event. Our hosts/friends were wearing jeans and t-shirts (I believe the wife in question was wearing a semi-deep v-neck form-fitting jersey top with jean shorts (normal length shorts).
I did bring it up to him again and what was bothering him, and he basically just said the same thing he'd said before. He said he'd thought it might cause some jealousy and he didn't others to feel bad. He also said that he only felt it was possibly inappropriate to wear around friends and not inappropriate for going to the bar. He did apologize too, telling me he didn't realize that it had bothered me enough to still be thinking about it and told me that I should be the one who decides what I should wear.
I think there are good points in how to respect your spouse, but there are also good points in how you shouldn't have to change or alter your behavior (if it's not harmful) in order to please their every whim or insecurity. I'd like to find some happy middle ground where I'm comfortable and happy, but I'm also not disrespecting the person I care for. I let my husband dress as he likes and I let him do what he wants as far as hair/weight things go. On occasion he'll ask if his outfit is 'dressy enough' and I'll give him feedback, but I generally don't concern myself with how he presents himself in public. Now.. if we were going to a funeral and he put on a shirt with naked woman and swear words all over it, I'd probably speak up (he would never do that, but that's an example).
As for the questions of my ability to wear this outfit at 29, I suppose there's something more to address there. Yes, it could be seen as a 'young person's outfit'. I get that. Maybe I'm in denial, but I didn't feel like I was dressing like a 17 year old when I put it on. I don't think it necessarily draws a bunch of negative attention to myself in an outdoor bar on a hot day. Maybe it would and I just don't know.. Either way, I guess I'll just say I have questionable taste. I wouldn't wear the outfit to a work function, a dressy or even semi-dressy event, or a family gathering (though I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen by family while in the outfit).0 -
Firstly, did you just honestly call someone "ginger"? Wtf? Secondly, I feel bad for you/your spouse if you feel like just because you signed a piece of paper, you have to submit to their ideals of how you should act/dress/behave. That sounds like a lot of miserable restriction to me. I'd be signing some different papers in a hurry if I was in a marriage like that.
Yes, ginger. Like, someone with red hair? It would be akin to someone calling me "blondie" or something, ya know? Is that somehow offensive to you, not of ginger status?
Please, someone - ANYONE - show me where I said that the OP should "submit" to her husband. Can't find it, can you? Mmmmk. The gist of my post was that they should respect one another's opinion. She should go to him and have a discussion about why it bothers him and they can work it out, together. Based on what I've seen in my life, the best marriages work that way...no?
If you don't respect the opinion of your spouse, why are you married? That doesn't mean you always go along with what they want/think. It means that you take their feelings into consideration, because in my understanding of marriage, your spouse should be the most important person in the world to you. Why you would say "Eff you!" to someone who holds that status in your life is beyond me.
Whatever, the only reason you would bring up someone's hair colour is to suggest it's a negative thing regardless of your smug denial. I have nothing against "working things out together" but I don't think her husband has any right to try and control what she's wearing in the first place. No discussion about it. But maybe your vast experience with all the best marriages has taught you something I don't know.0 -
However, if it makes your husband super uncomfortable when you dress that way around his friends, maybe you shouldn't dress that way around his friends. He probably knows them better than you do and maybe he thinks they have their own agenda, if you get what I'm saying. Or maybe that's not the issue at all and maybe there's something else going on in his mind. Ask him. That's the only way to get to the bottom of it.
Conversation being the means of communicating ideas and developing respect for one another instead of just assuming control issues, insecurity, and dehumanization?
I dig it.0 -
OP - I'm 27, and if I didn't weigh so much, I'd probably wear that outfit....I think it looks perfectly fine!
About the husband thing - I got married at 20, and *shocker*, we're still married lol! I love my husband and respect him and his opinions. Does that mean that I'm not my own person, absolutely not! We've never had a disagreement with clothing (unless something is ugly lol), but he has asked me lots of times to please not cut my hair super short. It's his preference...he loves long hair, and because I love him, I haven't chopped my hair off super short. He doesn't control me, but it makes me happy to make him happy.
If I was in OP's situation, I would definitely ask him to explain his opinion more....I'd probably be annoyed at first lol, but then I'd try to see his side of the situation. But honestly, an outfit is not worth having a war. Now, if this was a continual thing, I'd be putting up more of a stink lol, but one outfit....meh, I'd hear him out and respect his decision (unless he was just being a total tool about it.)0 -
I don't think it's so bad as far as showing skin etc. But while we're all being brutally honest it doesn't "work" IMO. I think the top would be cuter with dressier shorts, a skirt, or something -- and the shorts would be cute with a tank or cute fitted t-shirt. To me that looks like a clubwear top that is too big for you and some ultra casual jean shorts.
As for the cut-outs on the shirt, I think MOST women could get away with that top it is not so risqué whatsoever...
Fashion advice appears to be what I need, haha. I'm getting some very interesting responses on this thread. I like the idea of putting the top with dressier shorts and pairing the jean shorts with a tank or fitted t-shirt. Also, yes, the top is kind of a clubwear top (I've worn it clubbing with skinny jeans and heels). Sadly, I have several tops that are a bit too big on me and I'm trying to hold off and replacing everything until I gain a few pounds back.0 -
I think there are good points in how to respect your spouse, but there are also good points in how you shouldn't have to change or alter your behavior (if it's not harmful) in order to please their every whim or insecurity. I'd like to find some happy middle ground where I'm comfortable and happy, but I'm also not disrespecting the person I care for. I let my husband dress as he likes and I let him do what he wants as far as hair/weight things go. On occasion he'll ask if his outfit is 'dressy enough' and I'll give him feedback, but I generally don't concern myself with how he presents himself in public. Now.. if we were going to a funeral and he put on a shirt with naked woman and swear words all over it, I'd probably speak up (he would never do that, but that's an example).
This! You said it better than I did Must be that 2 year age advantage lol 0 -
Holy moly there's been a lot of activity on here! I will catch up after my morning red bull :drinker:
Anyway... My profile photo is now one of the outfit in question...
I don't think it's so bad as far as showing skin etc. But while we're all being brutally honest it doesn't "work" IMO. I think the top would be cuter with dressier shorts, a skirt, or something -- and the shorts would be cute with a tank or cute fitted t-shirt. To me that looks like a clubwear top that is too big for you and some ultra casual jean shorts.
As for the cut-outs on the shirt, I think MOST women could get away with that top it is not so risqué whatsoever...
^^I agree- totally harmless- none-jealous inducing outfit; is perfectly harmless- I barely consider those shorts "short" to be honest.
but it does look a little awkward.
and for the random post everyone missed about "you're only job when you are married is to make your man happy BAW HA HA HA HA HHAHAHAHHA"
just no.sooooo much no.0 -
I'll put it bluntly and to the point, grow the hell up. You wore it to show off and get attention and most likely to make your husband jealous! This isn't reality TV!!!
Said by someone who didn't even bother looking at the outfit and just wanted to come in here and say something nasty.
Not nasty, I just tell it as I see it. Like why even post what she did? Just looking for the attention. And BTW, you have gorgeous legs!
Wait, weren't you leaving, as you announced in a topic that clearly wasn't attention-seeking at all?0 -
As for the questions of my ability to wear this outfit at 29, I suppose there's something more to address there. Yes, it could be seen as a 'young person's outfit'. I get that. Maybe I'm in denial, but I didn't feel like I was dressing like a 17 year old when I put it on. I don't think it necessarily draws a bunch of negative attention to myself in an outdoor bar on a hot day. Maybe it would and I just don't know.. Either way, I guess I'll just say I have questionable taste. I wouldn't wear the outfit to a work function, a dressy or even semi-dressy event, or a family gathering (though I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen by family while in the outfit).
I'm 37 and I would wear short cutoffs and a T-shirt and not feel like I was dressed too young. It's a perfectly reasonable outfit for someone your age. The "it's too young" arguments are silly.
I live in sundresses in the summer, though. I live in Florida and I would roast in that outfit! lol0 -
OK I see the ensemble. It looks like she's tiny and the shorts are short but not hootchie. I don't like the bottom of the shirt (that's just me) but it's not inapporpriate for pool party, casual bar, casual friends house hangout. She's a little peanut so she does not look trashy. It works for her.
If her buttcheeks were hanging out, I'd call shenanigans but it's not the case.0 -
Holy moly there's been a lot of activity on here! I will catch up after my morning red bull :drinker:
Anyway... My profile photo is now one of the outfit in question...
I don't think it's so bad as far as showing skin etc. But while we're all being brutally honest it doesn't "work" IMO. I think the top would be cuter with dressier shorts, a skirt, or something -- and the shorts would be cute with a tank or cute fitted t-shirt. To me that looks like a clubwear top that is too big for you and some ultra casual jean shorts.
As for the cut-outs on the shirt, I think MOST women could get away with that top it is not so risqué whatsoever...
^^I agree- totally harmless- none-jealous inducing outfit; is perfectly harmless- I barely consider those shorts "short" to be honest.
but it does look a little awkward.
and for the random post everyone missed about "you're only job when you are married is to make your man happy BAW HA HA HA HA HHAHAHAHHA"
just no.sooooo much no.
This thread is actually full of 'WTF' stuff along that line (Like the poster who dresses down in jeans and tshirts because her husband says she attracts too much attention). I've had my eyes opened to the way other people live and I'll be honest, I'm a little bit...alarmed.0 -
But maybe your vast experience with all the best marriages has taught you something I don't know.
Yup! :drinker: Now we understand one another! :flowerforyou:
Please don't take that seriously. I'm totally kidding. I don't know it all, and I'm certainly not a marriage expert. Hope you find someone who values your desire to be 100% in control of your life at all times, truly. In my experiences, that person doesn't exist.0 -
However, if it makes your husband super uncomfortable when you dress that way around his friends, maybe you shouldn't dress that way around his friends. He probably knows them better than you do and maybe he thinks they have their own agenda, if you get what I'm saying. Or maybe that's not the issue at all and maybe there's something else going on in his mind. Ask him. That's the only way to get to the bottom of it.
Conversation being the means of communicating ideas and developing respect for one another instead of just assuming control issues, insecurity, and dehumanization?
I dig it.
^^^All this.0 -
Firstly, did you just honestly call someone "ginger"? Wtf? Secondly, I feel bad for you/your spouse if you feel like just because you signed a piece of paper, you have to submit to their ideals of how you should act/dress/behave. That sounds like a lot of miserable restriction to me. I'd be signing some different papers in a hurry if I was in a marriage like that.
Yes, ginger. Like, someone with red hair? It would be akin to someone calling me "blondie" or something, ya know? Is that somehow offensive to you, not of ginger status?
Please, someone - ANYONE - show me where I said that the OP should "submit" to her husband. Can't find it, can you? Mmmmk. The gist of my post was that they should respect one another's opinion. She should go to him and have a discussion about why it bothers him and they can work it out, together. Based on what I've seen in my life, the best marriages work that way...no?
If you don't respect the opinion of your spouse, why are you married? That doesn't mean you always go along with what they want/think. It means that you take their feelings into consideration, because in my understanding of marriage, your spouse should be the most important person in the world to you. Why you would say "Eff you!" to someone who holds that status in your life is beyond me.
Whatever, the only reason you would bring up someone's hair colour is to suggest it's a negative thing regardless of your smug denial. I have nothing against "working things out together" but I don't think her husband has any right to try and control what she's wearing in the first place. No discussion about it. But maybe your vast experience with all the best marriages has taught you something I don't know.
For those Yanks not in the know (I'm a yank too), it's rude to call someone from the UK a "ginger." It's supposed to be offensive, I heard. Apparently they don't like it.
Just clarifying it. And yeah, I know some of us are in the USA, but I believe this site is worldwide, innit? (haha, that's was for the Brits. Love ya!)0 -
Sadly, I am quite a ways from being able to even think about wearing summer clothes. :laugh:
If she is jealous of how good you look, that's her problem and you should not be penalized for it. Now, if the truth is that your husband will be jealous when other people look at you, but wants to put it off on someone else's insecurities, that's something he needs to own up to. My husband wouldn't want my "goods" hanging out for the world to see, but he's very up front about that too. He loves my body now, and will love it when I lose the weight, but no matter how much I weigh or how good I look, I feel that, as his wife, it is my job to honor him and not create a problem with how I am dressed. Confidence is a great thing to have, but respect for yourself and your spouse are just as important. 0 -
I was imagining something much more revealing when I read the OP.0
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Firstly, did you just honestly call someone "ginger"? Wtf? Secondly, I feel bad for you/your spouse if you feel like just because you signed a piece of paper, you have to submit to their ideals of how you should act/dress/behave. That sounds like a lot of miserable restriction to me. I'd be signing some different papers in a hurry if I was in a marriage like that.
Yes, ginger. Like, someone with red hair? It would be akin to someone calling me "blondie" or something, ya know? Is that somehow offensive to you, not of ginger status?
Please, someone - ANYONE - show me where I said that the OP should "submit" to her husband. Can't find it, can you? Mmmmk. The gist of my post was that they should respect one another's opinion. She should go to him and have a discussion about why it bothers him and they can work it out, together. Based on what I've seen in my life, the best marriages work that way...no?
If you don't respect the opinion of your spouse, why are you married? That doesn't mean you always go along with what they want/think. It means that you take their feelings into consideration, because in my understanding of marriage, your spouse should be the most important person in the world to you. Why you would say "Eff you!" to someone who holds that status in your life is beyond me.
Here you go
"His opinion and his alone marks the difference. If OP decides to continue wearing this in opposition to her husband's feelings about it, then there WILL BE a problem and further discord.."0
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