A question for dads in the dating world

lovelyMYlovely · May 2014

I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....

I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!

you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!

just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!

gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...

seltzermint555 · May 2014

As I mentioned in my response to you I am also childfree by choice. I personally would never have dated men with kids because I didn't want a role in their lives and - just being honest - I didn't want to share a man's attention with his kids, but believe a good father puts his child/ren first, so there ya have it ;-)

But I just wanted to chime in and say that I think you sound like the ideal person to be with a guy who has a child from a previous relationship...not trying to make his child your own, and totally respectful of the child's mother. That's truly awesome in my book. Also, you will avoid any potential complication with having a blended family (his kids and your kids together)...while those can work out great, I think there are often bumps along the way no matter how good both parents' intentions may be.

odusgolp · May 2014

The 22 year old OP seems far more rational than you.

Sorry if you've been butthurt before, but this whole "men have it SO EASY" thing is absurd. As are the huge assumptions you just made about these people.

Archon2 · May 2014

Might seem harshly put; but there is a lot of realism here in your comments. I think this is how most (not all) ladies would feel in the described relationship.

Archon2 · May 2014

@odusgolp ... Lets all hope you are right

But I think all aspects are good for OP to consider, don't you agree? Only she has firsthand knowledge. You say people are "projecting," but that is what the OP wanted. She wanted opinions based on experience, particularly Dads.

lovelyMYlovely · May 2014

thank you... I come off very BOLD but I am realistic in my thoughts/expressions... some understand, some get defensive and act in attack mode... but I am staying true to my feelings

WeepingAngel81 · May 2014

Good for you for caring enough about your boyfriend and his daughter! I understand that people have had bad experiences with ex's and new people being in their children's lives, but it sounds to me like you are all handling it very well. I will admit, when my daughter's step mom came in the picture (pregnant before the divorce was even final) it was a bitter pill to swallow. However, she loves my daughter and it shows. There will probably always be some tension there which is natural, but at the end of the day, should anything ever happn to me, I know my daughter is well cared for. I even make it a point to have my daughter give her step mom a card for mother's day. I know that's kind of the opposite of what you are asking, but I am just wanting to give you encouragement that you could very much have a healthy relationship with your SO's daughter and ex. It takes time, but you are making the right moves. As for father's day, your idea is great! However, you should still do something with the daughter for her dad. Maybe help her make him a card or something. Either way, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

rml_16 · May 2014

You have a good head on your shoulders.

Ignore the bitter women who can't handle their exes moving on. You're doing this the right way (at least you are based on what you've said here!).

Of course you should get him a gift if you want to do that. It's very sweet.

firfeous · May 2014

Seems like you are projecting your issues onto the OP.

edited: because forgot how to quote

rml_16 · May 2014

I don't see anywhere that it says the OP somehow stole this man from his wife. It sounds an awful lot like he was divorced before they started dating.

You don't know anything about what the mother's life is like. For all you know, she's remarried.

As for "aging women with kids" not being able to find men, well, maybe it's just because you're not a nice person. I've been a single mom since I was 17 and never has it been a problem with dating.

verymissk · May 2014

My husband buys me Mother's Day gifts - we do not have children together, but I have a daughter from a previous relationship. She's an adult, so we don't even parent her together (other than being good role models and whatnot) - but my husband likes to give me a gift on Mother's Day because it's a huge deal to be a parent, and he thinks I'm awesome for it.

firfeous · May 2014

Oh and OP...I think it's a nice idea to get him something from you that he and his daughter can do together.

odusgolp · May 2014

Of course you should get him something, OP. His ex-wife shouldn't be called to ask permission to get her boyfriend a gift. She has no say in it, technically, but it's awesome you two can communicate and have a cordial relationship for the sake of the child.

Now go... get him a card and whatever else you'd like.

firfeous · May 2014

This. And odus has nice juggs.

homerjspartan · May 2014

I agree 100%. This is actually a good topic for advice on a site like this. How else is she going to have access to a pretty diverse group of single dads?

Her job will be to decipher the good advice and weed out the people that think the whole world is the same as their crazy situation.

In my opinion, since this is your 1st Father's Day together don't over think it. Getting him something to do with his daughter is a good idea. It shows you recognize the day and appreciate his relationship with her.

As your relationship grows with him and his daughter in the years to come, you will have time for other gift ideas.

First one, keep it simple.

odusgolp · May 2014

MomTo3Lovez · May 2014

Maybe I didn't catch it when I read her post but I didn't see where it was stated that he left his wife for her. And I am a mother of 3 kids my youngest being 18 months now, when my stb ex husband left us our sin was only 7 months old and yeah he is living his life carefree while I am working full time taking care of my 3 kids. And I can tell you from my experience I do not sit at home thinking about him I am concentrating on giving my kids the best life I can possibly give them.

If he gets a girlfriend so be it good for him whatever, yes I will need to meet her and make sure she is ok to be around my kids (though he's in CA and we are in NC so there won't be much interaction) again if that is what makes him happy so be it, he's the one that will miss out in the end not me.

And from what the OP said her and his ex have met and she was told what was expected of her when it comes to their daughter and the OP respects that which in my opinion is a step in the right direction that she at least has a good head on her shoulders and respects the daughters mother.

To the OP I think you getting your bf a gift for Father's Day is a great idea.

lovelyMYlovely · May 2014

lol going out saying im not a nice person is VERY far fetched.. you also do not know me... you do not know what i have accomplished in life. you do not know how many good-or bad deeds i have done... i do know.. that this 38 year old man is with a 22 year old who has no kids.. no experience to relate to... no experience to even handle this situation. she might have had brothers or sisters but that is no where the same... as raising a child.. taking in a child as your own... i am looking at this from the opposite perspective. the side that no one is looking at... so if im wrong for pointing out a side that no one likes to see than i don't see how its my problem... because its true... i may have put it harshly... but i am not the first one who thought this... im just the first one who said something..

fivethreeone · May 2014

I remember you.

You wanted Asian friends.

_John_ · May 2014

so you women saying you are "stuck with the kids" while he gets to go have fun...why do you have custody anyway? Becasue he didn't want it or you fought hard for it? Would you be happier if he had them and you got to go "have fun"?

A question for dads in the dating world

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