A question for dads in the dating world

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  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
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    Hey, you're right, this is completely something to consider. I have a fairly limited relationship with his ex, at least face to face. I've only met her once, we sat down and had coffee together before I met her daughter. It was really important to her and I that we meet. She has every right to know who is around her daughter, and I want to respect any wishes she has as far as her child is concerned - however, outside of meeting, we haven't spent any time together. My boyfriend and his ex has a really solid relationship as parents to their daughter. There is open communication about them. The only concern I know that she has voiced is she doesn't want me trying to spoil her daughter. She doesn't want me to buy her gifts or anything like that. She's expressed worry that I'll be the "young, fun girl" in her daughter's life, whiles she's, "strict and mean mommy". I have ZERO intention of trying to create that situations and really want to respect her wishes. So, that's my relationship with his ex

    OK, so I am divorced Dad, and I think it would be very sweet of you to help her get something to give to her Daddy. I know that I (and my kids) would appreciate it if my gf did that for me, and my ex would probably even be touched. It's not like I'm suggesting my kids get a gift for my new gf for mother's day...

    The one thing that does worry me in this whole thing is where you say above "She doesn't want me to buy her gifts or anything like that". No gifts, not ever? Not even for her Birthday or Christmas? That just seems strange. My gf has brought little things for my kids, and if their mother has a problem with it (a) she hasn't said anything and (b) it is none of her business. NOTE - I am drawing a (possibly non-existent!) distinction between small thoughtful gifts and simply spoiling the little brats to try to bribe them to like you.
  • leodru
    leodru Posts: 321 Member
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    May be irrelevant, but how are things between you and the child's mother? Because I would lose my freaking mind if my ex's girlfriend got him something for Fathers' Day that included my daughter. I don't care what she gives him, but I want her to have nothing to do with my daughter. Ever.

    Unfortunately, you have no say in the matter, unless you can prove that she puts the child in harm's way. It's mindsets like this that make co-parenting more difficult than it needs to be, because you're basically undermining the other parent's judgment. She need not say a peep to the child's biological mother. It would be nice if a relationship existed, but better none than an acrimonious one like you would foster.

    Actually, I do have a say. It's in the divorce decree. It's already been proven that she's dangerous to my child.

    So you do realize that 99% of the world do not have this situation so you are giving bad advice to her. The better she gets along with her boyfriend, his daughter and his x-wife the better off the daughter will be.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Hello wonderful fathers of the world, I have a question for you!
    The Facts:
    Come Father's Day this year, my boyfriend will have been together just shy of a year,
    He's 38 and has the most beautiful 8 year old girl,
    I'm 22 and have no children,
    Though we plan on building a life together, we never plan on having kids together - I don't want kids, and he doesn't want any more,
    We finally decided about a month ago that it was time for me to meet his little one, and her and I are getting to know each other,
    I think my boyfriend is an amazing, committed, loving father - honestly one of the best dads I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
    Alright - the question:
    Is it appropriate to get him a gift for Fathers Day?
    If I do, I was thinking of getting him something he could do with his daughter - gift cards for them to go to the movies and get ice cream, or something of that nature. Your thoughts?

    Im not in the dating world, but I can't see how it wouldn't be appropriate. You are getting him a gift to celebrate him being a great father....to his daughter. It really has nothing to do with you.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    lol going out saying im not a nice person is VERY far fetched.. you also do not know me... you do not know what i have accomplished in life. you do not know how many good-or bad deeds i have done... i do know.. that this 38 year old man is with a 22 year old who has no kids.. no experience to relate to... no experience to even handle this situation. she might have had brothers or sisters but that is no where the same... as raising a child.. taking in a child as your own... i am looking at this from the opposite perspective. the side that no one is looking at... so if im wrong for pointing out a side that no one likes to see than i don't see how its my problem... because its true... i may have put it harshly... but i am not the first one who thought this... im just the first one who said something..
    You're looking at it from a slightly insane side, that's for sure.

    Experience or no, she's handling it like a champ. I can't imagine a better way to handle it than what she's said. What would you suggest she do differently from what she's described?

    I'm 37. I have a 19-year-old and my fiance has a 14-year-old daughter and 20-year-old stepson he helped raise. I've been a part of both their lives since they were 5 and 11. It's not as though I have no experience in this kind of situation ...

    And I stand by that if you can't find any men interested in you, it isn't because you're a single mother
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    lol going out saying im not a nice person is VERY far fetched.. you also do not know me... you do not know what i have accomplished in life. you do not know how many good-or bad deeds i have done... i do know.. that this 38 year old man is with a 22 year old who has no kids.. no experience to relate to... no experience to even handle this situation. she might have had brothers or sisters but that is no where the same... as raising a child.. taking in a child as your own... i am looking at this from the opposite perspective. the side that no one is looking at... so if im wrong for pointing out a side that no one likes to see than i don't see how its my problem... because its true... i may have put it harshly... but i am not the first one who thought this... im just the first one who said something..

    "You don't know me, don't judge me!!"


    Continues judging OP and making outlandish statements.


    hFA94892A
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
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    I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....

    I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!

    you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!

    just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
    gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...

    Where are you getting that he left his wife for her? He didn't run away with a 22 year old.

    I'm probably not gonna get any hate from stating this truth, but you're crazy. Sorry...but it's true.

    Stop projecting your hate onto the OP who sounds like a perfectly level-headed human being.
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
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    Father here - but not single. I do know that if I were, and in the same situation as you and your guy, that would be amazingly thoughtful if someone did that for me in your situation. I would love that, especially something I could do with my daughter. If you guys are just now getting aquainted, maybe something for the three of you. (mini golf, go carts, etc.)

    Great thought on your part. :)
  • soberlicious
    soberlicious Posts: 121 Member
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    am i the only person who thinks it's a tad bizarre that a 37 year old man got into a relationship with a 21 year old girl?
  • Butrovich
    Butrovich Posts: 410 Member
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    You might want to 'help' his daughter get something for him also. That may help you get to know her some more.

    THIS!

    PS. Edited to add I am a divorced dad who has a friendly relationship with my ex who has not minded a girlfriend helping my daughter pick out a gift for me
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
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    I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....

    I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!

    you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!

    just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
    gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...

    Truth?

    This is an opinion, which you are entitled to, but you have no way of knowing if it is true or not. So let's not break our arm patting ourselves on the back for attacking someone on the Internet you don't know with your own personal morality and calling it TRUTH.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....

    I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!

    you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!

    just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
    gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...

    As a divorced mother sharing custody you are nuts. Really? WOW.
    Wow.
    Wow
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
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    I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....

    I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!

    you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!

    just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
    gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...

    catlady.gif
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
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    am i the only person who thinks it's a tad bizarre that a 37 year old man got into a relationship with a 21 year old girl?

    Seems like she's far more mature than some older people posting in the thread.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    am i the only person who thinks it's a tad bizarre that a 37 year old man got into a relationship with a 21 year old girl?
    When I was 19, I was seeing someone who was 35 and that lasted off and on for nine years. I have a friend who's 32 and has been married for several years to a man who's 62. They're a lovely, wonderful couple. Just had a baby, too.

    So, no, I don't find it bizarre. And this particular 22-year-old seems quite mature.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Have at it OP. I think it's sweet.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Not a dad, but I think that is a very thoughtful gift.

    Here is the great thing about gifts... you really don't need a reason to give them so who cares if its Father's Day and you aren't planning on having kids with this guy. You want him to know that you appreciate his abilities as a father. I think it is perfectly fine if you want to do that for him.
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    May be irrelevant, but how are things between you and the child's mother? Because I would lose my freaking mind if my ex's girlfriend got him something for Fathers' Day that included my daughter. I don't care what she gives him, but I want her to have nothing to do with my daughter. Ever.

    Hey, you're right, this is completely something to consider. I have a fairly limited relationship with his ex, at least face to face. I've only met her once, we sat down and had coffee together before I met her daughter. It was really important to her and I that we meet. She has every right to know who is around her daughter, and I want to respect any wishes she has as far as her child is concerned - however, outside of meeting, we haven't spent any time together. My boyfriend and his ex has a really solid relationship as parents to their daughter. There is open communication about them. The only concern I know that she has voiced is she doesn't want me trying to spoil her daughter. She doesn't want me to buy her gifts or anything like that. She's expressed worry that I'll be the "young, fun girl" in her daughter's life, whiles she's, "strict and mean mommy". I have ZERO intention of trying to create that situations and really want to respect her wishes. So, that's my relationship with his ex

    You continue to sound rather sane. Why are you asking for advice on the internet again?

    have to agree with this...
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    am i the only person who thinks it's a tad bizarre that a 37 year old man got into a relationship with a 21 year old girl?

    She may be young, but she is a woman, not a girl. And their age difference is up to them to deal with. Maybe it will end up being a problem for them, maybe not.

    After all, my guy is significantly younger than me, and we still make it work just fine. *gigglesnort*
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....

    I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!

    you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!

    just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
    gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...

    Holy projection! It seems like this has much more to do with your issues than the OP's situation.
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