what is it with my wife?!

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Replies

  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
    Just a thought to add. If she is pumping often that be making her feel a little trapped/overwhelmed. I love being able to nurse my daughter but sometimes it feels like you lose yourself. So maybe she is lashing out a little at your because of negative feelings she's having and not having fully adjusted to everything and it isn't really about the actual housework.

    I've seen some people say on here she is lazy, it's her job, it's not that hard. I just want to remind those people to try to remember not to judge too harshly as you are not in her shoes and don't know all of the details. Some children are more easy going than others.
  • SemperAnticus1643
    SemperAnticus1643 Posts: 703 Member


    I have seenthis argument many times before on different forums, usually with the SAHM crowd arguing that their job is 24/7/365 and the hardest job in the world, which I personally feel is vastly overstated.

    They're lying (or grossly over-estimating the amount of work they really do). I'm a SAHM with three boys (2 are on the Autism spectrum). I will honestly admit I can get away with 3 solid hours daily (well, spread out) of sitting on my behind doing nothing (or, ahem, working out, cause that's ma thang now, lol). The other 8 hours are spent playing with kids, cooking, running errands, and -gasp- cleaning my house. There are more than enough hours during "9-5" to get my own chores done.

    Husband busts his *kitten* to give us a home and nice things in the same time frame. If he doesn't get his work finished in an 8-hour shift, HE is the one to stay and complete it. I would NEVER dare to insist my husband complete MY daily work because I'm "off the clock." That's ridiculous.

    But then, I've been called a misogynistic anti-feminist June Cleaver for my views. So, take this with a grain of salt, I guess.

    th?&id=HN.608032747848206847&w=301&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0

    ^^^^THIS! And I work outside of the home but would love it if I could stay at home and take care of the stuff at the house. Maybe one day I will marry the boyfriend. Let him handle stuff outside the home. He will be WELL taken care of when he gets home and won't have to worry about anything. Go to work, put money in the bank, I will do the rest. I've handled my own home for years.
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    Our daughter is pretty easy going, that aside my wife is down to pumping 2 times a day.

    It was a real chore in the beginning when it was every 2-3 hours though...
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Where did she get this idea that the one working outside the home should still do half of the housework?
  • klfoster88
    klfoster88 Posts: 65 Member
    This just doesn't sound like it is worth the fuss. Bear the burden of cleaning right now. You love her and she just had your baby did you stop to think she needs an adjustment period?

    I mean if it persists past the baby being a year old and you still can't take it then go ahead, but in my mind some fusses aren't worth having. At our house we work the same amount and I take all the cleaning responsibilities. I'm an adult and that's fine with me because I'm the on who insists on things being super clean. I used to try to push him to clean and all it did was lead to fussing instead of time spent enjoying each other's company. Now it's gotten to where if he cleans awesome if not, oh well. He does other things like yard work and taking out the trash, things I'm just not going to do.

    If you're the one concerned with the cleaning then clean!. I don't want to sound harsh or give her a cop out but if the house being a little unkempt doesn't bother you then just skip the cleaning some yourself as well and be happy but don't stir up trouble over something so small.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Where did she get this idea that the one working outside the home should still do half of the housework?

    Depends on the situation.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member


    If you're the one concerned with the cleaning then clean!. I don't want to sound harsh or give her a cop out but if the house being a little unkempt doesn't bother you then just skip the cleaning some yourself as well and be happy but don't stir up trouble over something so small.

    You miss the part where she is nagging and *****ing at him to do the cleaning when he gets home after being away working and commuting for 12+ hours?
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Where did she get this idea that the one working outside the home should still do half of the housework?

    Depends on the situation.

    I'm speaking of their situation where he is gone 12+ hours and has little time to spend with the family and there has been no mention of any specific physical limitations where she cannot do these things.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Where did she get this idea that the one working outside the home should still do half of the housework?

    Depends on the situation.

    I'm speaking of their situation where he is gone 12+ hours and has little time to spend with the family and there has been no mention of any specific physical limitations where she cannot do these things.

    Well, in this case it doesn't seem warranted. But he has to talk to HER. I've asked if he's spoken to her about it already but get no answer. If she doesn't know, nothing can be fixed.
  • detox_pixie
    detox_pixie Posts: 166
    Does work include forum posting?
  • sunshine4040
    sunshine4040 Posts: 29 Member
    Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.

    She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.

    A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...

    I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.

    Ok...this is the one that got me. I agree with some of the posters about the whole PPD, and just because she is happy with the baby doesn't mean she is not depressed. When I quit my job to stay home...it was hard. I missed adult interaction, and I knew NO one in this area. Yes, my husband helps me, but I do not nag or ask him to do anything....he does it of his own free will and a desire to help me. If your wife can't even take the time to rinse the poopy diapers out.....then there is an issue. I breast fed, pumped, and worked outside the home and kept the home going. As a SAHM I didn't need to pump...but I still keep the home going. I think it is freaking ridiculous that you would have to come home and rinse poopy diapers. There are some things that you do as soon as you change a child. Leaving that, well, that's sad. There is a possibility that she is suffering from PPD. That generally would explain why she is apparently doing nothing, yet nagging you to do it. Yes, she is happy with the baby, but emotionally she may be feeling otherwise and not even understand it herself. It can cause you to have anger issues, feel lethargic, and generally have no urge to do anything at all. I hope you guys can talk about it and get it worked out....and I hope she feels better and you get more time with the baby and a little respect for the fact that you are working all day long to take care of the bills.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Does work include forum posting?

    For some people... it does.

    I am a phone jockey.

    I am working as I type.
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    OP, sorry if this has been addressed already, but what were her habits before the baby? Who did most of the housework then or was it evenly divided?
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Also, you don't want to push the PPD thing.

    Docs just give you pills for that.

    Guess what pills do?

    Make you fat, addicted and lazy.

    Than you'll have even more issues on her hand.

    If she's depressed she'll tell you.

    Don't try to diagnose a problem she has blatantly stated is not there.

    This is not a medical issue.

    It is a maturity issue.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    This is why I absolutely refuse to ever tie the knot before living with someone for over a year.

    That's not part of the traditional family values I espouse, but it does show a person's true colors before a mistake is made.

    You don't really know someone until you've been in their world for awhile.

    Too bad no one wants to live with you.

    Are you really making fun of someone for being single?

    Stay classy, Tai.
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    Also, you don't want to push the PPD thing.

    Docs just give you pills for that.

    Guess what pills do?

    Make you fat, addicted and lazy.

    Than you'll have even more issues on her hand.

    If she's depressed she'll tell you.

    Don't try to diagnose a problem she has blatantly stated is not there.

    This is not a medical issue.

    It is a maturity issue.

    Yeah, no, properly administered medication for legitimate depression symptoms does not make you "fat, addicted, and lazy."
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    Just tell her to clean the house or get a job. Plain and simple.

    This.


    An 11 month old is not needing attention the whole time, and can actually be just placed in a play pen while she does some stuff around the baby. It's not that hard & I think she may be using it as an excuse.

    Yep, clean or go get a job to pay for the housekeeper is what I'd be saying to her. Her JOB now is the typical housewife.... look after the child & clean the house...
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Also, you don't want to push the PPD thing.

    Docs just give you pills for that.

    Guess what pills do?

    Make you fat, addicted and lazy.

    Than you'll have even more issues on her hand.

    If she's depressed she'll tell you.

    Don't try to diagnose a problem she has blatantly stated is not there.

    This is not a medical issue.

    It is a maturity issue.

    Yeah, no, properly administered medication for legitimate depression symptoms does not make you "fat, addicted, and lazy."

    Well, weight gain, dependency and loss of energy are on most anti-depressant warning labels.
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    Well, in this case it doesn't seem warranted. But he has to talk to HER. I've asked if he's spoken to her about it already but get no answer. If she doesn't know, nothing can be fixed.

    Sorry I didn't answer you...yes we have had several conversations/arguments in the past about it... which is why I posted her for suggestions...maybe my approach has been all wrong...
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    Does work include forum posting?

    My work does, I have emails on the go, have to stay awake through some boring yet "necessary" meetings and talk with colleagues on the phone about whatever needs they have or things I need from them to do my job.

    Multi-tasking is wonderful.
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    Also, you don't want to push the PPD thing.

    Docs just give you pills for that.

    Guess what pills do?

    Make you fat, addicted and lazy.

    Than you'll have even more issues on her hand.

    If she's depressed she'll tell you.

    Don't try to diagnose a problem she has blatantly stated is not there.

    This is not a medical issue.

    It is a maturity issue.

    Yeah, no, properly administered medication for legitimate depression symptoms does not make you "fat, addicted, and lazy."

    Well, weight gain, dependency and loss of energy are on most anti-depressant warning labels.

    Those are potential side effects and not guaranteed as you initially implied in the post above. The extent of side effects also varies in each individual (as with all medication) and can be much more manageable than depression symptoms.
  • Sherbear1109
    Sherbear1109 Posts: 155 Member
    I'm afraid I have no advice on this, but I would like to tip my hat to you. You actually clean the kitchen. That's a hell of a lot more help than I get and I run a business out of my home on top of taking care of kids and doing all the household chores. Seriously, she should count herself lucky to have a guy that doesn't think she should do everything for everybody because he makes most of the income. Wish you th best of luck.
  • phred_52
    phred_52 Posts: 189 Member
    Uhmmmmm....rather lazy to me, jmo. Become neat freaks like me. Aside from trash, light dusting, don't leave much else to do. On second thought, reckon' dishwasing, laundry comes into play too.

    Not married, but thought marrried folk had sit downs and compromised on things.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Well, in this case it doesn't seem warranted. But he has to talk to HER. I've asked if he's spoken to her about it already but get no answer. If she doesn't know, nothing can be fixed.

    Sorry I didn't answer you...yes we have had several conversations/arguments in the past about it... which is why I posted her for suggestions...maybe my approach has been all wrong...

    Several conversations, no change.

    She doesn't care. Sorry but....she isn't going to change.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Well, in this case it doesn't seem warranted. But he has to talk to HER. I've asked if he's spoken to her about it already but get no answer. If she doesn't know, nothing can be fixed.

    Sorry I didn't answer you...yes we have had several conversations/arguments in the past about it... which is why I posted her for suggestions...maybe my approach has been all wrong...

    So, what is her reasoning for thinking that you need to do these chores when she is home all day?
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Also, you don't want to push the PPD thing.

    Docs just give you pills for that.

    Guess what pills do?

    Make you fat, addicted and lazy.

    Than you'll have even more issues on her hand.

    If she's depressed she'll tell you.

    Don't try to diagnose a problem she has blatantly stated is not there.

    This is not a medical issue.

    It is a maturity issue.

    Yeah, no, properly administered medication for legitimate depression symptoms does not make you "fat, addicted, and lazy."

    Well, weight gain, dependency and loss of energy are on most anti-depressant warning labels.

    Those are potential side effects and not guaranteed as you initially implied in the post above. The extent of side effects also varies in each individual (as with all medication) and can be much more manageable than depression symptoms.

    It's not guaranteed, but there are very dangerous side effects.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    18 more and this thread mercifully rolls off my "most recent" list.

    Strong kick to the finish. Let's go!
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,782 Member
    Also, you don't want to push the PPD thing.

    Docs just give you pills for that.

    Guess what pills do?

    Make you fat, addicted and lazy.

    Than you'll have even more issues on her hand.

    If she's depressed she'll tell you.

    Don't try to diagnose a problem she has blatantly stated is not there.

    This is not a medical issue.

    It is a maturity issue.

    Yeah, no, properly administered medication for legitimate depression symptoms does not make you "fat, addicted, and lazy."

    Well, weight gain, dependency and loss of energy are on most anti-depressant warning labels.

    Those are potential side effects and not guaranteed as you initially implied in the post above. The extent of side effects also varies in each individual (as with all medication) and can be much more manageable than depression symptoms.

    It's not guaranteed, but there are very dangerous side effects.

    show me just one prescription drug warning label that doesn't list side effects more lethal than the condition the drug is supposed to be treating and I will <insert double dog dare here>...
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    Well, in this case it doesn't seem warranted. But he has to talk to HER. I've asked if he's spoken to her about it already but get no answer. If she doesn't know, nothing can be fixed.

    Sorry I didn't answer you...yes we have had several conversations/arguments in the past about it... which is why I posted her for suggestions...maybe my approach has been all wrong...

    So, what is her reasoning for thinking that you need to do these chores when she is home all day?

    Because she is home looking after the baby all day and she is too tired.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Well, in this case it doesn't seem warranted. But he has to talk to HER. I've asked if he's spoken to her about it already but get no answer. If she doesn't know, nothing can be fixed.

    Sorry I didn't answer you...yes we have had several conversations/arguments in the past about it... which is why I posted her for suggestions...maybe my approach has been all wrong...

    So, what is her reasoning for thinking that you need to do these chores when she is home all day?

    Because she is home looking after the baby all day and she is too tired.

    She needs to grow up and wake up. Stop doing her chores.