An open letter...

msbanana

dear boss

is it possible to institute a small bar here in the office? while others need their morning coffee, I sometimes need my morning shot so I can relax from whatever stressors have been thrown at me in the AM at home. plus, it will help keep me from wanting to strangle any stupid people that may call or come in.

thanks

still not a morning person

Dear Still Not a Morning Person,

There is a small bar in the office. How do you think I deal with you people? It's location will however remain undisclosed as I feel that your misery makes you more productive. I will say for the record you are allowed one drink at a "business lunch." Off the record there is nothing in the handbook about the size of that drink.

Thanks for your hard work,

Your Boss

GorillaNJ

dear boss

is it possible to institute a small bar here in the office? while others need their morning coffee, I sometimes need my morning shot so I can relax from whatever stressors have been thrown at me in the AM at home. plus, it will help keep me from wanting to strangle any stupid people that may call or come in.

thanks

still not a morning person

Still not a morning person

You are taking the wrong approach it is not you who needs the morning drink, it is everyone. A proactive employee would spike the creamer and watch the fun ensue. Another alternative would be to bring in a tray of pot brownies and leave them on the conference room table.

Your boss

ron2282

Dear Mom,

I love you so much. You are by far the strongest woman I’ve ever known and I admire you more than you’ll ever know. Please know that I don’t mind writing out your bills, going through all your mail and taking care of every financial aspect of your life. I understand that Daddy took care of all those things for you and now that he’s gone the responsibility falls to me. But please stop telling everyone who crosses your path that you could not make it one day without your son. Is this the same son that you didn’t want to be alone in the house with your checkbook when you were out of the country? The same son who only comes home when it’s time to eat? Taking out the garbage for you once a week does not make a perfect child.

Love always,
Your oldest

___________________________________


Darling husband,

I will gladly make you a sandwich for lunch. But please ask me when I’m packing my own lunch, not as we are both walking out the door in the morning. I promise if you do that your sandwich will not look like road kill and you’ll get a good-bye kiss rather than the “evil mom stare” I reserve for naughty children.

Kisses!!

__________________________________

Dear Co-workers,

I don’t care, shut up!

Annoyed

_______________________________

Dear clients,

I am paid to provide you with a service which I feel I do fairly efficiently. I however, am not paid to listen to you yell at me and call me names in Spanish. I may not speak the language fluently but I do understand the curse words. I understand you need help, but it is not my fault your eclectic is being shut off; I cannot pay your bill, I have to pay mine. I am sorry that you did not get your appointment notice. I don’t understand why, as it went to the same address that your closing notice did. How it was possible that you got one but not the other? But please feel free to drop in the office without an appointment. I will change my schedule around to accommodate you. One more things – it is extremely hard to get any work done on your case when you call me every half an hour. Please leave me alone for one day, I promise you will be happy with the results.

Your stressed out caseworker

______________________________

Dear left eye,

Please stop twitching; you’re giving me a headache.

Stressed

______________________________

Dear TOM,

Where are you?????? You’re making me nervous.

Not ready

lilRicki

Dear PMS

Why do you hate me so much? we have been together for 17 years now and every year you hate me more. Don't you think it's a bit overkill to be hormonal, constantly hungry, easily frustrated, bloated, etc? I do everything in my power to make you happy. I take my calcium and evening primrose, I've changed my birth control 4 times to accomidate you, I've even gone off birth control thinking the synthetic hormones were what was causing the horrid distruption in my life (boy was I wrong there, I'm lucky I'm not up for manslaughter). I'm just saying if we have to live together for another 30 years, can we please come to an agreement. You just come in and out of my life withouth a tornado following you, and I'll continue to take my vitamins. There is no need for me to eat like I'll never see food again, that's not a good idea, or be so tired and crampy that I just want to walk away from my desk and never come back. And also could you please come with some regularity? 5 days before I'm done my Pill is not fun for me...and then you stop for days, and then start again, really it's irritating. Not only for me, but for my fiance too!...


Thank-you,

Your uterus donar


Dear Fiance

I love you more than words can say...you are my rock when I need one, my reality check when I forget...the father of my child and a son to my parents. In saying that, can you please find a different career? I hate Instrumentation, and it clearly hates you. I would enjoy you home every night.

Thank-you,

Your Overwhelmed future bride

jenni185

Dear Boy that has my Heart,
I came to the realization this weekend that the L word has happened while I wasn't looking. This is NOT FAIR. We've talked about this NOT happening. We're both scared ****less. When I wouldn't tell you what was wrong Saturday night it was because I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would scream" I F'ING LOVE YOU YOU BIG EMOTIONALLY RETARDED FOOL. JUST LET ME LOVE YOU GOD DAMN IT!!!" That said, you talk in your sleep... I love you too.

~me

Dear ~me

At least you know it was honest... just like the first time my now hubby told me he loved me over the phone when he was plastered and a thousand miles away! :happy:

Signed

Congrats!

My then boyfriend/how husband blurted it out and then slapped his hand over his mouth with a complete look of horror...

lilRicki

This is the perfect thread for the mood i'm in today....


Dear future sister-in-law

For the love of god stop being such a b!tch! We have never been friends, you digust me with your 500lbs, constant smoking and lack of personal hygiene, why the hell would you expect to be in my wedding party? I'm only having two bridesmaids, and you've known me for long enough to know that I have two women that are very close to me in my life, hence the fact they had to play paper/rock/scissors to determine who my MOH was. And you lost your mind on your brother because I didn't choose you to be in my wedding party? you've got to be kidding me! so now out of pity my fiance has deemed you the MC, so you can stand up at the microphone and lie about how proud you are of your brother, and how much you've always wanted a sister just like me. You know absolutely nothing about love and commitment, or morals for that matter. The MC that we already asked now has to share the spotlight with you, and he's the size of your left @ss cheek! Awesome, way to make my special day into your pity party...and do you really have to spend christmas with us? your bratty children, your wife that just left you and has since come back, and your fat @ss laying around my house for 4 days while i run buck wild in order to cook and clean for you? it's my holiday too you know, and i'm hosting your entire family at my house christmas day...you don't need to stay at our house, you can come on christmas day just like we did when we were travelling to visit his family...but again, you must steal all the happiness and sunshine that i strive to create for my immediate family. you are the most selfish, hateful person i have ever met...right after i got engaged, and i was still glowing and in shock, you told me and my new fiance that I am not ready to get married, and I am not ready to take care of an 8 year old boy...hello!!!! I've been with this man for 3 years, taking care of the child since he was 5!!! we aren't getting married for 2 more years...and you're the one that decided, while engaged to a man, that you're a lesbian, next thing you know you're married and preparing for a divorce! how dare you ruin my special moment...i am marrying your brother, and i am adopting your nephew, and it would do your health a great deal of good to keep out of my business...you're a chronic *kitten* up, no need to be handing out advice when you can't even make a proper decision!...

wooow what i wouldn't give to say that to her face...

mlh612

Dear Wonderful Husband,

You're the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I love more than all the stars in thy sky. You couldnt make me any happier. You're absolutely PERFECT for me. But.. If you don't stop SNORING in my ear like a jet engine at night, I'm gonna choke you out in the middle of the night! And hey.. you gotta share those covers, yes I do get cold too.. And... You can't sleep in the middle of the bed... I need some room too, and i'm FAT! I need more than three inches.. I enjoy being close to you and cuddling with you, but holding on for dear life so I dont' fall off the bed, yeah.. NOT ENJOYABLE!!!

Love you always,

You're Loving Caring Almost Murderous Wife!

PS Did I tell you how much I love you!?

Love this!!!!! :laugh:

GorillaNJ

wooow what i wouldn't give to say that to her face...

Don't worry I just emailed it to her... maybe she can use some of it when she speaks at your wedding :flowerforyou:

mlh612

Dear daycare children,
Miss jill is kind of cranky today so lets all just sit down and color quietly ...
No screaming , or coloring on my walls .. on the paper !!!
please and thank you
love
Your tired babysitter

Dear Miss Jill
Kandace just peed on the floor and Evan is eating Ariel's boogers. You don't know it but James has head lice and Timmy has diaper rash from the runs he has this weekend. And don't look now, but Sara's mom gave her tylenol this morning so you wouldn't know she really has a 103 fever.
Love,
your kids

lol ,. i luv that...... thanx for that seems very similar to my daily life .... hahaha

LMAO!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

mlh612

Dear Cat:

STOP TIMING YOUR SH*TS FOR MY DINNER TIMES. I SWEAR I WILL THROW YOU RIGHT OUT THE DAMN WINDOW THE NEXT TIME I SMELL TURD 3 SECONDS AFTER SITTING DOWN TO EAT.

Love,
The Person Who Feeds Your *kitten*

Laughed until I cried!!! :laugh:

mlh612

Dear Co-Worker,

Have you ever wondered why people try so hard not to talk to you? The constant one-upping has got to stop. I talked about my half-marathon and how happy I was to complete it under my goal time - yes we already know that you did the Avon 2 day walk 5 YEARS AGO and your feet hurt during the entire walk... I talk about what funny thing my daughter had done the night before - yes you don't have children so you compare my KID experience to your DOGS.. Because dogs are very similar to children... hmmmmm

It's getting really old and I am over it...

Thanks,
Your annoyed co-worker who wishes you would keep your mouth shut

NotAllWhoWanderAreLost

Dear Bathroom,

yes, i am sick of you too.

Love,
Water Girl

mlh612

Dear Bathroom,

yes, i am sick of you too.

Love,
Water Girl

I'm with you there!! Speaking of which....gotta potty!

CreativeRedhead

Dear Mom at the bus-stop,

I REALLY didn't appreciate those evil death glares you were throwing me this morning! Is it envy or disgust or what? I've never said 2 words to you and don't know you. It's not my fault you kinda look like crap warmed over every morning....take some time for yourself. I like to actually run a brush through my hair and throw on some jeans and a shirt to look halfway decent in the mornings. And yeah I put on makeup and my earrings...that's just habit. Don't hate the player, hate the game you old dirty sweats, holey 3x wearing frumpy mom. (Not that there's anything wrong with sweats, 3x holey tee shirts, or frumpy moms...this lady just pisses me off) :flowerforyou:

PS...Please don't continue those evil death glares this afternoon when I see you again at our usual meeting spot!

Yours truly,

The Pissed Off Mom

Jillian0708

Dear horrible mother at walmart,
I hate to be judgmental but can you please control your children. I do have children of my own but there is a reason i try to go alone sometimes .. expecially when im picking out presents. (poke poke) yes i see your child running around screaming that he hates you and hates and wants you to give him what he wants and all the while i am kind of laughing under my breath bc i know its only a matter of time until you give him what he wants he will shut up . but next time could you please stop him before he grabs your cart and rams it into my ankles because at that point i wanted to grab him up smack his little behind and put him in your cart.. thank you

the women who limped outta walmart


Dear husband,
i would like to thank you so much for getting up every morning and goint o work ten hour days . but for once when you are leaving could you please kiss me softly on the cheeck instead of standing at the bedroom door saying jill Jill JIll JILL!!! its very annoying .. thank you

oh and while your at it please put the toilet seat down im not to fond of waking up to screaming bc our 3 year old is stuck in the toilet ...

love,
your wife who doesnt like to wake up when its dark outside

CreativeRedhead

Dear lovely friend,

You are sooo amazingly wonderful. You are possibly the closest to my heart. I truly truly appreciate all the wonderful things you say to me. You just don't know how important you are and how much I love you! I mean really last night when you said my new pic made me look like a supermodel..haha that was such a great feeling. Thanks for being a wonderful person!


love,

your over the moon friend