An open letter...

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  • gambitsgurl
    gambitsgurl Posts: 632 Member
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    Dear Blind Date,

    At this point my standards are officially non-existent. All I ask is that you not have 50 million kids have a job and be relatively sane.

    Sincerely
    Not Looking for Romance

    Dear Not Looking for Romance
    You are a beautiful woman and deserve the best so please pick your standards BACK OUT OF THE TRASH CAN, GO IN WITH YOUR CHIN UP AND YOUR CHEST OUT, and KNOW you deserve more than what you wrote. I made you and I don't make mistakes.
    Love,
    God
  • gambitsgurl
    gambitsgurl Posts: 632 Member
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    Dear Darling 14 year old son,
    We love you and find you very entertaining (more than your teachers do I'm sure) but please understand that when we tell you you need to change your study habits, we do know what we are talking about (there's that whole college degree thing going on here.) But, if you sneak downstairs to play XBOX after you are supposed to be in bed one more time, we will rip your arms off!!! Especially while your grades are in the toilet!!!

    Love,
    XBOX hating mom

    P.S. We will never tell you where the power cord or controllers are until you bring your grades up:smile::smile:

    Dear XBox Hating Mom,

    My son's power cord is gone.

    Love,
    High Five
  • gambitsgurl
    gambitsgurl Posts: 632 Member
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    Dr Mr. (Will) Smith,

    Please don't take this wrong. I mean no ill by it. I have loved you for decades. You were the first to understand my parents just didn't understand. You made that courageous move to live with Uncle Phil in California even though we know you were scared. You saved our planet from aliens and the wild west from the evil doctor. You have given us so much and asked for nothing (more than price of admissions, taxes and fees). So understand this is hard to say, you being such a love in my life.


    I'll want to snatch your daughter up by her hair and whip her back and forth if I hear that song many more times.


    k?thx!bye

    What song? LOL

    I Whip My Hair Back and Forth


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymKLymvwD2U

    arggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    OMG! I did not know that was his daughter! (I know--I am out of the loop!)

    The video is even more annoying than the song alone! (I hate that song!)

    Oh yeah. That's his girl. Probably takes after that horrible woman who stole him from me. Miniature stick bug.
  • msbanana
    msbanana Posts: 793 Member
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    Dear Self,
    I know 5am is really early. I know that 5am is nearly against your religion. We NEED coffee in the morning. Please in the future remember to put coffee in the filter before you turn on the coffee pot in the morning. Also, Shampoo goes on before the Conditioner. I realize it's Monday but seriously... Get it together.

    Love,
    You

    _____________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Dear Boy that has my Heart,
    I came to the realization this weekend that the L word has happened while I wasn't looking. This is NOT FAIR. We've talked about this NOT happening. We're both scared ****less. When I wouldn't tell you what was wrong Saturday night it was because I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would scream" I F'ING LOVE YOU YOU BIG EMOTIONALLY RETARDED FOOL. JUST LET ME LOVE YOU GOD DAMN IT!!!" That said, you talk in your sleep... I love you too.

    ~me
  • Jillian0708
    Jillian0708 Posts: 43
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    _____________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Dear Boy that has my Heart,
    I came to the realization this weekend that the L word has happened while I wasn't looking. This is NOT FAIR. We've talked about this NOT happening. We're both scared ****less. When I wouldn't tell you what was wrong Saturday night it was because I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would scream" I F'ING LOVE YOU YOU BIG EMOTIONALLY RETARDED FOOL. JUST LET ME LOVE YOU GOD DAMN IT!!!" That said, you talk in your sleep... I love you too.

    ~me
    [/quote]


    Dear me,
    my now husband first said he loved me in his sleep too.. :)
  • nomoremuffintopness
    nomoremuffintopness Posts: 275 Member
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    Dear self,
    Quit making poor food choices!!! Your migraine is gone, that was never a good excuse anyway. Start your healthy eating again! No excuses! Put down the funyuns!

    Thanks-
  • Amandac6772
    Amandac6772 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    Dear people at work.
    You mother doesn't work here...wash your dishes instead of piling them in the sink to get all stinky by Friday...also replace the toilet paper (leaving a square laid over the roll is not the same thing).

    Dear me,
    Quit obsessing about things you cannot change, accept your life and move on. Love yourself and what has been given to you.

    Dear friends,
    I love you but really do we need to put everything we do on Facebook. Keep the cute kid pictures coming but I don't need to know what you are watching on TV or when you had your last bowel movement (just kidding but you know the ones I'm talking about).

    SIgned,
    Totally obsessive compulisve clean freak who loves her friends but they drive her nuts
  • NotAllWhoWanderAreLost
    NotAllWhoWanderAreLost Posts: 615 Member
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    Dear Husband,

    I know you like to kid that as a stay-at-home-mom that i "don't work" so tell me then, why when i actually get some time away and YOU are in charge does the house turn into a total tornado zone?

    Signed,
    Monday and cleaning AGAIN.
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Dear co-workers

    While I am impressed that you speak two languages fluently, if I walk in the room and you switch your conversation to Indian I assume you are either talking about me or something you should not be discussing at work. Either way you are running the risk of getting your head put through the water cooler you are gossiping next to.

    Sincerely
    One of the guys that has input to your annual review.
  • Jillian0708
    Jillian0708 Posts: 43
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    Dear nosy neighbor,
    hi yes i noticed you looking through your shade when we moved in 3 mon ths ago. and yes i see you looking out your blinds everytime we come or go ..... and trust me i know that if my blinds are open in the playroom you can see me dancing around the house in my sweats singing as loud as i can while cleaning , and yes i know your a judgemental family so hear is what i say . If you dont like it shut your blinds because the sunlight makes me feel great !!!!and next time theres a bump in your bumber and you accuse us it will be for good reason bc there will be one on our car to match bc next time it will be me :)
    yeah just saying

    truly yours,
    your nieghbor from the south whom you judge :)
  • jb_sweet_99
    jb_sweet_99 Posts: 856 Member
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    These are fantastic, I'm sure my boss would disagree as I've been reading them all afternoon, lol....but the bonus is that an hour has gone by since the last time I looked lol :bigsmile:

    Dear self, I know that you already went for a walk this afternoon and that your body is hurting from skating/falling over the weekend, but tough! You are going to Kickboxing AND Core Pole this evening and you WILL like it damn it!

    Love: Feeling achy and lazy today
  • NotAllWhoWanderAreLost
    NotAllWhoWanderAreLost Posts: 615 Member
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    Dear MFP forum posters,

    Please stop posting these hilarious open letters that I feel compelled to read. I actually need to so something else today than read MFP posts! Plus I can never hope to be as clever and witty as you and I'm starting to feel bad about myself. Now I need to go eat some chocolate. Then I will have to post it in my food diary. Then I will need to read more MFP posts and the cycle will continue and spiral out of control......

    WILL THIS MADNESS NEVER END!!!!????

    Signed,

    Losing It

    Dear Losing It,

    It was *your post* on my news feed that got me sucked into this whole thread. I ate a Reece's pumpkin too. Yep. All your fault ;)

    Signed,
    Your MFP Stalker Pal ;)
  • heathersmilez
    heathersmilez Posts: 2,579 Member
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    Dear ovum,

    Please do not descend to my uterus and instead stay inside the ovary as your boss The pill instructs you to do so.

    After all the troublesome comments on children in this thread reproduction is highly discouraged.

    Sincerely,

    The Brain.



    LOL! Just joking, chill!
  • tater8589
    tater8589 Posts: 616
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    Dear In-Laws,

    We will be spending more time this trip home with my family, because we spent the whole trip last time with you... And you wouldn't even go to dinner with us. Also, realise there are 2 families and the ones who help fund the trip home will be rewarded with more time

    Love,
    Daughter-in-law

    Dear Roomate,

    I realise you pay rent, HOWEVER... That does not mean you can make a mess and leave it. The second bathroom is yours... clean it. I shouldn't have to put the cleaner in the sink or on top of the toilet only to find that its been moved out of the way and nothing is clean. Also, when your girlfriend comes/stays over (I don't mind, but) you or she needs to clean up the messes made. AND the big screen TV in my living room is mine, I pay the bill for that and the cable it recieves... take your -blankity blank- PS3 to your room and play it on your tv! Oh, If you drink all my beer--- REPLACE it with the same thing! One last think, keep in mind that we let you move in to help you out, since it wouldn't make sence for you to get your own place then deploy... We still want our privacy and would prefer you find someplace else to store your things while you are gone, and we want to use the second bedroom... who knows we might start planning for a kid.

    -Your Friend

    Dear Co-workers,

    I have 15 tasks while the rest of you have 1 or 3. Please leave me the blankety-blank alone. I have enough to do. Also, It would be greatly appreciated if I could get some help with my overload of tasks... Lastly... Have fun dealing while I'm on vacation for 2 weeks... Sometimes I think the office will fall apart without me. :grumble: :laugh:

    - Your super stressed co-worker
  • tater8589
    tater8589 Posts: 616
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    Dear Husband,

    When you know you have a bill to pay and have limited funds.. buying knife (you don't need) and leaving me to pay the bills out of my very small budget is unfair and irritating. Also, I track my water and food... so keep your dirty lil hands off!! I will bite you.:laugh:
    And, If you wonder why you can't find your shoes... you might check the closet where they belong not the middle of the living room or bedroom floor.

    :heart:
    your wife
  • NotAllWhoWanderAreLost
    NotAllWhoWanderAreLost Posts: 615 Member
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    Dear Self,

    the kids have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many toys! Time to start hauling things out!

    Love,
    me
  • cef957
    cef957 Posts: 86 Member
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    Dear MFP pals.... THANK YOU for listening to my rants, woes, and yippeess!!
  • tigersgirl
    tigersgirl Posts: 66 Member
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    Dear Dad,
    I really miss you and its not the same. This time I cant just happen to visit you, I wonder what you would say about everything going on. Like your grandkids know- you are looking down on us-- maybe doing the belly-dance in a hula skirt like Emma said or the brightest star in the sky like Clayton, but I would like a sign too. Please help guide us thru the next few months, with the holidays and knowing its been a yr coming up. I just wanted you to know I love you very much and I know I will see you again.

    Dear Scale--
    Thank you for cooperating with me the past few months. I really needed that motivation to help put me first. I know its not being selfish now. I will continue to work hard especially with the holidays coming up- could you also help me out- its gonna be a rough road for the next few months. I promise not to eat a pint of ben and jerry- new york super fudge chunk ice cream to drown out the pain...
    Please and thank you!!!

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