An open letter...

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  • ron2282
    ron2282 Posts: 2,772 Member
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    Dear wonderful supportive husband,

    Please stop coming with me on my walks/jogs. I only go during the daytime and we live 1 mile away from the state police barracks - I'll be fine. As much as I love spending time with you, we can talk at home. I need that time to escape from the world and be no one. As much as I love hearing about your insane boss and co-workers, for one hour each day I want to hear nothing but the music blasting from my ipod and my feet hitting the pavement. Also, you have already lost 10 pounds from your otherwise UNDERWEIGHT body. You'll be doing both of us a favor by staying home and eating the toasters strudel.

    Love always,
    Your loving wife

    P.S. Please, please, please, stop drinking water out of my cup. How many times do I have to tell you that I TRACK MY WATER INTAKE!!!!!! It is that hard to pour your own water? I'll even get a glass for you.
  • francesstewart1
    francesstewart1 Posts: 71
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    Dear loved up couple on the Metro,

    I know you are in love and all that but really ... I dont want to see and hear (!!!) you kiss every 5 seconds. I'm just trying to get home and enjoy my non-fat sugar-free yogurt on the way.

    Love,
    A non-PDA loved-up girl
  • francesstewart1
    francesstewart1 Posts: 71
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    Great thread by the way!!
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Dear loved up couple on the Metro,

    I know you are in love and all that but really ... I dont want to see and hear (!!!) you kiss every 5 seconds. I'm just trying to get home and enjoy my non-fat sugar-free yogurt on the way.

    Love,
    A non-PDA loved-up girl
    I had a couple standing in front of me on the PATH train... they both had to be in their 50's but they were making out and groping eachother like they were in highschool.... and on x
  • pamelasusan
    pamelasusan Posts: 90 Member
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    Dear 22 year old daughter,

    I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.

    I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.


    OMG.............you are a riot! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • peanut352
    peanut352 Posts: 75 Member
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    Bump!

    This is a great post, and I want to finish reading them all, and maybe even write one of my own.

    But I have to exercise first!
  • undercover
    undercover Posts: 138 Member
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    Dear 22 year old daughter,

    I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.

    I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.

    Funniest thing I've heard all week! Loved it! :) Thank you for making my Sunday evening!
  • tacey21
    tacey21 Posts: 73 Member
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    Dear Self,
    Your boyfriend is picking you up in 20 minutes and you're still in your pajamas and online shopping.
    Remember how supportive he is being by taking you to this 5k which he promised you could walk if you didnt feel like jogging.
    Time to get off of MFP and find your jogging shoes that you havent seen in a year.

    Love,
    Me.
  • bigmama65
    bigmama65 Posts: 2,529 Member
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    Dear 22 year old daughter,

    I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.

    I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.

    LOL thanks for sharing this. Made me lol so much:laugh: .:noway: :laugh:
  • darkrider42
    darkrider42 Posts: 5,337 Member
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    However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.

    I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.

    Reminds me of the time back when my adult daughter was dressing up (if you can call it that!!) to go to the weekly midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I had the exact same reaction....
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    Dear 5:30 am,

    Why do you come so early? I hate waking up and seeing the clock with you on it. It just sucks. I want to keep sleeping. Can you please take your time tomorrow morning?

    Love,

    Just 5 more minutes

    ---

    Dear 4 year old daughter,

    Mommy loves you. Thank you so much for waking up on your own this morning, brushing your teeth, and getting dressed without drama. THIS is what I would like every single morning. You are such a big girl. I miss my little baby, but i'm enjoying my sweet big girl. Maybe one day your daddy and I will bless you with a sibling.

    Love,

    Your best friend and mommy forever!
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    Dear TOM,
    I don't know what you think you're doing putting more pounds on the scale, but it's very detrimental to my fitness success as it plays mind tricks on me that I'm not being successful at all. So, because of you, I am now PLUS two pounds. Thanks alot.

    Eff Off.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    Dear TOM,
    I don't know what you think you're doing putting more pounds on the scale, but it's very detrimental to my fitness success as it plays mind tricks on me that I'm not being successful at all. So, because of you, I am now PLUS two pounds. Thanks alot.

    Eff Off.

    Me too, effing effer efferson.
  • nsueflorence
    nsueflorence Posts: 295 Member
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    Dear Dog,
    Yes, you are the cutest dog on the planet, but it does not mean I have to freeze my butt off while you sniff everything up and down the street while trying to find a good spot to take care of your "business". Please, in the future, choose quickly so that I can get to work on time. There will be an extra treat in your bowl if you do!! Regards
    Your obedient Servant


    lol i know
  • thinjo
    thinjo Posts: 3
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    Dear friends
    I wish you had told me that I was unhealthy 80 pounds ago. I knew it, but just didn't want to admit it. Don't be afraid to tough love when a life is at stake.
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    Dear TOM,
    I don't know what you think you're doing putting more pounds on the scale, but it's very detrimental to my fitness success as it plays mind tricks on me that I'm not being successful at all. So, because of you, I am now PLUS two pounds. Thanks alot.

    Eff Off.

    Me too, effing effer efferson.

    I take it a step further and start calling everything douche. For example, Dr. Douche Douchington D.D.S.
  • FORKDOWN
    FORKDOWN Posts: 1,754
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    Dear IHOP Customers,
    You may find this hard to believe but, when my landlord came by to pick up the rent, I tried to pay him in "your the best sersver ever"s and he laughed at me. Ain't that some crap? Maybe you should start leaving 20%. Or at the very least just understanding that $5 is not a fabulous tip....on $100 bill. Also, no, that dosen't come with toast, and no you can't have one pancake. I don't give a crap how wasted you are. Yes, you can have 'any kind of pancakes' you want, also, i will be charging you for them.
    Thanks,
    Your underpaid overworked waitress
    P.S. Please, I know you have had a good time at 'da club but, why must you throw your used tampons on the bathroom floor?

    Dear Mom,
    I miss you. I can't tell anyone coz they just say they are sorry. That irks me. So, i just keep it to myself. Also, I drove by the cemetary the other day and had the most ridiculous thought, are you cold and lonely? It makes it so i Have to drive the long way home now. :(
    Love,
    Your Daughter Who Misses You so Much this time of year.

    Dear Husband,
    I love you. You are so fantastic. Stop eating french fries.
    Love,
    Your fat wife you always say is sexy but, i know what you really mean!

    Congrats..

    I am pretty sure you are the only person to ever post pancakes and tampoons in the same post at MFP.

    PS I am a good tipper b/c of stories like yours. I get angry when people treat waiters and waitress like crap.

    :flowerforyou:
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    ForkDown, I just wanted to say that I LOVE your screen name. lol :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • AKosky585
    AKosky585 Posts: 607 Member
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    Dear Husband

    Why is it when I get home from work, the laundry is still in a pile on the floor waiting to be washed, dishes are stacked and the bed still unmade? You are not working right now. Get off your video game for an hour and help out a little! When I get home after 9 hours of dealing with customers, the last think I want to do is clean!!!

    Love

    Your Wife

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