An open letter...

lastchance2010

Dear Rachel's 'puppy',

Thank you for trying to make it to the door this morning while you were throwing up, however next time try to make it closer? Slipping in your throw-up was not a fun way to start my work out at 3:30 am.

Love,

Mom

LMAO I almost spewed out my oatmeal raisin cookie...errrr...i mean...ugh yep I almost spit my cookie out on the computer!!! :laugh: :laugh:

lastchance2010

Dear MFP friends,

You have truly brightened my day! I have had so many of the same experiences, excluding sitting on a left testicle:huh: , You have all made me smile.

MFP Thanks for the pick me up,

OMG ROFLMAO!! :noway: :noway: :noway:

lastchance2010

Dear 22 year old daughter,

I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.

I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.

i'M DYING OVER HERE...LOLOLOLOLOL

tristalin

Dear 1 year old,

I know you missed your nap today (not for lack of trying on my part). I know you are so tired that you can hardly stand it, but please stay awake for 15 more minutes so that I don't have to get up 3 times tonight. You are much cuter at 6am than you are at 2am~

Love,

Mom



Dear 3 year old,

I know you LOVE Strawberry Shortcake, but if I have to hear the theme song one more time, I will keel over and die. It just isn't right that a 31 year old woman can't goes around humming it all day. Please, pick a movie other than Strawberry Shortcake on our next library visit!

Love,

Mom


Dear 6 year old,

I am aware that you do not like what I make for dinner most nights. And, no, you CAN't just eat grahm crackers. And, no, you can't just eat 3 bites, then ask for a treat. You will eat what I make, and you will LIKE it!

Love,

Mom

CreativeRedhead

Dear precious sons of mine,

I realize you are still young and curious, but your older sisters room is not there for you to go into and destroy while they are over at Grandma's house. It is NOT ok for you to get out all of their nail polish and scatter the bottles around the room like confetti and it is most certainly NOT ok for you to then paint each of your nails with a myriad of colors. :noway: And no, that money you took out of her piggy bank isn't yours because you "found" it.....now give it back and kindly GO TO BED!!!


PS...next time you two are visiting Grandma's house, I'm letting the girls completely ravage your room. :laugh:

Love,

Tired mom

jg5390

Dear Daddy,

I miss you every second of everyday. I feel lost without you.

Love,
Your baby girl

Jillian0708

Dear friend of mine whom thinks she knows it all,
Hi yea i know you are knowledged in college and heck im just a stay at home mom with a daycare. BUT
do not tell me i am eatin healthier and working out more for nothing bc it just flat P***** me off sooo bad !!!!!
you did not go to college for nutrition and do not tell me i will only ever loose water weight because i will never be skinny bc its not in myjeans,.... well B**** i weighed 130 in highschool do you not remember that ? OMG you make me sooo mad !!!
anyway i have lost 25 pounds and while yes some of it im sure is water weight but i garantee it isnt all bc my clothes are feeling looser and i can finally button my fat pant so HA HA .. Shut up you skinny little hooker !!!!

xo

your Pd of friend

ps.. by the way i dont want to talk agian until im at my goal weight bc youve took my joy from me you little hooker !!

msbanana

Dear Mary,
I think it's Mary, right? Well if it isn't it's ok because you never remember my name either. I just wanted to tell you thanks. I met you on my second day at the gym. You were running next to me. I was huffing and puffing away still only a couple a months back into running. When I finished my workout, you smiled at me and told me I had done well. You made me cry that night. I couldn't believe how nice you were. That you noticed me (It's hard to miss a 240 pound woman on a treadmill who appears to be hurdling her *kitten* through time and space.) We've had a few exchanges since then, we traded life summaries in the sauna- you are an inspiration to me. I would have guessed you in your early fourties, not a gramma in her late 50's.

Well, Mary, you made my day again. I haven't seen you in awhile and I know I've made some serious physical changes in the last month and a half. Thank you for noticing. Thank for calling me "Skinny" loudly in the packed to the gills cardio area of the gym. I'm sorry I guffawed. I want you to know, thanks to you I haven't stopped smiling. You are the reason I decided that I liked this gym. Thank you for being so amazing. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you this today.

Love,
~amandaamberangie...what's your name again?

missdiva2000

Dear screaming 4 year old daughter,

I can help you zip your jacket. It is not difficult for me to get it started and then you can finish it. There is no reason to sit on the kitchen floor screaming and kicking. Just stand up and then we can leave. It really should not be an issue.

Love,

Your overstimulated mother





I have a 3 yr she will be 4 next month, OMG she is the same way...we go through this every morning...lol

FORKDOWN

Dear Coworkers,

Do your own damn work. Dont like it bite me.

Signed

Coworker who works past 4 everyday while you lazy bums run each other over getting out the door @ 4

PS When my door is closed it means stay the ef out.

sculley

Dear unborn son,

Just because mommy wakes up at 2-4am or so to go pee does not mean "wake up time, time to move"...Mommy knows your anxious to get out because you have been upside down and head butting me for months but your only halfway there keep baking hunny pie....

Love your anxious but not that anxious mom



Dear 5 year old son,

Your old enough now to where when you wake up cold to actually get under the covers instead of waking mommy up at 2am to ask if I can cover you up, and also mommy would love to hear about the dream you had but can it wait until we wake up instead of 3am in the morning, if its a bad dream its ok to wake mommy up...And please hunny stop kneeing and kicking me in your sleep, its not gymnastics and I already have enough kicking lol.

Love your totally exhausted and needing one night of full sleep mom

sculley

Dear screaming 4 year old daughter,

I can help you zip your jacket. It is not difficult for me to get it started and then you can finish it. There is no reason to sit on the kitchen floor screaming and kicking. Just stand up and then we can leave. It really should not be an issue.

Love,

Your overstimulated mother





I have a 3 yr she will be 4 next month, OMG she is the same way...we go through this every morning...lol

My 5 year old has a hard time with his pant zipper and his jacket instead of asking me to help he will cry and get all hurt and upset with himself...

aliciadjackson

Dear Mary,
I think it's Mary, right? Well if it isn't it's ok because you never remember my name either. I just wanted to tell you thanks. I met you on my second day at the gym. You were running next to me. I was huffing and puffing away still only a couple a months back into running. When I finished my workout, you smiled at me and told me I had done well. You made me cry that night. I couldn't believe how nice you were. That you noticed me (It's hard to miss a 240 pound woman on a treadmill who appears to be hurdling her *kitten* through time and space.) We've had a few exchanges since then, we traded life summaries in the sauna- you are an inspiration to me. I would have guessed you in your early fourties, not a gramma in her late 50's.

Well, Mary, you made my day again. I haven't seen you in awhile and I know I've made some serious physical changes in the last month and a half. Thank you for noticing. Thank for calling me "Skinny" loudly in the packed to the gills cardio area of the gym. I'm sorry I guffawed. I want you to know, thanks to you I haven't stopped smiling. You are the reason I decided that I liked this gym. Thank you for being so amazing. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you this today.

Love,
~amandaamberangie...what's your name again?

I LOVE this!
Makes me want to give more nice comments to people I see every day working out when I'm at the gym... everyone needs boosts like this!

Unknown

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sculley

Dear teacher of my son,

All of my written letters for you left in my sons folder that have gone unanswered for months......and now the conference you requested that you stood me up and had the nerve to call everyone on my sons contact card but me to pass along a third party message and after the note I received from you about how "we" missed our conference and how your available only 2:20 monday and thursday and how we need to have a conference.......Well guess what??? SCREW U! I have tried to get my kid out of your class for months at first I just thought I was being alittle judging but after seeing u put your hand in my sons face when he tried to ask you what he was supposed to do when I dropped him off and after hearing from him later that day that you grabbed him by the arm and pulled in out of a seat......I WILL HAVE my son moved or YOU fired either way......Don't bother me and dont ask me for anything best thing you can do is talk to the principal and have my son moved. Because its obvious you do not belong in a job that deals with kids.

Sincerely,
A pissed off frustrated mouth

sculley

Dear hubby

I know you're sick, but for the love of all that is good get your *kitten* to the doctor! This is your 3rd day home from work, and we can't afford you to not be working! Quit being a stubborn git and buck up! It makes me crazy when you tell me at night that you're going to try your damnedest to make it to work, and then I have to wake you up 3 times to get your butt off the couch so I can get your help to get the kids to day care on time so the oldest doesn't miss his bus.

Oh, and while I'm here, thanks for making my sandwich this morning while I was finishing getting ready. But, you forgot the onion...

Love

your wife who need some sanity right now

I begged my husband for months to go to the doc when he finally did he has so many serious problems.....I was just like damn you really should have listened to me!

sculley

Dear US Navy,

While I thank you for returning my husband to me yesterday and appreciate that I get to keep him around for a few months could you please make sure you stick to the plans we have arranged? I am well aware that you will be taking my husband away AGAIN this time for 6-8months, I will try not to be selfish but I have purchased tickets for he and I to see a show the weekend before you are scheduled to take him so all I ask is that you do not change your plans at the last minute (as you often do) unless it means he gets to stay with me longer!

Best wishes
Frusterated Planner

---

Dear 5 year old little boy,
You are smart and charming and absoultely hilarious most days...however if I have to hear you whine that you're hungry 5 min after a full meal again I will make you eat until you puke. Your portions are perfect and when i offer you seconds you decline. I realize you clean your plate but as you are only 5 i do not feel it is appropriate for you to be eating me out of house and home for at least another 8-10years!

Love
your "only cooks one meal a night" Mom

---

Dear Loving husband,

I am so glad to have you home, I have missed you dearly the past few weeks! I would kindly ask that you look around and observe how clean the house was when you walked in the door....lets try to keep it that way. Since we are going out of town for the holidays it will mean less work for everyone involved if we just continue to pick up after ourselves so that we leave/return to a clean house.

All my heart
Your wife/partner/cook/maid

So feel your pain on the 5 year old he refuses and picks at his food but is starving after.....oh and the US navy one is priceless currently my husband and I are both navy he is stationed in colorado and i am in florida so the three days of special time we get a month is so priceless

sculley

Dear Every Mom That Thinks Their Teenage Daughter Should Shush Up,

You are lucky to have your children wanting to talk to you. My mom never asked about my day, not once. I rarely told her anything that was going on and I always felt alone. It may bother you right now but who are they supposed to talk to, you are their MOTHER.

Love,

The Girl Who Always Felt Alone And Still Kind of Does

((hugs)) You have 89876 mothers on here that will listen to you.

I second that!! I felt alone growing up all the time so I try my best to be there for my son all the time.

sculley

Dear Wonderful Husband,

You're the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I love more than all the stars in thy sky. You couldnt make me any happier. You're absolutely PERFECT for me. But.. If you don't stop SNORING in my ear like a jet engine at night, I'm gonna choke you out in the middle of the night! And hey.. you gotta share those covers, yes I do get cold too.. And... You can't sleep in the middle of the bed... I need some room too, and i'm FAT! I need more than three inches.. I enjoy being close to you and cuddling with you, but holding on for dear life so I dont' fall off the bed, yeah.. NOT ENJOYABLE!!!

Love you always,

You're Loving Caring Almost Murderous Wife!

PS Did I tell you how much I love you!?

HAHAHAA I was sooooo there when I was on leave visiting my husband.....NICE

sculley

Dear Husband,

Why haven't you called me yet to say good morning? Thanks for leaving your dirty socks on the living room floor. I can't wait to come home and clean the mess up! Yay.

Love,

Your baby mamma

LMFAO! WORD - ARE WE WITH THE SAME MAN?

oh gosh - THE SOCKS in the living room!!! I want to KILL him! Socks EVERYWHERE! PICK UP THE FREAKING SOCKS!!!! :explode:

Maybe it really isnt the dryer stealing the socks maybe its the HUSBANDS lol

sculley

Dear Mom,
I miss you. I can't tell anyone coz they just say they are sorry. That irks me. So, i just keep it to myself. Also, I drove by the cemetary the other day and had the most ridiculous thought, are you cold and lonely? It makes it so i Have to drive the long way home now.
Love,
Your Daughter Who Misses You so Much this time of year.


I feel your pain dear...I lost my dad just alittle over a year ago.

AlisaToth

Dear Job,

We knew this day would come, a'las the harvest season has come to an end therefore so has my job as a seasonal finance specialst . While I am extatic to not have to work the rest of the week nor next week while i will be preparing my family for a trip to visit the in-laws for Thanksgiving...could you please act like the seperation will be hard for you too?? The seasonal HR girl that had her last day last week got cupcakes!! The LEAST you could do for me is have lunch brought in! Maybe a little gathering in the conference room?? Is that too much to ask??? I know you're upset that just like the seasonal's before me i too probably won't be coming back next season as you have truely put me thru the ringer...however does that give cause to end on bad terms??

Sincerley
"Just wants a damn burrito as a farewell gift"

mlh612

Dear Co-worker,

The water cooler in the office is great and everyone can lift the bottles but you. Why is that? I know that you have a bad back, b/c you have told us time and time again to anyone who would listen. Maybe you shouldn't tell the stories of what you do on the weekend, since you want to use your bad back as an excuse. If you can lift up your 50 pound dog, then you can lift a 5 galloon water bottle or quit getting water every hour..

Sincerely,
Over it!! :explode:

stormieweather

Dear Next Door Neighbor:

Thank you for your repeated gifts of piles of animal poop piled considerately beside the driveway, in the exact spot where I get out of my car. We are aware that you are bat-*kitten* crazy and always check for deposits before we disembark from our vehicles. We have repeatedly reminded you that the poop in your yard isn't from our animals, but from those who let their animals run around off the leash (like the golden retriever from across the street) and/or those who don't scoop their pet's poop. I wonder who you will find to blame after we have moved out next week? In any case, we re-gifted your deposits back to your yard. Enjoy!

Your soon to be ex Neighbor

mlh612

Dear Next Door Neighbor:

Thank you for your repeated gifts of piles of animal poop piled considerately beside the driveway, in the exact spot where I get out of my car. We are aware that you are bat-*kitten* crazy and always check for deposits before we disembark from our vehicles. We have repeatedly reminded you that the poop in your yard isn't from our animals, but from those who let their animals run around off the leash (like the golden retriever from across the street) and/or those who don't scoop their pet's poop. I wonder who you will find to blame after we have moved out next week? In any case, we re-gifted your deposits back to your yard. Enjoy!

Your soon to be ex Neighbor

Love that you "re-gifted" :laugh:

FORKDOWN

Dear Next Door Neighbor:

Thank you for your repeated gifts of piles of animal poop piled considerately beside the driveway, in the exact spot where I get out of my car. We are aware that you are bat-*kitten* crazy and always check for deposits before we disembark from our vehicles. We have repeatedly reminded you that the poop in your yard isn't from our animals, but from those who let their animals run around off the leash (like the golden retriever from across the street) and/or those who don't scoop their pet's poop. I wonder who you will find to blame after we have moved out next week? In any case, we re-gifted your deposits back to your yard. Enjoy!

Your soon to be ex Neighbor

The flaming bag of dog crap on the front porch is a great gag for a going away present.

SharonsJetSet

Dear Gorgeous 7yo Dutch Warmblood Horse aka Tony;

So sorry I haven't been able to see you lately. I hope to come out on Saturday and spend some time with you, feeding you special treats and going for a nice ride. I hope you realize that the reason I can't see you much during the week is I need to work 2 jobs in order to pay for all your expenses. I wish my boyfriend would understand how magnificent you are and stop telling me that a way to improve my finances would be to sell you. I'd rather work hard and be broke than be without you.

Love you with all my heart and soul

Mom

Unknown

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AlisaToth

Dear job,

I apologize as my letter to you earlier today was pre-mature. Thank you for doing something for me this afternoon...however why did you have to pick 2pm as the time? I am done with my work and want nothing more than to go home and take a nap...but i cannot bc you have chose my "special farewell" time to happen in the afternoon...What were you thinking???

Regards

Your sleepy *almost* ex-employee!

tristalin

Dear 3 year old daughter,

I know that you are always hungry...but if you go into the refrigerator or pantry one more time today without asking I will literally go crazy. Your father will have to check me in to the nut-house! Stop eating all of my low-cal treats, stop giving your baby sister crackers...she just drops them and steps on them. And, for the love of god, GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!!!

Love,

Mom