Not tonight honey, a Friends re-run is on....

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  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    Ugh. I wish people wouldn't bring the internet into their relationship. There's two sides to this.

    She's not wrong, per se, for not wanting to be intimate. It's her body and if she doesn't want sex, nobody can condemn her for that. But coming up with BS reasons to avoid it is not the right way to go about it.

    This guy could have talked to his wife and asked what the underlying issue was. Does she just not enjoy it anymore? Is there something they can do as a couple to make it easier/more comfortable/more enjoyable?

    I'm sorry. Both of them are in the wrong. Talk to each other, don't stonewall, make up crappy excuses, and then complain to the internet.

    And certainly don't rub it in your wife's face if she doesn't want to be intimate with you. Do the work to find out WHY.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
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    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    At least when you're typing up the minutes it doesn't take too long.
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    I don't see his making the spreadsheet as being immature. Some people just need to have that kind of information to help them communicate. My husband makes all sorts of spreadsheets, because that's just how he is. If he was using the spreadsheet to help him talk with his wife about his concerns, that that's completely appropriate.

    Now she has no justification for posting it on the web. That's just childish and wrong. If you have concerns with your relationship, you talk it out with your partner - NOT the frelling internet.

    It's all about priorities. I understand that there are times when life gets busy, but your partner should be one of your top priorities. It's too easy to get complacent and just let things slide. And no, I'm not just talking about sex. Communication is usually one of the first things to go when couples let the relationship slip from importance.
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
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    I can understand him making the spreadsheet....but only to maybe track, for himself, how much sex he was getting. I kind of laughed when she posted it....not sure who looks worse in the situation. But I doubt either one is getting any more sex now!!! :laugh:
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    So, this made me think about the movie "Secretary," and then I wanted to find a gif to post to reference that, but then I realized that none of the gifs I found were appropriate for the forums. Now I'm sad.
  • LifeOfBrian78
    LifeOfBrian78 Posts: 397 Member
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    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    At least when you're typing up the minutes it doesn't take too long.

    Sheldon_laugh_2.gif
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    She needs to respond with the ways he initiated for each of those attempts.

    And then give him a performance review.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
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    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    At least when you're typing up the minutes it doesn't take too long.

    Sheldon_laugh_2.gif

    oI31xYe.gif
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    Okay. I just actually read the spreadsheet and two things jumped out at me.

    1. She kept saying she "felt gross." What is he doing to help her cope with that? Does she have body issues?

    2. "I'm still tender from yesterday." That tells me there's a disconnect when they're intimate.

    Again.

    Find out why.

    Communicate.

    Don't be 12 f*ing years old and make a spreadsheet about it to throw in her face. And she shouldn't have posted it on the internet.

    As someone who started school with a psych major and taking courses on relationship therapy, this situation drives me NUTS.

    They need to be in counseling. Like, yesterday.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I'm sorry this is crap.

    Men and women both turn eachother down.

    I'm sick of people painting it like it's always always the cold ice princess wife. Shut up.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    She needs to respond with the ways he initiated for each of those attempts.

    And then give him a performance review.

    Hah! Or this. Just because at this point, why the hell not.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Yes, the guy was wrong for making a spreadsheet and sending it to his wife. In a marriage, he needs to learn to communicate better. These actions are incredibly childish and petty. It makes me kind of mad. The husband is so wrong for doing this.

    At the same time, the wife is wrong for withholding sex from her husband for that long, seemingly without reason. This is her husband. She should want to have sex with him sometimes. If you're in a marriage and you no longer want to be physically intimate with your spouse at all, then something is wrong with your marriage and you need to work on it. Physical intimacy is a very important part of a marriage.

    it can be very hard for couples to pinpoint where the problem is and then even moreso to communicate that problem. i think that the husband was trying to show her the pattern. to tell her that she's withholding physical intimacy. to tell her that this hurts him. but the words were too hard. so he made the spreadsheet and sent it to her. and i think that the timing of sending it to her - when she's leaving for 10 days and she can't argue that he only sent it so that she would agree to have sex tonight - that he sent it to her then says to me that he wants her to think about this while they're apart.

    but then for her to publicly post this? something THIS personal? like it's a joke?

    i kind of hope he wasn't there when she got back. b/c that was the answer to the question he was scared to ask. this is not the action of someone who respects and loves their partner. this is the action of someone who's done.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Three times in six weeks? What is he complaining about?
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    No one comes out looking like a winner in this scenario.
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,641 Member
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    with that kind of a batting average, she should be thankful he still wants to step up to the plate...
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    I'm sorry this is crap.

    Men and women both turn eachother down.

    I'm sick of people painting it like it's always always the cold ice princess wife. Shut up.
    3 times in a month is pretty damn frigid.

    In a way I sympathise with him, but this is not the way to deal with his frustrations. Her decision to air their dirty laundry is also a bit foolish.

    Nobody wins here, except his or her sidepiece.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    *starts taking notes on excel*
    this should end well
    giphy.gif
    \m/
    never mind, I know she has an app on her phone that tracks this along with her cycle, so should I ever need to research just how much I'm not getting, I can grab her phone *shakes head and erases sheet*
    whew! one less thing to not have to worry about......
    \m/
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    I don't think anyone is pointing out that she's an ice princess for turning him down. No one posted that she should have just put out. She probably has very good reasons THAT SHE'S NOT TELLING HIM for not wanting to have sex. These two need counseling and to talk to each other and not post their relationship issues on the internet.

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