Not tonight honey, a Friends re-run is on....

EmilyJackCO

From what I saw on the news last night - they are both 25 and have been married for about 2 years. Something seems a bit off. And I think the husband IS trying to communicate that he sees an issue. Maybe it would have been better if there was his side of the data in the spreadsheet... but seriously, her going public with it makes her the jerk in this equation.

Also, I'm with Brett on this one. SO glad I'm not married.

shoshi68

I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

Feedback is important.

sheenarama

I'm sorry this is crap.

Men and women both turn eachother down.

I'm sick of people painting it like it's always always the cold ice princess wife. Shut up.

3 times in a month is pretty damn frigid.

In a way I sympathise with him, but this is not the way to deal with his frustrations. Her decision to air their dirty laundry is also a bit foolish.

Nobody wins here, except his or her sidepiece.

Is it foolish, yea.
And nobody looks "good" in this situation.

But just from my experience this is two sided. From my experience there are as many women who have this problem as men.
And the way the men are talking in this thread is downright disgusting.
Because if this thread was the opposite you would hear things like..
"I'm sure the guy is tired.. leave him be" "he works hard" or a million other excuses.

I agree. When I was married, my ex turned me down just as often... Also ridiculous reasons.

Iceberg_Simpson

A well organized spreadsheet really turns me on.

No need to say no, I just turn towards the tv and let my husband get busy. It's called multi-tasking.

poedunk65

I hate to be the one to say it (not really), but it's seriously no wonder guys cheat. Withholding sex from your man for that long while just making lame excuses is no better. Personally I don't believe his actions were wrong if he had previously tried to discuss things before many times to no avail. And if she put it on the net, so be it. In my eyes, she's the jerk and it only validates that.

Thank you for the above comment.

My wife and I have been married for 35 years now and I scheduled an apt for a "marriage counselor". She was fine with not having sex and thought that we "were old" and that it shouldn't be important.

After we were done she realized that you are NEVER to young to have sex. Now we are on a different path and very happy.:blushing:

skippygirlsmom

Sex does not cause a problem in a relationship that is strong, but, when other problems arise frequency becomes an issue from one party or the other.

I've been with my wife for 25 years. Never been declined. Quite often she is the initiator. I love. She loves it. But, it's not considered a major factor in our success as a partnership.

100% spot on!

ironanimal

I'm sorry this is crap.

Men and women both turn eachother down.

I'm sick of people painting it like it's always always the cold ice princess wife. Shut up.

3 times in a month is pretty damn frigid.

In a way I sympathise with him, but this is not the way to deal with his frustrations. Her decision to air their dirty laundry is also a bit foolish.

Nobody wins here, except his or her sidepiece.

Is it foolish, yea.
And nobody looks "good" in this situation.

But just from my experience this is two sided. From my experience there are as many women who have this problem as men.
And the way the men are talking in this thread is downright disgusting.
Because if this thread was the opposite you would hear things like..
"I'm sure the guy is tired.. leave him be" "he works hard" or a million other excuses.

I don't disagree at all. My own experience means I can better understand his side than the wife's, though.

Jacwhite22

I hate to be the one to say it (not really), but it's seriously no wonder guys cheat. Withholding sex from your man for that long while just making lame excuses is no better. Personally I don't believe his actions were wrong if he had previously tried to discuss things before many times to no avail. And if she put it on the net, so be it. In my eyes, she's the jerk and it only validates that.

Thank you for the above comment.

My wife and I have been married for 35 years now and I scheduled an apt for a "marriage counselor". She was fine with not having sex and thought that we "were old" and that it shouldn't be important.

After we were done she realized that you are NEVER to young to have sex. Now we are on a different path and very happy.:blushing:

You're getting all 3 entry points now aren't you? You seem very happy....

aelathali1

Unfortunately, no. He's not wrong.
Theory to practice. My first wife and I were married four months before we went on our honeymoon. The times I did get to see her (I was on a boat in the shipyard and sea trials for the first 3.5 months so I was gone a lot) everything was normal. On our Caribbean honeymoon, it was the third night we were there before she let me attempt intimacy because nights one and two she was "too tired" (first day, the day of flying out, quite understandable...). So on night three, she looks up at me and says "let's get this over with." That was the only time on the honeymoon anything happened. I got friendzoned on a Caribbean honeymoon after thinking through the entire courtship and first four months that everything was normal and that I was physically wanted. It did not improve after that. She made me negotiate "Sex = once a week", except her period week, and any week I happened to be away was just a loss and never to be made up, and any week where she was having a "bad week" was a no-go. No amount of communication, no amount of talking, no amount of anything was able to change anything.

Sex isn't the only part of marriage. But it is part of it. And if it's not going to be, that needs to be known BEFORE exchanging vows. These two need either really good counseling, or a divorce.

poedunk65

My real question to everyone is why does a woman owe her husband sex? Not being in the mood is reason enough to not have sex. Would you even want to do it with someone who was uninterested the whole time? It's her body . . . and marriage should be MORE than about just sex. I think both parties involved are childish (the husband for making the sheet, the wife for publishing it) but I don't agree with everyone else that "this is why men cheat" and she's "purposely withholding sex" from her husband . . . All we know are the reasons she gave. Not why she gave them.

Isn't the goal to have a happy marriage??? That means keepin each other happy.

Marriage is like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it.

That IS the big problem these days with the younger kids. They want immediate satisfaction with no effort put forth on their part. If they are not happy they just move on. What a poor attitude.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I can see what he was doing. He needed some objective data, and he thought that if he shared it with her she might understand his position. If my husband gave me a spreadsheet like that I would most likely share it with others. I think it's hilarious! Every relationship is different though. Mine is pretty laid back.

tycho_mx

My real question to everyone is why does a woman owe her husband sex? Not being in the mood is reason enough to not have sex. Would you even want to do it with someone who was uninterested the whole time? It's her body . . . and marriage should be MORE than about just sex. I think both parties involved are childish (the husband for making the sheet, the wife for publishing it) but I don't agree with everyone else that "this is why men cheat" and she's "purposely withholding sex" from her husband . . . All we know are the reasons she gave. Not why she gave them.

Sure. But it's in the wording.

I don't feel my wife "owes" me anything. We try to work things out with every aspect of our relationship: time together, time apart, vacations, money issues, desires to visit family, vacation, career stuff, etc. It's a partnership.

If the partnership doesn't work, you try to fix it. If you can't fix it, you break the partnership. And partners might have different priorities; sex is not the only aspect of a relationship but might be a huge aspect for one of them. How do you make things work when partners are dissatisfied is difficult.

I wouldn't cheat on my wife. But I also wouldn't be satisfied is somehow it became evident that I would have much less sex for the rest of my life than what I desire. So, first question should be "what would make my wife more willing to enjoy sex with me"?. If there is no workable solution... then you find a different arrangement, no?

This may sound callous, and I am not completely devoid of romance. But I am an honest, rational person. And that starts with being honest with yourself and why you're being unhappy. Every human relationship is a transaction.

Mikkimeow

I hate to be the one to say it (not really), but it's seriously no wonder guys cheat. Withholding sex from your man for that long while just making lame excuses is no better. Personally I don't believe his actions were wrong if he had previously tried to discuss things before many times to no avail. And if she put it on the net, so be it. In my eyes, she's the jerk and it only validates that.

Thank you for the above comment.

My wife and I have been married for 35 years now and I scheduled an apt for a "marriage counselor". She was fine with not having sex and thought that we "were old" and that it shouldn't be important.

After we were done she realized that you are NEVER to young to have sex. Now we are on a different path and very happy.:blushing:

So, since I didn't have sex with my husband enough, I deserve that he cheated on me? Wow, I should be paying you instead of my marriage counselor.

1Cor1510

Sometimes, words do not work and it takes extreme action to get someone's attention. Speaking as a woman, I know that women sometimes hear the words, but they do not really hear what the guy is trying to say. We do not know how he might have tried to communicate before this.....but I bet if he had not documented the series of denials, she probably would not have believed that she had rejected him as many times as she did in such a short period of time. I see nothing wrong with it. She, however...made herself look like a total fool by making it public.

QFT. And this goes both ways, it's not just women who refuse to hear what their spouse is saying, guys can be equally thick.

TavistockToad

No need to say no, I just turn towards the tv and let my husband get busy. It's called multi-tasking.

that actually made me lol

greeneyes972

This makes me so sad. I wish we knew both sides to the story, i.e. did he try to talk to her about it? Or was it some weird/cruel idea he had to ask every day for a month, just to see her responses? Husband and wife both have needs. It's the husband's responsibility to ensure she feels taken care of emotionally, and it's the wife's responsibility to ensure he is taken care of pysically. I don't think either one of them are taking care of the other, at all. Sounds like communication has been stalled for a while, just from reading the article. They both need to priorotize. It was incredibly wrong for him to create a spreadsheet, knowing good and well she had this trip coming up, then send it to her before she's away for 10 days and can't be there to talk to him. He told her he won't miss her for the 10 days she's gone, and then he refused to answer her calls? What kind of a husband is that??? What a spineless move on his part. She was wrong for posting it, but he was wrong for sending that to her on her way to the airport, telling her he won't miss her, and then refusing to answer her calls. What a POS. What is she supposed to do while she's out of town on business, if he refuses to talk to her? He didn't do it to get her attention, he did it because he is a jacka$$.

AJL_Daddy

EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

first, I would not turn down sex, but second, I sure as Hell wouldn't publish our private matters on the freaking internet.... Seriously?!? Maybe he wanted her to see where he felt there was an issue. There is no need for her, in turn, to share what he felt was his issue in THEIR relationship with the world. Ridiculous.

Myhaloslipped

OMG she wen't to the gym and didn't shower that's disgusting....

This was my first thought as well! This spreadsheet is hilarious.

Janautical

Isn't the goal to have a happy marriage??? That means keepin each other happy.

Marriage is like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it.

That IS the big problem these days with the younger kids. They want immediate satisfaction with no effort put forth on their part. If they are not happy they just move on. What a poor attitude.

I'm a little confused by what you're insinuating with your last comment (I dunno if it's directed at me, I'm young since I'm 22) because I honestly agree with you about effort, especially since I'm getting married next year to my partner of 5 years. We put in a lot of effort into our relationship so it can be nurtured and grow . . . but we won't throw a hissy fit about our sex lives like the guy in the article. If you read it, he compiled this spreadsheet and then sent it to his wife with a note that he wouldn't miss her on his business trip. THAT'S childish.

I really do agree with you though. It seems like both of the people involved would rather have people be on their side instead of trying to actually solve the problem. It's more of "Hey, who's right?" instead of "Hey, how can we fix this?"

eric_sg61

its funny whenthe guy is passive aggressive and does something it is wrong....

but when the women does it ...."you deserve to be happy"


good for the guy ....send her *kitten* packing

You're a man, your feelings don't matter and cannot be used as a guide for your decisions.

Achrya

He wouldn't get laid if he was married to me either.

ChasingMyBliss

It's actually pretty cool how he did the spreadsheet. Haha! I don't think it's wrong for him to do that. In a way, he's actually communicating to her. Why would she posted it online though? I find it quite weird.

I agree!

Jacwhite22

Husband and wife both have needs. It's the husband's responsibility to ensure she feels taken care of emotionally, and it's the wife's responsibility to ensure he is taken care of physically.

How YOU Doing? :flowerforyou: :drinker:

odusgolp

I like how a six week dry spell is grounds for having an extramarital affair.

SugarBabyGirl

Perhaps it's not good enough for her to want to bother.

Just sayin'.

greeneyes972

I like how a six week dry spell is grounds for having an extramarital affair.

Right?!?

ink_b1tch

2. "I'm still tender from yesterday." That tells me there's a disconnect when they're intimate.

NOT IF HES DOING IT RIGHT! lol

oregonzoo

I like how a six week dry spell is grounds for having an extramarital affair.

But if a woman went through the same dry spell and had an affair, she'd be ripped apart.

Mikkimeow

2. "I'm still tender from yesterday." That tells me there's a disconnect when they're intimate.

NOT IF HES DOING IT RIGHT! lol

LOL