Not tonight honey, a Friends re-run is on....

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  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    654.gif
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    This thread gave me sad
    crying-waterfalls.gif
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
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    Wha? Just get a divorce already. Lol. Totally ridiculous and pathetic that he kept a spreadsheet, wtf, use your words like a big boy. Also, entitlement attitude much? Also absurd and rude of her to share it, unless it was the final straw and she's divorcing him. If your wife turns you down for sex all the time it is very likely because you suck at it, jes saying. Many men (not all or course and thank god) don't get that intimacy for women starts long before we're in the bedroom, with the little things, hand holding, the sweet compliment, the spontaneous date or flowers, helping out with a few chores or the kids if you have them, and then making sure you aren't the only one who finishes once your there. Reading about stuff like this overwhelms me with gratitude for my man, and I make damn sure he knows it. You're partner doesn't owe you sex, but if you communicate and learn what gets them wanting it, you'll have a lot more of it than this dbag.

    Sometimes, words do not work and it takes extreme action to get someone's attention. Speaking as a woman, I know that women sometimes hear the words, but they do not really hear what the guy is trying to say. We do not know how he might have tried to communicate before this.....but I bet if he had not documented the series of denials, she probably would not have believed that she had rejected him as many times as she did in such a short period of time. I see nothing wrong with it. She, however...made herself look like a total fool by making it public.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I don't think anyone is pointing out that she's an ice princess for turning him down. No one posted that she should have just put out. She probably has very good reasons THAT SHE'S NOT TELLING HIM for not wanting to have sex. These two need counseling and to talk to each other and not post their relationship issues on the internet.

    The first response in the thread said it's no wonder men cheat. :huh:
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
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    Yes, the guy was wrong for making a spreadsheet and sending it to his wife. In a marriage, he needs to learn to communicate better. These actions are incredibly childish and petty. It makes me kind of mad. The husband is so wrong for doing this.

    At the same time, the wife is wrong for withholding sex from her husband for that long, seemingly without reason. This is her husband. She should want to have sex with him sometimes. If you're in a marriage and you no longer want to be physically intimate with your spouse at all, then something is wrong with your marriage and you need to work on it. Physical intimacy is a very important part of a marriage.

    He did communicate, he communicated it very well with a spreadsheet and data, all he needed was a pie chart....
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Well... he was pretty insensitive about it. But she is making a ton of excuses.

    If this were posted here on MFP, I would say 'just break up'.

    Because they are probably going to anyway.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    Honestly to me this all just screams "something's really wrong"...either with their marriage, or her health (mentally AND/OR physically)...or both.

    I'd have to say though I feel it's "worse" of her to turn him down all of the time for reasons that are lazy and often ridiculous, than for him to keep the spreadsheet. My husband and I don't have these issues but if we did, and he made this spreadsheet, it would really open my eyes and I'd either think we had to make BIG changes in our relationship or that I seriously needed to look at my own health and habits and make big changes there. I would feel ashamed of myself, honestly.

    I also think it's kind of lame that the husband kept this spreadsheet instead of simply talking to his wife about it openly and honestly. But I'd imagine he may have spoken to her about it and she blew him off with one of her million excuses. It's kind of sad that he tried to initiate almost every single night though and was met with her excuses...makes me really wonder about their relationship and communication ASIDE from the physical intimacy side of things. Definitely some changes must be needed!!

    But...I don't get why she would share it online. It makes her look stupid.
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
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    with that kind of a batting average, she should be thankful he still wants to step up to the plate...

    This. Exactly.
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
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    No one comes out looking like a winner in this scenario.

    Especially Microsoft Office. Excel, ruining marriages since 1985. Thanks Bill Gates!
    h5D493411
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    They have bigger problems than lack of sex in their house if this is how they handle things.
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
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    No one comes out looking like a winner in this scenario.

    Especially Microsoft Office. Excel, ruining marriages since 1985. Thanks Bill Gates!
    h5D493411

    This marriage was in the $hltter long before Excel got involved.
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
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    Who authored the spreadsheet? Was it Count Fapula?
  • sc003ro
    sc003ro Posts: 227 Member
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    its funny whenthe guy is passive aggressive and does something it is wrong....

    but when the women does it ...."you deserve to be happy"


    good for the guy ....send her *kitten* packing
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I'm sorry this is crap.

    Men and women both turn eachother down.

    I'm sick of people painting it like it's always always the cold ice princess wife. Shut up.
    3 times in a month is pretty damn frigid.

    In a way I sympathise with him, but this is not the way to deal with his frustrations. Her decision to air their dirty laundry is also a bit foolish.

    Nobody wins here, except his or her sidepiece.
    Is it foolish, yea.
    And nobody looks "good" in this situation.

    But just from my experience this is two sided. From my experience there are as many women who have this problem as men.
    And the way the men are talking in this thread is downright disgusting.
    Because if this thread was the opposite you would hear things like..
    "I'm sure the guy is tired.. leave him be" "he works hard" or a million other excuses.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Sex does not cause a problem in a relationship that is strong, but, when other problems arise frequency becomes an issue from one party or the other.

    I've been with my wife for 25 years. Never been declined. Quite often she is the initiator. I love. She loves it. But, it's not considered a major factor in our success as a partnership.
  • airbearlover
    airbearlover Posts: 240 Member
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    Both were in the wrong here.
    Husband: I understand his frustration. He is married and his sex life is that of a hermit. Marriage means working things out. So he sent her that out of spite. That's not the way to go about trying to work it out. He needed to sit down and explain to her before her business trip how he felt and make sure to tell her of his needs so then they could both work out a way to meet both her needs and his.

    Wife: You marry a man. You share the good and the bad. Both partners are supposed to be instant cuddle buddies, work out buddies, friends. You are supposed to be a team. You should no longer be or desire to be an (I) person unless it's for those times you want to hang with the girls or guys or you feel like you need some alone time. You shouldn't be suffocated but you also should be close. Withholding sex is not a good for a marriage. And she was being very selfish to turn him down all those times and not explain her reasons in an adult way and try to come up with a good solution for both parties. I say though, that being sweaty like after excercise shouldn't be an excuse if her guy doesn't mind. Since they live together , see each other all the time I would imagine such a thing would hold less ground. And while it is her body and she should say no if uncomfortable she also, like I said, made a commitment to her husband when she married him to work things out as problems arise and to try to fix things for both sides.
    Posting that list was childish while the husband was looking to hurt her with that list as he felt hurt by her rejection.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    I do love a good spreadsheet.

    LOL exactly what my SO said when I showed the article to him
  • Janautical
    Janautical Posts: 75 Member
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    My real question to everyone is why does a woman owe her husband sex? Not being in the mood is reason enough to not have sex. Would you even want to do it with someone who was uninterested the whole time? It's her body . . . and marriage should be MORE than about just sex. I think both parties involved are childish (the husband for making the sheet, the wife for publishing it) but I don't agree with everyone else that "this is why men cheat" and she's "purposely withholding sex" from her husband . . . All we know are the reasons she gave. Not why she gave them.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    OMG she wen't to the gym and didn't shower D: that's disgusting....

    ^ That's what I thought!! That is just wrong.

    Edited for spelling.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I don't think any woman is entitled to sleep with her husband. There should be a connection there for an opportunity to have sex. It looks like the issue isn't sex at all, just a horrible lack of communication. The husband handled it poorly by sending her this passive aggressive spreadsheet, and the wife acted poorly by not communicating her needs with him and by putting this spreadsheet out for the entire world to see. They both are ridiculous.

    People, seriously, just love each other. Stop being so hateful.

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