Nagging about saving money for IVF

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  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

    To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

    I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

    So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

    PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

    I'm sorry. Your point was what?

    PS: Am I supposed to be impressed by your MBA? As long as you're throwing letters out, my husband is a PE.
  • TAsunder
    TAsunder Posts: 423 Member
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    Wow. The thread crapping is mighty in this one.
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
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    This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

    To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

    I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

    So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

    PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

    how come you can't be an engineer anymore? you said you took too long recovering to finish becoming a doctor, do health problems keep you from working now as well?
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

    To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

    I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

    So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

    PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

    It sounds like you are kick-*kitten* with some real skills and will be able to pull yourself out of whatever situation you're in. And that will be the result of your hard work.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    OP, I hope you find a solution to your problem with your husband. I know a couple that had to go the IVF route and they supplemented it with therapy. The mother couldn't conceive and she continuously blamed herself, which ended up being a big part of the problem.

    Five years later, they have beautiful fraternal twins and are enjoying their lives, together, as parents. You just need to find your groove and what works for you.

    Your husband likely will not stop spending until you uncover the root cause of why he's prioritizing his spending money over saving for your potential baby. Again, counseling.

    Good luck to you both on building your family. :flowerforyou:

    Edited for word choice.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

    To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

    I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

    So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

    PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

    You know, I feel sorry for you. Your understanding of life must have been dimmed by your bitterness and inability to observe things as the way they are. Because a bottle of luck didn't get any one anywhere. Hard work did. You can take that MBA and stick it up the hole you've been spewing all this nonsense from.
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
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    Have you looked into any medical financing companies? I'm in Canada, and I just used one to finance a surgery that wasn't covered. (Yes, not everything is covered under Canadian medicare.) With that, it's just another bill each month, and you're in control of that, correct?

    Here's one: http://www.reliancemedicalfinance.com/
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
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    OP, on page 7 someone mentioned a budgetting tool. Theres another called 'mint'. Its a website and a phone app.
    You can check that one out as well
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

    To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

    I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

    So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

    PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

    Why did you stop being an engineer? Can you tell us more about the health issues that you encountered? How long were you in a coma/incapacitated? What schools did you attend and what was your overall GPA? What science did you take for your gen ed?
  • _errata_
    _errata_ Posts: 1,653 Member
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    89CRY.gif
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

    yikes.gif

    The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

    If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

    There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

    As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

    So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

    And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

    Since you're feeling very preachy today, let me throw it back your way...

    Here are some really irritating openings:

    "Please don't take this personally, but...."
    "I don't expect you to understand..."
    "Perhaps I didn't make myself clear..."
    "Are you sure you're in the right place?"
    "You probably won't know the answer to this, but..."
    "I'm sure you're not the right person to ask, but..."
    "Considering your age..."
    "Are those real?"


    There are many words for posts like yours. Some that come to mind are presumptuous, condescending, grandstanding, douchebaggery, lecturing, obtuse...


    Luck is what you currently are that I'll stop talking to you now... not what I am for being able to spend my money as I see fit.
    ^^^This makes me want to give you a present!
    p180m6pq5n1aul1t2ed8e1pcc190h7.jpg

    You know I'll take it ;)
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00 ;)

    wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??

    And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....

    No.

    Beer goes under "cultural celebrations" unless you're drinking alone.

    It also can be re-filed under "Holiday spending", "religious spending" (yes, we drink in my religion) or "vacation" if drinking on vacation.

    It's not groceries, though.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Why is this so hard for people?

    Sit down a draft a budget for the month. Decide how much you will fund each category, including pocket money for the both of you. Keep the first three to four months fairly loose until you get things dialed in and know how much you typically spend in each category

    Include an emergency fund for incidentals.

    Review the budget weekly to make sure you are on target and update and adjust as needed.

    Some people prefer to spend more freely than others. This can be planned for.



    #adultteachingadultshowtoadult
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
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    Wait. What does you living in Silicon Valley have to do with anything? You live in a densely populated area and are therefore an expert in luck/finance/success?

    I hate to break it to you, but it's not all luck. Some of us put in countless hours of overtime, spent entire meetings licking the boots of our superiors, giving up things in our personal lives, and became tethered to our careers for success.

    You may understand what that's like, and yes there is "luck" involved in keeping your job. When my company laid off 200+ people out of the 400-some we had, it wasn't luck that kept me around. It wasn't fate. It was my hard work, willingness to learn, and ability to adapt.

    Don't push luck in where it doesn't belong. It has nothing to do with luck.

    Exactly! You suck it up when life craps out, keep going harder and make your own success no matter how long it takes. Or, you can get bitter and be the victim playing the blame game - God, fate, luck or whatever else happens to fit.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00 ;)

    wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??

    And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....

    No.

    Beer goes under "cultural celebrations" unless you're drinking alone.

    It also can be re-filed under "Holiday spending", "religious spending" (yes, we drink in my religion) or "vacation" if drinking on vacation.

    It's not groceries, though.

    I buy it at the grocery store.....It's groceries.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,129 Member
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    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00 ;)

    wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??

    And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....

    No.

    Beer goes under "cultural celebrations" unless you're drinking alone.

    It also can be re-filed under "Holiday spending", "religious spending" (yes, we drink in my religion) or "vacation" if drinking on vacation.

    It's not groceries, though.

    I buy it at the grocery store.....It's groceries.

    Solid logic there. I like it.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    Why is this so hard for people?

    Sit down a draft a budget for the month. Decide how much you will fund each category, including pocket money for the both of you. Keep the first three to four months fairly loose until you get things dialed in and know how much you typically spend in each category

    Include an emergency fund for incidentals.

    Review the budget weekly to make sure you are on target and update and adjust as needed.

    Some people prefer to spend more freely than others. This can be planned for.



    #adultteachingadultshowtoadult

    How dare you tell these people a ridiculously simple way to save money that they already should have known!
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    Why is this so hard for people?

    Sit down a draft a budget for the month. Decide how much you will fund each category, including pocket money for the both of you. Keep the first three to four months fairly loose until you get things dialed in and know how much you typically spend in each category

    Include an emergency fund for incidentals.

    Review the budget weekly to make sure you are on target and update and adjust as needed.

    Some people prefer to spend more freely than others. This can be planned for.



    #adultteachingadultshowtoadult

    I think they did that and he's not living up to his end of the agreement.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Options
    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00 ;)

    wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??

    And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....

    No.

    Beer goes under "cultural celebrations" unless you're drinking alone.

    It also can be re-filed under "Holiday spending", "religious spending" (yes, we drink in my religion) or "vacation" if drinking on vacation.

    It's not groceries, though.

    I buy it at the grocery store.....It's groceries.

    It's a MACRO.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?


    Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

    Because it's rude, and ignorant....Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

    ^SO MUCH THIS.

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