Nagging about saving money for IVF

laynerich15

I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:

Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:

$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?

If you go during the day you can get two.

With a steak and pitcher of beer

great, now I want steak, beer and boobies. Thanks.

Living the dream

LAT1963

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

(You might also look at my profile and a map and realize that Gilroy is a bedroom community for "Silicon Valley")

melinda200208

SO you get $50 a week then?

You dont read so well huh?

She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas

Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I my online than I can say $0?

No, no secrets. We have access to each others checking and he has my login to my credit card info. If I want something out of the blue, I ask him if I can buy it. Though I know 100% he will say Yes....

laynerich15

SO you get $50 a week then?

You dont read so well huh?

She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas

Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I my online than I can say $0?

That makes zero sense
Try again

oh my bad that the one auto correct makes it so hard to understand

Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I BUY online then I can say $0?

sixout

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

As someone that currently works 80-100 hours a week, and rarely gets days off, I can say that no. No luck is involved. If I had waited around for luck I'd still be delivering pizzas.

Some_Watery_Tart

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

OMG. Thanks for that laugh. Yes, my successful career was definitely handed to me. Just ask my children about it. You know what they'll tell you?

A successful person makes their own damned luck.

You're welcome.

Jim_Barteck

Actions speak louder than words, and it's worth confronting him over this.

He says he wants IVF. His actions need to match his words. If they don't, then that tells you something about him and his sincerity.

DSTMT

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

sixout

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

If someone doesn't want kids, why would they go get kids?

odusgolp

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Since you're feeling very preachy today, let me throw it back your way...

Here are some really irritating openings:

"Please don't take this personally, but...."
"I don't expect you to understand..."
"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear..."
"Are you sure you're in the right place?"
"You probably won't know the answer to this, but..."
"I'm sure you're not the right person to ask, but..."
"Considering your age..."
"Are those real?"


There are many words for posts like yours. Some that come to mind are presumptuous, condescending, grandstanding, douchebaggery, lecturing, obtuse...


Luck is what you currently are that I'll stop talking to you now... not what I am for being able to spend my money as I see fit.

likitisplit

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, because I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

This.

I'm talented at what I do. I also work my *kitten* off at it. I also figured out how to position my skills to maximize my paycheck.

Yeah, the right opportunities knocked. But they knocked because I sent them engraved invitations with my address clearly written on them and had the door half open when they came.

Jacwhite22

Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.

This is kind of what I was going to say. I believe this is the problem. Your husband isn't committing to the saving because he isn't committing to the IVF. You are still trying naturally.....He doesn't want to believe he can't do it on his own. Having to go IVF makes him weaker and less of a man. There have to be a lot of emotional issues tied up in that.

You are right, I know he feels like it is "his fault" and I am sure he feels like a failure. I try to tell him it's not one person's fault. We are doing this together.

That's nice and sweet of you.....And I really do like your attitude. You seem like a nice girl. But nothing you can say is going to really make him feel better about it or accept it really. That is the thing that makes you a man. The very root of it......To not be able to use it the way it is designed.....It has to be hard. Perhaps he would at least consent to talk to a counselor about the emotional issues/scars tied up in it?

Jacwhite22

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, because I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

This.

I'm talented at what I do. I also work my *kitten* off at it. I also figured out how to position my skills to maximize my paycheck.

Yeah, the right opportunities knocked. But they knocked because I sent them engraved invitations with my address clearly written on them and had the door half open when they came.

I think it's the 8" heels with the goldfish in the heels that got you the job. Or the upside down spinny thing you do. But I agree you worked hard for it.

odusgolp

Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.

This is kind of what I was going to say. I believe this is the problem. Your husband isn't committing to the saving because he isn't committing to the IVF. You are still trying naturally.....He doesn't want to believe he can't do it on his own. Having to go IVF makes him weaker and less of a man. There have to be a lot of emotional issues tied up in that.

You are right, I know he feels like it is "his fault" and I am sure he feels like a failure. I try to tell him it's not one person's fault. We are doing this together.

That's nice and sweet of you.....And I really do like your attitude. You seem like a nice girl. But nothing you can say is going to really make him feel better about it or accept it really. That is the thing that makes you a man. The very root of it......To not be able to use it the way it is designed.....It has to be hard. Perhaps he would at least consent to talk to a counselor about the emotional issues/scars tied up in it?

Jack, you are wise.

And OP, I truly do wish you the best of luck. There's nothing wrong with wanting to try and have a child of your own.

DSTMT

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

Also this.

jnichel

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

OMG. Thanks for that laugh. Yes, my successful career was definitely handed to me. Just ask my children about it. You know what they'll tell you?

A successful person makes their own damned luck.

You're welcome.

Pffffttttt. You're only successful because you exploit the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

delatl

Does your fertility clinic offer payment plans? Many of them do. They typically use a third party to manage these. I haven't read most suggestions but agree with pps that setting up an automatic deduction would be useful, or simply putting it on a credit card and paying it off over time. Explore cheaper options such as going abroad (seriously, many find it's worth it to go to Czechoslovakia--still cheaper even with plane tickets and hotels) or even moving to a state and/or job that covers it, even partially, through insurance.

We did IVF and I'm typing this while my baby daughter naps. It was worth every penny. We were lucky in that my insurance covered part of it and we had savings already to cover the rest. But it's a difficult financial burden nonetheless and I wish you all the luck in the world!

likitisplit

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, because I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

This.

I'm talented at what I do. I also work my *kitten* off at it. I also figured out how to position my skills to maximize my paycheck.

Yeah, the right opportunities knocked. But they knocked because I sent them engraved invitations with my address clearly written on them and had the door half open when they came.

I think it's the 8" heels with the goldfish in the heels that got you the job. Or the upside down spinny thing you do. But I agree you worked hard for it.

Hunh?

bugaboo_sue

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

"Child"? :laugh: Honey, I am only 10 years younger than you. That hardly makes me a "child".

Please. My husband doesn't have a successful business because the gods smiled upon him and sprinkled a bit of "luck dust". He worked his butt off to get to where he is. "Luck" had nothing to do with it.

SunofaBeach14

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

Not me. Guilt free. Perhaps guilt "proof" but meh, on to finish reading this thread . . .