Nagging about saving money for IVF
Replies
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He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00
wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??
And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....
And golf under physical and mental healthcare.0 -
Congrats girl!! Thanks for the encouragement! It's a very emotional / stressful rollercoaster trying to concieveI had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
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Hmph, $21k would be a nice start on a classic car.
Maybe I should start putting away $100/week instead of spending it on beer.0 -
You get paid to foster.
Take on a house full, you'll have the money in a couple years.
Then when you decide never mind, you'll have $21,000 to blow on a nice vacation alone.
You're welcome.0 -
He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00
wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??
And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....
exactly.0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?0 -
SO you get $50 a week then?
You dont read so well huh?
She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas0 -
He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00
wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??
And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....
And golf under physical and mental healthcare.
look at us - group help AND we're free. Bam!! You're welcome, OP! 0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
meh. Let's go shopping together!:drinker:0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?
If you go during the day you can get two.0 -
You are right, I know he feels like it is "his fault" and I am sure he feels like a failure. I try to tell him it's not one person's fault. We are doing this together.
Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.
This is kind of what I was going to say. I believe this is the problem. Your husband isn't committing to the saving because he isn't committing to the IVF. You are still trying naturally.....He doesn't want to believe he can't do it on his own. Having to go IVF makes him weaker and less of a man. There have to be a lot of emotional issues tied up in that.0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.
So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"
What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, becuase I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?
If you go during the day you can get two.
With a steak and pitcher of beer0 -
My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.
I agree with this. I hope things work out for you, I know what infertility is like and I hope you have better success than I did. Good luck!0 -
SO you get $50 a week then?
You dont read so well huh?
She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas
Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I my online than I can say $0?0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?
If you go during the day you can get two.
With a steak and pitcher of beer
great, now I want steak, beer and boobies. Thanks.0 -
LOL!He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00
wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??
And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....
And golf under physical and mental healthcare.
look at us - group help AND we're free. Bam!! You're welcome, OP!0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?
If you go during the day you can get two.
With a steak and pitcher of beer
great, now I want steak, beer and boobies. Thanks.
Don't we all0 -
SO you get $50 a week then?
You dont read so well huh?
She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas
Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I my online than I can say $0?
That makes zero sense
Try again0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?
If you go during the day you can get two.
With a steak and pitcher of beer
great, now I want steak, beer and boobies. Thanks.
Living the dream0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.
Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).
Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.
(You might also look at my profile and a map and realize that Gilroy is a bedroom community for "Silicon Valley")0 -
No, no secrets. We have access to each others checking and he has my login to my credit card info. If I want something out of the blue, I ask him if I can buy it. Though I know 100% he will say Yes....SO you get $50 a week then?
You dont read so well huh?
She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas
Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I my online than I can say $0?0 -
SO you get $50 a week then?
You dont read so well huh?
She said she has 0$ because she's not a spendy type female beyond groceries and gas
Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I my online than I can say $0?
That makes zero sense
Try again
oh my bad that the one auto correct makes it so hard to understand
Yes but is that a "real" $0 per week, or a if he doesn't know about what I BUY online then I can say $0?0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.
Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).
Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.
As someone that currently works 80-100 hours a week, and rarely gets days off, I can say that no. No luck is involved. If I had waited around for luck I'd still be delivering pizzas.0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
OMG. Thanks for that laugh. Yes, my successful career was definitely handed to me. Just ask my children about it. You know what they'll tell you?
A successful person makes their own damned luck.
You're welcome.
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Actions speak louder than words, and it's worth confronting him over this.
He says he wants IVF. His actions need to match his words. If they don't, then that tells you something about him and his sincerity.0 -
Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP
Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?0 -
Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP
Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?
If someone doesn't want kids, why would they go get kids?0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
Since you're feeling very preachy today, let me throw it back your way...
Here are some really irritating openings:
"Please don't take this personally, but...."
"I don't expect you to understand..."
"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear..."
"Are you sure you're in the right place?"
"You probably won't know the answer to this, but..."
"I'm sure you're not the right person to ask, but..."
"Considering your age..."
"Are those real?"
There are many words for posts like yours. Some that come to mind are presumptuous, condescending, grandstanding, douchebaggery, lecturing, obtuse...
Luck is what you currently are that I'll stop talking to you now... not what I am for being able to spend my money as I see fit.0
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