Nagging about saving money for IVF

likitisplit

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, because I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

This.

I'm talented at what I do. I also work my *kitten* off at it. I also figured out how to position my skills to maximize my paycheck.

Yeah, the right opportunities knocked. But they knocked because I sent them engraved invitations with my address clearly written on them and had the door half open when they came.

Jacwhite22

Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.

This is kind of what I was going to say. I believe this is the problem. Your husband isn't committing to the saving because he isn't committing to the IVF. You are still trying naturally.....He doesn't want to believe he can't do it on his own. Having to go IVF makes him weaker and less of a man. There have to be a lot of emotional issues tied up in that.

You are right, I know he feels like it is "his fault" and I am sure he feels like a failure. I try to tell him it's not one person's fault. We are doing this together.

That's nice and sweet of you.....And I really do like your attitude. You seem like a nice girl. But nothing you can say is going to really make him feel better about it or accept it really. That is the thing that makes you a man. The very root of it......To not be able to use it the way it is designed.....It has to be hard. Perhaps he would at least consent to talk to a counselor about the emotional issues/scars tied up in it?

Jacwhite22

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, because I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

This.

I'm talented at what I do. I also work my *kitten* off at it. I also figured out how to position my skills to maximize my paycheck.

Yeah, the right opportunities knocked. But they knocked because I sent them engraved invitations with my address clearly written on them and had the door half open when they came.

I think it's the 8" heels with the goldfish in the heels that got you the job. Or the upside down spinny thing you do. But I agree you worked hard for it.

odusgolp

Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.

This is kind of what I was going to say. I believe this is the problem. Your husband isn't committing to the saving because he isn't committing to the IVF. You are still trying naturally.....He doesn't want to believe he can't do it on his own. Having to go IVF makes him weaker and less of a man. There have to be a lot of emotional issues tied up in that.

You are right, I know he feels like it is "his fault" and I am sure he feels like a failure. I try to tell him it's not one person's fault. We are doing this together.

That's nice and sweet of you.....And I really do like your attitude. You seem like a nice girl. But nothing you can say is going to really make him feel better about it or accept it really. That is the thing that makes you a man. The very root of it......To not be able to use it the way it is designed.....It has to be hard. Perhaps he would at least consent to talk to a counselor about the emotional issues/scars tied up in it?

Jack, you are wise.

And OP, I truly do wish you the best of luck. There's nothing wrong with wanting to try and have a child of your own.

DSTMT

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

Also this.

jnichel

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

OMG. Thanks for that laugh. Yes, my successful career was definitely handed to me. Just ask my children about it. You know what they'll tell you?

A successful person makes their own damned luck.

You're welcome.

Pffffttttt. You're only successful because you exploit the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

delatl

Does your fertility clinic offer payment plans? Many of them do. They typically use a third party to manage these. I haven't read most suggestions but agree with pps that setting up an automatic deduction would be useful, or simply putting it on a credit card and paying it off over time. Explore cheaper options such as going abroad (seriously, many find it's worth it to go to Czechoslovakia--still cheaper even with plane tickets and hotels) or even moving to a state and/or job that covers it, even partially, through insurance.

We did IVF and I'm typing this while my baby daughter naps. It was worth every penny. We were lucky in that my insurance covered part of it and we had savings already to cover the rest. But it's a difficult financial burden nonetheless and I wish you all the luck in the world!

likitisplit

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, because I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

This.

I'm talented at what I do. I also work my *kitten* off at it. I also figured out how to position my skills to maximize my paycheck.

Yeah, the right opportunities knocked. But they knocked because I sent them engraved invitations with my address clearly written on them and had the door half open when they came.

I think it's the 8" heels with the goldfish in the heels that got you the job. Or the upside down spinny thing you do. But I agree you worked hard for it.

Hunh?

bugaboo_sue

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

"Child"? :laugh: Honey, I am only 10 years younger than you. That hardly makes me a "child".

Please. My husband doesn't have a successful business because the gods smiled upon him and sprinkled a bit of "luck dust". He worked his butt off to get to where he is. "Luck" had nothing to do with it.

SunofaBeach14

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

Not me. Guilt free. Perhaps guilt "proof" but meh, on to finish reading this thread . . .

viktha

I was blessed that my insurance covered all of my IVF expenses. I can't even image having to pay for all the procedures. When we first started the process though my husband and I started putting aside the weekly cost of child care into a passbook account. Since you couldn't withdraw the funds without going to the bank and having the book. The money added up fast as it took us three years to final have a child.

I work in banking and control most of the money, I'm pretty sure my husband has no idea what we have and that works out better for us.

Good luck and don't try not to stress too much.

odusgolp

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

Yeah, but not everyone gets to see this backing up their driveway once a month!

In other news... I love you, IPA :smooched: :smooched:

Jacwhite22

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

(You might also look at my profile and a map and realize that Gilroy is a bedroom community for "Silicon Valley")

Can I ask why you didn't continue working while going back for another grad degree? You are obviously used to working 15-20 hours today if 10-12 would be a vacation. Also....What do you plan to do with this "Other" grad degree at 50+? How many years do you see yourself continuing to work?

sixout

This thread has made me want to drink.

LucasEVille

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

"Child"? :laugh: Honey, I am only 10 years younger than you. That hardly makes me a "child".

Please. My husband doesn't have a successful business because the gods smiled upon him and sprinkled a bit of "luck dust". He worked his butt off to get to where he is. "Luck" had nothing to do with it.

bidimus

If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....

I started using YNAB (You Need A Budget) two years ago. You can Google the website. They have a free ebook, training, and videos describing the process. It's the lifestyle change for your budget that MFP is to your body.

It's the first budgeting system we've ever gotten to work. I mostly manage it but we both track our spending through it. There is an app you can get and we have both the desktop app as well as the mobile apps to track our spending. The advantage is we're always on the same page and all our spending becomes very visible.

It took a little bit before my wife really bought in but it didn't take long before she noticed it really working. Part of the plan is both partners need to take responsibility for allocating the budget each month. In our house, she wasn't as interested so she deferred to me to use my judgement. When she has a concern I work it into the budget as best as I can and that keeps us both happy.

She used to manage the money but since I started YNAB she's been more than happy to let me take over as the results are speaking for themselves. Once the dollars are allocated, the system is impartial so there really aren't any hurt feelings. If she wants more to do something and it's just not there I sit her down and show her. "I can give you $10 for your project but I have to take it from one of the other budget categories. Which one should I take it from?"

I strongly suggest checking it out because it would help you reach your goal in a sane way that will hopefully reduce conflict.

likitisplit

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

If someone doesn't want kids, why would they go get kids?

If somebody doesn't want kids, then they should keep their opinions to themselves about other people's kids.

LAT1963

This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

likitisplit

This thread has made me want to drink.

I still want some nachos.

OnionMomma

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

I am fairly certain the average cost for adoption is higher than the average cost for IVF. On the other hand, you are probably less likely to spend all of that money and come away empty-handed.

The cost for adoption through the foster care system is WAY WAY WAY less costly than a round of IVF. Seriously, there are 1,000 of children who need homes.

The agency we looked into (when we were going to do a private infant adoption which is VERY costly) had a HUGE HUGE HUGE 4 inch binder FULL of children age 6 months to 18 who were free and clear wards of the state. Which translates into just court costs and such for an adoption.

Many people mistakingly think that adoption is expensive, yes it is if you are going an international adoption or an infant adoption. If you are willing to adopt a toddler the cost will be much much less.

sixout

If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....

I started using YNAB (You Need A Budget) two years ago. You can Google the website. They have a free ebook, training, and videos describing the process. It's the lifestyle change for your budget that MFP is to your body.

It's the first budgeting system we've ever gotten to work. I mostly manage it but we both track our spending through it. There is an app you can get and we have both the desktop app as well as the mobile apps to track our spending. The advantage is we're always on the same page and all our spending becomes very visible.

It took a little bit before my wife really bought in but it didn't take long before she noticed it really working. Part of the plan is both partners need to take responsibility for allocating the budget each month. In our house, she wasn't as interested so she deferred to me to use my judgement. When she has a concern I work it into the budget as best as I can and that keeps us both happy.

She used to manage the money but since I started YNAB she's been more than happy to let me take over as the results are speaking for themselves. Once the dollars are allocated, the system is impartial so there really aren't any hurt feelings. If she wants more to do something and it's just not there I sit her down and show her. "I can give you $10 for your project but I have to take it from one of the other budget categories. Which one should I take it from?"

I strongly suggest checking it out because it would help you reach your goal in a sane way that will hopefully reduce conflict.

Great advice right right here. YNAB is a great piece of software, and the online tools are amazing. It's slightly pricy, but if you have steam you can usually get it on a deal.

Flab2Fab27

I still don't understand how people feel its appropriate to share personal details of their relationship on the internet...

jnichel

This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

You should make some lemonade.

sixout

This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

So, because a drunk driver ended your career, you think that means other people can't get successful without luck? What?

lishie_rebooted

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

I worded my original response differently. Mine wasnt quite as blunt. If you go back a few pages you will see it.

I plan on adopting actually in a few years when I'm a little more stable. Im 24 and solo right now. And at 30, if I'm still solo I'm going to adopt. And even if im not solo, I plan to bring up to my partner.

In my original response, I wasnt chatising the OP for her choice for IVF. Merely suggesting an alternative. Not everyone considersadoption as an option.

She did eventually address adoption and said that if their IVF fails, they will adopt or foster.

sixout

This thread has made me want to drink.

I still want some nachos.

I wish places delivered nachos. My life would be complete.

srslybritt

Wait. What does you living in Silicon Valley have to do with anything? You live in a densely populated area and are therefore an expert in luck/finance/success?

I hate to break it to you, but it's not all luck. Some of us put in countless hours of overtime, spent entire meetings licking the boots of our superiors, giving up things in our personal lives, and became tethered to our careers for success.

You may understand what that's like, and yes there is "luck" involved in keeping your job. When my company laid off 200+ people out of the 400-some we had, it wasn't luck that kept me around. It wasn't fate. It was my hard work, willingness to learn, and ability to adapt.

Don't push luck in where it doesn't belong. It has nothing to do with luck.

IPAkiller

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Since you're feeling very preachy today, let me throw it back your way...

Here are some really irritating openings:

"Please don't take this personally, but...."
"I don't expect you to understand..."
"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear..."
"Are you sure you're in the right place?"
"You probably won't know the answer to this, but..."
"I'm sure you're not the right person to ask, but..."
"Considering your age..."
"Are those real?"


There are many words for posts like yours. Some that come to mind are presumptuous, condescending, grandstanding, douchebaggery, lecturing, obtuse...


Luck is what you currently are that I'll stop talking to you now... not what I am for being able to spend my money as I see fit.

^^^This makes me want to give you a present!

ruby_red_rose

What is kind of funny is that financial issues are no different than fitness ones really. If your spending goes over what you have budgeted you will go into debt (or in this case not be able to save), just like you go over the calories you have budgeted you will gain weight. I find it very interesting that some people can be super disciplined in one area, but suck at the other. As far as money goes, I could go forever sticking to that budget and never go over... but I am not as successful with food.

Just like fitness though, you can't nag someone into getting into being financially fit. They will either want to change themselves and dig down and find the discipline to do it or they won't.

I completely agree with this. I am financially super responsible, but have been struggling with overeating, and obesity all my life!

SunofaBeach14

This thread has made me want to drink.

I started before reading this thread and boy was I "lucky!" :bigsmile: