Nagging about saving money for IVF
Replies
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Thanks for the great info. We have tried artificial insemination and the fertility specialist said he "highly" recommends IVF. I think I am going to set up a savings account at a credit union that neither of us have access to online. I think this will help. To be honest, I would like to have a child, I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience and we would like one of our own. If IVF doesn't work, we will look into adoption. I just can't believe adoption is So expensive when there are so many children needing homes. Even if we get pregnant with IVF we may still look into adopting to have another one.Okay... so first things first, you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about this. You need to tell him that his actions aren't reflecting his desires. You need to ask him if he really wants to have a baby, and be absolutely sure that his response is completely honest. Next, IVF is sort of a last ditch effort. Have you talked to your doctor about your options to treat your infertility? Has he or she told you that this is the only way you will ever have a child? Third, have you explored the possibilities of adoption because there are many, many children in this world that could use a loving home and do not have one?
Lastly, if after all that, you come back to IVF, then you need to make a budget, set up a separate account, determine how much will be deposited in the account weekly/monthly, and agree that neither of you will withdraw from the account until the goal is reached. Make certain that the bank is not the same as your checking, and I would recommend choosing a small bank, like a credit union, that does not have many branches. This would make it harder to withdraw the money.
I realize that most of this has already been suggested to you, but I really needed to emphasize that communication is absolutely key here, and that you need to have covered all your bases.0 -
We have tried IUI a few times. His count wasn't close to what the doctor would like. Doctor highly suggested IVFThe other thing is, if he can't save money now for the IVF, how is he going to handle not being able to play with money because it has been or must be spent on the kid's needs?
Depending on your situation you may be able to finance IVF with a loan. You may also be able to work out a payment plan with the doc's office.
Have you tried artificial insemination? If he has issues with his vas deferens or with sperm motility (that is, the little buggers are present but can't get from balls to egg), maybe a simple AI procedure would get you pregnant at lower cost than full-out ivf?0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.0 -
Thank you for this. He has had genetic testing. He has a micro deletion in his Y Chromosome which they are assuming is the cause for the low sperm count / motility. As far as we know, nothing wrong with me. I ovulate, grow follicles, ect. I haven't done an HSG or anything yet. THat will be required prior to IVF.Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.
add: Have you had genetic counseling to know the reasons for your infertility issues?
if the infertility is due to you having antibodies that could cause spontaneous abortions so you are unlikely to carry to term, or if your issue is hereditary rather than acquired (acquired eg: tube-scarring caused by a past bacterial infection (some STD's can do this to women and to men)), then you may want to look into adopting even if it is more expensive.
The reasons are, if you have antibody problems, then every pregnancy, even ivf, is a risk to both your life and the baby's. And if you have a hereditary fertility problem, then you are just passing your fertility problem on to the next generation (because we don't yet have a way to 'discriminate' between genes to make sure the bad gene isn't hiding in the egg or sperm used in the ivf).
Is he terribly opposed to a sperm bank, then? It's significantly cheaper than IVF.
That would be one of our last options. I dont know if he would want to do that. We haven't gotten to that point of discussion. We'll wait to see what the IVF experts say?0 -
Woah. I see a MAJOR problem in this quote:To be honest, I would like to have a child, I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience and we would like one of our own
I would like to have a child. I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience. Makes me wonder if perhaps your husband truly doesn't want a child yet since the only time you mentioned the word we was at the end.
I think you both need to sit down and have another talk about this and make absolute sure you are on the same page.0 -
Melinda I'm sorry I haven't said much useful. You seem to have tried everything already; I know some about the science and medicine of IVF but I'm not married so I hesitate to advise about your hubby.
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With this IVF warranty program you get three tries. If it fails all three times, we get 90% of our money backWhy not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP
Adopting is just as expensive. We would like to try to conceive our own child. If that does not work through IVF we will MOST definately look into adoption. Nothing against adopting a child, I would like to try for my own first.
How many times are you willing to try and how much money are you willing to spend? I had neighbors who spent over 40K on IVF before they finally conceived. How are you going to pay for repeated procedures and the if that doesn't work for adoption when he's not willing to save money?
Wait a second. Shouldn't this be covered under Obamacare? I mean if old ladies have to have insurance that includes prenatal care then surely IVF is covered too!0 -
I am hoping with his sperm count/motility that we would still get the warranty program. Not 100% but that is what they offer. If it wouldn't be offered to us, not sure what we would doWhy not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.
I am fairly certain the average cost for adoption is higher than the average cost for IVF. On the other hand, you are probably less likely to spend all of that money and come away empty-handed.
We wont leave empty handed after IVF. We will either have a child (or hopefully 2) or we get 90% of our money back if it doesn't happen after three times. This is a one time 21,000.00 and we get three tries. Actually pretty good warranty program
That is a great program. Our clinic offered nothing like it. I think they offered a multi-attempt program, but with no money back if it failed. Although, even the multi-attempt program wouldn't have been allowed for us due to the medical issue that was involved.
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I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
Me too... Mmmm...0 -
divorce is cheaperHe is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:
Mine was only $200 :-P
Your divorce was only $200?!? Wow...
I divorce well ;-)
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Wait a second. Shouldn't this be covered under Obamacare? I mean if old ladies have to have insurance that includes prenatal care then surely IVF is covered too!
I can't tell if this is serious or not... help anyone?0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
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I am hoping with his sperm count/motility that we would still get the warranty program. Not 100% but that is what they offer. If it wouldn't be offered to us, not sure what we would doWhy not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.
I am fairly certain the average cost for adoption is higher than the average cost for IVF. On the other hand, you are probably less likely to spend all of that money and come away empty-handed.
We wont leave empty handed after IVF. We will either have a child (or hopefully 2) or we get 90% of our money back if it doesn't happen after three times. This is a one time 21,000.00 and we get three tries. Actually pretty good warranty program
That is a great program. Our clinic offered nothing like it. I think they offered a multi-attempt program, but with no money back if it failed. Although, even the multi-attempt program wouldn't have been allowed for us due to the medical issue that was involved.
I think that's pretty well suited to IVF. I would be surprised if they disqualified you for those reasons.0 -
I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:0 -
Thank you for so much helpful information. By AI, you mean aritifical insemination right? We tried that a few times. Fertility specialist highly suggested IVF. Yes, if we had a boy, the boy would have the micro deletion in his Y chromosome. The boy could have no issues producing a child. Or, the deletion could give the boy issues with producing. I dont think we would select an egg based on gender. Though that would be a great idea, it isn't 100% proven that the micro deletion will prevent you from having children naturally. I guess we'll just get what we get. Personally, I would like to have a boy/girl twins. Participating in a study is a great suggestion if they offer it. Thanks so much
Thank you for this. He has had genetic testing. He has a micro deletion in his Y Chromosome which they are assuming is the cause for the low sperm count / motility. As far as we know, nothing wrong with me. I ovulate, grow follicles, ect. I haven't done an HSG or anything yet. THat will be required prior to IVF.Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.
add: Have you had genetic counseling to know the reasons for your infertility issues?
if the infertility is due to you having antibodies that could cause spontaneous abortions so you are unlikely to carry to term, or if your issue is hereditary rather than acquired (acquired eg: tube-scarring caused by a past bacterial infection (some STD's can do this to women and to men)), then you may want to look into adopting even if it is more expensive.
The reasons are, if you have antibody problems, then every pregnancy, even ivf, is a risk to both your life and the baby's. And if you have a hereditary fertility problem, then you are just passing your fertility problem on to the next generation (because we don't yet have a way to 'discriminate' between genes to make sure the bad gene isn't hiding in the egg or sperm used in the ivf).
Ok. This means if you have a male child then he will suffer the same issues as your husband when he grows up, unless technology for fertility issues improves before then.
Since you are okay, you could ask your doc whether AI would work in your case, to save money.
Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.
It is generally assumed to be ethically wrong to select ivf fertilized eggs based on gender. I don't know what laws exist on this topic. But if the technology exists to do so, this would be an ethically valid situation where choosing a female egg (which in the normal case won't have a Y chromosome, so won't carry the defect) is the right thing to do. Gender selection is another thing you can discuss with your docs if you do have a full IVF procedure.
There may also be studies going on about this gender selection, and participation in a study might lower your costs. You'd have to find out what the study risks are before you decide--most likely just that you'd get a boy, but you never know if there would be any other risks to joining a study of that sort.0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
OKAYYYEEE
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I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
Me too... Mmmm...
Yea, 200 doesn't even get me through a weekend.0 -
Another great idea if IVF doesn't work....?Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf
foster: they pay you0 -
So in summary, your husband spends money on beer, golf, chewing tobacco, and playstation games instead of saving up for a child.
Question, does he work?
Yep! He's the breadmaker. He makes double more an hour than I make.0 -
Yeah, but not everyone gets to see this backing up their driveway once a month!I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
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Suprisingly they never checked my inside female parts. Hystersalpinogram. The doctor thought I was too young and I ovulate and have regular menses every month. Before IVF an HSG is required. I have done ultrasounds and bloodwork
Sounds good. Thank You! I have had good quality follicles when we did IUI. It's male infertility. Though it could be me too?? But we do know he has issues.
Could be you too??? Have you not had the necessary testing to find out?? I have fertility issues. One of the steps was multiple test on me before my husband was tested.0 -
He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00
wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??0 -
Woah. I see a MAJOR problem in this quote:To be honest, I would like to have a child, I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience and we would like one of our own
I would like to have a child. I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience. Makes me wonder if perhaps your husband truly doesn't want a child yet since the only time you mentioned the word we was at the end.
I think you both need to sit down and have another talk about this and make absolute sure you are on the same page.
Men don't get to go through the whole pregnancy experience. The ####ers.
There is nothing wrong with her wanting to be pregnant all by herself. She can want that. There no need for "we" to want to go through the pregnancy experience. If they've been actively trying to have a baby, then I'm pretty sure that he's on board with being a dad.0 -
SO you get $50 a week then?0
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Sorry if I didn't word it right. We've been through fertility appointments alredy. Him giving samples of his semen in the clinic and going through insemination.Woah. I see a MAJOR problem in this quote:To be honest, I would like to have a child, I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience and we would like one of our own
I would like to have a child. I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience. Makes me wonder if perhaps your husband truly doesn't want a child yet since the only time you mentioned the word we was at the end.
I think you both need to sit down and have another talk about this and make absolute sure you are on the same page.0 -
Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.
This is kind of what I was going to say. I believe this is the problem. Your husband isn't committing to the saving because he isn't committing to the IVF. You are still trying naturally.....He doesn't want to believe he can't do it on his own. Having to go IVF makes him weaker and less of a man. There have to be a lot of emotional issues tied up in that.0 -
Excuse me. Are you gonna pass that ish or smoke the whole thing?I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
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Melinda I'm sorry I haven't said much useful. You seem to have tried everything already; I know some about the science and medicine of IVF but I'm not married so I hesitate to advise about your hubby.
No worries! Thank you for your kind words.
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He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00
wait... you said he gets $100 AND a gas card, so wouldn't that gas station stuff fall under the gas card??
And Beer/Alcohol should totally fall under groceries....0 -
Excuse me. Are you gonna pass that ish or smoke the whole thing?I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
That gif alone makes me want to be your friend. :flowerforyou:0
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