Nagging about saving money for IVF

melinda200208

I have ING Direct accounts with an automatic transfer for special purposes like vacations and a new car. I can transfer the money at any time but it's an extra step and takes a couple of days to land in my account so it psychologically harder to spend.

REALLY! That's awesome!!!! That is exactly what I need!!!

Mikkimeow

Honestly, I am not usually one to seriously give my input on such matters but, *pokes with ten foot pole*

My opinion is that Your husband is spending too much, yes you are being a little obsessive, and this is not going to solve itself the way you two are going about it. I suggest you seek counseling, which can be difficult regarding your need to save money.
One way to approach this is to have an honest sit down with your husband. Tell him how you feel, open up as much as possible. Ask that you two reduce your "allowances" (also, who needs $100.00 a week? That is crazy to me) and have a separate IVF only account. Budget exactly what is going to go in there, and stress that you both need to be held accountable. If he cannot agree to that, maybe ask yourself why he is not making this a priority. Does he really want a child? Is he ready?? Is your marriage ready?

Good luck to you OP.

TavistockToad

he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this

It's one or the other, surely?

Did you ask what he spent the $100 on?

Guns_N_Buns

My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.

Agree with this. Don't let him have access to it. Also, lower his allowance and circle all the dollar store locations on a map print-out. If spending is his drug of choice, he can spend there.

lishie_rebooted

Maybe adopting would be a better financial descision. There are thousands of kids in the US alone that need a family, need love.

sixout

I'm going to have to agree that he doesn't sound ready for this.

Erin_goBrahScience

My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.

You won't grant him access cause you don't trust that he can withstand the temptation to spend? Also he has granted unilaterally a monthly allowance to himself that you are not privy to?

melinda200208

You are not ready for IVF if you can't agree on finances. It's the least romantic time of your marriage and if you can't be completely in tune with each other before it starts you won't survive the process. My insurance paid out under 10K for everything for an entire round so don't let the dr. office charge you twice as much as they get from the insurance company just because you are an individual paying out of pocket. Most people donate back their extra medications, also, which may be available for you.

I'm dying to know what your husband spends 5200/year on that doesn't involve both of you doing something together. And I still don't understand married people who have their own individual bank accounts. No secrets in a marriage - transparency is necessary if you guys are going to be successful at parenting together.

Bring on the criticism, I don't care everyone. I'm honest even if it's a reality check.

Thanks for the comment. We both do agree on finances. He wants to save money just as much as I do. THe thing is, he has a hard time NOT spending money. Though he has gotten much better than he was before. Most insurances in MN wont pay a dime for fertility. Luckily my husband's insurance will pay a one time $5,000.00 towards IVF. I sure hope we can dontate any extra meds back. Thanks for that info. Never thought of that. I'm sorry, I dont get the questions about my husband spending 5200/yr? We dont have our own individual accounts. His checks go directly into my checking. He has access to my checking and our savings and I have access to his checking and our savings online. So individual monies. I just take care of all the bills,ect.

spade117

You didn't mention if it was male or female infertility, but I'll knock you up for less than half of the $21k.

ink_b1tch

He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

I was just B***ing about $25 for buying stuff that you will crap or piss out....what the hell does he spend that kind of money on?

melinda200208

He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00

kinkyslinky16

He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:

sseqwnp

You are not ready for IVF if you can't agree on finances. It's the least romantic time of your marriage and if you can't be completely in tune with each other before it starts you won't survive the process. My insurance paid out under 10K for everything for an entire round so don't let the dr. office charge you twice as much as they get from the insurance company just because you are an individual paying out of pocket. Most people donate back their extra medications, also, which may be available for you.

I'm dying to know what your husband spends 5200/year on that doesn't involve both of you doing something together. And I still don't understand married people who have their own individual bank accounts. No secrets in a marriage - transparency is necessary if you guys are going to be successful at parenting together.

Bring on the criticism, I don't care everyone. I'm honest even if it's a reality check.

Thanks for the comment. We both do agree on finances. He wants to save money just as much as I do. THe thing is, he has a hard time NOT spending money. Though he has gotten much better than he was before. Most insurances in MN wont pay a dime for fertility. Luckily my husband's insurance will pay a one time $5,000.00 towards IVF. I sure hope we can dontate any extra meds back. Thanks for that info. Never thought of that. I'm sorry, I dont get the questions about my husband spending 5200/yr? We dont have our own individual accounts. His checks go directly into my checking. He has access to my checking and our savings and I have access to his checking and our savings online. So individual monies. I just take care of all the bills,ect.

Nope. You don't agree on finances. He does not want to save just as much as you do.

Demand an accounting of the money he spends.

TAsunder

Agree with the separate account and auto transfer option. That has worked for us.

One thing to keep in mind is that IVF can vary in costs depending on several factors. One of the biggest costs is medications, stuff like follistim. And the cost of that varies according to your dosage. And if not enough quality follicles grow, you might stop the first round and then start up again, which would mean more follistim and more ultrasounds.

Also, make sure you carefully read your insurance policies. We had to spend thousands of dollars on lawyer fees when my wife had a complication from a procedure and our insurance company denied based on specific language in our policy that was vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. They interpreted it as, of course, denying coverage for the complication. In the end, we prevailed, and they covered the ~$100,000 in bills, but if the wording had been different, we might not have. It was ambiguous, which generally favors the insured.

The point being, check what they write about complications and procedures that might stem from IVF treatments.

bugaboo_sue

I am trying to wrap my head around how $100/week is "a crazy amount" of money?:noway: I could blow through more than $100 in just one DAY.

And I am also with the "you're not ready for this" group.

Mikkimeow

He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:

Keep that money spending demon to yourself!

tanyoshka

My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.

I would definitely check and make sure he's okay with the no access part (sometimes they say "whatever" when they really mean something else). If he truly is okay with it, make sure he's aware of the progress you're making together. Even if it's silly thermometer picture on the fridge or monthly print outs of the account. He probably won't care that much, but at least it will make it more of a together thing, rather than a you thing.

Can you tell I'm married to a spender too? :-)

Jacwhite22

Can you provide more information on what the fertility issues are? You can PM me if you would like. I am going somewhere with this not just asking for sh!ts and giggles.

_crafty_

He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

Ha! No girlfriend. Lol. Alcohol, gas station stuff, golf, ect. He has NO problem spending that 100.00

So he spends $100/week on frivolous stuff for himself while you are trying to save for a baby. Sounds legit.

PikaKnight

Hate to break it to you, but I don't think he's committed to this.