BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX

Romyarts2014

I realllllly need some advice.


I have had a boyfriend for 2 months . We are together every day and and I love him alot.
Today he tells me sometimes he still thinks about his ex. they were together 7 years and his only real relationship before me.
I got mad and started packing my things. he kept telling me he wants me , he loves me..... He says that he dosent know why he thinks about her, that he dosent love her. He knows they will never be anything ... I asked him to please be honest about us. He said he is in love with me and loves being around me.

But now I am left to think how do I stay with a man that still thinks about his ex....? i love him so much. he is the first guy i think i could marry and live each day with happily.
But i dont want to get heartbroken.


HELP PLEASE?

nvpixie

If he's simply stating he still thinks about her, but makes no effort to contact her, then I'd say trust him and give it time.

If he's seeking her out or going to places he thinks he might run into her, then I'd say he's not over it enough to be in a new relationship, and you're better off separating until he can give you his full attention.

It will be a tough decision, but do what is best for you.

Lauren8239

You've been together only two months. They were together 7 years. If it was recent, then maybe he's rebounding.

ETA: Are you living together after only 2 months?

Guns_N_Buns

I think about my exes all the time, that doesn't mean I yearn for them. He's trying to open up the line of honest communication with you and you're punishing him for it.

Fact is, he was with her for 7 years. He's been with you for 2 months. He can't just forget about that 7 years of his life. If you can't respect that and be okay with it, then you don't have the emotional/mature capacity for this particular relationship, just yet.

I think you need to relax and take it easy (see:slow). Two months is not enough time to drink Romeo's poison over your significant other's "betrayal".

ew_david

I'm going to forego my usual snark and give you a real answer.

I spent 12 years with my ex. I don't want to be with him and I'm not in love with him, but it's hard to block out the last 12 years of my life and not think of him at all. To ask your bf to do that is unfair. Of course he's going to think about her; he gave her 7 years of his life.

I think you're just really insecure and you need to fix that.

Commander_Keen

7 years relationship?/ That's allot of time just to give it up.
Expe him to think of her for years to come..

besaro

lol, i think about past bfs fondly. its part of who i am. doesn't take a single thing away from who i am with or how i feel about them. the heart is plenty big enough to care about more than one person.


edit: past not passed (they aren't dead)

newdaydawning79

lol, i think about past bfs fondly. its part of who i am. doesn't take a single thing away from who i am with or how i feel about them. the heart is plenty big enough to care about more than one person.


edit: past not passed (they aren't dead)

Yup, this.

Basilin

It's interesting that he decided to tell you that. You've only been together for two months, and it doesn't seem like a dealbreaker that he'd think about his ex; as long as he isn't trying to get back with her or something. The fact that he told you makes me think he trusts you, and you should trust him back unless he really gives you reason to think otherwise. Perhaps talking about his past love experiences and how it's affecting him will bring you closer.

When I got with my boyfriend, he also mentioned his ex and was very sensitive about her for the first few months of our relationship. She really hurt him and it took a long time for him to "trust in love" again, and that is why he would talk about her to me; and it helped me to understand where he was coming from. After about a year together, he seemed to get over a lot of that heartache thru our relationship and that's been a wonderful thing. Honesty and openness is a great to have in a relationship.

liesevanlingen

You need to be more specific (or he does) If by "thinks about his ex" you mean he's wishing she was still part of his life, or that he wants to get back together with her, yes, that's a problem. But if he's just saying the thought of her crosses his mind occasionally, so what? She was part of his life for 7 years, of course he's going to think about her sometimes.

_Waffle_

Today he tells me sometimes he still thinks about his ex. they were together 7 years and his only real relationship before me.
I got mad and started packing my things.

Good plan. That will make it easy to get back together with his ex. You need to think this clever plan of yours out a little better.


You can't ask him to forget 7 years of his life. That's unfair.

Leonidas_meets_Spartacus

Looks like you are insecure.

Danny_Boy13

I think about my ex's from time to time but I don't act out and try reaching out to them. I feel it is nothing out of the ordinary myself. Just relax and chill a little and don't go and start packing your stuff. Now if he was reaching out to her and even meeting her then you have issues but as of now from what you have told us, just relax. 7 years with someone is a long time to not think about them here or there.

Lesa_Sass

He was being open and honest with you, something that is important in relationships. If you react immaturely and jealous when he does it, he will stop doing it.

Basically you need to figure out if you want to be jealous of her or be thankful he is honest with you. Basically break up or get over it.

PS: I was in a horrible and abusive relationship before I met my husband. After we broke up, I still thought about him, it did not mean I wanted him back or that I loved him. It just happened.

emdeesea

Hon, you need to relax. Nothing will drive a guy away quicker than a clingy, insecure woman.

He was with her for 7 years. He DID have a life before you came along. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just means that sometimes he thinks about people he used to know.

TeeA86

It depends on what kind of "thinking" he is doing. In seven years... There are many memories that you cant erase. I have been in serious relationships and a certain song would come on the radio and I would instantly think of someone else. So I mean, that might not be all that bad. Do you still think about one of your ex's? Be honest with yourself.

Now... call me an emotional brick wall having broad, but there is no way you are in love after two months! Lol! And yall are living together too??? Idk. It is strange to me. This is the thing, when you start dating someone, you are dating a representative of that person (Most of the time). Very few people show there flaws right from the start. There are people that are together for years and BAM see a charcteristic in their spouse that they have never seen before. Yall dont know each other... Unless you have been friends for years.

I dont know mama.. If you get booku comments on what you should and shouldn't do (Including mine)... Dont stress over it... Do what your heart says. None of us gotta sleep in the bed with him at night. You do. All that matters is when you lay your head on your pillow at night, YOU are happy.

Good luck....

farmers_daughter

I'm snarky about this because it sounds like that might be a good way to drill this in.

YOU ARE SUPER INSECURE. WHY??? You don't need to be you are a beautiful lady from your picture? I can see why your bf would love you and want you to stay. You are just bf/gf he is obviously choosing to stay. Insecurity will be the death of your relationship if you let it.

Honestly drop the ex thing. You are in the wrong. Unpack your bags, let him know you are sorry for overreacting and move forward. do you realize how many people out there would love it if thier partner told them they loved them, or that they wanted them to stay. If he would have said he thought about getting back with her then yes I'd question it, and then move on.

Do I think about my ex bf...absolutely...is that healthy....absolutely....do I obsess over him... no. That would be where there would be a problem.
By you throwing a fit you are telling him he can't think about his past. Do not do that to him.

And all of the above that I've said, goes the other way too...2 way street.

***Hugs!!!***

JulieGirl58

Oh, sweetie. You are so young. He is being honest with you, just about the best thing you could ask for in a relationship. I've lived for 32 years with a man who couldn't tell the truth to save his life.

999tigger

2 months and you are moved in together and both saying you are in love. In 2 months iits hardly likely you know him and hardly likely he even knows himself. Seven years is a long time to be with someone, hardly a crime to think about them because thats what hes used to. Chill out and see how things go, if you are packing your bags just becayse hes said something like that, then it doesnt sound the most stable of situations. Be confident and dont make a big fuss about it. Hes trying to come to terms with what happened.

Vortex_ConQueso

I think about the service all the time, but I sure as Hell don't ever want to go back to it. It was years of very intense good/bad experiences. You can't just flip a switch and banish it. Give the dude a break, after seven years he's going to have to let the associations work themselves out. It also sounds like he really trusts you to tell you that in the first place.