BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX

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  • FrozenSongBird
    FrozenSongBird Posts: 3,892 Member
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    Do you think of your ex's op? Now be honest...we are all just humans after all and 7 yrs is a good chunk of time. I was with my soon to be ex husband right about 7 yrs total. I think about him, I don't want him.. but it happens when you have shared time and things with someone for an extended amount of time. SLOW DOWN ... don't rush and you do sound insecure. I think he wants to be honest with you and your reaction may determine whether or not he feels like he is able to do that in the future.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
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    Everyone that comes into our lives touch us, in some way. Just because they leave or are no longer there, does not mean that you will not ever think about them again. The fact is as human we often learn from our mistakes. Well to learn, you have to remember. If you do not remember then you have not truly learned.

    The old Garth Brooks song Unanswered Prayers comes to mind.

    I have thought about Exes numerous times, I can even think of things that turned me on or that I liked. It does not mean that I have ANY interest in going down that road again. I do not, but something triggered the memory.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    Everybody has a past. Accept it.

    Can't control thoughts; only actions. After 7 years , it's only natural he would still have thoughts. I can still remember Girlfriends from 4 decades ago. Doesn't mean I want to cheat on my wife.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    On the other hand, if he's rubbing one out while he's thinking about her that may be a bad sign.
  • JeriAnne84
    JeriAnne84 Posts: 543 Member
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    I think about my ex, but I sure as heck don't love him or want to be with him. But its because I spent quite a bit of my time with him and its going to happen. You can't really help what pops into your mind. I know my boyfriend probably thinks about his exs too. And he talks about them, but it doesn't mean he loves them or wants to be back with them. We trust each other and we love each other.

    And I'm not judging you for living together 2 months after you start dating and being in love with him already. I fell in love immediately with my boyfriend and we started living together 2 WEEKS after we started dating. It helps when you practically share a brain with each other too. :p We went through some crazy s*** last summer too that was hard and almost broke us up, but we made it through and we are stronger now because of it.

    But seriously chill out with him being honest with you. You will just make him not want to tell you anything.
  • jharlowlives
    jharlowlives Posts: 41 Member
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    7yrs...do you honestly expect him to just totally forget someone he was with for 7 years in 2 months...I think you have issues and you need to work on yourself because that's unreasonable and ridiculous. Atleast he's being honest...although its obvious he will think about his past 7 years...you're going to run him away if you don't change lol

    ^^^^ THIS. They broke up for a reason, OP. But he was with her for seven years. Get over yourself. Build your own seven years.
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
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    I only think about my ex-gf when I'm getting busy with my current gf. It speeds things along so I can go back to watching Family Guy.

    Why not just leave the TV on so you don't have to rush? :wink:
  • cherrilovee
    cherrilovee Posts: 194 Member
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    Wait you've had a boyfriend for two months and you're already living together and thinking about getting married?
    Woah.
    Anyways, it's okay if he thinks about her. They were together for seven long years. I still think about my ex, but it doesn't mean that I want him. Thinking about a memory is different than wanting that person back in your life. If he's telling you that he wants her back, then that's different. I say stay with him, and talk to him about it. Communication is key.
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
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    I think about my ex often. Mostly I think about whether I buried him deep enough. Some of my neighbors are kinda nosy.
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
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    How long have they been broken up? If it fairly recent give it time after 7 years you form a bond with that person. When I divorced my husband of 14 years for awhile I was calling my new man by his name bc it was habit of course has time has went by I no longer do. Just give it time! If he aint contacting her then everything should be fine.
  • JeriAnne84
    JeriAnne84 Posts: 543 Member
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    I think about my ex often. Mostly I think about whether I buried him deep enough. Some of my neighbors are kinda nosy.

    And you don't want some animal to come along and dig him up.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Just in to agree...

    I think about my exes from time to time. Most of them fondly, one not so fondly. The latter pops up more often, but that's because I think I've learned from that horrible experience and I reflect on it so I don't make all the same mistakes next time. Totally normal.
  • emkayelle91
    emkayelle91 Posts: 846 Member
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    First, you should be happy that he was open and honest with you about something. Second, there is nothing wrong with thinking about an ex from time to time. He was with her 7 years, he has been with you for 2 months...when you're with somebody for so long you can't help but think of them bc a lot of things will remind you of that person. It would be a totally different story if he was still communicating with her or hooking up with her and it doesn't sound like that is the case. And third, thinking about an ex doesn't necessarily mean anything, I think about some of my exes from time to time, but it in no way means that I miss them or want to be with them.
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
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    I think about my ex often. Mostly I think about whether I buried him deep enough. Some of my neighbors are kinda nosy.

    And you don't want some animal to come along and dig him up.

    A hefty application of Febreze will deter them. I mean, that's what I've heard anyway. On one of those crime dramas. Yeah. :embarassed:
  • kaseyr1505
    kaseyr1505 Posts: 624 Member
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    I think you need to break it off with him, and focus on yourself. You seem to be moving incredibly fast, and are incredibly insecure.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    It takes one month, for every year spent together, to get over someone. Give him some time. Or 3rd input, that can speed the process.

    Where did you get this information?

    Think I read that in Evolutionary Psychology... or I could have made it up. My memory is horrible.

    Ok, I'm just looking for info about it to apply to my situation.

    If they were together 6 years and we're going on a year and half, if he's not over her in a year and a half I'll worry about it. In the meantime, I'll just give him time to process.

    It's not all the time, at all.

    It's just an awkward subject to approach with a level head, until there's time to think it through then it makes sense. But at first it feels uncomfortable.

    But with that being said...

    Reading that thread made me realize I not only think about my -ex more than I realized, but that if he had been explaining "how ripped up and bulging" his ex was to me the way I was too him over the weekend, I would probably feel really hurt.

    "I love that we can work out together. My -ex would never work out with me. He thought working out was stupid because he had the six pack and huge bulging biceps and never lifted a weight in his life."

    Reverse those roles, as innocent as I meant it, and as much kudos for working out to me that I meant it, I would have felt very insecure and pissed!
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    How long have they been broken up?

    This is a very pertinent question no one has asked!

    OP! How long have the been broken up?

    I know in my situation I need to give him lots of time because I met him a week after their break-up.

    He claims they were already broken up, but still living together as "friends" (um hmm) I'm sure the initial shock of being single never set in until he started moving into his apartment in Oklahoma.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,949 Member
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    You haven't been dating that long. I always find I need a bit of time in a relationship to "stop thinking about my ex"... it's not really truly thinking about them - not in the way you're thinking.

    I feel like you might be thinking about that phase as meaning "I'm wishing for my ex"... but it's not. It's simply memories that are still at the surface that take time to be replaced. Just like... say if you spend 3 months straight hanging out with no one but your sister (or mom or whoever). They'll cross your mind for a while after you stop hanging out with that person so much.

    It's not that he misses her, he simply has memories. If he clarifies that he wishes he was still with her - THAT would be a problem. But I don't think that's what he means.
  • NetflixAndChocolate
    NetflixAndChocolate Posts: 57 Member
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    Being together 7 years dont imagine he has anyone else to compare with. YOUR AWESOME (im sure ;)) and most people arent slimey *kitten* :D

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