BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX

13567

Replies

  • cingle87
    cingle87 Posts: 717 Member
    Most people have already covered my points on this, after being with someone for 7yrs its impossible for him to forget about her, look at it like a plus point he told you what he's thinking, most guys wont do that.
  • GDLAZ
    GDLAZ Posts: 3,784 Member
    It's perfectly normal to think about an X, especially if you were together for a long time. Most mature people though realize that your current significant other probably doesn't want to hear about. Tell him to keep his thoughts to himself...
  • boxpunk
    boxpunk Posts: 52 Member
    so he thinks about her. so what? he's with you. Been married 5 years and from time to time I'll think about my ex. it just happens. and from going from 7 years with one person to 2 months with a new person, that time isn't going top be erased. just remember, he's with you.
  • pythagarus
    pythagarus Posts: 16
    I still think about my 9th grade biology teacher. I just wouldn't tell the woman I loved about her though.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
    He's an idiot... for sharing that thought with you... for that alone you should breakup with him... YOU don't want to be heart broken? THEN Stay away from relationships... OR is loneliness worse? What is life without love? what is life without someone to share it with? without someone to hold hands with... kiss... someone to squeeze during a scary movie... someone to share the most magnificent firsts with??? Heartbreak is WORTH the risk if it means having those moment... LOVE is living life in full blown Technicolor... so tuck your insecurities away... and consider yourself fblessed.. that HE felt comfortable enough with you... to risk... having you share in his thoughts..
  • hajenkatt
    hajenkatt Posts: 331 Member

    I recommend picking up the book, "How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk" by John Van Epp. You can get it on amazon used for just four bucks.

    Someone should pick up a copy for her boyfriend.
  • JeriAnne84
    JeriAnne84 Posts: 543 Member
    I want to know how long him and his ex have been broken up!!!!!!!!! And what context him thinking about his ex was brought up in. OP please answer!! Stop having a life and get on the internet!!! lol
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I didn't read the comments. And I kind of have a hard time believing this is for real. But, anyway. It's completely normal to think about lovers and partners from the past. And he was even honest and told you. And you have only been together for two months. Give it some time. Things are going to go much better if you do not get jealous over little things like this.
  • dMonster01
    dMonster01 Posts: 214 Member
    If you can't control each others thoughts, your relationship is doomed to fail.
  • GDLAZ
    GDLAZ Posts: 3,784 Member
    If you can't control each others thoughts, your relationship is doomed to fail.

    Ha ha! Where's that darn like button?
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Hon, you need to relax. Nothing will drive a guy away quicker than a clingy, insecure woman.

    He was with her for 7 years. He DID have a life before you came along. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just means that sometimes he thinks about people he used to know.

    THIS!
  • JONZ64
    JONZ64 Posts: 1,280 Member
    If you can't control each others thoughts, your relationship is doomed to fail.
    :drinker: :love:
  • JT_Taylor99
    JT_Taylor99 Posts: 148
    I think about my ex from time to time but I don't act out and try reaching out to her. I think it's normal to remember the good as well as the bad. I will say though....if he is reaching out to his ex or even meeting her then you have issues. It's one thing to think about them, its totally something else if he is having dinner, going places, or calling and texting them. So as long as its just his thoughts relax and don't make a big deal out of it.
  • NessaReh85
    NessaReh85 Posts: 140 Member
    There will always come a time when you think about your ex. When you see them in public or the paper. I have been with my husband for 11 years and married for 2 yrs. Before I got with my husband, I was with my ex for 4 years. It was very hard for me to get over my ex. There are still times to this day that I will see him or his mom and wonder where would we be had I taken him back. People will always think of their ex's especially if they were there for a long time.

    You need to accept that he is at least being honest with you and telling you. Its not like he is saying that he dreams about getting back together. He is just saying that this person that took occupied a good portion of his life has crossed his mind. Don't make too much out of it, or you could be pushing Mr. Right away on a minor technicality that happens to all people.
  • 12_oz_Curls
    12_oz_Curls Posts: 140 Member
    LEAVE HIM NOW! Pack you bags, get out, and let the poor guy find a secure understanding woman. Don't ruin his life any more with your personal insecurities and clingy ways. Poor Guy.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Occasionally I look my highschool ex up on facebook. Pretty sure that's why facebook was invented.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    LEAVE HIM NOW! Pack you bags, get out, and let the poor guy find a secure understanding woman. Don't ruin his life any more with your personal insecurities and clingy ways. Poor Guy.

    :laugh: :drinker:
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    You're incredibly demanding for a TWO MONTH relationship. How on earth can you be in move with someone after two months? You don't even know him yet. Sounds like you're living together already if you have bags to pack. Rushing much?

    Unless he's reaching out to contact her or is responding to contact from her, mark it as something to be noted and get over yourself because it's been two months.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    Don't overreact and punish him for being open and honest with you.
  • Valrotha
    Valrotha Posts: 294 Member
    Sorry if this is blunt, but I think this needs to be said. If you want him to be honest with you, you need to stop overreacting to him being honest. If they were together 7 years, then he's going to think about her from time to time. I was with my last gf 6 months (we broke up a year and a half ago), and I still think about her. There's a huge difference between thinking about someone and loving them.
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    Wow....two months and you are living together? That's a bit quick my dear.

    When we have long relationships, even when we no longer love the person and aren't with them, and don't want to be with them, they do occupy our thoughts once in awhile - they are part of our history.

    It sounds like he is trying to be open and honest and build the relationship - if that's the case, you may want to check your reaction and your feelings.

    I've been in my current relationship for more than a year - but yes, there are times when I think about my ex (we were together 7 years)...especially when something happens that triggers the memories. Do I want him back - no. Do I care about him - yes, and always will. I'd hate my current boyfriend to leave just because I mention my past.
  • jkowula
    jkowula Posts: 447
    C'mon you guys! Logic does not work for "Boyfriend Help".. Geez, just tell the girl what she wants to hear, not what she should hear! Man, Freakin' internet forums!!!

    OP - Everything in life is about you! You make sure he knows that, he cannot think for himself because it affects you.. Now go do what you want to do...
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
    You've been together only two months. They were together 7 years. If it was recent, then maybe he's rebounding.

    ETA: Are you living together after only 2 months?

    1. He was with her for 7 years, of course he's going to think about her- the question is why did he bring it up?!

    a. he's just thinking aloud or b. he had a purpose to bringing it up

    2. Moving too fast (like immediately moving in together, I love yous too soon, etc) is risky at best, and is a trait of relationship that turn abusive- RED FLAG. Now you are in a tough place because you're already living together and probably depending on him a bit. Time to create a plan B just in case, now that you are where you are. Also, read this: http://www.eastbaywomenstherapyalliance.com/suggestions-for-better-mental-health/reprint-15-warning-signs-of-an-abuser.htm


    3. After you think on these things, decide that it's a problem, or decide that YOU are his lady, walk around with your head high, as beautiful as you are, and worthy of being treated with the highest respect, and enough of a catch that he would be stupid to let you go. If you don't feel this confidence, watch this and fake it till you make it: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCMQyCkwAA&url=http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en&ei=We4hVOvXDoOHjAKI5IGgDQ&usg=AFQjCNHlD-yrscyq-C1cAvc8Jjr8tCbv_g&sig2=sUdIpBRxfgQz5RYKKvpUUA&bvm=bv.75775273,d.cGE

    Good luck, dear.
  • Marbella29660
    Marbella29660 Posts: 71 Member
    Your together 2 months! Give the guy a break. If you manage to get to 7 years with him, then post on here again. Then you have something to write about. Jeez 2 months...No wonder guys run for the hills!
  • Brandolin11
    Brandolin11 Posts: 492 Member

    I recommend picking up the book, "How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk" by John Van Epp. You can get it on amazon used for just four bucks.

    Someone should pick up a copy for her boyfriend.

    Reading it together would actually be ideal! :smile:
  • Onderwoman
    Onderwoman Posts: 130
    Thinks about his ex?? And....? So?

    Everyone will occasionally think about their ex. Especially if he's only had one ex ever in his entire life!

    I still occasionally think about my ex after 11 years of being with someone else, and I'm very glad each time I'm not with that ex each time. :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    I suppose that depends on what he means by "thinks" about her. Is he fantasizing about her, dreaming about getting back together? Or is he simply reminiscing, or remembering their experiences together? There is a big difference. Everyone thinks about their past and mulls over various memories, that's just life.
    But if he's comparing her to you, wishing he could see her again, or longing for to be back with her, then you may want to have some serious conversations about your relationship together.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    I don't have time to read all the responses but seriously girl...

    a few issues here... two months & you're living with him??? wow, really??? and you already love him??? seriously??? way too fast in my opinion, but who am I to say.

    also... he was with her for 7 years of course he'll think of her from time to time! I have two exes, one I was married to for 22 years and another I was in a relationship with for 9.5 years. I've been removed from both relationships for quite a while and still think of them from time to time not that I want EITHER one of them back because I do NOT! not in a MILLION YEARS!!! I would be friends with one but not a fat chance in He11 with my ex-husband!

    your boyfriend is super awesome for being open and honest with you. be thankful to him and understanding. give him a hug and love him through it - if you truly love him as you say you do.
  • tugica
    tugica Posts: 13 Member
    2 months and you are moved in together and both saying you are in love. In 2 months iits hardly likely you know him and hardly likely he even knows himself. Seven years is a long time to be with someone, hardly a crime to think about them because thats what hes used to. Chill out and see how things go, if you are packing your bags just becayse hes said something like that, then it doesnt sound the most stable of situations. Be confident and dont make a big fuss about it. Hes trying to come to terms with what happened.

    ^^^this

Categories