BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX
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RED FLAG!!! Send it to the Hodgetwins to do a video on it. As they would say, These two have all kinds of n#t busting history together. That's probably what he is thinking about. All the times they was together. It doesn't mean he wants to be with her. When I say red flag, I mean you going to pack your stuff after he was open with his feelings to you. He probably won't be that open again thinking you can't handle it after one time. I'm sorry, but it might be a short relationship for you. I hope not and that you two can work it out. Good luck.0
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I read all the replies and I agree..
However alot of the bashing was not called for. Alot of women have things they get insecure about. For me knowing another women is on my mans mind is hard. But I also understand his point of view.
I told him I understand there was a past and I understand thats not something you can just forget but if we are in a relationship I need his all put into it.
He agreed.
Just because he thinks about his ex from time to time doesn't mean he's not putting his all into the relationship with you. The fact that he was using the initiative and being honest with you speaks volumes about his commitment to you. No offense... but unless you absolutely don't think about any of your exes, then I think he's earned a little trust from you FOR being honest.0 -
I still think about a sandwich I had in Boston 3 years ago.
Funny you mention that... got me thinking about the most awesome po' boy I ever had in New Orleans, also about three years ago.0 -
This relationship is moving WAAAAYYY too fast!0
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They've been together two months. C and I were already living together for a month at that point in our relationship. lolThis relationship is moving WAAAAYYY too fast!0 -
They've been together two months. C and I were already living together for a month at that point in our relationship. lolThis relationship is moving WAAAAYYY too fast!
Yeah, but she is far too attached for it to be this soon in a relationship, and to trip because he said sometimes he thinks about his ex. She is just way too invested too early in this relationship. Everybody thinks about an ex sometimes. And he has no control over his thoughts.0 -
I would always recommend not moving in together with someone you've dated for less than a year. Personally I wouldn't have moved in with my fiance until we were married, but we could afford to save for the wedding better this way so we moved in after we got engaged.
For a lot of people, moving in together early works. But for people with insecurities, it can lead to a lot of discomfort in my opinion. A lot of worrying over nothing, a lot of 'Well now what?' etc. etc.
Love is a wonderful thing. Living with someone often times has very little to do with love. Things like respect, shared values (like house cleanliness and finances) etc. can make or break a living situation. Just because you're in 'love' doesn't mean that everything is suddenly perfect. It sounds like this relationship moved too fast for an insecure person to be able to process and handle.0 -
I've been with my husband for 12 years. I still think about my ex.
People have feelings. People will be attracted to other people. This is life.
Dating and committing to someone doesn't mean everyone else in the world disappears, it just means they've chosen you over their other possibilities.
Love is a choice. And if you act like a jealous nut it'll be easier not to choose to love you.0 -
Yeah I know. I just thought it was funny.
They've been together two months. C and I were already living together for a month at that point in our relationship. lolThis relationship is moving WAAAAYYY too fast!
Yeah, but she is far too attached for it to be this soon in a relationship, and to trip because he said sometimes he thinks about his ex. She is just way too invested too early in this relationship. Everybody thinks about an ex sometimes. And he has no control over his thoughts.
I'm the least insecure person out there. I figure if he wants to be with someone else, he's welcome to her. I'll move on with someone better. :-) And I assume someone with a past thinks about it. I didn't meet him when he was an infant or anything.
Oh, and I used to work with a woman who married her husband six weeks after meeting him. They had been together more than 30 years when I met her.0 -
Oh Dear 2 months is not very long at all compared with 7 years in a previous relationship, I have been where your at now and I understand how you must be thinking, but to be quite honest we all have thoughts from time to time but it don't mean we are going to do anything about those thoughts, being with someone for 7 years there is bound to be a connection and feelings still in the background but as long as those feelings stay in the background just move forward be happy he's with you now :-) that has to account for something, you can't take away the past in the bat of an eye it all takes time I still love my ex husband often think of him even though I am married and have been for the past 10 years to a wonderful man who was badly hurt in his marriage but we have together overcome this and are very happy together we often talk about our past lives it helps to talk sometimes that way we understand each other but it don't mean we want to go back to what we had so please be happy if your b/f wasn't happy with you quite simply he wouldn't be with you :-)0
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I would like to know how this came up?
Did you ask?0 -
I don't have anything to add to the forum, but I just wanted to say OP is gorgeous!! Totally jealous! I wish I was that pretty
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Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's no advantages in bringing it up.0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.
He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?0 -
I realllllly need some advice.
I have had a boyfriend for 2 months . We are together every day and and I love him alot.
Today he tells me sometimes he still thinks about his ex. they were together 7 years and his only real relationship before me.
I got mad and started packing my things. he kept telling me he wants me , he loves me..... He says that he dosent know why he thinks about her, that he dosent love her. He knows they will never be anything ... I asked him to please be honest about us. He said he is in love with me and loves being around me.
But now I am left to think how do I stay with a man that still thinks about his ex....? i love him so much. he is the first guy i think i could marry and live each day with happily.
But i dont want to get heartbroken.
HELP PLEASE?
Is this your first relationship? If not...haven't you ever thought about an ex? Let me start by saying...you should be happy he was honest enough to tell you that he thinks about her sometimes. He could have kept it to himself. When a relationship ends those memories don't get wiped. That relationship taught him things, probably helped him grow. It's normal to think about things and people from your past. He probably even thinks about what their sex life was like, again, normal. This is why I believe couples should not just be lovers but they should be friends. You want a honest and open relationship where both people can talk about life, past, present, and future, without worrying that the other person is going to get emotional and leave.
As far as the comments of your relationship moving too fast...meh, to each its own. My husband and I dated for two months before we got married (we were friends for a year). Every relationship is different, but communication and honesty is extremely important regardless of its structure.0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.
He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?
Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.
"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"
Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.0 -
Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.
"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"
Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.
That's what I would call a bad person.
Is it really that strange for two people in a relationship to talk about their past without one of them getting offended or becoming insecure?0 -
I still think about a sandwich I had in Boston 3 years ago.
Funny you mention that... got me thinking about the most awesome po' boy I ever had in New Orleans, also about three years ago.
This thread now has me thinking about PBJ. Not any particular past PBJ, just PBJ in general.0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.
He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?
Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.
"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"
Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
I am bias though every person I have dated has been caught in lies and just stupid ones.0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.
He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?
Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.
"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"
Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.
Agreed. There's no arguing that honesty is a good quality but there are some thoughts that should not be volunteered.0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.
He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?
Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.
"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"
Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
I am bias though every person I have dated has been caught in lies and just stupid ones.
Couple things.
1. If your SO has fantasies about banging your blood relatives, it's likely time to find the door no matter how 'honest' that person is.
2. People applaud 'honesty' to avoid dealing with other red flags. As my example above shows, there is likely an issue, or at the very least a long discussion, that needs to be had when 'I want to bang your sister' becomes public knowledge in the relationship. 'But he's so honest' is the excuse people use to keep their head in the sand over real issues because they want to make excuses for otherwise bad behavior.
3. Applauding honesty above other traits (like not wishing to bang the sister) is an example of the 'at least' mentality. "At least I'm honest, I should be praised for that." No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't need to be rewarded for honesty. Being an honest person should not be a stretch, it should not be worthy of praise that you didn't tell a lie. It should be a given that you're honest. I will not praise you for showing basic human decency and not being a lying sack of poo.
ETA: Honesty =/= Sharing every thought in your head.0 -
ditch his *kitten* quick!0
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I'm still stuck at two months...0
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I'm going to forego my usual snark and give you a real answer.
I spent 12 years with my ex. I don't want to be with him and I'm not in love with him, but it's hard to block out the last 12 years of my life and not think of him at all. To ask your bf to do that is unfair. Of course he's going to think about her; he gave her 7 years of his life.
I think you're just really insecure and you need to fix that.
All of this. Plus, you've only been dating 2 months. To be declaring love so soon and living together...doesn't seem like the best idea.0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.
This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.
He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?
Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.
"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"
Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
I am bias though every person I have dated has been caught in lies and just stupid ones.
Couple things.
1. If your SO has fantasies about banging your blood relatives, it's likely time to find the door no matter how 'honest' that person is.
2. People applaud 'honesty' to avoid dealing with other red flags. As my example above shows, there is likely an issue, or at the very least a long discussion, that needs to be had when 'I want to bang your sister' becomes public knowledge in the relationship. 'But he's so honest' is the excuse people use to keep their head in the sand over real issues because they want to make excuses for otherwise bad behavior.
3. Applauding honesty above other traits (like not wishing to bang the sister) is an example of the 'at least' mentality. "At least I'm honest, I should be praised for that." No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't need to be rewarded for honesty. Being an honest person should not be a stretch, it should not be worthy of praise that you didn't tell a lie. It should be a given that you're honest. I will not praise you for showing basic human decency and not being a lying sack of poo.
ETA: Honesty =/= Sharing every thought in your head.
Well like I said. I don't know how OP got this. Did he just come out a say one day damn I am thinking about my ex? Maybe she felt he was caught in a thought and ask what he is thinking about?0 -
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.0 -
I fully expect to see this on an upcoming episode of Dr Phil0
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<~ still thinks about my ex(s)
isn't that normal/ human nature.
im happily married with 2 kids- but im still an animal. I know what I am.0 -
Uhhh, these are normal things. I think about my exes sometimes...I'm not thinking about hooking up with them though. I don't miss them at all like that. And I'm engaged. I have a wonderful life. But things come up that make you think about the past.This is normal.
Be mature about it. He had a life before you. And he is with you now. Like it or leave it.0 -
People are always going to think about past memories in their lives, especially ones that left a mark. Not a day goes by I don't think about people who used to be in my life, but are no longer an active part of it. You have to either accept that or find someone who has no past.
This! I still have a couple ex's that I have fond memories of. I think of them and it makes me smile, that will never stop.
You're very insecure. You need to try and figure out why and work on that.0
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