BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX
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This is the reason so many are afraid to be honest; the crazy starts to shine through with others!0
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Rebounds are awesome.0
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Girl, you are going to far.
1. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened.
2.You chose to give away your love.
You chose to give up.
You chose to react.
You chose to feel insecure.
You chose to feel anger.
You chose to have hope.
You chose to ignore your intuition.
You chose to be stuck in the past.
You chose to blame. You chose your ego!
3.Do not over think, your relationship, FEEL IT!
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2. Moving too fast (like immediately moving in together, I love yous too soon, etc) is risky at best, and is a trait of relationship that turn abusive- RED FLAG. Now you are in a tough place because you're already living together and probably depending on him a bit. Time to create a plan B just in case, now that you are where you are. Also, read this: http://www.eastbaywomenstherapyalliance.com/suggestions-for-better-mental-health/reprint-15-warning-signs-of-an-abuser.htm
Yes and no.
You do not know them, you do not know the situation. You cannot tell if it is moving to fast. In your world 2 months is moving too fast - hell in my world 6 months and moving in is too fast but if it feels right it feels right. I know MANY couples who met and were married within 6 months and have remained married 35+ years and they aren't in abusive relationships... I also know many that were and have since gotten out its really situational. Really if it feels right it feels right and no one can judge that except the 2 adults involved.
OP, personally you are over thinking it. He brought it up, he was honest. take it with a grain of salt. He comes home to you everynight right? And if he does then honestly, I am pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.
I agree with both things you posted. I personally met my husband at work, so I knew him for 6 months before we started dating. We had our first date, and I knew he was the one for me and he felt the same way (he'd been after me to go out with him for 6 months). 3 weeks later he moved in with me. 18 months later, we got married. We have been married for 22 years. So yes, you can date someone and move in together quickly and be in love quickly. And yes, we had our ups and downs, too. He had lived with someone for almost 7 years, on and off, before he moved to my state to get away from that relationship. He was 30 and looking for someone to settle down with. I guess he decided I was sane enough to have a relationship with. LOL.
BUT, when you move into such an intimate relationship while you are still getting to know each other, your insecurities can come out, because you don't really know the other person that well yet. He said a lot of things about his ex that were hurtful to me, but it wasn't intentional on his part, he was actually clueless. OP, try not to over think what's going on. He was being open with you, respect that.0 -
a few issues here... two months & you're living with him??? wow, really??? and you already love him??? seriously??? way too fast in my opinion, but who am I to say.
My thoughts exactly. :noway:0 -
Road Dog, you managed to make me lolOn the other hand, if he's rubbing one out while he's thinking about her that may be a bad sign.0 -
Looks like you are insecure.
This is quite blunt and to the point, but, there's absolute truth, to it. I don't know about your past relationships. If this is your first relationship, or if there have been others before him. Seriously, I am not not passing judgment either way. Before you can have a successful relationship with anyone, you've got to love yourself, and realize your worth. I know that it might make you feel a tad bit insecure hearing about the old ex of 7 years, when the two of you have only been together for two months- but to pack up your things and leave was over the top.
I'll be very honest, I don't know a single person who at one point in time DOESN'T or hasn't thought of their ex/ex's from time to time. Hell, I've been married for 12 years, and my husband I BOTH have some of our ex's on Facebook. There's a reason they're our ex's. They made a lot better friends than mates. There are some people that, yeah, from time to time will creep into my mind, and I'll think about- but that's it. It's a fleeting thought. I might wonder about their well-being, or if they've found someone, and they're happy. I'm not pining for them, or wishing we could get back together.
It's good that your boyfriend felt that he could be honest with you about his thoughts and feelings. It says a lot that he's able to communicate with you. There's a reason she's the ex and not his girlfriend. People are in our past for one reason or another, some good, some bad, but they're there. Work on realizing your worth as a person, and know that just because your boyfriend's ex crosses his mind from time to time, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, or that you're not good enough. A relationship that was *that* long, takes some time to move on from. Be there for him, and help him to make some new, awesome memories with you!0 -
I still think about my ex, because we shared so many experiences and time together and I can't just block out the 18 months I spent with him.
It doesn't mean I want him, or want anything to do with him. In fact, I'd probably set his car on fire if I knew I could get away with it.
Thinking about an ex doesn't mean anything, if it's JUST thoughts.0 -
My boyfriend thinks about a lot of other women. I trust him though.0
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At least he was open with you. I think he should be allowed to reflect on his past relationship. After all, he had seven years with her. Don't make a mountain out a mole hill. He is with you now, enjoy your time together.0
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A lot of the responses are right. 7 years is a long time. From what you said he's only thinking about her, not trying to get back with her. I think about people(not specifically exes) that I knew all the time that I've met and didn't know for half that long.0
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Would you rather have a guy who hides his infidelities, or one who talks about his feelings? Coming to you with this should have been a chance to build trust. Assuming you aren't leaving out some serious details, I would say packing crap up is a fairly serious overreaction. Good luck getting him to open up to you next time something is wrong.0
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Did I miss something? People keep saying the OP moved in with her bf, but I haven't seen any of that. All I saw was that they're together every day...maybe they're visiting eachother and sleeping over every day. Doesn't mean they're living together and sharing rent/household expenses.0
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My DH was with his late wife for about 4 years. It's been a little over 10 years since she passed, and we've been together almost 9 years. It's not something that will ever cease to exist in our lives. His past is what makes him who he is today, both good and bad. I have a daughter from my ex-husband. A living breathing reminder of my past, and DH chose to adopt her. Everyone has a history, and either we can embrace it and understand it, or we can let it scare the s**t out of us.
Obviously there are exceptions to that last part, and like others have stated if he's not out trying to find her then don't sweat it. Seven years *is* a very long time to be with someone, and to expect someone to just pretend it never happened to make you feel better is not healthy emotionally for either one of you.0 -
a few issues here... two months & you're living with him??? wow, really??? and you already love him??? seriously??? way too fast in my opinion, but who am I to say.
My thoughts exactly. :noway:
Every relationship is different. My husband and I got engaged after knowing each other 3 months, got married 3 months after that. We've been married for 23 years.0 -
I do have insecurities I0
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i0
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I do have insecurities about myself.
Honestly hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. First day we met sparks have been flying.
I know Im stupid to think that he can just be over her.
Its been a year since they broke up but he still talks to her sister.
He says he wants me, he loves me. and yeahh 2 months might be short. But hes 26 im 22 if we are in love why not right?0 -
LEAVE HIM NOW! Pack you bags, get out, and let the poor guy find a secure understanding woman. Don't ruin his life any more with your personal insecurities and clingy ways. Poor Guy.
You know I came on here to talk with a open mind and heart.
DIdint ask for rudeness and bashing.0 -
He is with you not her, be secure in that. It's normal to think about an ex.0
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I read all the replies and I agree..
However alot of the bashing was not called for. Alot of women have things they get insecure about. For me knowing another women is on my mans mind is hard. But I also understand his point of view.
I told him I understand there was a past and I understand thats not something you can just forget but if we are in a relationship I need his all put into it.
He agreed.0 -
I think maybe I would have been insecure about things like this when I was really young.
Meh. My ex is one of my best friends.0 -
if he's telling you, he's trying to be honest. this is awesome! most men bottle things up and never talk about it.0
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I still think about a sandwich I had in Boston 3 years ago.
Don't overreact. Let your relationship play out and see what happens. Work on your confidence. You'll be fine.0 -
So your boyfriend cannot be honest with you. Trust issues two months in and you spend time everyday.0
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I've been with my fiance for nine years. I still think about all my exes. They were huge parts of my life and I loved them.
I wouldn't ever tell my fiance that, though.
(ETA: He probably thinks about his exes. He says he hates his ex-wife and he has a lot of reason to feel that way, but I'm sure he has good memories, too. I actually hope he does.)0 -
Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.
Or just break up.0 -
Insecurity is common, I don't expect you to apologize for that.
But also, that kind of information he's willingly giving isn't common either.
He spent a long time with her try to realize there may be growing pains for him. Best of luck.0 -
Break up.0
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I read all the replies and I agree..
However alot of the bashing was not called for. Alot of women have things they get insecure about. For me knowing another women is on my mans mind is hard. But I also understand his point of view.
I told him I understand there was a past and I understand thats not something you can just forget but if we are in a relationship I need his all put into it.
He agreed.
I'm sorry you feel like people were bashing. Really, it's just some brutal honesty.
He's going to think about his ex from time to time. That doesn't mean he isn't putting his all into you. You can't tell him to stop thinking about her and by reacting so abrasively, you are going to make him close off and not share anything with you.
I hate to say it but you've only been together 2 months. That's hardly at lot of time, especially to be making such demands. The best way to get through this issue is to do some work on yourself.0
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