BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX
Replies
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What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
Again, though... We don't know how or why he told her he still thinks about his ex. For all we know, she could have flat out asked him.0 -
I realllllly need some advice.
I have had a boyfriend for 2 months . We are together every day and and I love him alot.
Today he tells me sometimes he still thinks about his ex. they were together 7 years and his only real relationship before me.
I got mad and started packing my things. he kept telling me he wants me , he loves me..... He says that he dosent know why he thinks about her, that he dosent love her. He knows they will never be anything ... I asked him to please be honest about us. He said he is in love with me and loves being around me.
But now I am left to think how do I stay with a man that still thinks about his ex....? i love him so much. he is the first guy i think i could marry and live each day with happily.
But i dont want to get heartbroken.
HELP PLEASE?
seems like quite an over reaction. i still think about every woman i ever said i love you too. doesn't mean its something i would want to rekindle. and in the age of facebook, how could your really avoid it?0 -
OP, you admit you have insecurities...sure, many people (both men and women) do but what you have to understand and learn is that these are your problems, not his - and it should stay that way. You forcing him to behave a certain way is going to be bad for your relationship in the long run. Wouldn't you rather he be honest about his feelings and thoughts rather than feel he has to hide everything from you or risk losing you in a big emotional huff? Look, I get it, I was young and super insecure and jealous once too. You can change these thoughts and behaviors and become a much better woman to have a relationship with.
As far as moving in fast, it'll remain to be seen whether this was a good or bad idea. Hubs and I moved in together after three months and we've turned out ok (17 years together in Nov) but we sure as hell have had some hard times on and off. And you know what? Most of the bad fights have boiled down to stupid stuff in our heads that come from insecurities.
Also, if you really love this guy, leaving in a huff wouldn't be an option. Don't fool yourself.
You're going to have to come to terms with the fact that she's part of his past and his memories and he will be thinking of her now and then. Don't you think about people who were in your life years ago? I know I do! My exes come to mind now and then, especially the ones I'm not friends with on FB. It doesn't mean I want them back or that I still love them, it just means I'm thinking of them. Simple as that.
You may see some of this as harsh but trust me, I've been in your shoes sweety and so have many of the people who are trying to give you advice (in the case of the men, his shoes). Either you dismiss it and keep thinking your man placating you is a good idea or you'll start listening and realize most of us know what we're talking about.0 -
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
Again, though... We don't know how or why he told her he still thinks about his ex. For all we know, she could have flat out asked him.
If she asked then that can be a honest answer. Now if he came home and said I have been thinking about my ex all day out of nowhere. Then it is discussion time.0 -
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.0 -
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.
There's an old joke about this. Hubs asks wifey if she could have any man in the world ,who would she have. Wifey says wealthy and well built NFL great Terry Bradshaw. Wifey asks hubs what woman he would pick and he replies: "your sister."0 -
I still think about a sandwich I had in Boston 3 years ago.
Don't overreact. Let your relationship play out and see what happens. Work on your confidence. You'll be fine.
hahahahahahahhaha yesssss0 -
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.
seems like most adults should be able to engage in that kind of conversation. I'd file that under 'fun discussion topics' lol. It would probably make it a little weird for me if i was friends with the ex though0 -
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.
seems like most adults should be able to engage in that kind of conversation. I'd file that under 'fun discussion topics' lol. It would probably make it a little weird for me if i was friends with the ex though
Did you read through this forum? I think you find the opposite.0 -
Nope, didn't read0
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Op's been dating a guy for two months. Lives together. Poor dude is honest enough to share that he occasionally thinks about his ex of 7 years. In light of having an open, loving and trusting relationship Op immediately gets mad and packs her crap to leave.
I totally see this one working out.0 -
Nope, didn't read
Some of it is very entertaining.0 -
True. But I'm not responding to the OP. I'm responding to the people who think it's commendable to spew every thought they have at their SOs in the name of honesty.What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
Again, though... We don't know how or why he told her he still thinks about his ex. For all we know, she could have flat out asked him.0 -
I think it's a context issue. I'm not saying we don't discuss our various exes or our lives before, just that to say something like that out of nowhere is unnecessary.What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.0 -
Op's been dating a guy for two months. Lives together. Poor dude is honest enough to share that he occasionally thinks about his ex of 7 years. In light of having an open, loving and trusting relationship Op immediately gets mad and packs her crap to leave.
I totally see this one working out.
^ HAHA....my kind of sarcasm.0 -
Lol I read thru the whole thread in hopes that OP would come back, call everyone a hater, argue a little and then ragequit but I think y'all scared her away.0
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OP, you said he and his ex were together for 7 years, but on top of it, it is the first real relationship he had.
When you're with someone that long, you become more of a "we" than just a "me". 7 years is a very long time. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to go back to being only a "me". He probably thinks about her partly because he still knows he found comfort in their "we", and is realizing he has to move on (and that can be scary), but he was with her for a long time, has never had anything other than a "we" to compare other relationships to. He probably doesn't really remember that not every relationship will turn out to be a "we". It is possible that this thought is moving your relationship along so quickly. He doesn't know how to be anything other than a "we".0 -
Lol I read thru the whole thread in hopes that OP would come back, call everyone a hater, argue a little and then ragequit but I think y'all scared her away.
Give it time.
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I know! She left before answering why this came up. Dang it OP, I'm having a slow day at work. I need this. Plus we could give better advice and all that, yadda yadda yadda.
My boyfriend and I talk about what celebrities we would bang. He is allowed to cheat on me with Kate Beckinsale and I am allowed to cheat on him with Jensen Ackles (Dean from Supernatural...giggity). Man, I'd break his hip.......
ahem. Sorry.
He's also told me about his exs and I've told him about mine. You eventually have to have an ex talk. It helps show you maybe why they react to certain things you do. Like my boyfriend saw a woman with a cool tattoo when he went to Joplin, MO to visit his grandma. He freaked out when he told me about it and said he wasn't checking her out he just liked her tattoo because it had the date of the tornado and said survivor on it. I, who didn't even think that he was checking her out, asked why he freaked and it's because one of his exs would flip out any time he mentioned another female. I had to tell him I wasn't worried and he didn't need to worry I'd freak out on him. He's also told me about the girl he almost asked to marry him and how she cheated on him and dumped him because he has Crohn's and she didn't want to have to pay medical bills the rest of her life. It really hurt him and he's been worried since then that someone else would leave him for something he can't help. After he had another flair up last summer and I stuck by him and stuck by him after he broke his face in an accident, he's realized that he doesn't need to worry about me leaving him for stupid crap like she did. Plus he knows I'm not a turbo slut. Ex talks need to happen. That helps you learn about the person you love. Doesn't mean they still love them and want to be with them.
Now don't ask him "hey do you still think about your ex?" if you can't handle the answer.0 -
I'm friends with many of my husband's former girlfriends, and we even lived with one back when we were dating.0
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I am admittedly jumping to the last page of this thread, so stop me if you've already discussed this, but...
did anyone define what he means by "thinking" of his ex? Because if it's just thinking, you're being totally unreasonable. How would he remember just about anything from the past seven years of his life? Pretty impossible.
If you mean he thinks about being physically intimate with her, or misses her, or thinks about getting back together, then I guess you have a problem.
so which is it? Thinks about her, generally speaking, or wink-wink thinks about her?
The first one isn't even close to a problem, unless you're totally bent on mind control. The second one means you probably need to have some serious talks or get out of the relationship.0 -
Exes? Hell, I still think about a few whose names I don't remember...0
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seems like most adults should be able to engage in that kind of conversation. I'd file that under 'fun discussion topics' lol. It would probably make it a little weird for me if i was friends with the ex though
Oddly enough it wasn't weird. Perhaps if I noticed she was dwelling on their relationship or he still had feelings for her it would've been different, but that isn't the case. Heck at some point he attempted to be friends with two of my exes...in those cases it was impossible because the exes were insane. They were completely eliminated from our lives when that became evident.He's also told me about his exs and I've told him about mine. You eventually have to have an ex talk. It helps show you maybe why they react to certain things you do. Like my boyfriend saw a woman with a cool tattoo when he went to Joplin, MO to visit his grandma. He freaked out when he told me about it and said he wasn't checking her out he just liked her tattoo because it had the date of the tornado and said survivor on it. I, who didn't even think that he was checking her out, asked why he freaked and it's because one of his exs would flip out any time he mentioned another female. I had to tell him I wasn't worried and he didn't need to worry I'd freak out on him
Jeri, lol, you'd break his hip. Night before last I told my husband I'd just devour Gavin Rossdale, lol.
That's where that trust thing comes in. We're all human, we look at attractive people and sometimes we stare. I've seen women flip their lids when they caught their partners looking at a woman. My husband and I often point attractive people out for each other. If you honestly believe that someone admiring someone else's physical appearance, or thinking about someone they've shared their life with is a reason to "start packing my stuff" then you're probably not mentally/emotionally prepared to be in a relationship.0 -
Ok so I agree with others and didn't read all of the responses so am probably going to repeat what others have said.
so first it depends on how he is thinking about her,, is he like thinking about her when you have sex or in a sexual manner or romantic manner? If so then yes-- that could be a little upsetting,, still think you over reacted by packing your stuff and saying its over, maybe just a - that hurts my feelings and how can you get over her or that's not something I want in our relationship so it needs to change or it will be over. But if its just that she pops into his head once in a while then that should be expected, he was with her for 7 years- its gonna happen- he may even remember some of the good times he had with her fondly- which is ok
But he was trying to be honest with you, and one thing I have learned is the best way to get him to either stop being honest with you- and I mean about everything or to start him lying to you is to over react the way you did, You are showing him that if he is honest- you will get mad- maybe even mad enough to leave- and he doesn't want that so what's the easiest solution? stop being honest with you and hope you never find out the truth! Just like kids- if you yell and scream when they tell you the truth,, they will stop telling you the truth! Guys will do the same thing- you have to both let him trust you and you have to trust him- don't make him grovel to get you to stay with him when he was just being honest with you- honesty is what you want in a healthy relationship.IMO0 -
You've been together only two months. They were together 7 years.
ETA: Are you living together after only 2 months?
^^^^^^^ My exact words!!!!!!0 -
I don't have anything to add to the forum, but I just wanted to say OP is gorgeous!! Totally jealous! I wish I was that pretty
I realize this is off topic, but I want you to realize you are a very pretty young woman as well! I looked through all of your pictures! Don't sell yourself short! You have such a beautiful smile and an amazing presence about you! I loved the 4th and last pictures especially! I thought they were all great! *hugs*0 -
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.
Nope not weird,, my husband and I have done the same!0 -
OK this is personal experience because I've done this before...
jealousy and insecurity will kill a relationship
this is a woman move...how did the topic of his ex even come up?
as ive matured ive learned it's better not to ask the past is the past for a reason0 -
Glad someone caught that.Love is a strong word to use after 2 months.0 -
What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?
My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.
Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.
My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.
Nope not weird,, my husband and I have done the same!
if you can handle the openness sometimes knowing the past brings too many jealousy and insecurity issues. Lessons learned for me. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.0
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