BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX
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You can't ask him to forget 7 years of his life. That's unfair.
Yup.
When my husband and I first started dating he talked about his ex fiancee often. It bothered me but we weren't serious yet so I let it go. Recently (12 years later) it came up for some reason and I totally made fun of him for breaking a big relationship "rule". Obviously things worked out for us in spite of him thinking about his ex.0 -
I only think about my ex-gf when I'm getting busy with my current gf. It speeds things along so I can go back to watching Family Guy.0
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Kids are crazy these days.0
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ok, ok. Surely, he did not just say he was thinking about his ex and that was that. What was he thinking about? Perhaps you were right to be angry?
I'm gonna need details. Reader's Digest version please.0 -
1st of all, you guys have dated 2 months and live together?? Second, he dated her for 7 years. It's bound to happen that he still think about her, especially if she were his first love. It doesn't mean he doing anything.
this, plus Love? 2 months? Hard to love someone you barely know0 -
I agree with all the folks here who are saying:
You sound insecure
Being this in love after only two months is not wise
If you got together with this guy just a few months after his break up, you're most likely a rebound
I recommend picking up the book, "How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk" by John Van Epp. You can get it on amazon used for just four bucks.
I'm not saying the guy you're with is a jerk. This book is just basically the Bible of relationship advice and you sound like you might need to learn a few things before getting super serious with anyone.
Here's the text from the back cover:
"It's happened to everyone: you meet someone and fall madly in love and all good judgment and perspective are thrown out the window--until slowly you realize this person isn't who you thought he or she was. Use the proven program used by thousands of singles worldwide--and break the destructive dating patterns that have prevented your happiness in the past.
Based on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, this guide maximizes your potential of finding the one by giving you the tools to focus on the crucial characteristics of a loving, lasting relationship.
These easy-to-use techniques will help you:
*Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partner
*Analyze your partner's level of conscientiousness--considered the window to the soul.
*Judge character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships.
*Resolve your own emotional baggage so you're ready for a healthy relationship.
*Open your eyes to problems in the relationship and stop giving a jerk too many chances.
*Identify--and break--destructive dating patterns that prevent you from finding a life partner.
Years of clinical research along with observations from his own private practice have inspired Dr. John Van Epp to develop universally applicable, proven strategies to navigate the complexities of love. His foolproof method will help you determine exactly what the person you date will be like as a spouse so you can spot the gem among the jerks."0 -
It takes one month, for every year spent together, to get over someone. Give him some time. Or 3rd input, that can speed the process.
Where did you get this information?
My boyfriend seems to be having the same issue as OP but they were together 6 years, and we met a week after he moved across the country away from her, which was a year and two months ago.
I heard someone else say it takes 6 months for every year two were together, and that makes since to me because my ex-fiance and I were together for two years and it did take me a full year to not be royally pissed at all men and view all men as abusive (which they aren't).0 -
Firstly, you spend every day together? That seems obsessive. I love my boyfriend, but I need my own space, too. I've found that relationships that get too clingy too fast tend to implode in miraculous ways.
Secondly, chill. Of course he thinks about her. Like everyone else has said, you don't let go of past relationships. That's part of what shaped him into who he is.
Third, don't overreact. Not every disagreement is a cause for you to pack your bags. If after two months you're ready to split that fast then there's something else wrong and it's likely with you. Chill.0 -
First, it's completely normal to think about someone, especially since they were together for 7 years. do you expect him to block out 7 years of his life?
Second, I find it really odd that he would say that to you just out of the blue. Did you ask him if he thinks about her? If so, then what are you freaking out about? You asked for it.
Third, you are in a very new relationship. Are you sure you love him? Are you living together? That seems pretty quick.0 -
In all honesty, this sounds like your insecurity issues at play more than anything else.0
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Do you think of your ex's op? Now be honest...we are all just humans after all and 7 yrs is a good chunk of time. I was with my soon to be ex husband right about 7 yrs total. I think about him, I don't want him.. but it happens when you have shared time and things with someone for an extended amount of time. SLOW DOWN ... don't rush and you do sound insecure. I think he wants to be honest with you and your reaction may determine whether or not he feels like he is able to do that in the future.0
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Everyone that comes into our lives touch us, in some way. Just because they leave or are no longer there, does not mean that you will not ever think about them again. The fact is as human we often learn from our mistakes. Well to learn, you have to remember. If you do not remember then you have not truly learned.
The old Garth Brooks song Unanswered Prayers comes to mind.
I have thought about Exes numerous times, I can even think of things that turned me on or that I liked. It does not mean that I have ANY interest in going down that road again. I do not, but something triggered the memory.0 -
Everybody has a past. Accept it.
Can't control thoughts; only actions. After 7 years , it's only natural he would still have thoughts. I can still remember Girlfriends from 4 decades ago. Doesn't mean I want to cheat on my wife.0 -
On the other hand, if he's rubbing one out while he's thinking about her that may be a bad sign.0
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I think about my ex, but I sure as heck don't love him or want to be with him. But its because I spent quite a bit of my time with him and its going to happen. You can't really help what pops into your mind. I know my boyfriend probably thinks about his exs too. And he talks about them, but it doesn't mean he loves them or wants to be back with them. We trust each other and we love each other.
And I'm not judging you for living together 2 months after you start dating and being in love with him already. I fell in love immediately with my boyfriend and we started living together 2 WEEKS after we started dating. It helps when you practically share a brain with each other too.
We went through some crazy s*** last summer too that was hard and almost broke us up, but we made it through and we are stronger now because of it.
But seriously chill out with him being honest with you. You will just make him not want to tell you anything.0 -
7yrs...do you honestly expect him to just totally forget someone he was with for 7 years in 2 months...I think you have issues and you need to work on yourself because that's unreasonable and ridiculous. Atleast he's being honest...although its obvious he will think about his past 7 years...you're going to run him away if you don't change lol
^^^^ THIS. They broke up for a reason, OP. But he was with her for seven years. Get over yourself. Build your own seven years.0 -
I only think about my ex-gf when I'm getting busy with my current gf. It speeds things along so I can go back to watching Family Guy.
Why not just leave the TV on so you don't have to rush?
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Wait you've had a boyfriend for two months and you're already living together and thinking about getting married?
Woah.
Anyways, it's okay if he thinks about her. They were together for seven long years. I still think about my ex, but it doesn't mean that I want him. Thinking about a memory is different than wanting that person back in your life. If he's telling you that he wants her back, then that's different. I say stay with him, and talk to him about it. Communication is key.0 -
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I think about my ex often. Mostly I think about whether I buried him deep enough. Some of my neighbors are kinda nosy.0
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How long have they been broken up? If it fairly recent give it time after 7 years you form a bond with that person. When I divorced my husband of 14 years for awhile I was calling my new man by his name bc it was habit of course has time has went by I no longer do. Just give it time! If he aint contacting her then everything should be fine.0
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I think about my ex often. Mostly I think about whether I buried him deep enough. Some of my neighbors are kinda nosy.
And you don't want some animal to come along and dig him up.0 -
Just in to agree...
I think about my exes from time to time. Most of them fondly, one not so fondly. The latter pops up more often, but that's because I think I've learned from that horrible experience and I reflect on it so I don't make all the same mistakes next time. Totally normal.0 -
First, you should be happy that he was open and honest with you about something. Second, there is nothing wrong with thinking about an ex from time to time. He was with her 7 years, he has been with you for 2 months...when you're with somebody for so long you can't help but think of them bc a lot of things will remind you of that person. It would be a totally different story if he was still communicating with her or hooking up with her and it doesn't sound like that is the case. And third, thinking about an ex doesn't necessarily mean anything, I think about some of my exes from time to time, but it in no way means that I miss them or want to be with them.0
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I think about my ex often. Mostly I think about whether I buried him deep enough. Some of my neighbors are kinda nosy.
And you don't want some animal to come along and dig him up.
A hefty application of Febreze will deter them. I mean, that's what I've heard anyway. On one of those crime dramas. Yeah.0 -
I think you need to break it off with him, and focus on yourself. You seem to be moving incredibly fast, and are incredibly insecure.0
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It takes one month, for every year spent together, to get over someone. Give him some time. Or 3rd input, that can speed the process.
Where did you get this information?
Think I read that in Evolutionary Psychology... or I could have made it up. My memory is horrible.
Ok, I'm just looking for info about it to apply to my situation.
If they were together 6 years and we're going on a year and half, if he's not over her in a year and a half I'll worry about it. In the meantime, I'll just give him time to process.
It's not all the time, at all.
It's just an awkward subject to approach with a level head, until there's time to think it through then it makes sense. But at first it feels uncomfortable.
But with that being said...
Reading that thread made me realize I not only think about my -ex more than I realized, but that if he had been explaining "how ripped up and bulging" his ex was to me the way I was too him over the weekend, I would probably feel really hurt.
"I love that we can work out together. My -ex would never work out with me. He thought working out was stupid because he had the six pack and huge bulging biceps and never lifted a weight in his life."
Reverse those roles, as innocent as I meant it, and as much kudos for working out to me that I meant it, I would have felt very insecure and pissed!0 -
How long have they been broken up?
This is a very pertinent question no one has asked!
OP! How long have the been broken up?
I know in my situation I need to give him lots of time because I met him a week after their break-up.
He claims they were already broken up, but still living together as "friends" (um hmm) I'm sure the initial shock of being single never set in until he started moving into his apartment in Oklahoma.0 -
You haven't been dating that long. I always find I need a bit of time in a relationship to "stop thinking about my ex"... it's not really truly thinking about them - not in the way you're thinking.
I feel like you might be thinking about that phase as meaning "I'm wishing for my ex"... but it's not. It's simply memories that are still at the surface that take time to be replaced. Just like... say if you spend 3 months straight hanging out with no one but your sister (or mom or whoever). They'll cross your mind for a while after you stop hanging out with that person so much.
It's not that he misses her, he simply has memories. If he clarifies that he wishes he was still with her - THAT would be a problem. But I don't think that's what he means.0 -
Being together 7 years dont imagine he has anyone else to compare with. YOUR AWESOME (im sure) and most people arent slimey *kitten*
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