BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX

Kanohane

7yrs...do you honestly expect him to just totally forget someone he was with for 7 years in 2 months...I think you have issues and you need to work on yourself because that's unreasonable and ridiculous. Atleast he's being honest...although its obvious he will think about his past 7 years...you're going to run him away if you don't change lol

motofairy

It's totally normal to think about exes. I think about my exes (at least the ones with whom I had longer relationships of years) and my wife thinks about hers too. Sometimes we share stories about them, both happy and sad. Neither of us long to be with anyone but each other, but we respect that we each have a history of relationships prior to meeting. Those experiences made us better partners for each other.

My advice to you would be to work on some of the insecurities that get you up and packing when a fellow you care about says he thinks about his ex. Know what you bring to the table. A confident woman knows her worth in the world, not just in a relationship (and that goes for men too).

If he and his ex are very recently separated, ask him if he needs some time to process that relationship before starting another one. If he's hung up on his ex, do yourself a favor and get out of there. But if he's just thinking of his ex? Just thinking of some good times, or some sad ones? Good. He's human.

Espressocycle

How can someone not think about how he spent the last seven years? I think about my ex plenty - she was a huge factor in me being who I am now, for good and for bad. And hey, I didn't spend eight years with her without having some things to like. But I love my wife and I don't love my ex.

MuayThaiMaMa1

Love is a strong word to use after 2 months.

Did he leave her or did she leave him? In what ways is he thinking about her? If he was with her for 7 years they have history and there's nothing you can do to change that.

All you can do is go into this relationship hoping for the best. Your relationship will end real quick if you are constantly stressing on this. You have to just trust him. Only time will tell. Don't waste the time you do have on something that is out of your control. I'd say do the best you can to make this relationship a wonderful one. The happier you two are the less he'll need or want to think about the past.

However, if he isn't over her then he's not ready for another relationship just yet. Some people don't know how to be alone.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

1st of all, you guys have dated 2 months and live together?? Second, he dated her for 7 years. It's bound to happen that he still think about her, especially if she were his first love. It doesn't mean he doing anything.

trojan_bb

People are always going to think about past memories in their lives, especially ones that left a mark. Not a day goes by I don't think about people who used to be in my life, but are no longer an active part of it. You have to either accept that or find someone who has no past.

jasonmh630

From a guy's standpoint, I can identify with him. I dated someone for 6 years back a few years ago. It ended. I got with someone else and we were together for about 1 year. I can tell you that up until the day the latter relationship ended, I still thought about the girl from the 6 year relationship from time to time. Still do. That's alot of time to just erase from my memory. Does it mean I contact her? No... Does it mean that I still love her? Hell no.... As long as he's not contacting her or still loves her, then I'd say you're over-reacting. He was just being honest with you. If he starts to feel like he can't be honest with you without you packing your things and threatening to leave, then the relationship is going to dwindle to nothing because he will feel like he can't tell you anything. No matter how big or little. From the information you've given, I think he deserves a little trust. You've only been dating for two months, so relax a bit.

ghosthackexe

I think about my exes all the time, that doesn't mean I yearn for them.

I second this and people who are together for 7 years most likely were friends first and its easy to think about a friend you miss.

pajouey79

I think you are probably ok, but if he brought it up out of the blue, I would wonder what sort of drama he is trying to cause.

sentaruu

wtf? lay down the law. tell him he is not allowed to think about anyone. EVER!

BusyRaeNOTBusty

You can't ask him to forget 7 years of his life. That's unfair.

Yup.


When my husband and I first started dating he talked about his ex fiancee often. It bothered me but we weren't serious yet so I let it go. Recently (12 years later) it came up for some reason and I totally made fun of him for breaking a big relationship "rule". Obviously things worked out for us in spite of him thinking about his ex.

mojohowitz

I only think about my ex-gf when I'm getting busy with my current gf. It speeds things along so I can go back to watching Family Guy.

tquill

Kids are crazy these days.

latenitelucy

ok, ok. Surely, he did not just say he was thinking about his ex and that was that. What was he thinking about? Perhaps you were right to be angry?

I'm gonna need details. Reader's Digest version please.

JONZ64

1st of all, you guys have dated 2 months and live together?? Second, he dated her for 7 years. It's bound to happen that he still think about her, especially if she were his first love. It doesn't mean he doing anything.

this, plus Love? 2 months? Hard to love someone you barely know

Brandolin11

I agree with all the folks here who are saying:

You sound insecure
Being this in love after only two months is not wise
If you got together with this guy just a few months after his break up, you're most likely a rebound

I recommend picking up the book, "How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk" by John Van Epp. You can get it on amazon used for just four bucks.

I'm not saying the guy you're with is a jerk. This book is just basically the Bible of relationship advice and you sound like you might need to learn a few things before getting super serious with anyone.

Here's the text from the back cover:

"It's happened to everyone: you meet someone and fall madly in love and all good judgment and perspective are thrown out the window--until slowly you realize this person isn't who you thought he or she was. Use the proven program used by thousands of singles worldwide--and break the destructive dating patterns that have prevented your happiness in the past.

Based on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, this guide maximizes your potential of finding the one by giving you the tools to focus on the crucial characteristics of a loving, lasting relationship.

These easy-to-use techniques will help you:

*Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partner
*Analyze your partner's level of conscientiousness--considered the window to the soul.
*Judge character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships.
*Resolve your own emotional baggage so you're ready for a healthy relationship.
*Open your eyes to problems in the relationship and stop giving a jerk too many chances.
*Identify--and break--destructive dating patterns that prevent you from finding a life partner.

Years of clinical research along with observations from his own private practice have inspired Dr. John Van Epp to develop universally applicable, proven strategies to navigate the complexities of love. His foolproof method will help you determine exactly what the person you date will be like as a spouse so you can spot the gem among the jerks."

AsaThorsWoman

It takes one month, for every year spent together, to get over someone. Give him some time. Or 3rd input, that can speed the process.

Where did you get this information?

My boyfriend seems to be having the same issue as OP but they were together 6 years, and we met a week after he moved across the country away from her, which was a year and two months ago.

I heard someone else say it takes 6 months for every year two were together, and that makes since to me because my ex-fiance and I were together for two years and it did take me a full year to not be royally pissed at all men and view all men as abusive (which they aren't).

shadowofender

Firstly, you spend every day together? That seems obsessive. I love my boyfriend, but I need my own space, too. I've found that relationships that get too clingy too fast tend to implode in miraculous ways.

Secondly, chill. Of course he thinks about her. Like everyone else has said, you don't let go of past relationships. That's part of what shaped him into who he is.

Third, don't overreact. Not every disagreement is a cause for you to pack your bags. If after two months you're ready to split that fast then there's something else wrong and it's likely with you. Chill.

tabicatinthehat

First, it's completely normal to think about someone, especially since they were together for 7 years. do you expect him to block out 7 years of his life?

Second, I find it really odd that he would say that to you just out of the blue. Did you ask him if he thinks about her? If so, then what are you freaking out about? You asked for it.

Third, you are in a very new relationship. Are you sure you love him? Are you living together? That seems pretty quick.

PikaKnight

In all honesty, this sounds like your insecurity issues at play more than anything else.