Girls- Getting sexually frusterated?

nolachick

My ex was ALWAYS too tired...not interested...could care less. It's not that he was getting it elsewhere, it just was't a priority for him. And honestly it didn't matter what I did, he just wasn't interested in sex. My husband now....he is 44, works 60-80hrs a week and has NEVER been too tired or not interested. We have been together 7 years and still it's almost every night.

That's how it is with my fiance....we've been together 7 1/2 years and have 2 kids. Even in the beginning it was about once every 1-2 weeks, and then maybe twice every 1-2 months.....now it's.....I can't even remember -- i think something like 3 times since August. He never initiates, wants me to -- but I can't tell you how many times he has turned me down flat no matter what I did. Now, I just can't initiate anymore -- it's too dejecting. We've been over and over, and around and around about this. He'd rather watch porn on his pc and *kitten* in the shower. Whatever.......not sure how long I'll be able to stay in this sexless "marriage."

wow, i'm not sure how much longer you can live like that either. seems like it won't get better. have u tried going to couples therapy or something to tap into why he is acting this way and why he doesnt enjoy intimacy?

No, and I don't think it would work anyway, even if I managed by some miracle to get him to go. He admits his sex drive is lower than the normal guy, but he doesn't think it's a problem. He has low testosterone, so sex is non-existent when he's not using his patches, and barely existent even when he is. He doesn't believe sex is the most important thing -- and I disagree -- I feel it's as equally important as other elements of a relationship. He knows how I feel because I've told him. I don't talk to him about it anymore because if I do, he accuses me of keeping track. He also knows how I feel about porn.....again, he doesn't think he has a problem with this and doesn't understand why I do. I don't have a problem w/porn in general -- I like it, in small amounts, and I understand most guys do. I've had boyfriends before who would look at a magazine, watch a video here and there......but never every single day. I've never had a boyfriend who would refuse to make love to me, but then watch porn and go jerk off in the shower. I told him this, too -- but he still thinks I'm making a big deal of it.

Anyway....for now I'm taking care of me -- my weight I mean, and getting healthy. I'm giving it two more years for when my son graduates high school, and then I can afford a 2 bedroom apartment for me and my daughter. If things haven't gotten better, I'm moving on. I want a man who wants me and has no problem showing me that he does.

oh boy. well as long as you realize that there is a problem and stick to the plan , if things don't change move on. its one thing if you have a problem/deficiency but clearly if he can get it up for porn, the plumbing does work. maybe he feels self conscious about his problem and thats why he's scared/ashamed/intimidated to be with you? I dont know, hope it works out for you in the long run, with or without him. :S

nolachick

Wow, that is a problem..you may want to just work him up for it without asking...just start and see what happens. My wife is 25 years younger then me, al she has to do is smile the right way and it's on.. but she more direct most of the time. She just goes upstairs and send me a text.. "I'M NAKED" I break the land speed record getting there.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

ROFL hahahaha

NYIceQueen

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

rileamoyer

check out the 'goodinbed.com' Lots of good info and ideas there.

rautaty

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

sdereski

Just popping in to say hello.
















Note to self...

Perhaps entered wrong thread by mistake as I sense a hostile crowd gathering.

:laugh: :laugh: not hostile...........frustrated. :laugh:

rautaty

My story is different. I used to be like you guys until i turned 25 and my bf, who would turn me down a lot. I initiated sex 90% of the time and in 5 years i said no maybe only 2 times, him-i stopped counting. Well last year, his life became stable, mine started to be a wreck.
Eventualy all the stress got to me and my libido is about 30% at what it used to be. Now, my partner is running after me, asking for it, he is horny all the time.:))
It's funny, but what we experience in life affects our sex drive.

NYIceQueen

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

nolachick

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

I really didnt want to be harsh but something is wrong with this picture, whether he's addicted to porn or having an affair, you should not have to "make him give up anything" and he should not resent you. Lots of women just stay in the marriage for their kids but you have to think about how your marriage affects your kids too. He may be a good father but if he's a bad husband then he's a bad example to your kids. I mean I dont know how he treats you outside the bedroom but if its not with love and respect then how do your kids perceive that? Do you want your son to grow up n be like his dad or your daughter to think its ok for men to neglect their spouses? sorry if i'm out of line, but u may think they dont notice or arent affected but they are.

My parents are still together, but sometimes after somethings my dad does I almost want to encourage my mom to leave him because she deserves better :S He's a good man but damn I would not tolerate somethings he does. UGH MEN!

NYIceQueen

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

I really didnt want to be harsh but something is wrong with this picture, whether he's addicted to porn or having an affair, you should not have to "make him give up anything" and he should not resent you. Lots of women just stay in the marriage for their kids but you have to think about how your marriage affects your kids too. He may be a good father but if he's a bad husband then he's a bad example to your kids. I mean I dont know how he treats you outside the bedroom but if its not with love and respect then how do your kids perceive that? Do you want your son to grow up n be like his dad or your daughter to think its ok for men to neglect their spouses? sorry if i'm out of line, but u may think they dont notice or arent affected but they are.

My parents are still together, but sometimes after somethings my dad does I almost want to encourage my mom to leave him because she deserves better :S He's a good man but damn I would not tolerate somethings he does. UGH MEN!

No you're not out of line. Advice is always appreciated.

As for the out of the bedroom relationship, we have been very careful to never argue in front of the kids, and when my daughter was 2 or so and I caught him chatting and looking at stuff where she could see, I put the fear of God into him about that. So he has agreed (and has stuck to) not going online until the kids are in bed. He is very good with the kids, helps me out especially when I'm incapacitated by my chemo or if I'm having a massive flare or something else is going on. Having seen my parents constantly fighting I've tried to be very careful to not show any of that in front of my kids. We joke around, we talk about our days, we all watch TV together or play Wii or something (when I'm feeling up to it). Really, it's just the bedroom part of things.

And unlike my parents there wouldn't be a question about us going to bed together or something because with my work schedule I'm usually in bed by 8 pm, and the kids put ME to bed, and I get up around 2 am or so to work on the days I work.

As for the "resentment" it stems from him believing that there was nothing wrong because there was no sex involved. He didn't see what he did as wrong, but he fell in love with her, talked to her over the phone, exchanged gifts, so there was an affair. He didn't see it that way since his dad had tons of physical affairs, so he didn't feel it was an actual affair. Some day he'll come to the realization that it was wrong.

I think if I was in better health, closer to my family, etc, it'd be easier to leave. I don't want him to have sole custody, and with my health I don't trust myself to be able to care for them by myself. So for now, I'm just concentrating my energy into losing weight, trying to bring my health under some kind of control, and just think of the kids when I get really lonely. :flowerforyou:

nolachick

I just have to say, for those that are rolling in the sweat, bravo to you! Kisses!!! I am a champ at those times but respectfully- I'd like to say, stop it? When we are talking about being overweight for example you don't see a whole crowd of size 2's rolling in saying OMFG JUST EAT ONE CRACKER A DAY...LIKE DUH!!
Get it?

Sorry but i have to agree. like when my ex and i broke up becuz of his commitment issues, then my room mate gets engaged after 6 MONTHS of dating this guy she feels the need to remind everyone that that's why she dates older men cuz they are ready to commit. SERIOUSLY?

rileamoyer

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

I really didnt want to be harsh but something is wrong with this picture, whether he's addicted to porn or having an affair, you should not have to "make him give up anything" and he should not resent you. Lots of women just stay in the marriage for their kids but you have to think about how your marriage affects your kids too. He may be a good father but if he's a bad husband then he's a bad example to your kids. I mean I dont know how he treats you outside the bedroom but if its not with love and respect then how do your kids perceive that? Do you want your son to grow up n be like his dad or your daughter to think its ok for men to neglect their spouses? sorry if i'm out of line, but u may think they dont notice or arent affected but they are.

My parents are still together, but sometimes after somethings my dad does I almost want to encourage my mom to leave him because she deserves better :S He's a good man but damn I would not tolerate somethings he does. UGH MEN!

No you're not out of line. Advice is always appreciated.

As for the out of the bedroom relationship, we have been very careful to never argue in front of the kids, and when my daughter was 2 or so and I caught him chatting and looking at stuff where she could see, I put the fear of God into him about that. So he has agreed (and has stuck to) not going online until the kids are in bed. He is very good with the kids, helps me out especially when I'm incapacitated by my chemo or if I'm having a massive flare or something else is going on. Having seen my parents constantly fighting I've tried to be very careful to not show any of that in front of my kids. We joke around, we talk about our days, we all watch TV together or play Wii or something (when I'm feeling up to it). Really, it's just the bedroom part of things.

And unlike my parents there wouldn't be a question about us going to bed together or something because with my work schedule I'm usually in bed by 8 pm, and the kids put ME to bed, and I get up around 2 am or so to work on the days I work.

As for the "resentment" it stems from him believing that there was nothing wrong because there was no sex involved. He didn't see what he did as wrong, but he fell in love with her, talked to her over the phone, exchanged gifts, so there was an affair. He didn't see it that way since his dad had tons of physical affairs, so he didn't feel it was an actual affair. Some day he'll come to the realization that it was wrong.

I think if I was in better health, closer to my family, etc, it'd be easier to leave. I don't want him to have sole custody, and with my health I don't trust myself to be able to care for them by myself. So for now, I'm just concentrating my energy into losing weight, trying to bring my health under some kind of control, and just think of the kids when I get really lonely. :flowerforyou:

God bless you and help you through all of this.

Xandi

Don't feel bad, walkingGirl. My husband has been too tired plenty of times. I've ALWAYS been the one in the relationship pushing for it more than other times. I don't think that EVERY guy has to be a hornball. Just because he said "no," and he's too tired, doesn't mean he's cheating or that he's abnormal, by any means. Sorry to hear that. My husband is a Marine...I get sexually deprived A LOT. Hahaha...

Good luck, kiddo.

I feel for you!!!
mine is Navy... I am tired of being deprived!!!

Karleyyy

I haven't had any interest in a year or so. I haven't even really been attracted to anyone. Until a few days ago that is, now it is like an switch has been flipped...haha.

Lorelei19

I am! Who isn't getting much of a sex life because your sig other is too busy with school/work/kids? In my case, it's school. I'm the one with a bursting red line to the temp scale lol his seems like is zero. Says he wants too..but he feels tired. :explode:

I wish that were the case. My BF says that he "just doesn't enjoy sex as much anymore". He says it's from when he was younger being a player of sorts. Whatever the reason, it is quite 'frustrating'. And is also quite the blow to my self esteem. The first month or two before we started officially dating were hot and heavy (he just came home from his second 2 year tour in Iraq), and maybe it was like that a month or two after, but since then it's been maybe once a month if I'm lucky. We've been together over a year now and are looking to get a house together (his idea).

I'm kinda of hoping that if I lose weight and can be more attractive to myself I'll definitely be more attractive to him.... but I dunno.

bespatter

Yeah, my boyfriend of two years has always kind of turned me down... I'm starting to wonder if I might be a beard... You wouldn't think it would take me this long to catch on! Lol.

nolachick

ok not trying to diss anyone or be disrespectful in anyway so please don't get mad at me for saying this but I can see things fizzling after some time of being together but I don't understand how some girls have been experiencing this since the beginning of their relationships :ohwell: I wud definately be frustrated

SarahElittlebit

Wow. I'm glad I stumbled on this posting. I thought I was the only one with raging hormones. Unfortunately I'm not dating anyone right now though. I agree..thank god for shower heads and toys.

kerriBB37

Does anyone else pick meaningless fights just to have make up sex? I find it is way more exciting :bigsmile:

daniel1love

hey Carl! whats up man? hahaha






Crap, I dont think we're supposed to be in here either :drinker:

Oh come on guys dont be scared we could use a mans openion