Girls- Getting sexually frusterated?

Panda_Jack

Really, men get tired too. They aren't just walking penises.
They aren't vibrators, they are human too.

I must be in the minority then, because I'm a walking penis.

Jartexas

Wow, that is a problem..you may want to just work him up for it without asking...just start and see what happens. My wife is 25 years younger then me, al she has to do is smile the right way and it's on.. but she more direct most of the time. She just goes upstairs and send me a text.. "I'M NAKED" I break the land speed record getting there.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

darkrider42

Wow, that is a problem..you may want to just work him up for it without asking...just start and see what happens. My wife is 25 years younger then me, al she has to do is smile the right way and it's on.. but she more direct most of the time. She just goes upstairs and send me a text.. "I'M NAKED" I break the land speed record getting there.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Now yer talkin'!!!!

*living vicariously through others*

Carl01

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

Thomasm198

Wow, that is a problem..you may want to just work him up for it without asking...just start and see what happens. My wife is 25 years younger then me, al she has to do is smile the right way and it's on.. but she more direct most of the time. She just goes upstairs and send me a text.. "I'M NAKED" I break the land speed record getting there.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Land speed record? I would be breaking the speed of light in circumstances like that.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

jenX1174

*sighs* .....i live vicariously through my romance books -- The Game by Brenda Joyce, definitely a good one! :blushing:

Panda_Jack

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

What?? She always told me it was the best 30 seconds of her life!!!

rileamoyer

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

What?? She always told me it was the best 30 seconds of her life!!!

LADIES FIRST!!!

Carl01

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

What?? She always told me it was the best 30 seconds of her life!!!

:laugh:

Believe me I am not saying every guy is in it for himself but as quickly as teens often get together now sometimes a guy may never learn to please.

rileamoyer

Refer to my previous comment - with age comes experience and skill. That applies to both.

superdre

Hmmmm... if he's tired, try helping him get out of his slump with a massage... something to help him relax. Who knows? IT may get him into the mood! :-D

amysj303

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

not the problem for me! haha, I have been lucky, even in highschool we'd do it twice, the second time was for me

Valtishia

My husband and I both have these moments... he works in a law office and I am in healthcare, with really different hours from eachother. We always find time when we aren't tired, even if I just surprise him during his morning shower when I just got home from work

There just has to be a time that would work for you both... it seems to me it would leave alot of room to be spontaneous too.

abyt42

We live in different states....so, there's a lot of solitaire and very little poker in our current life.

C_Bran

Nice. I feel like a fly on the wall..........

bzmom

On this aspect lets just say Im a VERY HAPPY WOMAN!! LOL!! :flowerforyou:

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

hroush

Please don`t jump on me (no pun intended) but am curious about something and just want to put this out for discussion.

How many of the ladies here are not satisfied with the outcome of having sex...by that I mean has the guy never learned that sex is not about just him getting finished rather then desiring to please the lady first and foremost.
If that is the case I suspect that there are signals of frustration sent and the guy gets frustrated in turn and eventually shuts down.

Just a possibility and only asking it in the sense of making a suggestion that the lady makes it clear what she wants and enjoys so the whole thing can be better for both.
I really don`t think a lot of guys ever learn how to give as good as to receive maybe.

My desire is to make my woman happy, the only problem is either she doesn't know what that is or doesn't want to express it. I don't know how many times I've asked, "what would you like me to do?" and her reply is either, "I don't know." or "What you usually do."

InternSherry

Relationships go through lulls, or at least I thinks so. You will bounce back, but always try and make the effort. Maybe think of a time when yall had a great and spontaneous moment and try to bring that back. Also, be honest about how you feel. if you feel left out, talk, maybe there is more you are each feeling that's leading to the "tired" feeling.

And, YES, I am frustrated, my husband is 4+ months into his deployment, but I am amazed at how much stronger it has made us.

KLiK3xs

I've been married 23 years and sex had been ok. I was always the initiator, the wife would perform but there was no response- if you know what i meen

So over time things became routine.... I did what I needed to do, she received and wham-bam-thank you mam we're done. So with that, over time we just stopped.

I guess what I'm getting at is a man's lack of performance/interest could be that things had become to routine. The saying "variety is the spice of life" can apply to a lot for re-stimulating a partner before it gets to late.

nolachick

Porcelain doll - good for you. If you're choosing for a "second virginity"or whatever they call it, more power to you! And believe me, there were SO many times I thought I wouldn't find a guy who'd be willing to wait. My current boyfriend would have waited had I asked. I decided he was the right one and like I said, we did have sex for a period of time. But it's not how I always pictured my before marriage life, so I'm taking steps to change that.

But please please don't ever think that you have to give up your ideals for anything less than what you feel like doing. If you decide you wanna wait ... Wait. No matter how much pop culture or people you know say you won't ever find a guy to wait. That's what everyone told me too. Now I'm with the love of my life who has proved to be more of a man than I could have ever asked or orated for!

Many blessings on your weight loss journey as well as your love journey

awww i wish I found someone like that. again. my ex was a great guy and when i asked him to wait he did wait. very long. and even when I gave in he made sure I was sure that I was ready before anything happen. ugh. didnt workout tho, we are so different in many other ways but he definately made me feel special. good for you! hope there are more guys like this out there for the rest of us single gals

nolachick

My ex was ALWAYS too tired...not interested...could care less. It's not that he was getting it elsewhere, it just was't a priority for him. And honestly it didn't matter what I did, he just wasn't interested in sex. My husband now....he is 44, works 60-80hrs a week and has NEVER been too tired or not interested. We have been together 7 years and still it's almost every night.

That's how it is with my fiance....we've been together 7 1/2 years and have 2 kids. Even in the beginning it was about once every 1-2 weeks, and then maybe twice every 1-2 months.....now it's.....I can't even remember -- i think something like 3 times since August. He never initiates, wants me to -- but I can't tell you how many times he has turned me down flat no matter what I did. Now, I just can't initiate anymore -- it's too dejecting. We've been over and over, and around and around about this. He'd rather watch porn on his pc and *kitten* in the shower. Whatever.......not sure how long I'll be able to stay in this sexless "marriage."

wow, i'm not sure how much longer you can live like that either. seems like it won't get better. have u tried going to couples therapy or something to tap into why he is acting this way and why he doesnt enjoy intimacy?

No, and I don't think it would work anyway, even if I managed by some miracle to get him to go. He admits his sex drive is lower than the normal guy, but he doesn't think it's a problem. He has low testosterone, so sex is non-existent when he's not using his patches, and barely existent even when he is. He doesn't believe sex is the most important thing -- and I disagree -- I feel it's as equally important as other elements of a relationship. He knows how I feel because I've told him. I don't talk to him about it anymore because if I do, he accuses me of keeping track. He also knows how I feel about porn.....again, he doesn't think he has a problem with this and doesn't understand why I do. I don't have a problem w/porn in general -- I like it, in small amounts, and I understand most guys do. I've had boyfriends before who would look at a magazine, watch a video here and there......but never every single day. I've never had a boyfriend who would refuse to make love to me, but then watch porn and go jerk off in the shower. I told him this, too -- but he still thinks I'm making a big deal of it.

Anyway....for now I'm taking care of me -- my weight I mean, and getting healthy. I'm giving it two more years for when my son graduates high school, and then I can afford a 2 bedroom apartment for me and my daughter. If things haven't gotten better, I'm moving on. I want a man who wants me and has no problem showing me that he does.

oh boy. well as long as you realize that there is a problem and stick to the plan , if things don't change move on. its one thing if you have a problem/deficiency but clearly if he can get it up for porn, the plumbing does work. maybe he feels self conscious about his problem and thats why he's scared/ashamed/intimidated to be with you? I dont know, hope it works out for you in the long run, with or without him. :S

nolachick

Wow, that is a problem..you may want to just work him up for it without asking...just start and see what happens. My wife is 25 years younger then me, al she has to do is smile the right way and it's on.. but she more direct most of the time. She just goes upstairs and send me a text.. "I'M NAKED" I break the land speed record getting there.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

ROFL hahahaha

NYIceQueen

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

rileamoyer

check out the 'goodinbed.com' Lots of good info and ideas there.

rautaty

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

sdereski

Just popping in to say hello.
















Note to self...

Perhaps entered wrong thread by mistake as I sense a hostile crowd gathering.

:laugh: :laugh: not hostile...........frustrated. :laugh:

rautaty

My story is different. I used to be like you guys until i turned 25 and my bf, who would turn me down a lot. I initiated sex 90% of the time and in 5 years i said no maybe only 2 times, him-i stopped counting. Well last year, his life became stable, mine started to be a wreck.
Eventualy all the stress got to me and my libido is about 30% at what it used to be. Now, my partner is running after me, asking for it, he is horny all the time.:))
It's funny, but what we experience in life affects our sex drive.

NYIceQueen

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

nolachick

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

I really didnt want to be harsh but something is wrong with this picture, whether he's addicted to porn or having an affair, you should not have to "make him give up anything" and he should not resent you. Lots of women just stay in the marriage for their kids but you have to think about how your marriage affects your kids too. He may be a good father but if he's a bad husband then he's a bad example to your kids. I mean I dont know how he treats you outside the bedroom but if its not with love and respect then how do your kids perceive that? Do you want your son to grow up n be like his dad or your daughter to think its ok for men to neglect their spouses? sorry if i'm out of line, but u may think they dont notice or arent affected but they are.

My parents are still together, but sometimes after somethings my dad does I almost want to encourage my mom to leave him because she deserves better :S He's a good man but damn I would not tolerate somethings he does. UGH MEN!

NYIceQueen

It's been almost 3 yrs since intercourse for me, and the only reason he agreed that night was because I agreed to have another baby. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant on the first try.

Before that it'd been 2 yrs.

I've just come to the conclusion my husband will never find me attractive again because I "cut him off" of the swinging scene once I got pregnant with our daughter 10 yrs ago. He's always been addicted to online p0rn but it wasn't until my first pregnancy that he just completely shut me out.

So I feel for you gals -- massive libido here -- but after the first few years you get numb to it. And that's why I threw out my romance novels, too...out of sight, out of mind, right?

Honey, don't want to be harsh on you, but your man is gay or has smb else. 3 years no sex? i'd had a lover by now, or divorced.

Not gay. He's addicted to online p0rn so he gets his "kicks" that way. He did get into an "emotional" affair with a woman from the UK (nothing physical) which lasted a few years and I think he resents that I made him give it up.

And frankly, if it weren't for my health issues and that he's a good dad (tho lousy husband) I would be divorced. As for the lover part, let's see what happens after I lose this weight! :devil:

I really didnt want to be harsh but something is wrong with this picture, whether he's addicted to porn or having an affair, you should not have to "make him give up anything" and he should not resent you. Lots of women just stay in the marriage for their kids but you have to think about how your marriage affects your kids too. He may be a good father but if he's a bad husband then he's a bad example to your kids. I mean I dont know how he treats you outside the bedroom but if its not with love and respect then how do your kids perceive that? Do you want your son to grow up n be like his dad or your daughter to think its ok for men to neglect their spouses? sorry if i'm out of line, but u may think they dont notice or arent affected but they are.

My parents are still together, but sometimes after somethings my dad does I almost want to encourage my mom to leave him because she deserves better :S He's a good man but damn I would not tolerate somethings he does. UGH MEN!

No you're not out of line. Advice is always appreciated.

As for the out of the bedroom relationship, we have been very careful to never argue in front of the kids, and when my daughter was 2 or so and I caught him chatting and looking at stuff where she could see, I put the fear of God into him about that. So he has agreed (and has stuck to) not going online until the kids are in bed. He is very good with the kids, helps me out especially when I'm incapacitated by my chemo or if I'm having a massive flare or something else is going on. Having seen my parents constantly fighting I've tried to be very careful to not show any of that in front of my kids. We joke around, we talk about our days, we all watch TV together or play Wii or something (when I'm feeling up to it). Really, it's just the bedroom part of things.

And unlike my parents there wouldn't be a question about us going to bed together or something because with my work schedule I'm usually in bed by 8 pm, and the kids put ME to bed, and I get up around 2 am or so to work on the days I work.

As for the "resentment" it stems from him believing that there was nothing wrong because there was no sex involved. He didn't see what he did as wrong, but he fell in love with her, talked to her over the phone, exchanged gifts, so there was an affair. He didn't see it that way since his dad had tons of physical affairs, so he didn't feel it was an actual affair. Some day he'll come to the realization that it was wrong.

I think if I was in better health, closer to my family, etc, it'd be easier to leave. I don't want him to have sole custody, and with my health I don't trust myself to be able to care for them by myself. So for now, I'm just concentrating my energy into losing weight, trying to bring my health under some kind of control, and just think of the kids when I get really lonely. :flowerforyou: