Losers! Challenge 2 (28/03-20/06)
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Today is a mixed emotion day for me. I have been losing steadily and am currently 4/10 of a pound from being the lightest weight I have been in 8 years. This is great though I was mad at Mr. Scale this morning -- why couldn't he have been just a little generous and given me that 4/10 of a pound...lol. So I am feeling good about the loss, but the the fear sets in.
I used to panic, get scared, and sabotage myself when I would be down 30-35 pounds. I would see and feel changes in my body and begin to panic. I have been overweight ALL my life and so badly want to be a "normal" weight and size, yet I would fear it. I reached that panic 2 weeks ago, but thanks to some dear friends I made it through. Panic mode left and I have been doing really well. Until today.
When I had lost 19 pounds several years ago (and got to the weight I am now) I began to swell and gained 17 pounds overnight. This landed me in the hospital for 2 weeks. My doctor then restricted my water intake and would not allow me to exercise for a year. Of course with this set back I ate and ate and ate some more. I had always turned to food in the past and so here food was again, my best friend and my comfort.
I am stating to panic and fear this will happen again. Today I am afraid to walk, to exercise, to eat. I was all excited because I walked yesterday and the day before. Yesterday alone I burned over 1100 calories. I have been so excited for the last 2 weeks for the day I step on the scale and am back to the lowest weight I have been in 8 years. And then when it happens I panic. My first thought was omg I need to eat a bunch of calories so I don't lose that other 4/10 of pound that will put me back there. Thankfully I have NO fattening food in my house of any kind. So instead I sat and cried. I am so scared right now. I don't know how to get over this fear other than to keep going and hope and pray the same thing does not happen again.0 -
Tami, don't let the fear beat you down!
Went to the gym after work and used a HRM and have discovered, as I thought, that the calories built into MFP are WAY out. No wonder I was eating too many calories! I tested it and it said my gym work out alone would have been 850ish calories burnt, when in reality it was about half of that! Hopefully I will see better figures on the scales this week but its TOM, so maybe not.0 -
Tami, you have recognised your fear and acknowledged it. Wow thats a big positive for a start. Now beat it. You are so strong as we all know how hard this journey is. You are strong enough to beat down this fear and win.
Here is a few words for you from my little book of inspirations
"Confront your inner fears. You can't grow until you do."
We are all here holding your hand through this next step, and will be with you on the other side to throw our hands in the air and cheer.0 -
Tami - I so agree with Jenni! We're all here to support each other and cheer each other too... You can do it - face your fear and do it anyway... Don't give up... My mum says you should do one thing that scares you every day - makes you feel alive!0
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By the way - my thighs are never going to forgive me for the pain they're in... :grumble: :grumble:
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Oh I like this saying. Guess I will face housework today.My mum says you should do one thing that scares you every day - makes you feel alive!
Guess your thighs are letting you know you are alive, Claire.0 -
I'm alive and hurting!!! Lol!0
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Tami - I understand the fear, it hit me 2 years back and I broke down and cried in the kitchen. The changes in my body was to big to cope with, of course I realised that the loss was a good thing but I didn't like how my body looked. It was nothing like the 24 year old I felt like. Just take boobs for an example... I get a little sad when I look at them, but then I look at the rest of my body and I feel proud. You have to let yourself mourn your body, but never let that feeling take over. Feel proud and happy and know that this is the last time you'll look like this. It is scary but with loving family and friends you'll get through this one as well!0
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Tami *super huge hugs coming at you*. You can do this, and it is what you want, and as Jenn says we're all here to hold you tightly as you go below that memory marker, and I'm sure once your beyond it the memories that it's awakening for you now will be history. Just keep keeping on, one step at a time.
Poorcopies - My DH gave me his 'spare' HRM (I was unaware he had a spare, fancy having two!?) and I have been using that for exercise for a while now. I found that initially MFP estimates of calories was good, but as I got fitter it didn't really account for that. I assume it just uses your weight to decide how 'fit' you are, and as we exercise more regularly we become much fitter. I still have to use MFP for swimming, as the HRM isn't waterproof!
I'm doing good thinking of backing out of my triathlon on Sunday as apparently a big storm is passing over, and quite frankly I don't fancy it in torrential rain ... I'll make a final decision tomorrow!0 -
I just realised i hadn't done my measurements since the beginning of Feb so i just did them and i have lost 1/2 inch from my neck, 4 inches from my waist, 3.5 inches from my hips, 1 inch from my arms and 2.5 inches from my thighs! I am so stoked! No matter what the scale says tomorrow that is a massive boost for me! Woo hoo!0
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I just realised i hadn't done my measurements since the beginning of Feb so i just did them and i have lost 1/2 inch from my neck, 4 inches from my waist, 3.5 inches from my hips, 1 inch from my arms and 2.5 inches from my thighs! I am so stoked! No matter what the scale says tomorrow that is a massive boost for me! Woo hoo!
That's fantastic!! I'm off out tomorrow night - friend's birthday and I've not seen her in aaaaages! Hoping that the thighs are charitable and stop hurting but if not I'm sure a bit of dancing will help!
Will get a work out in in the morning though - I weighed myself this morning and was up 3lbs! Luckily though I read that sore muscles retain water so I think it's that as I've been really good this week... And it's impossible to put on 3lb overnight (there weren't any crumbs on my pillow either!)0 -
I just realised i hadn't done my measurements since the beginning of Feb so i just did them and i have lost 1/2 inch from my neck, 4 inches from my waist, 3.5 inches from my hips, 1 inch from my arms and 2.5 inches from my thighs! I am so stoked! No matter what the scale says tomorrow that is a massive boost for me! Woo hoo!
Congrats to the inch loss! It is huge motivation to see the inches melt away!That's fantastic!! I'm off out tomorrow night - friend's birthday and I've not seen her in aaaaages! Hoping that the thighs are charitable and stop hurting but if not I'm sure a bit of dancing will help!
Will get a work out in in the morning though - I weighed myself this morning and was up 3lbs! Luckily though I read that sore muscles retain water so I think it's that as I've been really good this week... And it's impossible to put on 3lb overnight (there weren't any crumbs on my pillow either!)
Dancing always helps! have fun tomorrow...
As for me, I'm having my job interview tomorrow at 10 (maybe i should get some sleep soon) and after that i'm gonna check out if the outdoor gym exists or if it is as imaginary as my dog is... Have a great Friday everyone!!0 -
Well my biggest fear in this journey has begun. I gained 4.8 pounds overnight. This would have required eating 17,500 calories of which I ate 0. The last time I reached this weight I gained 17 overnight so at least it wasn't as bad this time. I thought yesterday was a bad day emotionally, but I am so worried now that I will not get past this stupid point. It happens each time I reach the 330 mark.. Anyone know what I need to do to get past this. It seems that once I reach this spot in my journey my body shuts down and rejects the weight loss. Please Help!!0
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Good luck with the interview Hannah!
Claire I hope your thighs feel better, I didn't know muscles retain water when sore, good info!
Tami I don't know what to say, I think that you need to stop over thinking this so much. You can and will get past this, there will be weeks in our journey when we go up instead of down, if you have been doing a lot of exercise remember muscle is denser than fat. We are all here for you!0 -
Tami, I'm with Beccy on this. you are stressing (understandable) but you must relax and give your body a rest and let it happen. Maybe don't get on the scales for another week. Just work on watching your calories, make them quality ones, only put into your body goodness, no wasted calories just for the taste. In other words why have say a biscuit just because you have the calories spare, make it a piece of fruit. Biscuit = refined flour sugar, no nutrition. Fruit = vitamins, fibre, natural sugars full of nutrition value. Take a week to relax and visualise the new you and be ready to accept the new you.0
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2 1/4 lbs off this week! Woo hoo!0
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2 1/4 lbs off this week! Woo hoo!
You should be proud of yourself!0 -
woop woop Becci! That's amazing! YAY!
I've done dismally on the 500 cal burn a day challenge i set for myself! And to top it off i'm away tonight for a friends birthday... Hopefully we'll do some crazy dancing which will offset the booze!
Just done 45 mins on just dance 2 on the wii = when they say it's a sweat programme, they're not kidding! 302 cals burned so that's a start...
Off for a shower and to pack my bag! Laters losers!0 -
Tami- you are so brave to share your story and your fears. You know you are doign the right thing plateaus happen when we are stressed our when we need a change in our rutine. You ccan push trough your fear and any plateau you hit and we are all here to help in any way we can. Don't forget how amazing you are!
Becci - I hope teh HRM helps! and amazing losses in inces and pounds keep it up:)
Rach - good luchk at eh triathalon if you are able to participate.
Hanna - goo dluck with your interviews
Clair great dancing and have fun at the party
Sorry i didn't update yesterday. Wed hit all 3 goals undercals, 30 day shred and in bed by 10:55. Thursday hit all goals againway under calls but still netted 1217, weather was beautiful so hubby and I took a nice long walk and in bet by 10:45
We have deciede to take a mini brek before closing on our house so no exercise today leaving for Williamsburg right after work May not meat cal goals today and tomorrow but plan to walk a lot in Williamsburg. will be back to normal sunday. Have a happy friday all.0 -
Well, weather looks fine for my triathlon tomorrow ... I'm feeling a bit apprehensive! Scared of being the only person without a wet suit ... scared of coming last ... scared of feeling obliged to do freestyle for the whole swim ... scared that I don't look where I'm going when I swim and ending up heading the wrong way ... scared that my legs will feel like lead after the swim and bike, and I won't be able to run ... feeling quite scared, but I'll do it anyway!0
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Just give it your best. Proud of you for even giving it a go. Looking forward to hearing all about it.Well, weather looks fine for my triathlon tomorrow ... I'm feeling a bit apprehensive! Scared of being the only person without a wet suit ... scared of coming last ... scared of feeling obliged to do freestyle for the whole swim ... scared that I don't look where I'm going when I swim and ending up heading the wrong way ... scared that my legs will feel like lead after the swim and bike, and I won't be able to run ... feeling quite scared, but I'll do it anyway!0 -
Well, weather looks fine for my triathlon tomorrow ... I'm feeling a bit apprehensive! Scared of being the only person without a wet suit ... scared of coming last ... scared of feeling obliged to do freestyle for the whole swim ... scared that I don't look where I'm going when I swim and ending up heading the wrong way ... scared that my legs will feel like lead after the swim and bike, and I won't be able to run ... feeling quite scared, but I'll do it anyway!
It doesnt matter if you finish last. What does matter is that you didnt give up!0 -
Good luck Rach! Bet you'll do amazing!
Peeps - I'm contemplating putting my scale away until April 30th... Would any of you mind if I didn't post a WI for 2 Mondays?0 -
Good luck Rach! Bet you'll do amazing!
Peeps - I'm contemplating putting my scale away until April 30th... Would any of you mind if I didn't post a WI for 2 Mondays?
Not at all honey! I've been thinking about doing the same thing but I am too addicted to my scale so I don't think I'll manage without it. Any specific reason to why?0 -
my mfp friend kittyinaz was asking if anyone fancied giving it a go so I thought why not! Wanna join us Hanna?! Maybe it could be a little mini 2 week challenge!0
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Wooohooo! I did it, and I didn't come last! I came 24th out of the 32 people in my age group (30-39yr olds). I was 21st on the swim, 22nd on the bike and 28th on the run! I hated the swim, I tried to freestyle, but it was in the sea and everyone swimming together was making it choppy, so I kept swallowing water, after about 50m I gave up and did my fav. old breaststroke, which I can do pretty fast anyway. I was most pleased that I managed to run the whole of the run! I took it nice and steady, actually when I finished I could have run more, but often I get my pace all wrong and end up walking, so overall I'm well chuffed! My hubby was sooooo proud of me! Had a lovely morning, and I'm going to have a nap now before some friends come over.
So what's with the no scales? Do you weigh yourself more than once a week?
I love the new hair Claire! You look all sophisticated like!0 -
:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
Hip Hip Hooray Rach. You not only did it, you did it well. Enjoy your nap and spending the afternoon with friends.
I have not done so well on the 3500 calorie burn this week, but then I knew I would struggle and thats when I had 19 hours work instead I worked 31 hours over 4 days. I did pilates this am, for the first time. really enjoyed it. Cant see myself exercising anymore today. So my total burn this week was 1699. Will have to pick it up a bit if I'm going to make my 15,000 target for April.
Claire, I just bought new scales, so I no longer have to go the doctors or shoppinng centre. I'm sort of enjoying them and using them a bit like a step class. On and off all the time. So I will not be putting my new toy away. :noway:
Have a great Sunday Everyone.0 -
Congrats Rach! Not on finishing the race but overcoming yourself.
Claire - I might just join in on the 2 weeks no scale challenge. But today was my weigh in day so I am down a bit. I'm now on 211.9 lbs or 96.3 kgs. Feels okay. So that's my Monday weigh in and I'll try my best not to weigh in for 2 weeks. So far the challenge of 3500 calories is looking good. We'll see if I get out for a walk later on today.
Oh and I just have to tell you. I received a picture from that hell run with my uncle today in the mail. Me and his friend was on the picture. His friend is kinda short and not overweight at all and I am not one who likes to get in front of the camera, but when I opened the picture I got pleasantly surprised. I'm no longer a that fat girl I still am in my mind. I am starting to look normal. That was ages ago i felt like that when looking at myself in a picture!0 -
Jenni - I don't blame you! I wouldn't put them away either as a rule but I though well I'm not here this week so won't be able to weigh myself everyday like I tend to so thats a start and then it's just another week! Cos I think I've put on this week and instead of getting pissed at myself if I have out on I've got the next 2 weeks to try and sort it out...
Rach - you did awesome!!! Sooooooo proud of you! My aim for next year is to do the race for life... A walk/run for cancer charity...
I'll still sort the chart out for the coming weeks but wish me luck on my challenge !! X
Glad to have you on board Hanna! We can do this!! It's great when you look at yourself and like what you see isnt it!0 -
Yeah it is an awesome feeling to like what you see! Where is the race for life? I have looked for a cancer charity race here in Sweden but haven't been able to find one. I'm gonna do the Heroes Run in Brighton. I love costumes!! Anyone got a superhero (female of course) that I can dress up as? My criteria is that the colour of the costume has to be sweat friendly, I have to be able to run in the costume, and I don't wanna show my tummy. So far I've come up with She-Ra (He-Mans sister). But give me another option and I promise to post pictures.:happy:0
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