Confession - Moralistic people please drop it...

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  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    Thanks Cris. Your post is not moralistic, just brutally honest ;)
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Didn't read all the responses but u act as if your actions are beyond your control......like a puppet

    you are a big girl.. if you are so guilty....and u know this is so wrong.....stop it
    and if the guy doesn't have kids with his wife...what are his reasons for not being a man and doing the right thing...not easy,but leave his wife rather than have his cake and eat it too

    I just broke it off with my husband ... who I thought was my BF after dating for 16yrs, married for 12yrs, and 2 kids.....after I found out he had several side relationships over the past 3 yrs
    I blamed him 110% though...he was my husband and the person who was supposed to remain faithful to me..these women didn't know ....I didn't feel like they owed me anything

    I didn't contact them, or rat them out to their husband..I actually felt sad for them
    I think someone who feels could about themselves would demand or expect more from a man or relationship than what a married man has to offer (and if he says he isn't being intimate with his wife..he is probably lying

    It was hard for me though not to understand how another human being, a woman, a mom could have ZERO respect for my family ....and the institution of marriage

    I think you need to work on yourself, and understanding why u invited this into your life...how this is OK with you
    If it really isn't than do something about it
    good luck
    Kim
  • SuperMoniMonk
    SuperMoniMonk Posts: 467 Member
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    Been in your shoes before , I had a four year relacionship with a guy things ended but he keep looking for me ..he then got married and he still would want to see me I had a really low self steem back then and still had feelings for him . One day I spotted him and his wife at a shopping center ...

    I was tired of putting up with the emotional stress, he would always come back even if I pushed him away , so I was determined to tell her about us that day at the mall. And you know what he did ?

    He saw me as I walked towards her ...somehow he got close enough to me with out her seeing him.. and he begged me whispering " PLease don't tell her ..Please Don't tell her "



    Some men will just play you like a fiddle when you don't respect yourself . don't settle for this drama and abuse.


    I walked next to his wife and just whispered softly to her " Tell your man not to ever come near me again" and kept walking...
    She just froze...
    it was my way of ending things for good...but guess what ? He was calllling me again two weeks later...Never again !

    Guilt and emptiness = Spiral emotions = Eating urges or not eating .

    Good luck to you
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Thanks Cris. Your post is not moralistic, just brutally honest ;)

    I'm so glad to see you understand my reasons for posting. I do genuinely care...about your situation I mean...and about the issue in general. I don't want to see you hurt, and I think your guilt is genuine...and because of that, you will continue to hurt until you do the right thing.

    It's one of those things that moralistic people like you and I have to go through when we screw up =p.
    I walked next to his wife and just whispered softly to her " Tell your man not to ever come near me again" and kept walking...
    She just froze...

    Good for you! Too bad the idiot never learned =(.

    Cris
  • sbilyeu75
    sbilyeu75 Posts: 567 Member
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    I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.

    I always thought it was funny how some (myself included) thinks, "Well, he treats me better than (insert any name here) or does." and we seem to settle with that.

    Him cheating on his wife should let you know, he's not a nice guy. I'm sure she's got some blame in the relationship problems too. It's never just one person's fault. The truth is, there are nice guys out there. Sometimes, it's not from where you expect. But you can never know if someone is really a nice person, until you know all of them. You're not able to do that while sharing him with his wife.
  • Painten
    Painten Posts: 499 Member
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    You can not trust a man that will cheat on his wife. He is a liar and a cheat. To have an affair he is proving to you that he is a cheat, to keep it from his wife he has no doubt told her a zillion lies to keep it from her. You don't know what he is doign with her and what he is telling her. For all you know she might be under the impression that she is in a happy marriage and when hes home with her they could have great discussions about their future together. I know someone who believed her marriage was great and had been planning their future, discussing what kind of area they'd be looking at houses in in the near future etc till one day her husband left her and their kids to move in with another woman. He never once said he was unhappy, never even so much as hinted that he was thinking of anything else but their future together.

    What you are doing is wrong. You put this out there on a public forum and expect nothing but what sympathy? understanding? Forget it and forget him.
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    If you really want to control your emotional eating you need to first LOVE YOURSELF and take care of yourself ... I hate to say it but you need to look at your self esteem. If you don't think you deserve someone who loves you and only you, maybe you dont think you deserve to be healthy and thin. I was in an abusive relationship with food and with my ex-husband because of low self-esteem. You need to take a break from this guy and any others and work on yourself.
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    Painten, as I said in my original post, I knew some people would hate me. I posted anyway because I was ready to confront that. I did not expect (only) sympathy!
  • LLaDonna
    LLaDonna Posts: 126
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    Painten, as I said in my original post, I knew some people would hate me. I posted anyway because I was ready to confront that. I did not expect (only) sympathy!

    Confess publicly that you are having an affair with a married man. check.
    Let anonymous forum contributors "help" you confront your underlying self-esteem issues. check.
    Tell them that you are also an emotional eater. check.
    Deny that are you seeking sympathy. check.
    Believe that they care and will befriend you so that you will have virtual friends when you live your physical home... check???
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    Believe that they care and will befriend you so that you will have virtual friends when you live your physical home... check???

    I have already two friends in the *real* life that know about that, and they are very helpful, and trust me they are not always compassionate about this situation.
    But on MFP people truly understand what impact emotions can have on dieting or eating healthy in general.

    As for spilling things out to perfect strangers, isn't it what everyone here does? When people post progress pictures, when people confess their traumas and how it led them to eating disorders? How people have depression issues?

    This website was meant to support people to achieve their goals, and all of them have an emotional background that made them gain weight. I fall in this category, and I don't think that people openly talking about, for example, their anti-psychotics, are acting weird or ridiculous. It takes a great deal to accept what is wrong with us.

    So probably you would never talk about your personal life to total strangers, that is fine. But I am no exceptional person, I am just a normal girl having some issues and making mistakes.
  • wilyz
    wilyz Posts: 37
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    *kitten*
  • Danthewatcher
    Danthewatcher Posts: 101
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    Is the situation helping you acheive your goals?
    What are your goals?

    Shouldn't your goals be about you and not about what someone else is doing, not doing, potentially doing, going to do, taking advantage of?

    If you are seeking answers, the only place you need to firstly understand is within yourself.
    Only then can the question begin to make sense.

    What are your goals?
    What do you want out of YOUR life?

    Good luck
    :)
  • Sistasarita
    Sistasarita Posts: 39 Member
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    Miss Bunny_Lexie,

    I'm glad I came on this post after you posted edits. You got some *kitten* to deal with for real girlfriend and I mean that with all my Sista love. :heart: :flowerforyou: I did not read all of the other posts because well, hell, I just didn't want to. The best advice I can give was given to me years ago - "Do it till YOU can't do it no more, baby girl." It is your life girl. You are the one living it. I am not sure what is taking you out of the country. My only hope is THAT situation will not add to your stress. Sounds like you know what is true for you.

    To address your eating concerns my suggestion would be to damn near obsess about the food diary. Ok, maybe not obsess but allow it to be your constant. Like an anchor to ground you to YOUR choice of being good to your body...to your choice of making good choices for YOU. Each meal for me is a mini celebration of something I did right every day.

    To address the emotion driven part...how bout an emotional journaler, an emotional pushuper, an emotional blogger, an emotional jogger ??? ( I added that last part cuz it rhymed).

    Be well Mizz Bunny! :glasses:
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    Love your post, Sista!

    You are right, I need to focus on ME and treat me right. I love the guy but I can find better... And hell yea, journal my emotions instead of eating them to make the disappear.

    Cheers and hugs!
  • krizstyling
    krizstyling Posts: 40 Member
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    You are right, Skinnywithin. However having so many different points of view helped me to have clearer ideas. Even the moralistic people, they actually reflected my own morality, the one that makes me hurt so much (I am not a monster for heaven's sake!!).

    Everyone makes mistakes and it is certainly not said as an excuse, but as a way to cool down and consider every angle of the situation.

    It is clear that it has to end, whether we start from new together one day or not. I am freaking out about that dilemma, but I will also give myself to understand how he works, if it is a "pattern" for him or not. I still believe that in the end everyone needs to be forgiven.

    I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.

    He's treating you better because he's getting all of the benefits of a relationship without having to commit at all, in fact, he can tell you any and everything about his "other" life and you listen and deal with it.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    I know how much heartbreak sucks, and emotional stress is a killer.

    I think at this point you should cut your losses, and focus your attention on yourself. Engage in healthy activities like eating right and exercising.
  • busygirl1
    busygirl1 Posts: 217
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    BooHoo to you lady! YOUR emotional stress, YOUR emotional eating, I didn't eat for 2 months after my husband up and left the day before my exams, he left me crying on the floor to go be with his girlfriend who I had shouted at on the phone. A week before we had been looking at houses!
    Like you his girlfriend has 'self esteem' issues, she is on married man number 2! You know what her tells me about HER when he comes knocking on my door (which in my emotional state I opened for him for some time) "she's frigid" "she's scared of growing old alone (she is 35 with no kids)" she cries when she has a glass of wine because I don't love her like she loves me" (he has cheated on her WITH ME for the first year of their relationship) "she thinks her boobs are too small and she is always worried about her weight and its annoying". Yes lady, you think he will respect you when its all done? I think he should leave his poor deluded wife for you and then YOU can wash his clothes, clean the house, organise the bills............. I rejoiced in the day my kids said "Katie doesn't tell daddy off for being messy anymore she just picks his stuff up"- Wonderful- welcome to MY LIFE for the last 10 years, you can HAVE IT!!!!!!!!
    :drinker:
  • busygirl1
    busygirl1 Posts: 217
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    Just to clarify I don't hate this woman, I pity her. Just yesterday my soon-to-be-ex husband took me out for lunch (which her lied to her about) to discuss our divorce which he is throwing every delay possible at and was telling me how their relationship was not going well and he going to buy a house of his own when we are divorced. Bare in mind hun, that this woman has had a conservatory built on her house so that her study could be converted into a children's room to accommodate MY kids, and has ordered a new car because her sporty number (which my husband really liked by the way) is too small for all the kids stuff. This is while HE is telling ME that things are BAD. He's doing exactly the same thing to her has he did to me, pretending everything's fine. This poor woman wont know what's hit her when he walks away.
    Run away, run far far away........
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    I will...
    But what you are telling me about her self-esteem issues is soooo far from me! :noway:

    My boobs are small to medium and i'm fine with that, my booty is generous and I'm glad it is, i'm not frigid, and i know i am intelligent (i am in the best place i could be in this world). Most of all i KNOW that guys find me pretty even if slightly "fleshy". It is something I understood well with time, so I am not looking desperately for *any* man that will be nice with me!! :huh: The idea of dating a married guy always schocked me, it's the first time. The problem is somewhere else :(

    Concerning what happened to you, well he's a huge coward, not a man! But why did *you* let him cheat on her with you? Revenge or else? I hope you feel better now!
  • busygirl1
    busygirl1 Posts: 217
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    I let him cheat on her with me in part for revenge and in part because we had been together for 10 years and I missed having his arms around me and in part because Iike sex.
    You are missing the point, the point is that if you believe that if he leaves his wife to be with you, do you not think that he will tell her all kinds of bulls**t about you the way he probably has to you about her. He will simply do the same to you and probably the girl he leaves you for.
    As for me, I am fine. If he ever stops stalling the divorce (which I am sure he is telling her is MY fault) I will be a happy woman. I ended our 'affair' because I didn't want to be his bit on the side. You have to make your choice now. I pity you also.

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