Senior Golden Sneakers..........June, 2011
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Here is a funny to start your day!!!
Old Timers Sex
This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!
The husband leans over and asks his wife,
'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation
and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.
So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen..
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.
Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed.
He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,
this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,
'Excuse me, but that was something else.
You must've had a fantastic sex life together.
Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.’0 -
:flowerforyou: OH MY GOSH, SANDY. That was so funny !!!!
:flowerforyou: elizamc...are you new to this thread? Welcome. I just found it this week, also.0 -
SANDY; you made my d... no, my entire weekend! I just sent that joke off to my dear cousin, (a former monk), so he and his wife could have a great laugh! :bigsmile:
Not much time for this today, but welcome ElizMC and BECKY, get thee to Switzerland quick! Awesome...and go before you cannot take the altitude of places like Mt Pilatus (near Geneva) which is like being in heaven at the top!
Gotta run, and read everything posted since my last post, so I want to wish you all good luck and hope things turn out well for Neil, weather cools down for Marie, warms up for Barbie, and you all know I'm including you! You are my cyber"family" !:drinker:
Buzz
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OH MY! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I belly laughed! Thanks Sandy!0 -
GAYLA - sorry to hear about what is going on with Neil. I'm sure you were hoping some of that would be over.
SANDY - what a funny joke. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. And yes, we were left 2 epi pens. I'll take one in my purse and the other is in the diaper bag.
DEE - I'm just a hobbist with a camera. I love taking pictures of my grandkids, my kids and nature. I'm known as Grandma Flash. LOL
BECKY - I agree with you about the restaurant. It's a special occasion for her and of course you'll go. You should make out okay. I have to eat gluten free, egg free and dairy free with no soy sauce. I recently at a Chinese buffet and made out very good. I asked for someone who knew what was in the various dishes and they told me which ones I could have. The young man also came back to my table and told me if I wanted anything else they'd make it up special for me. I was very pleased.
Welcome to the newbies. It's a great group.
My grandson is down for a nap. Well, he's not sleeping and I can hear him talking but hopefully he'll stay put for awhile. We fed him lunch and now I'm ready for a nap too. My dh is a lot of help and my grandson adores him.
Have a great day. all0 -
TGIF friends! Been very busy and have a busy weekend. Another wedding etc. so have a great weekend everyone!:flowerforyou:
BirdieM
Sandy......too funny:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Just wanted to share this about calcium from the
HARVARD Nutrition Health Newsletter...
Calcium is important. But milk isn't the only, or even best, source.
It's not a news flash that calcium is key for healthy bones. Getting enough calcium from childhood through adulthood helps build bones up and then helps slow the loss of bone as we age. It's not clear, though, that we need as much calcium as is generally recommended, and it's also not clear that dairy products are really the best source of calcium for most people.
While calcium and dairy can lower the risk of osteoporosis and colon cancer, high intake can increase the risk of prostate cancer and possibly ovarian cancer.
Plus, dairy products can be high in saturated fat as well as retinol (vitamin A), which at high levels can paradoxically weaken bones.
Good, non-dairy sources of calcium include collards, bok choy, fortified soy milk, baked beans, and supplements that contain both calcium and vitamin D (a better choice than taking calcium alone).
Look beyond the dairy aisle. Limit milk and dairy foods to no more than one or two servings per day. More won't necessarily do your bones any good--and less is fine, as long as you get enough calcium from other sources. Calcium-rich non-dairy foods include leafy green vegetables and broccoli, both of which are also great sources of vitamin K, another key nutrient for bone health. Beans and tofu can also supply calcium.
Be careful about getting too much retinol (vitamin A). Don't go overboard on fortified milk, energy bars, and breakfast cereals, all of which can be high in bone-weakening vitamin A. Many multivitamin makers have removed much or all retinol and replaced it with beta-carotene, which does not harm bones.
I learned a few things reading this! [img][/img]
Buzz0 -
And I couldn't resist throwing this out to our Golden Sneakers, bless us all!!!!!
THIS IS US!!!!
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.
HOWEVER,upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took
The melodyout of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who e liminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.
Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the party..... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
[img][/img]
Buzz0 -
Nice buzz !!Enjoy reading that.0
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:laugh: Good one, Buzz!
Grandma Flash....I like that Jeri! My grandkids are getting a bit older now, so I made a deal with each of them that this summer I would "hire" him/her so they could model for me. :laugh: Win-win situation. I get to practice, they earn some money, but most of all, I get one-on-one time with each.
All five tree swallow eggs hatched out. They are getting big fast! When they leave I'm cleaning out the house and hoping the bluebirds will come back.
Dee0 -
My grandson enjoying tacos for supper.
So far the day has been good. Just hope he goes to bed okay. I'm ready for bed and it's only 6:30pm LOL
Buzz I loved your post. Great one.
Dee that is a great idea to hire them to model. LOL
Hope everyone had a great day.0 -
Hey Jeri he is a cutie pie. But look like he could be a hand full. You and your husband enjoy him. They grow up so fast.0
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Thanks Marie,
You are so right about them growing up so fast. Our oldest granddaughter will be 11 in October. How can that possibly be. I was there when she was born, it seems like yesterday. The good news is that everytime a baby is in danger of getting of the "baby phase" my dd and her husband have another one. So 7 kids later . . . .0 -
Hii to everyone - getting cold in NZ now but then it's only a few weeks until the shortest day so I guess we have to expect it...we had our warmest May on record - incredible weather. I love all the photos on here..Jeri, your photos of the tulips are beautiful, I'm looking forward to mine flowering in the spring, they are a dark burgundy so will be interesting.
Sandy - you did well with your grandson's lessons...I could not do that - you will be glad to have your household back to normal...my grandson has been with us for 3 1/2 years but is at school all day but it does still impact on your life...cooking for a teenage boy and a picky husband is not easy when trying to lose weight...this weekend I'm just having whatever I want as hubby is away hunting (please don't bring home any more venison)!!!! and Jake has gone home for the weekend - it's a holiday weekend here so a nice long and I hope relaxing time for just me.
I would suggest to anyone to get the shingles vaccine if possible as it is a horrible thing and affects you worse as you get older...Jake had them 6 months ago which is not common in a 16 year old...he still has pain in his nerves...our neighbour had them in his eye and nearly drove him crazyThinking of you all but have run out of time to respond to you all so until next time...take care and remember : laughter is infectious so spread it around.
All the talk of vaccines has prompted me to post this joke.
Tetanus Shot
An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up
from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His
wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,
"Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that
Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning
herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put
on her coat.
He says, "Where the heck are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot."0 -
Hi to you all. First off, yanks to the comedians for the laughter! I won't even tell you how long I watched tennis today! Tomorrow will be a little break as I go to WW and then to my son/dil for their garage sale to raise money for their MS bike-a-thon team. I have some things to take to them.
Neil ended up coming out for the weekend as he is down with a cold. He called me so many times last night that I thought it would be easier if he were here to get some sleep. Hopefully he will notice I am sleeping and wait a few minutes or more! He has only had one seizure today that I am aware of so already hoping for a trend.
Back atcha tomorrow! Gayla 0 -
Good Evening!! It is late again but did want to check in and tell you that I picked my daughter up from the airport today so I am officially off duty!! :laugh: She kicked her brother of the bedroom so she could have it but he was a good sport and went to his friends house. His truck is fixed so he can start looking for a load to start paying for the truck.
My daughter had a wonderful time and her husband flew home to do some recital videoing tomorrow. She and Zack will stay to either Sunday or Monday depending on whether they can visit the two people she wants to see. By Tuesday I should have my house back and things should start going back to normal. Babe watered flowers today and pulled some weeds even though I told him he was rushing himself. Hopefully, his foot won't swell and should be fine for therapy on Monday. :happy:
Gayla, glad I was one of those who made you laugh, you need a good chuckle now and then. Good luck at WW and what a great cause your son and dil are biking for. Sorry Neil is sick but do hope the seizures lighten up. :explode:
Judy, it is hard to imagine you going into winter when we are going into summer. The thought of cold weather and snow is not something I want to think about. :noway: I love your joke, it made me laugh. Enjoy your time alone and do what you want for yourself, you deserve the very best for being a great grandmother.
Jeri, I agree your little grandson is so cute. My oldest granddaughter is 21 and landed in Africa today for her Peace Corp training. I asked my son how he was doing now that his only child is gone for 2 years and he said he is in shock and his wife is physically ill. This is going to be so hard on them, I see trips to Africa in their near future. I ask that all of you keep Katie in your prayers to keep safe and well.
Dee, I like that idea also of asking them to model for you, it might be the only way to get a good picture of them.
Buzz, love that graphic it is beautiful. I love the explanation of a senior, mostly because it is so true.
Birdie, you are one busy beaver, have fun at the wedding.
Marie, any news from Jerry's test or from his doctor? You are doing such a good job on your new diet staying under calories.
Stay cool and in the air conditioning in your hot weather.
Better get to bed, talk to you in the morning.0 -
Happy Saturday!! Have a wonderful day!! Will be visiting with my daughter today so I will will check in later. She is thinking of leaving tomorrow, so want to spend the day with her.
Have a happy day!!0 -
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:flowerforyou: Marie...love it. Now you can show us exactly what you are eating.:drinker: I am having water.
:flowerforyou: Sandy...enjoy the time you have with your daughter. Geesh, they grow up so fast.
My Senior daughter graduated last night. Wonderful celemony. She received a watch from her dad and I got her a laptop for when she begins college.
We have a grad party this afternoon. I don't imagine there were be any healthy foods available. I will do my best to behave. 0 -
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