Too large for a seat, did the venue respond correctly?

Mommawarrior

I will only say that I love people no matter how big or small, but just because you are too big for the seat doesn't mean you should be upgraded to a spot that costs more than the ticket you paid for. It is not the venues fault that you are overweight and it isn't fair to the people who are not overweight and had to pay for the better seats.

_beachgirl_

I went to a concert earlier this week. There was a woman about two rows in front of me that was very overweight. My heart broke for her when I saw her try to sit in the seat and come nowhere close to fitting. She tried several ways to make it work, leaning sideways, sitting on the arms of the chair putting all her weight on her legs, leaning on the railing in front of her, and doing a squiggle of sorts to try to get in there. I wanted to go over there and give her a hug and my name and tell her where to find me on MFP. Of course I didn’t, because when I was heavy I wouldn’t have wanted someone to do it me, even though their intentions were good. I can’t lie, thinking back to what my life was when I was heavy, I was proud of her. I would have just stayed home because I’d rather miss out on life than suffer not fitting in seat. I wondered why she didn’t just stand up. It is a concert after all and a completely appropriate thing to do. Then I thought she might get tired easily and need to sit down. The venue has general admission lawn seating, so she could have gone out had a seat and taken break then come back to her closer spot when she was rested.

Ultimately, this is what happened and where things go a bit gray for me. Her friend complained to one of the ushers. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but given the demeanor of the all the parties involved it was fairly obvious they were discussing the uncomfortable topic of the seat being too small. After several minutes back and forth, the usher got on a walkie talkie and they were joined by another employee of the venue. Within minutes they had retrieved two folding chairs (padded and all) and moved both of the women up about 20 rows into the VIP section, where tickets cost over $180 more than the section we were in. I really can’t decide how I feel about that. At first, I was releived that venue did something to make her comfortable. Then, I was kind annoyed. They put them in seats that would have cost anyone else in our section an extra $400. If they had paid the $400, I would just been thrilled for her; however, the free upgrade for being heavy seems a bit unfair to everyone else that fits in their seats. Do you think the venue responded in the best way? Would a refund for her tickets or a refund of the price difference between her seat and general admission lawn that does not have size restrictions been appropriate? Even further but somewhat related, should venues be required to list their seat dimensions before you buy tickets?

Just curious what other people think because I’m seeing all the sides of this pretty clearly and honestly don’t know what side I land on.

Interesting that your "heart broke for her"----until she got something that you didn't.
This topic is so -small- that there is only one thing I have to say.
I hope, with all my heart, that something wonderful/beautiful/joyful happens to every single one of you here on this post. It does not matter to me if you are fat, thin, ugly, pretty, alcoholic, recovering, what ever. I hope something good, no, something GREAT happens to all of you today. And that stands without any "take backs" if something good does not happen to me today.

I hope something good happens to you today!

newtswifey07

WOW! This thread is more entertaining than The Real Housewives!

zorbaru

Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.

is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.

sure, some people maybe more predisposed for storing fat etc etc but im sure it would take more than just a genetic or medical condition to become so large that you cant fit in to a seat.

Hypothyroidism
Prader-Willi Syndrome
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
Cushing Syndrome
Cardiac and Kidney problems can cause water retention
Urinary problems
Repiratory problems
Antidepressants
Corticosteriods - my friend gained almost 100 pounds after being on them for a lengthy period of time due to her medical issue
Lithium
Tranquilizers
Phenothiazines

All of the above can make you gain weight.
And that's off the top of my head.

They CAN make you lose weight, but none of them will make you morbidly obese and there is nothing you can do about it. if you have a condition, then you need to do what you need to do to be able to live with that condition.

misste

I hope that the people that say that the venue handled things inappropriately BECAUSE it was her fault that she couldn't fit into the seat, or because she was having a difficulty, never have to feel the ridicule, or the nasty attitudes they themselves or others, demonstrate. While I don't agree that a folding chair should have been moved closer to the stage, I am glad to see that people are realizing that right or wrong, people are overweight, and need to be accomodated for comfort if they're going to be sold tickets to events. And to make a general statement that someone that you don't know, is at fault for their obesity, is totally judgmental and unfair. No one knows what this woman's issue was, if she has a medical condition that hasn't been treated due to lack of insurance, or overeating, or whatever. So until we've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, we all need to show the respect and compassion that we expect others to show us.

Thriceshy

Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.

is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.

sure, some people maybe more predisposed for storing fat etc etc but im sure it would take more than just a genetic or medical condition to become so large that you cant fit in to a seat.

Hypothyroidism
Prader-Willi Syndrome
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
Cushing Syndrome
Cardiac and Kidney problems can cause water retention
Urinary problems
Repiratory problems
Antidepressants
Corticosteriods - my friend gained almost 100 pounds after being on them for a lengthy period of time due to her medical issue
Lithium
Tranquilizers
Phenothiazines

All of the above can make you gain weight.
And that's off the top of my head.

They CAN make you lose weight, but none of them will make you morbidly obese and there is nothing you can do about it. if you have a condition, then you need to do what you need to do to be able to live with that condition.

So fat folks should stay away from any and all public situations where their weight might be an issue (for them or for others)? We (yeah, WE--I don' t know about YOU, but I'm here because I'm FAT) should just sit at home and do whatever we need to do to meet some societal standard, and if we can't/won't do that, we should just stay away?

Here's how I got fat--when I was in 2nd grade, my weight DOUBLED in one year. Doubled. I went from 45 lbs to 90 in a year. My parents could have taken me to a doctor (who would have told them, as, 20 years later, my neurologist told me, that my pineal gland was completely calcified and my thyroid function was only a hair above "hypothyroid"), but instead they ridiculed me viciously and called me awful names, as did the kids at school. I went from being "Kris" to being "garbage gut," and "fatty-fatty-two-by-four." By age 15, I had attempted suicide twice. I made a deal with myself--the weight comes off or I eat my mother's gun. I stopped eating. Period. I was hospitalized repeatedly for passing out, found myself anemic. My periods stopped. My gums began bleeding and my teeth loosened. My hair thinned. But I lost 135 lbs in 6 months, and I KEPT it off for 8 years, even learning to eat pretty normally the last few. Amazing what a car accident, fractured vertebrae, and herniated and ruptured disks do to your ability to move and exercise. I went from having hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back in one day (North Rim) to being almost in tears from the agony of "hiking" from the front door to the car. In order to keep from gaining, I would have had to limit my calories to around 1200 a day forever. But I didn't. I ate like I had been before the accident, I ate like an active person. And yeah, it put a major, major amount of weight on me over the years. The devastating depression helped, I'm sure.

So what? So I'm fat. That means I don't get to enjoy social outings or public places? I choose to be fat? My choices earned me my place in fattydom? I have a kid next door whose choices landed him in a wheelchair for life. Should we not accomodate him, either, or is it just the fatties we hate?

This thread has been wrenchingly disappointing in so many ways. Even if I didn't have a *good* excuse for my weight, what on earth does that matter to anyone? I understand hating people who represent what you no longer want to be. I get demonizing your old peer group in order to keep from "backsliding." But I really don't feel this is the place for a bunch of "you're fat because you're lazy and your choices got you where you are, so don't expect society to blah, blah, blah!" Save it for some hate boards somewhere--this place is supposed to be about support, not cold, judgmental condemnations and mean finger-pointing.

And so you know, I've been the fat chick who couldn't fit in the chair (and chairs are NOT uniformly sized, some are good fits and others aren't, and there's NO predicting it). I've been the fat chick who has been so traumatized and brutalized by people's ridicule that I dropped out of life years ago. I stopped going to movies, I stopped going to restaurants, I even passed up some vacations because I was afraid of being too big for the airplane seat. I have never had a family portrait done with my husband and son. And what's got me on track now was a lucky accident--I discovered recumbent stationary bikes, which finally made it possible for me to exercise for long periods without crippling pain. Well, that and diabetes. I am inspired. But reading some of these comments? They're crushing--of all the places to find that sort of thing, I thought we were safe here. I thought we were among friends.

Oh, in case you were wondering? The car accident that destroyed my back? I was a passenger, and I weighed 138 at the time. But hey, if I had been the driver and the accident had been the result of some mistake I'd made, would that make a difference? How about if I'd been overweight at the time?

Kris

Cait_Sidhe

Maybe the tickets were a gift? A non-refundable gift?

This is a total **** show. Do you honestly think that being marched to the front in plain view of the entire audience so you can sit on a ****ING folding chair is a REWARD? Right, because that wouldn't be humiliating for any of you. She probably wanted to go home, but didn't want to ruin her friend's evening.

This lack of sympathy disgusts me. Shame on you.

OP, this is only partially directed at you, because I realise that you were just trying to see how others would feel. Well, now you know.

I totally agree with this. For a site full of overweight or formerly overweight people, it really surprizes me the total lack of compassion shown. If she'd been in a wheelchair would the lot of you have been pissed if she got upgraded to a better section to accomodate the chair?

I was on a plane with my disabled mother once. She was unable to bend her knees without severe pain. We were both upgraded to first class to accomodate her needs. I believe the airline did the right thing, as I believe the concert venue did.

Cheermamasita

Well said, it seems to be all about her being fat! If she had been cute as a button and charmed the usher who moved her and her friend up to "better" seats there wouldn't have been a discussion....
Prejudice is when we generalize, all fat people are bad, lazy, ugly and deserve to stay home.

zorbaru

Kris,

At no point have i said that larger people should not go out in public, nor have i said that they shouldnt attend functions etc etc.

the point of the thread, and of my posts is that some who is larger should not receive things that the rest of us dont, in this case a free upgrade at a concert.

your ticker also says that you have lost 66lbs. this tells me that your are able to and are doing something about it. not to mention that your case would be in the minority of those that are morbidly obese.

all i am saying is that there is no-one that absolutely 100% has to be morbidly obese. And what i am asking for is equality for EVERYONE.

There are a lot of things out there (clubs, scholarships, competitions etc) out there that are for specific groups of people. But i know of none that are only for white males. where is the equality of that?

if i went to a concert and couldnt sit in a chair for whatever reason (cos i was too fat, because i have heameroids and the chairs arent padded) heres what i would do. i would ask if there was somewhere i could stand that was out of the way, if not i would leave. i probably wouldnt ask for a refund as i wouldnt think that i was entitled to one as i wasnt sold something that was misrepresented or faulty in anyway. however, if the seat was broken or not able to be used by anyone, then yes i would expect another seat and an upgrade would be a nice bonus, but unnecesary.

zorbaru

Well said, it seems to be all about her being fat! If she had been cute as a button and charmed the usher who moved her and her friend up to "better" seats there wouldn't have been a discussion....
Prejudice is when we generalize, all fat people are bad, lazy, ugly and deserve to stay home.

i call bulls*** on this also. i dont care who you are or what you look like, if you paid for a seat then that is where you should sit. an upgrade should only be given if the VENUE is at fault for something.

daisy89

Well said, it seems to be all about her being fat! If she had been cute as a button and charmed the usher who moved her and her friend up to "better" seats there wouldn't have been a discussion....
Prejudice is when we generalize, all fat people are bad, lazy, ugly and deserve to stay home.

i call bulls*** on this also. i dont care who you are or what you look like, if you paid for a seat then that is where you should sit. an upgrade should only be given if the VENUE is at fault for something.

Or it can be given if the VENUE decides to. It's not your venue, you don't own it, and therefore you can't change the decision.

Also, why did you have to turn this into a race or ethnic issue? And to prove you wrong: https://fmafe.org/Home.html

That's a scholarship ONLY given to White Males. Do some research before you prove your ignorance.

boomboom011

Well said, it seems to be all about her being fat! If she had been cute as a button and charmed the usher who moved her and her friend up to "better" seats there wouldn't have been a discussion....
Prejudice is when we generalize, all fat people are bad, lazy, ugly and deserve to stay home.

i call bulls*** on this also. i dont care who you are or what you look like, if you paid for a seat then that is where you should sit. an upgrade should only be given if the VENUE is at fault for something.

Or it can be given if the VENUE decides to. It's not your venue, you don't own it, and therefore you can't change the decision.

Also, why did you have to turn this into a race or ethnic issue? And to prove you wrong: https://fmafe.org/Home.html

That's a scholarship ONLY given to White Males. Do some research before you prove your ignorance.

did i miss something? i didnt see anything about race.

zorbaru

Also, why did you have to turn this into a race or ethnic issue? And to prove you wrong: https://fmafe.org/Home.html

That's a scholarship ONLY given to White Males. Do some research before you prove your ignorance.

im not trying to turn this in to a race or ethnic or gender issue, the whole thing is about equality. and thats all i want.

for the record i think that a scholoarship for white males is just as wrong, and if you read my post i didnt say there wasnt any, just that i didnt know of any. my point is this

give upgrades to ANYONE if it is applicable. allow anyone to join anything if they meet the criteria that is not based on age, sex, race, weight, sexual preference.

there is too much "lets try not to offend anyone" and not enough "lets look at the situation rather than the person"

daisy89

did i miss something? i didnt see anything about race.

Boomboom: It was in his/her previous post. Above the one I quoted.

There are a lot of things out there (clubs, scholarships, competitions etc) out there that are for specific groups of people. But i know of none that are only for white males. where is the equality of that?

Zorbaru: I can agree with you on meeting eligible criteria. But, as we are all created equal, we can not all be treated equally. We're all different, we're all good at different things, and we're equally as bad at different things as well.

Why can't it just be: she got an upgrade because it was a fire-hazard to put her anywhere else, so good for her.

Why can't we just be happy that something good happened to someone regardless of her being over-weight or obese?

In the end, none of this will matter. If you're a religious person (what ever religion), then you'll just accept that God (or whomever you prefer) has his plans for her, maybe that day was one of them, and that someday we'll understand what it was for.


Edited to fix a typo.

zorbaru

Daisy,

From the OP it states that there was a general admission lawn. I doubt it would have been a fire hazzard for her to have been moved there. I think that moving her there and offering a refund of the price difference would have been a much fairer option than to give her (and her friend that would have been able to sit fine in her paid seat) a free upgrade to a section where the seats are $350 each more expensive, when there was no fault on the side of the venue.

I beleive it is unfair to those that sat in that section and didnt get a free upgrade, and it is unfair to the people that paid full price for their VIP seats. if there was honestly no where else they could have put her then a full refund could have been offered. However, i beleive that the only reason the venue did it was for fear that they would be sued or badmouthed if they didnt.

and there is my underlying point. the fear of offending someone has in some instances, taken over from common sense.

tiffanyquincey

i, honestly, as the big mouthed mean person i am, would've gone straight up to management and complained about her getting an upgrade. she paid for the section she was in and if she was "that" big, then i'm sure this is not the first time she didnt fit into a seat. I'm sorry, but if there was seating available on the lawn, they shouldve refunded the difference. If i have to pay for a better seat, then she should too. Just like it was my own fault for getting as big as i have, it was her own fault for being her size and she shouldnt get special treatment for something like that. regardless of how embarrassing it was for her, the venue shouldnt have given her special treatment. Normally, if you require special seating (ie wheelchair/stroller) you ask the venue about it before hand. this is another type of instance you should call about. i feel her inconvenience was her own fault for not inquiring. the venue provided standard seating. if you cant use standard seating, you need to call, not complain and get a free upgrade.

THIS. I was trying to figure out a way to say this without sounding heartless, but you are much better with words than me.

daisy89

Daisy,

From the OP it states that there was a general admission lawn. I doubt it would have been a fire hazzard for her to have been moved there. I think that moving her there and offering a refund of the price difference would have been a much fairer option than to give her (and her friend that would have been able to sit fine in her paid seat) a free upgrade to a section where the seats are $350 each more expensive, when there was no fault on the side of the venue.

I beleive it is unfair to those that sat in that section and didnt get a free upgrade, and it is unfair to the people that paid full price for their VIP seats. if there was honestly no where else they could have put her then a full refund could have been offered. However, i beleive that the only reason the venue did it was for fear that they would be sued or badmouthed if they didnt.

and there is my underlying point. the fear of offending someone has in some instances, taken over from common sense.

But you can't say that for a fact.

What if they simply did it out of excellent customer service? What if the owner of the venue has an extremely obese relative and knows that NOT all chairs are made the same or uniformly and it can be very difficult for an obese person to gauge whether or not they'll be able to fit?

What if the owner of the venue is overweight themselves and was able to sympathize with the woman?

What if had nothing to do at all with being politically correct? What if it was just kindness? Just a simple kind act, which will hopefully be rewarded later.

What if no one actually cares what happened that night?

As for it being unfair to everyone else, such is life. You can't cry about life being fair every time something doesn't go your way.

You can only hope that life will be kind, and that others will be too.

fastbelly

I wouldn't be annoyed the slightest with that. I had what I had payed for and that's all I had to care about. It would also be nice to know that the venue would go above and beyond the call to make someone with a problem feel comfortable, who knows one day it could be me needing assistance with a similar or different problem.

Well done to the staff that resolved the problem.

Gary1977

I wouldn't be annoyed the slightest with that. I had what I had payed for and that's all I had to care about. It would also be nice to know that the venue would go above and beyond the call to make someone with a problem feel comfortable, who knows one day it could be me needing assistance with a similar or different problem.

Well done to the staff that resolved the problem.

Great post! Now, I can speak on this situation as I'm a person that can't fit into regular seats(yet). Last March I attended a UFC fight night in Charlotte,NC. As a morbidly obese person, I knew that seating would be an issue for me. To combat this, I called the manager of the venue ahead of time to arrange seating that would fit my needs. Most if all places will do their best to accomodate special needs if given time to make the preparations for it. When we arrived, we were told to let the ticket attendant know our situation and they would take us the the seats we had arranged. The problem is they had dropped the ball and forgot to have our seats. I stayed calm and informed the attendant that we needed to speak with the manager so we could still be accomodated. To shorten the story, we were seated in what was used as a press box when minor league hockey games are played there. It was one level better than what we had paid for, but as THEY MADE THE MISTAKE, we weren't at fault. People around us gave us a look like how the hell the four of us got a section to ourselves with tables to place our goods on.

I feel for the woman being in the same shoes as her, BUT SHE KNEW THIS WOULD BE A PROBLEM AND SHE SHOULD HAVE PLANNED AHEAD! If you aren't going to do anything about your weight( I am now), at least plan around it.

zorbaru

Daisy,

May have to agree to disagree on this one.

of course no one knows all the facts. its all about speculation. but in the general sense, all i want is for people to be treated equally. i dont think anyone should get a free upgrade unless the venue was at fault, regardless.